by S S Bazinet
“Of course,” he laughed. “As Arel has pointed out, we like everyone. It’s our job.”
Annabel smiled back. “Arel thinks he has us figured out, doesn’t he? When he ponders who we are, we must seem like the Creator’s cookie-cutter watchdogs.”
“I believe that sums up his perception quite nicely.”
“Really, even after all this time that he’s spent with you? Hasn’t he been curious about learning more—”
“He’s usually steadfast in how he views his world, and I can accept that.”
“But William is extremely curious about life.”
“Yes, he is as long as it’s within certain, factual parameters. However, he doesn’t believe in us.”
“Perhaps if we put Arel and William together, we’d get a more balanced individual.”
Michael didn’t reply. Instead, he paused and looked heavenward. He seemed to lose himself in the night sky and silent reflection.
Annabel stepped back with a look of concern. “Why are you frowning, Michael? Did I say something inappropriate?”
“No, not at all. In fact, you’re very observant. I think that quality will serve you well in the future.”
“I hope so. I also hope I get another opportunity to work more closely with humans.”
Michael returned his gaze to Annabel and took her arm. “I’m sure you will,” he said as they started walking again.
“I’m looking forward to it.”
“That’s because you’re the kind of angel who enjoys helping incarnate souls. Others of our kind, well, they never venture too close to mortals.”
Annabel laughed. “I know a few of them. They much prefer a less stimulating existence.”
“I can understand that feeling, especially in times like this.”
“Arel is very unhappy again, isn’t he?”
Michael nodded. “Unfortunately, he’s also starting to shut me out.”
“Hasn’t he learned that you could help him when he’s miserable?”
“But that’s a problem too. I can’t help him if he insists on a course of action that violates another person’s free will.”
Six
KEVIN STOOD ON the street corner in a long sleeved, sweat shirt, stomping his feet. He hadn’t dressed properly for the weather. The sun wasn’t up yet. A cold, grey sky hung low overhead. He could ignore the weather, but not the dismal feeling that had taken hold of him. The argument he’d had with Carol the night before had been one of their worst.
“Where are you when I need you, old friend?” He checked his watch again. Arel was late. It was probably foolish to think that his friend could help him. He’d tried to change like Carol wanted. He thought he had succeeded in some ways, but Carol felt otherwise. Deep down, he had the forlorn feeling that his marriage was slipping away, and nothing he did could alter that fact.
Peggy’s been right all along. I don’t have a clue, and I’m going to lose everything because of it.
“Kevin!”
Arel’s hail made him look up. As he watched his friend jogging over, he felt a glimmer of hope. “Did you oversleep?”
Arel slowed to a stop and yawned. “Just slow getting started. What’s up? When I got your text late last night, asking me to meet you, you didn’t explain what you wanted.”
“I had to talk to somebody. I know you like to run in the mornings.”
“Not lately.”
“Aren’t you training anymore?”
“I got sidetracked.”
Kevin’s shoulders slumped. “Sidetracked is one thing. Going off the rails completely is a lot worse.”
“I didn’t know I looked that bad.”
“I’m not talking about you. I’m in a helluva mess again. Carol is talking about splitting up.”
Arel instantly came to attention. “What do you mean? I thought you two were going to Paris soon.”
“I thought so too. Then out of the blue we had a really bad run in.”
“You’re kidding.”
“It seems I’m not measuring up to Carol’s standards. It’s a real mess.”
Arel rubbed his hands together briskly, but his wounded gaze wandered as if he was trying to understand some great mystery. “I can’t believe it.”
Kevin returned an accusing scowl. “I told you this wouldn’t work when Carol first got pregnant, but you insisted that I could make things right. Like a fool, I believed you.”
Arel’s eyes refocused instantly, going from disappointed to insistent. “I told you the truth. You’re a good man, Kevin.”
“Tell that to Carol. Tell it to my sister. When it comes to women, I always seem to fall short.”
“Don’t worry about Peggy. Tell me what happened with Carol.”
“It got pretty ugly. I ended up saying things I shouldn’t have. Dammit, the one time I open up, I blurt out a bunch of crap.” He paused and looked away. “Carol ended up bawling her eyes out.”
“What did you say to her?”
“I got mad and told her to stop trying to put everything on me, that she was always acting so needy. That’s when she started with the water works. Then she threw me out of the bedroom.”
Arel moaned. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“So how do I fix it?”
“Go home, now. Tell Carol that you’re sorry.”
“That’s not the answer, not in the long run. We both know that.”
Arel slumped and let out a sigh. “Maybe you’re right. I shouldn’t always be handing out advice. I should keep my mouth shut, period.”
“Geez, don’t give up on me now, old buddy. I’m in this thing up to my neck. I have a family, and I need answers.” He reached out and clamped a hand down on Arel’s shoulder. “Maybe you should be the one talking to Carol. Tell her that I love her, that I love little Ariel, but I don’t know how to give her what she wants. Plead my case for me. You’re so much better at explaining things than I am.”
“Sorry, Kevin, I think you have the wrong idea about me.” Arel began rubbing his palm. “I don’t think I’m much better off than you when it comes to handling problems.”
“Oh please, Carol and Peggy act like your advice is golden.”
“Maybe I’ve said some things that helped them, but—”Arel grimaced as he made a fist and held it close. “I can’t get my life straight either.”
“What’s wrong with your hand?”
“It hurts.”
Kevin narrowed his eyes. “Your pain has to do with that English friend of yours, doesn’t it?”
“You’re starting to sound like Peggy. She always acts like she knows what’s going on.”
“Come on, Arel. It’s not that hard to put two and two together. I remember your friend’s face when he was leaving your hotel room in New York. He’d changed from the night before. He looked like he was running for his life. Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“It’s a long story, too long a story,” Arel said. His voice was low and despondent, but when he glanced up at Kevin, he offered a weak smile. “Look, if you can just get through the next couple of weeks and go to Paris, I think you and Carol might start to work things out.”
“I hope so.”
Arel tried to stand up straighter. “I know so.”
Arel’s words were fervent and determined, but his eyes didn’t have their usual direct and forthright gaze. They were defused with some sort of inner turmoil.
Kevin stepped back and crossed his arms. “It’s funny, seeing you look and act like hell, makes me feel a little better. Let’s go for that run. It might help both of us to get some of the stress out.”
“I didn’t get enough sleep. I better go home and go back to bed.”
“Hold on.” As Arel began to walk away, Kevin became the obstinate one. “Hey, I might not know about how to handle relationships, but I know something about exercise. It’s good for you.”
Arel paused and gave Kevin an irritated scowl. “I told you I’m out of shape.”
“Ye
ah, that’s why I’m going to keep freezing my butt off out here. I can see you need some help too. It’ll be like before. Remember when I was your coach?”
“Could I forget? The last time you were so devoted, I felt like I was going to need a walker.”
“I’ll go easy on you.”
“Really? You’re sure I’m not going to regret this?”
Kevin grinned back. “Positive.”
* * * * *
Carol stood at the kitchen sink and stared out the curtained window. It was still early morning, and the sky was a dark, dismal grey. It reminded her of how she felt. When she woke up, Kevin was already gone. Her first thought was that she’d driven him away with her talk about splitting up. Her threat had back fired on her. When she found his note, saying that he was going for a run, she felt a little better, but not much.
I shouldn’t have said all those things. They just came out before I could stop them.
All she wanted was for Kevin to take her seriously, to realize she needed him to communicate, to be there for her in a way that made her feel secure. When she talked about going their separate ways, he looked so desperate. He hadn’t replied, but his eyes were full of shock and pain.
I wonder what he’s thinking about now. I hope he’s okay.
It wasn’t like her to be so forceful. She wanted their marriage to work, but the uncertainty of where it was going was driving her crazy. Of course, during the argument, Kevin had said horrible things too, things that made her angry. But maybe he had a point. She threw the dishcloth into the sink with a frown, hating to admit it, but maybe she was too needy.
“Carol?”
Kevin’s voice, calling to her from the back door, made her jump, but in a good way. She turned around and stared back at him as he stood in the doorway. His contrite presence filled the space and her heart with new hope, but she couldn’t give it voice. She heard herself saying things in an indifferent tone. “I didn’t know how long you’d be gone.”
Kevin remained mute and unmoving. He didn’t seem capable of expressing himself either, but his eyes were wide and imploring, like those of a child chastised and trying to find out why. When he finally spoke, he brought up a more positive topic than their previous argument. “Arel begged me to cut our workout short. He’s up to his old excuses again.”
Carol wanted to rush over to him. She wanted Kevin to hold her and tell her that everything was going to work out. Instead, she went to the dinette table and retrieved an empty salt shaker. “You did a great job coaching him the last time. Don’t give up on him.”
“I won’t.” Kevin walked over to her and took the shaker out of her hand. Placing it on the table, he hesitated, then put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “I won’t give up on us either. You might not think so, but I love you. And I’m sorry about the things I said.”
Carol lowered her eyes. “I love you too.”
Kevin’s next words were delivered with a sense of urgency. “I’ll do anything to make you happy. You have to believe that.”
Carol laid her head on his chest and listened to the sound of his heart thumping in her ear. It rekindled old feelings. When they’d first fallen in love, Kevin seemed so perfect. He could make her happy by simply holding her. Why didn’t she feel that way now? “When I think about us, it frightens me. I don’t know where we’re going.”
He pushed her away just enough to engage her eyes. His own held a fierceness that he rarely exhibited. “I do, if you’ll come to Paris with me and give what we have another chance. Please.”
Kevin’s conviction was contagious. It buoyed Carol up enough to make her nod. “I’d like that.”
* * * * *
Arel was barely moving after his run. When he let himself into the kitchen, his first thought was to sit down. He groaned as he lowered himself into a chair. After two grueling miles on tortured legs, he was ready for that walker he’d mentioned to Kevin. There was an upside to the situation. Kevin looked rejuvenated after yelling out orders during their entire workout. He even promised to go home and apologize to Carol.
But what about tomorrow and the day after?
Michael walked into the room and interrupted his thoughts.
“Getting back into jogging again?” Michael asked.
“I’ve been engaged in Kevin’s training school for the crippled.”
“What do you mean?”
“When he’s done with you, you need crutches.”
“He does seem to have a bit of an aggressive approach.”
“Kevin was in bad shape after a big blowout with Carol last night. He needed a whipping boy to get his testosterone moving again.”
“I’m sorry to hear about the argument.”
Arel stood up, leaned forward on the kitchen table, and gave Michael a sullen frown. “Why bother? Why bother with any of it?” His outburst was fueled by a rising anger, but his legs, wanting to buckle, convinced him to sit down again. “I’ve tried to help and what good did it do?”
Michael took a seat across from him. “Sometimes you have to allow people to find their own way.”
“I thought we’re supposed to care about our fellow man. You care about me. I’m following your example.”
“We’ve had this conversation before. You can’t manage other people’s lives. You can’t—”
“I know! But I still don’t get it! I had these lofty dreams when I wanted a normal life. I thought that I’d be free and happy. But that hasn’t happened. Look at the mess I’m in. William is in London, probably on his deathbed. And Carol and Kevin are ruining their lives. My little godchild is going to grow up without his father being there for him.”
“I’m sure that’s not the case. Carol would let Kevin—”
“That’s not good enough. Those two love each other!”
“Sometimes love is only one of many factors.”
“You’re right. Kevin won’t let go of that damnable past life he had as a teacher. He thinks Peggy and I were burned in that life because of the things he taught us. Now, he refuses to open up and communicate properly with Carol. Why in the hell can’t he let go of his guilt and stop feeling responsible?”
“It’s not just Kevin who’s holding on to the past. In fact, he’s addressed it in many ways, but there’s another party involved.”
“If you’re talking about Carol, she was just a six year old child in that life.”
“Yes, she was a six year old child who witnessed her brother and sister being burned at the stake. She was helpless to change what happened.”
Arel pushed back into his chair. “I guess I forgot to consider how she was affected.”
“Patterns repeat, you know that.”
“I’ll talk to her, I’ll—”
“Arel, you also know that it takes more than talking. Everyone has to confront their fears, like you did.”
“Sure I faced my fears, but only after I died and you brought me back!”
Michael’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “You were a particularly tough case. Not everybody has to go that far.”
“No, they just get divorced.”
“It’s their decision.”
“Not if I have any power to change things. I’ll do whatever I have to do—”
“Like you did with William?”
Arel’s eyes flared in Michael’s direction. “Reminding me of William is a low blow. I didn’t think angels played that kind of game.”
“This isn’t a game. You do have power, more power than most humans. Be very careful, please. It’s wonderful to want to help, but if you misuse your influence, there could be consequences that you’ll regret.”
Arel’s face was instantly flush with shame. “You and I both know that I wasn’t trying to be helpful when I first interfered with William’s life.”
“Still—”
Arel stood up again. “I need to go back to bed. My head’s killing me.”
“Taking out your anger on your physical vessel isn’t wise. Your body
doesn’t deserve punishment.”
“Maybe not, but from what you’ve said, my meddling self does.”
“I don’t believe that punishment is ever the answer.”
“Of course not, angels and humans think differently about a lot of things.”
* * * * *
“William!” Arel woke up gasping. He tried to blink away the nightmare he’d just had. He’d been back in London, walking down a dark, lonely street. The fog was so heavy he could barely see an arm’s length in front of him. His teeth chattered in the damp chill air as he made his way through a maze of lanes and alleys. He was searching for William’s house. He tried to ask for directions, but there were no people around. The city was eerily quiet. He tried to call out to Michael for help, but his voice was useless and mute. He was completely alone and lost. No, not lost, abandoned. When the dream shifted, he was in a cemetery. That’s when he realized that William was dead. But it wasn’t the William he usually thought about. This time William felt like someone else. His brother, Aldwin, came to mind.
But Aldwin has been dead since I was a young boy.
As he rehashed the nightmare and the idea of losing his older brother when he was a child, a gloom descended on the bedroom. It was thick and heavy, a burden that could become unbearable if he allowed himself to ponder it for long. Deep in his bones, Arel knew that the fateful event was a cornerstone of his life, driving an inner mechanism of grief that he couldn’t control. He could deny it for days, months, even years, but his loss would always be there. He would always be desperate to keep it at bay, to keep it from repeating again.
I tried to take his place, Arel, I tried to be your friend, but you pushed me away, you bastard! Now I’m going to die too.
It was William’s voice, announcing itself like a news bulletin in Arel’s mind. He sat up stiffly and looked around.
“I’m sorry, Will! It’s not what I want, but I don’t know how to help you.” He yelled out the words as if William could hear him. Perhaps he could. At times, they were connected by more than blood. They could connect with each other’s thoughts if they both dropped their shields.
