“What the hell does that mean? What? You plan to divorce this Jax’s sorry ass so you can pursue your one-night stands? Is this some new stage for you? Does Hardy know that you have a husband?” Was he the only one who didn’t know? Reeves must not know. He’d never send Lars after Danni if she were married.
“You lecturing me? The man who never sleeps with the same woman. Who probably doesn’t even sleep over?”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m a jerk. But I never made any promises to any of those women. Remember, I’m not married.”
She hit his chest hard with her cast.
“Neither am I, jackass. I never married Jax. He didn’t show up. He let me face the two hundred guests at Trinity Church alone. And now the bastard wants me back. As if…” She walked away, moving toward the bedrooms before she turned back. “A man at the age of thirty-two, afraid to make a commitment. Sound like anyone you know?”
Lars couldn’t move. The shock almost knocked him to his knees. He felt dizzy. The room was spinning.
She waved her cast in the air with her back to him. “Don’t say a word. Not a single word. And no, Jax won’t make a scene. He’s too sophisticated for that.”
“If he shows up, I’m going to kill him. Slowly and painfully.”
Danni stopped and turned to give him the sweetest half-smile, her eyes softening toward him. “Thanks for the offer, but he isn’t worth the effort. And if anyone deserves the privilege to kick his ass, it’s me.”
He wanted to pull her into his arms. She had been really hurt, jilted in front of her family and friends, made a public spectacle. And suddenly everything he knew about her, her fierce independence, her drive to protect herself, and her anathema to men who slept around, clicked into place like a moving lock sliding into place.
“I’m going to put my foot up and order room service.” She limped toward the bedrooms.
He wanted to sweep her up in his arms as he had done when she couldn’t put weight on her ankle. He wanted to return to LA and redo this whole fricking day.
“I have a Jax in my past. Her name was Carmen Cook.” He shocked himself by his admission.
She paused in the middle of the room but didn’t turn.
“Will you listen?” He heard the desperation in his voice.
She turned and scanned his face. Of course, she was skeptical. Why shouldn’t she be? His feelings for her caused him to have hurtling mood swings like a bipolar off his meds.
“Will you sit down? You can put your ankle up on the couch, and I’ll open the champagne they always keep ready.” He never drank champagne, but Danni loved it. And he would do anything to make things better—to take away the flash of pain in her eyes when she described facing the wedding guests.
Was he really going to tell her about Carmen? He had never told anyone, not even Sten. But Sten had a pretty clear idea from the mess Lars had been.
“I’d like food.” She hobbled toward him. “And this better be worth it, Jenkins.”
The icy pain around his heart began to melt. Here was the woman he appreciated—fair and caring. The woman whom he had just accused of conniving and using him was willing to listen.
She sat on the couch and lifted her ankle onto the designer glass table. He went into the bedroom and brought two down pillows, one for her wrist and one for her ankle.
“You really don’t have to take care of me anymore.” She batted his hands away from her ankle. “I’m totally capable of taking care of myself.”
Could this woman not know how much she needed someone to care for her? She deserved a man who pampered her and treated her like the incredible woman she was. If she allowed him, he would be that man.
“What do you want me to order? The food here is fantastic.”
“I know. I’ve stayed here before. I’d like the salmon and cucumber sandwiches, the scones, and the petit fours from the Gallery menu.”
“I guess you do know the menu.”
A shard of jealously jabbed under his skin. She had stayed here, most likely with Jax.
He walked to the phone on the corner desk, aware of Danni’s stare on his back. While placing the order, he questioned how much he needed to share. All the pain around Carmen seemed to fade into the background when he compared how he felt then to when he thought he might lose his chance with Danni.
He returned to the couch, ready to position himself across from her. He had no experience in spilling his guts. This anxiety was worse than anticipating a firefight.
She patted the cushion next to her. She read him so well, knowing he was already trying to back out. Maybe if he kissed her, he could distract her and avoid discussing his humiliation with Carmen.
“Did you ask Carmen to marry you?”
Right on point, the reason he couldn’t walk away from this woman. She would never allow him to hide. She was a balls to the wall kind of woman—his kind of woman.
“I planned to when I finished my first deployment to Afghanistan. I had it all mapped out.” The promise of Carmen and her love waiting for him was what kept him sane during his deployment.
Danni shifted to face him, rearranging her pillows. And then waited for him to expose his feelings.
“Her father was an instructor at the Naval Academy. I met her at a local bar.”
“You were young. First love?”
Her bruised face lit up, her eyes filled with questions.
He shrugged. Now he felt almost overdramatic, almost ridiculous, but first love was so intense and left scars when the new and hopeful feelings were bashed. He’d never realized how jaded he had become after Carmen. He had lost his innocence.
“She was everything I imagined I wanted as a twenty-three-year-old. Within weeks, I had our entire life planned. You know, that whole Jenkins goal stuff. She was a military brat, so she knew the lifestyle. Her father approved of the match. He had known my Uncle Harry. She was outgoing and beautiful and seemed to want everything I wanted. Marrying into another military family was perfect. Too perfect.”
Danni didn’t say anything. He wasn’t used to her quiet. She usually interrupted with her quick quips and jokes.
“What about you and Jax?”
“Hold on. I didn’t say you could ask me questions. After that bullshit you—”
He grabbed her hand, not able to restrain himself. He’d get on his knees and beg for one more chance not to be a fricking idiot. “I’m sorry. I went crazy with jealousy. I thought…”
“Got it. But it’s no excuse for what you accused me of.”
“You’re right. Absolutely right. And I know an apology is just words…” He didn’t deserve her trust. He had blown it.
“Explain why you think your behavior as a complete asshat should be forgiven.”
A wave of hope shot through him that she hadn’t pulled her hand away and was giving him a chance to respond. He interlaced his fingers with hers.
“Look, nothing I say is going to make up—”
“Enough of the self-flagellation. Carmen?”
“I came home from deployment ready to marry Carmen and pursue the perfect life I planned during all my lonely downtime. A big family, at least five kids, the suburbs, station wagon; just like my childhood, except for at least one daughter.”
“You wanted a big family?”
“I still do.” He stared into her eyes, hope filling him with the idea of a future, a baby girl with bright blonde hair and round eyes the color of autumn, like her momma’s. Her face filled with color since he couldn’t hide the emotions that must be written all over his face.
“Go on.”
“I’ve only told you my struggles growing up. But we really were a happy family despite the loss of my dad. My mom and Uncle Harry carried on. And it was great to have my four brothers—always someone to play with, always a certain level of chaos, but a lot of happiness.”
“I can imagine what your mother had to contend with.”
“You remind me of her…”
She rolled her
eyes. “You’re laying it on too thick, Jenkins.”
He laughed. “I’m not kidding. My mom acts tough, but she’s a sweetheart. It was Uncle Harry who instilled the fear of what would happen if we ever disrespected her. With five boys always getting in trouble, she didn’t have time for a lot of nonsense. But I remember the glimpses of her love when we’d all sit down to dinner, and she’d laugh at all our bathroom humor that we repeated each night or when she read adventure books to us.”
“That must have been nice.” Her voice got wistful. Reeves had told him that Danni had a difficult mother.
“Not the same with your mom?”
“Nope. My mom was all about her career and promoting her husband and children. Living up to the family image… So you can imagine my mother’s delight at my wedding scandal that is still discussed in the little elite circles of Boston.”
“But your mother can’t blame you if Jax is a coward?”
“You might have to tell her that since it hasn’t worked for my dad or my brother or me.” Danni used air quotes. “If you were more attractive…if you were more into the society scene instead of your science…more into your appearance, Jax wouldn’t have left you…”
“What bullshit.”
“Yep, that’s my mom. She’s a gem. But back to Carmen. You were ready to have the five children.”
“Carmen announced she was pregnant. Not how I had planned, but the unexpected pregnancy didn’t matter since I loved her and was excited for our baby.”
She squeezed his hand. “I’m afraid of where this is going.”
“We set a date. Me, the unsuspecting fool. I was excited, but clueless. I’d been gone for three months and assumed that she had to be at least four months pregnant. I was a trusting fellow back then. Thank God I hadn’t had time to tell my family. I had been busy at the base when I got a phone call from Commander Flood at Annapolis. And you know how the rest plays out.”
“Carmen planned to marry you and let you believe it was your baby?”
“She didn’t want her father to find out that she had been sleeping with one of his married colleagues. She never planned to end the affair since I’d be gone for months at a time. But Flood wanted to divorce his wife and claim the baby.”
“Well, that explains a lot…why you must have serious trust issues with women and jumped to awful conclusions about me.”
He hadn’t exactly defined his behavior in those terms. It was more like a woman thing to understand. He knew that Carmen had affected him. Had hurt him badly in the past. But his life wasn’t that different from the other team guys. Balancing secretive and dangerous work and long-term relationships didn’t work well for operators.
But he couldn’t help but grin at her smug smile. “Is that so? And what about you?”
“Yep, me too.”
He liked that she didn’t hold back. And he wanted to be as upfront as she was about her past. It would take time, but he was a persistent guy.
“What are we going to do about it?”
She tapped her left finger on her lower lip. “Let me think about it.” And she climbed onto his lap and straddled him.
“You know that I’m a member of Mensa, and we are always able to solve any problem. Like this big one.”
She stroked his growing erection, taking him to full metal with her left hand. He was grateful that she was ambidextrous.
“I’m finding your solution very creative. And despite my trust issues, I trust you to solve the problem.”
Chapter Nineteen
Lars licked his way down Danni’s neck as he peeled the sheet away from her breasts. Her pink nipples were already erect. He slowly drew circles with his finger on her breasts, teasing her before he took a nipple into his mouth and sucked. Danni’s breasts were very responsive, and he could bring her close to orgasm by just his mouth on her.
“Lars, I don’t think I can…” She sighed before she wrapped her long leg around his hip, pulling him right next to her heat.
“Are you sure, because it sure feels like you can.”
“I am really tired, but I don’t want this to end. This is amazing, you and I in bed, in perfect harmony… Until we’re both back in our corners…misunderstanding…accusing…”
“‘Misunderstanding?’ You never have minced words with me before. Hell, you mean until I became a batshit-crazy, jealous jerk and accused you of terrible shit.”
“I get why you reacted that way, especially after hearing about Carmen. It’s just that we both have such bad track records. How will we ever get past the damage that our toxic exes left us with?”
“What past? I feel like a new man. Feeling this way.” He took her mouth in a possessive kiss, his mouth lingering, never wanting the glow between them to disappear. He then dropped soft, tender kisses on her closed eyelids. “Carmen who?”
She laughed. Her eyes had softened with the kiss like they did after she came. “You’re on an endorphin high…from all the sex. But Carmen was years ago, and you haven’t wanted or been in a relationship…”
“I wasn’t looking to meet anyone until you came tearing into my life, taunting me, making me want more.”
She sucked on his lower lip. “You just wanted sex.”
“I admit it. I love sex with you. With you, I’ve reached new heights. I’ve never cared before to please anyone as I do with you. I’d say I was proficient, but with you, I’m a ten.”
“Don’t you think the rating is up to me?”
“Are you saying you have complaints?” He teased her, loving to watch her chest flush as he nuzzled between her breasts.
“And we both like a lot of control.”
“As I think I’ve demonstrated, I’m happy for you to take control.” She had straddled him on the couch, set a slow, languorous pace, and took him on a ride to glory.
She thumped his chest hard with her cast. “I’m serious.”
Lars leaned back and closely examined her face. “Honey, what’s this about? Talk to me.”
“What do you think I’ve been doing the last ten minutes?”
“I was distracted by the scent of your arousal. It fires me up. I’m closing down that part of my very primitive male brain and now focusing on your words. I’m ignoring all the images of what I want to do to you right now. You’re afraid…”
She twisted his chest hairs. “That’s not fair. I’m not the only one who is afraid.”
He tucked the strand of hair covering one eye behind her ear, lingering on the sensitive spot. “Me, a Jenkins brother, afraid? The words can’t be said in the same sentence without the repercussion of a swirlie.”
“I don’t want Lars the jokester right now.” She was unbelievably beautiful despite the fading black eyes.
He was so happy right this moment. He didn’t want to ruin the dream that Danni was in his bed, looking at him like he could meet all her needs.
“Right now, it’s hard for me to be afraid. I feel so content…and it’s a new feeling for me. I’m usually wanting to book it…you know?”
“Yes, I do know.”
“Now, I thought we agreed no more snide remarks about my past.”
“God, you just can’t stop. Can you be serious for once in your life?”
“Okay. I’m not afraid—”
“Yes, you are. It’s evident by your track record. I’m sure there were many women who wanted more than one night with you.”
“If you had let me finish…” He grinned, seeing her eyes narrow and her lips pinch together. “I’m not afraid. I’m terrified. You’re brilliant, beautiful, funny, sweet, loyal. You can have your pick of any man. You have, or had, the famous Alex Hardy at your feet.”
“You know Alex and I never—”
“You didn’t?” He couldn’t stop his grin from widening.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“It makes me happy to think all the time I was dying imagining you and Hardy together, you weren’t tearing up the sheets.”
“You never tex
ted or called me.”
“Because I thought you went back to your famous boyfriend. And your stint at my bedside was because of your guilt. I thought that I was the only one who cared. Reeves told me I was pitiful after you left.”
He ran his fingers along her arm, loving her silky-smooth skin. “Can we take it nice and slow? Prove to each other that we’re both into exploring this thing more than just a few nights in bed.”
“I’d like that… I’d like that a lot.” She tugged his ear between her teeth.
“We’re in New York, and as long as we are cautious, we can spend time exploring the city together. We don’t have to spend all the time in bed.”
“You promise that you won’t run terrified if I start actually to care about you?”
She was amazingly fearless; he knew how difficult it was for her to admit she cared after Jax, the jerk. And thanks to some crazy twist in the universe, she wanted Lars. And he planned to work his ass off to make their relationship succeed.
“Honey, I’m not going anywhere. You have to promise you won’t run once you realize what a bad bargain I am.”
“What a pair of neurotics we are. Make love to me, Lars Jenkins. And let’s forget our trust and terror issues. It seems to be all right when I’m in your arms.”
His chest filled with hope, looking into her eyes shining with love. “I feel the same way.”
He reached behind him for a condom and covered himself. He slowly entered her while he lifted her breast into his mouth, enjoying the sound of her whimpers.
Danni was hot and moist, and it was hard to take it slow when he was ramped up by the glowing love in her eyes. And he wasn’t kidding about her scent driving him to possess her. “Can you come for me, honey? One last time to finish our perfect evening… You screaming my name.”
* * *
Lars jerked awake to the vibration of his cell phone. His eyes scanned the darkened room. For a second, he couldn’t get oriented until he homed in on the sound of a soft snore. Danni’s presence eased him into the wonder of waking next to this woman, all silky and warm.
Mission: Impossible to Protect (The Impossible Mission Romantic Suspense Series Book 6) Page 13
