by S S Bazinet
Kevin reached for a tissue and handed it to her. “You’re going to have both of us bawlin’ like babies if you start that. I miss him too.”
She sat up and dabbed at her tears. “I know you do. Isn’t it strange? We didn’t even know how much we were missing before we had Ariel.”
“Yeah, life without either of you would feel pointless now.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you when I said I might have to leave. I just didn’t know what to do.”
Kevin sucked in some air. “I guess it really scared the hell out of me thinking that you could make that decision, and I wasn’t any part of it.”
Carol started to fidget with the tissue. “Yes, I know, but I felt like you made a decision to push me away, and I didn’t have any power to change your mind. And it really hurt, Kevin. I didn’t feel wanted anymore.”
Kevin sat up too and took her hand. “I didn’t realize . . . anyway, the bottom line is that I’m a fool. I’m sorry.”
“I guess we’re both foolish. You said I was needy. I think you‘re right.”
“It’s okay. We both get a little squirrelly sometimes.” Kevin let out a sudden burst of laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
“At least we don’t have Arel in the middle of it all. He’d have us on adjoining couches.”
She let her gaze travel over Kevin’s face. His strong bone structure hailed back to a Scottish grandfather, but his blond hair came from Norwegian lineage. It made for a great combination. “Don’t let this go to your head, but sometimes I wonder how you weren’t snatched up by somebody long before you met me.”
“Believe it or not, I’m basically a shy person.”
“I can see that. You really put yourself out there when it comes to things like sports, but underneath, you’re skittish.”
“Skittish? I sound like a horse.”
“I didn’t mean it to sound insulting,” Carol giggled. “However, you do have quite an appetite, and I think little Ariel is going to be just like you.”
Kevin’s face flushed as he studied the folds in the comforter. “Wait ‘til Ariel is older. Mom told me I nearly ate them out of house and home.”
Carol nudged his arm. “So that’s what I have to look forward to.”
“Yep, I’ll have to bring home lots of bacon when he hits the teen years.” Kevin glanced up. “What about you? Are you skittish?”
Carol shredded off a bit of tissue. “Maybe I am. Life can be scary.”
“Are you scared now?”
Carol shrugged. “Did you ever feel like something is going to come out of the blue and ruin everything? I remember the day my parents sat me down and said that they were going to get divorced. I thought we were all happy. But as I sat there, my whole world fell apart.”
“Do you think that’s why you wanted to leave? You don’t want Ariel growing up thinking everything is alright and then he finds out it’s not?”
“I never thought of it that way.”
Kevin frowned back. “Honey, I’ll do everything I can to make things right with us. But I can’t guarantee that our life will be perfect, that there won’t be problems.”
“Maybe that’s it. I do want everything to be perfect. I don’t think I could handle years of thinking we’re going to be okay, and then find out it was all a lie.”
“In your parents’ case, maybe they were happy for a long time. Then they grew apart, and their marriage didn’t work for them anymore. It happens a lot.”
“What if that happens to us?” She paused. “What am I talking about? It already did happen before this trip.”
“But look at us right now, we’re back on track. I’m crazier about you than ever. Doesn’t that mean something?”
“I hope so.”
“We’re not your parents. Just because they split up, we don’t have to.”
Carol tossed the tissue aside. “Living with the past is hard.”
“You’re right about that.” He threw the covers back, grabbed his robe and got out of bed.
“What is it?”
“I was thinking about some nightmares I had. Arel said they were based on a lifetime that he and Peggy shared. It seems I was part of it too. I was an old man who screwed them by teaching them things that the locals didn’t like. They died as a result.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, I know, but Arel insisted on my letting go of it. I thought I did, but maybe I’m kidding myself. Sometimes, I want to talk to you about things, but I feel like I’m going to say the wrong thing.”
“You’re talking now, and you’re doing fine.”
“I hope so. Because if I screw up this thing I have with you—” His smile was gone, replaced by a dark scowl as he looked away.
“I’m here.”
“But for how long? How long will you put up with me if I screw up again?”
Carol could feel how much pressure she put on him. But her fear was always so close to the surface. It was always in the background telling her that Kevin might be right about failing again, and that they would get a divorce.
Kevin reached out for her hand. “Tell me that you forgive me, that you won’t throw me out because I don’t measure up. Please, Carol, I love you. I love our child. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Carol made herself smile. “Let’s try not to think about all that, at least not now.”
“But that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? You’re not the only one who’s scared. When you can’t give me a straight answer, I’m scared as hell.”
Seventeen
AREL SAT AT his desk in his upstairs bedroom, catching up on paperwork. He couldn’t excuse what he’d done in the past, but Michael did give him some options for the present. After careful consideration, he’d decided that Michael’s comments about his powers were sound. He had never harmed anyone but William. In fact, he had assisted his friends in some instances. Where William was concerned, Arel would never contact him again. William would be safe. Arel might still have to move to a desolate island someday, but in the meantime, he wouldn’t worry his friends any more than need be. For everyone’s sake, he had to get on with his life and direct his energy in more positive directions.
“Are you busy?” Carey asked as he stood in the doorway.
Arel looked up, noting the young man’s smile, and waved him in. At least Carey seemed happy. Arel had saved the boy’s life after an accident, and he continued to help Carey as time went on. At least he could be proud of that achievement.
Carey walked over and sat down on the bed. “I wanted to check in, to see how you are? You’ve been pretty down for a while.”
“We all have our ups and downs,” Arel said, trying to sound as unperturbed as possible. He directed his gaze back to some mail that had piled up. “I’m just catching up on a few things.”
Carey crossed his arms and gave Arel a puzzled frown. “Is it me? Am I the reason you’ve been moping around lately?”
“Of course not,” Arel said as he glanced over at Carey.
“I know that I’m not measuring up.”
“What?” As soon as Arel heard the anxious tone in Carey’s voice, he felt his own apprehension rising. Had he been too hard on Carey when it came to unimportant matters like Carey’s clothes? The boy insisted on wearing torn jeans and t-shirts that could have belonged to a homeless person. Arel had offered to take Carey shopping, but the young, independent man always declined. “If this is about how you dress—”
Carey glanced down at himself. “What’s wrong with how I dress?”
“Nothing, I just thought—”
“I know I haven’t been helping out around here, not as much as I should.” Carey tugged at his shirt. “Now I see you have a problem with other things too.”
Arel threw a utility bill aside and stared at his visitor. Carey didn’t talk about having any family, so Arel tried to be a kind of paternal adviser when needed. But it was a tricky road to navigate. Had he come across as too judgmental? �
�Carey, please, I care about you, not how you dress. So when I offer to take you shopping or inquire about the idea of going back to school, it’s because I want to be a friend.”
Carey shrugged. “Okay, fine, but what about the rugs? What am I doing wrong?”
“The rugs? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Give me a break. You don’t think I can do a simple thing like vacuum them the right way.”
“Did I ever say that to you?”
“No, but it’s pretty clear I’m not doing a good job.”
Arel’s jaw tightened as he remembered the hours spent on getting spaghetti sauce and cherry pie stains out of the living room carpet. “I know that you do your best. That’s what counts.”
“Is that why you have to go over my work?”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Arel said as he glanced out into the hallway. He gestured for Carey to listen closely. “Michael isn’t much better. I know he does his best, but—”
“Really?” Carey began to smile. “He offered to give me some tips.”
“Heaven forbid!” Arel looked at the hall again. “But Michael’s very sensitive, so don’t let him know I said anything.”
“Right, my lips are sealed.”
Arel leaned back in his desk chair. He had to give Carey something to boost his self-image. “Actually, I think you’re a faster study than Michael was.”
“You’re kidding. Michael looks so capable.”
“Yes, but looks can be deceiving. He’s always had a devil of a time with simple household chores. And the rugs, forget it. He’s still a little deficient when it comes to the exacting care involved.”
“My goodness, Arel, I never knew that vacuuming was so complicated.”
Arel threw up his hands. “I know, most people feel that way, but there’s a correct way to do even the smallest task. Can you remember that the next time you try to rush through something?”
Carey nodded as he got up. “I’ll certainly try.”
“Before you go, I want to say that I’m proud of you. It was very thoughtful of you to check on me. And about the rugs, I know I’m kind of particular, but they’re white. When I bought them I wasn’t thinking in terms of—”
“A slob like me? I’ll try to be more careful like Michael told me when I moved in. He said you had high standards.”
Arel felt his cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. “Sorry, I guess I was raised in a very strict environment.”
“Where I come from, we didn’t have rugs.”
Arel reflected on the statement, slightly amazed. “I had no idea, but don’t worry about it. I’ll help you with anything you want to learn.”
“I appreciate that,” Carey said as he walked to the door. “Well, I better get going. I told Michael I’d meet him in the garage. I’m going to show him how to change the oil and check some of the fluid levels on the bike.”
Arel cleared his throat. “Remember, I bought a tarp for projects like that.”
“Sure, especially since Michael’s new at this.”
“How right you are.” Arel thought about his recent conversation with Michael. In the end, he’d realized a little more about Michael’s take on life. Angels were probably great as long as they stuck to heavenly duties. Being on earth was a different matter. Arel had expected too much from Michael all along. He needed to pass on his findings to Carey. “Carey, wait up,” he said as he walked over to where Carey was standing. He lowered his voice to a whisper again. “Please, be patient with Michael. Give him time to catch on.”
“He seems pretty sharp to me,” Carey said with a shrug.
“I thought the same thing. The point is that Michael is kind of special. Things that come easy for us might be a challenge for him.”
Carey nodded. “Got it. Thanks for the tip.”
* * * * *
Michael crouched down next to Carey’s motorcycle, inspecting the machine. Ever since Carey introduced the bike, Michael found his interest growing. It was enjoyable to learn more about internal combustion engines, gear ratios, and fuel injection. When Arel wasn’t around, he even took the bike out a few times. Now, he was looking forward to helping with bike maintenance. When the door to the garage opened, he looked up to see Carey coming out to join him. “How did it go with Arel?”
Carey walked over, grabbed a polishing cloth, and ran it over the motorcycle fender. “He’s doing a little better. I think he’s trying to take your advice about getting on with life. However, he gave me some very explicit advice about you.”
Michael smiled. “Yes, I’m sure he did.”
“I’m a bit reluctant to say this, my friend, but Arel has some deep reservations about your competence.”
“I know—”
“He told me that you’re ‘challenged’ when it comes to simple tasks.” Carey began to laugh. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to allow you near the motorcycle until you’ve proven that you understand the intricacies of a socket wrench.”
Michael stood up and gave Carey a sly look. “You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”
“Just heeding Arel’s warning.”
“Yes, he seems very pleased with himself when he points out my shortcomings.”
“You were privy to our conversation?”
“He’s been so busy shutting out all exchanges with William that he forgot to shield his thoughts from me.”
“You can’t let on. I promised not to damage your ego.”
“Arel does try to spare me.”
Carey’s face took on a puzzled look. “We seem so lacking in his eyes. After knowing how Arel feels, I almost find myself wanting to go over the rugs again, to really make sure I’ve done a thorough job.”
“I’ve been there.”
“You’re kidding.”
“You forget, I’ve lived with this situation for a long time. Arel is quite the perfectionist. It helps him to feel that he’s in control.”
“But none of us, angel or human, was ever expected to be perfect. It limits one’s freedom to enjoy.”
“I’ll remind you of that when I see you working on the rugs.”
“It’s kind of strange, but I like hearing the vacuum suck up those crumbs I dropped.”
“About the crumbs, you might want to ease up on acting like a kid. The last time Arel tried to get all the stains out, he was at it an entire afternoon. He could barely stand up by the time he finished.”
“Hey, it was a great distraction. After that cleaning spell, he fell into bed and slept eight hours straight.”
“Yes, but I’ve watched you eat. You’re not simply providing Arel with a distraction.”
“When I’m enjoying a slice of pie, I forget my manners. The sensory input is amazing. I think cherry might be my favorite.”
“I love working in the garden for the same reason.”
Carey’s eyes strayed. He put his polishing cloth down and stared at the door leading to the house. “Strange, but I’m pulled towards mastering the vacuum. Arel promised to show me the right way to clean the deep down fibers of the wool rugs.”
Michael winked at him. “He has you where he wants you.”
“Unfortunately, I think you’re right. People are so interesting in their approach to the physical. Which reminds me, how is Annabel doing? I was a little surprised by William’s offer to hire her.”
“She’s learning how to navigate in the world of humans rather well.”
“I enjoyed working with her. She adjusted quite easily to whatever the situation needed.”
“She was quick to notice William’s preferences too. He can’t abide someone who’s too nice. Secondly, he loves beauty. She’s adapted by being a strong and independent type. She’s also allowed a little of her true nature to shine through. All in all, William was very interested.”
“Great. She sounds like she’s perfect for the job.”
“The real challenge will come when she begins to interact with him. Talented or not, the physical is
a very new experience for her, especially when it comes to being around a person as strong and self-contained as William.”
Eighteen
WILLIAM STUFFED ANOTHER load of laundry in the washing machine and slammed down the lid. He couldn’t believe that he was cleaning up his home for someone else’s benefit. He’d hired Annabel to do the job, but the thought of her seeing the state of his living quarters was unacceptable. He’d really let things go in the midst of his madness and failing health. With Annabel’s promise to stop by the next morning, he started his housekeeping campaign as soon as he came home from the tea he’d shared with her.
I’m acting like an immature kid with a crush.
He detested the fact that he could be so juvenile, yet it was an invigorating rush at the same time.
I’m back from the dead. Maybe it’s normal to feel so revitalized.
He pictured Annabel’s beautiful face and began to imagine what the rest of her body looked like. A surge of wanton lust grabbed hold.
Or maybe I just need to be with a woman again.
But he didn’t want just any woman. He was fixated on Annabel, and that fact really bothered him. He’d never felt such a connection before. After all his years of being detached, how could someone affect him so deeply?
He stormed out of the laundry area and went directly to the main bathroom. He’d already cleaned the two other baths. Each one was an exhausting chore after months of neglect. This one was going to be the biggest job. Towels lay on the floor, the sink was littered with shaving remains, and the tub needed definite attention.
Just finish the job.
Getting down on his knees, he began to spray the extra-long, deep interior. Halfway through, the can of cleaner sputtered out its last bit of foam. He knew he didn’t have a replacement. He rocked back on his heels, fighting the urge to hurl the empty can at a wall.
Get a grip! It’s just a tub!
That’s when he remembered that he’d been up working all night. He often pulled all-nighters in the lab. However, that time was spent sitting at a microscope or computer, not scrubbing floors and mending plaster walls. For the past twelve hours, he’d been working at a furious pace, needing to put right the carnage from months of outrage.
