by Godiva Glenn
Uncertainty plagued her. She fumbled back and forth on whether she should just leave now or continue to try to call her wolf. The former option had snaked into her mind and she didn’t know why she gave it room.
Leaving before she’d exhausted every opportunity to shift was giving up. She didn’t want to give up. Her hand idly stroked her stomach. No more pain and the skin didn’t even feel tight.
She’d been so excited to be healed that she hadn’t seen it for what it really was, proof that her wolf wasn’t weak. She sat up. An injury that should have taken months to heal—no, an injury that almost killed her—was nothing. Soon to be no more than a wretched reminder.
Glancing outside she caught the faintest orange glow on the horizon. Some invisible tether made her stand and walk outside.
* * * *
Hands in her pockets, Kyra wandered through the woods, sticking to the path that led to town, even though she had no intentions of actually going that far. Her emotions were scrambling to seek purchase. She’d woken reinvigorated and ready to tackle her future. Mikos’s slip had made finding her wolf closer than ever, but that was moot. His secret lingered and taunted her, but she could find her wolf alone, damnit.
“I’m glad to see you’re better,” a soft voice called.
Kyra jumped and noticed Laurel ahead of her on the trail. Winding through her thoughts she’d lost track of her usual awareness. She’d had no idea she wasn’t alone.
And on top of that, she was taken aback by Laurel’s words.
Laurel approached carefully as if Kyra was a threat. “Mikos is worried about you.”
“Is he, really?”
The moon danced on Laurel’s face as she tilted her head. “I don’t know what’s happened in the last month, but I thought you two were closer than before.”
Kyra crossed her arms. “I’m not in the mood for riddles.”
“No riddle. Mikos had hinted that maybe spending time with pack, even a small portion, may have helped you. But when I saw him today, he wasn’t optimistic,” Laurel explained.
Kyra walked forward, passing Laurel. As she’d expected her to, Laurel followed closely. The moment was a bittersweet pang. A reminder that though she was once her best friend, Kyra no longer knew what to think of Laurel. She didn’t even know what she could tell her.
“We may have argued, but it’s our business.”
“Our business is pack business.”
“No, this is definitely not. My business has not been pack business for years. My concerns aren’t the pack’s. My needs, my everything, it’s mine alone. If it was ever up to them to be concerned about the best for me, the crazy bitch who tried to kill me wouldn’t be cozying up to the ones who should be looking out for me,” Kyra said angrily.
Laurel reached out, her fingertips grazing Kyra’s arm. It made Kyra stop in her tracks, and Laurel flinched back.
“I know. That’s not the pack I meant,” she said.
“What do you mean, then?”
“I can’t pretend to know what you’ve gone through. I’m sure that you hate me, hate all of us. But we’re not all strong like you.”
Kyra scoffed. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“There are leaders and there are followers. I’ve been a follower forever. It’s in my blood. My clan isn’t known for much except for loyalty.”
“So?”
“I wish I was stronger, Kyra. I wish I could have stood up for you. I wish I could have disobeyed my parents and stayed by your side. But I’ve never had that much conviction. As lupine go, I’m weak, and everyone knows this.” Laurel chewed her bottom lip and looked around. “But right now, Peter has no idea I’m here with you, so maybe there’s hope for me after all.”
Kyra glanced back towards their land. Even distanced from the pack, Kyra knew about Laurel’s relationship with Peter. Where most lupine aimed for balance and equality, Laurel submitted to him entirely. Thankfully, Peter wasn’t the type to take that responsibility lightly. Though Kyra could never hand over control of her life, a part of her envied the love she saw between the two.
It didn’t surprise Kyra that Pete didn’t want his mate hanging out with an outcast, and it did tug at her emotions to have Laurel break away from the rules, but it hardly erased the last few years.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say.” Kyra shifted on her feet and studied the dark woods around them.
“You don’t need to say anything. I want you to understand that Mikos has a plan, and you can have faith in him even if the rest of us let you down.”
“Mikos? His plan is to draw straws and mate a random female, I’m sure. And knowing my luck, he’ll end up with Sierra.”
“No—don’t talk like that.”
“I thought something could work out, but I don’t know what. Now I realize that we have parts to play. His part is to be the pack’s golden boy, or whatever. Mine is pariah,” Kyra huffed.
Laurel’s fingers twitched at her side. “Do you still hurt?”
Kyra held her arm out, realizing that Laurel wanted to see the damage, for whatever reason.
Laurel wrapped her hand gently around Kyra’s wrist, and a warm and subtle vibration flowed from her touch as if her wolf was reaching out and testing Kyra, in the same way as Mikos’s had. The sensation dulled into a comforting heat and familiarity as Laurel studied the puckered skin. “Oh, Kyra...” she whispered. “How could the ancestors let this happen?”
“I don’t know.” Kyra looked down at the scar. “But I don’t blame them, I blame the one who did it and the one who tried to gut me.”
Laurel grimaced, and her grip on Kyra tightened. “You’re still the most beautiful one in our pack. This doesn’t change anything.”
“I’m not so obsessed with beauty anymore, honestly. It was a waste of time.”
“But still.” Laurel pursed her lips, and her eyes grew shiny with unshed tears. “I don’t understand. You still smell like you. I can sense your wolf but it’s... so far away.”
Even though it comforted her to be touched by pack, Kyra eased her arm out of Laurel’s grasp. “It’s a mystery, I suppose. Mikos was surprised to realize I still felt like pack, as well. I imagine that everyone would be, if they gave me a second chance.”
Laurel closed her hand into a fist as if trying to keep the feeling from escaping her hold. “What happened at the cabin? I thought you two were friends again. He seemed to think so.”
There was no way Kyra could tell Laurel that she and Mikos had slid awkwardly past friendship and into a sexually charged stage that couldn’t be satisfied. Nor would she admit that Mikos knew a way to force her wolf but wouldn’t, since discussing taboo traditions would make her look pathetic and crazy.
“Nothing happened. I healed up. Now I’m back. Nothing’s changed.”
“I can smell the lie on you,” Laurel said with a sigh. “Please, talk to Mikos. Whatever fight you guys had, can’t you put it aside for now? You’ve only got a month left here.”
Kyra raised a brow. “And you think ignoring the hate I face, forgetting the resounding pack hypocrisy, and sticking to my doomed betrothal will help bring out my wolf?”
Laurel met her eyes and seemed to say “Yes.” After a moment, she groaned, “Damnit, Kyra. Try to have faith for once. If you can’t trust the one who saved your life, who can you trust?”
THIRTEEN
Throughout the next day, Kyra went back and forth on reaching out to Mikos. On the one hand, perhaps there was still plenty they had to discuss. In one month, she’d likely be gone forever and never see him again.
She couldn’t imagine going the rest of her life without ever discussing what had happened between them that one night. She’d dreamt of him the night before and woken drenched, and not only with sweat.
Her memory had painted a vivid fantasy, blending what had been with what could have happened if they’d gone further. The image of him, desperate and wanton, still revisited her, though she tried not to linger on it. Ev
en now, sneaking her trash bag of broken belongings to the junk truck, she was distracted by thoughts of him.
If she was to move on from her life with the pack, she needed closure.
Unfortunately, seeking him wasn’t easy. She could find him, sure, but chances were high that he wouldn’t be alone. After spending a month away from the pack, his family and friends would likely be swarming him. Not asking questions about why he stayed away but also reestablishing bonds.
She tossed her bags into the back of the white truck that the pack used to regularly bring waste that couldn’t be returned to the earth via composting or burning. Thankfully she scented no one around and hadn’t seen a soul. It was a minor thing, to expect the pack to take care of her trash, but lately she wondered if she was even owed that little convenience.
Heading back to her trailer, she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans and tried not to flashback to being underneath Mikos. Thinking of him tended to overwhelm her. Something about him was always... too much. When he touched her it felt perfect, and she knew exactly how cliché that sounded.
In those moments she was always lost to everything about him, but when she could reflect and pick each moment apart, she was stunned at how much he affected her. Simply closing her eyes and thinking of the way he leaned over her after spent from his climax made her dizzy. The sound of his breathing, heavy and feral played through the air, an imaginary symphony.
Snap out of it.
The real problem, however, wasn’t their chemistry. It was that a spark had ignited between them. Something honest and deep.
She made it to the sorry patch of dirt that was her yard and felt no desire to go inside. The wreckage was cleared, everything put back into order that wasn’t broken, anything fixed that was salvageable, but it no longer felt safe.
Nothing felt safe. Only Mikos had felt safe, and she’d pushed him away. She turned and lifted her face to the sky, inhaling the coming winter. For some reason, she thought back to Laurel claiming she wished she was as strong as Kyra.
Am I strong, though? And what counts as strength?
She was hiding out in the woods as usual. There was nothing particularly brave about that.
The wind whistled around her. It was late at night. Mikos didn’t live alone but grumbly as Viktor may be, he didn’t strike her as the type to pose a real threat if she stopped by. Truth be told, she didn’t fear Viktor. Sure, he could squash her like a bug, but something told her he was more likely to do no more than glare and growl.
Maybe... No. I’d rather be by the water. She spun around and walked towards the high moon. The water would be perfectly icy.
* * * *
Sounds of laughter spilled through the air as Kyra approached the lake. The water flowed fast, seeming to point to the disturbance. She followed the bank, stepping carefully over slick rocks until she could see the group that was gathered. The sight of Sierra shocked her—but only briefly.
Even if the elders had basically announced her as in need of guidance as if she was a child and sent her brother off, probably to die alone, that didn’t stop the party. She scanned the other faces. Her old friends, some strangers... and Mikos.
A rush of fury swept through her blood and she growled. Why is he with her? She moved closer, and the laughter died as she was spotted. Everyone grew quiet.
“I smell a scared girl,” someone announced.
The laughter that followed took some of the steel from her backbone. Oddly, she thought her healed status would garner respect. Apparently, no one cared. “No girl. Definitely no fear. Only me. Maybe you need a new nose.” She gave the group an uninterested sweep with her eyes. “Just wondering who else was out here.”
“Only your superiors,” Sierra drawled. She ran her fingertips across the scarf draping her neck. A rose gold scarf. Kyra’s scarf.
I should have known. “Petty theft? It suits you,” Kyra replied. “Thanks for helping me with some late Spring cleaning.”
“It was horrifying to see the way you lived. But expected. Filth, living in filth.”
Kyra lifted a brow and watched Mikos step forward, but he still said nothing.
“Better be careful. Might not heal next time,” one of the young males remarked. He swigged a beer and stared at her.
Nolan, she thought was his name. A distant cousin from another pack, she thought but wasn’t sure. He could’ve been a total stranger. Kyra hadn’t even met all of the new pack members, but apparently, they all knew of her.
Their unwelcoming stares were like a rush of clarity. I’m better than them. She wouldn’t stoop to Sierra’s level and act like an irrational beast.
“I suppose I’ll let you enjoy the night.” She turned and heard something whizz by. Something lodged in her hair. Reaching up she found a clump of mud. She spun in disbelief. “Are you serious? What are you? Children?”
“No,” Sierra said with a grin. “We aren’t children. We are lupine. What are you? Because you smell like prey.”
Kyra’s hands became tight fists at her sides, but she refused to pick a fight with someone clearly lacking common sense or morals. She knew how to act her age and walking away was her best option. She was just disappointed to see Mikos as part of the crowd.
She shook her head and stomped away while more mud rained down on her. Footsteps sounded behind her and she glanced over her shoulder, wary that Sierra had decided to follow. Instead, Mikos’s large form came bounding forward.
“Leave me alone,” she called.
“I’m sorry.” He grabbed her arm, but she twisted away.
“You don’t need to—why were you even there with her?” She cringed as her words came. She’d meant to say, “Why were you there with them.” Apparently, I’ve got the trademark wolf jealousy.
He grabbed her arm again, and this time she spun and faced him. “Maybe my problems don’t rank with yours, but that doesn’t mean my life is perfect. Every day I’m asked when I’ll choose someone as if it’s like picking out clothes to wear. My parents are breathing down my back. Every elder has visited and lectured me personally. And that was before I disappeared with you.”
“So—”
“Since I got back, it’s been endless. I’ve had to lie about how I feel about you and fend for your honor in the meanwhile, and I feel like shit about hiding it.”
“You seem to be hiding it fine.”
“Really? I’m out tonight because Viktor wouldn’t stop harassing me. I got out to get out. It’s not my fault that Sierra and her friends followed me. I swear Ian told everyone in the pack to make sure I never have a moment alone until I’m balls deep in a mate. I wanted to swim and clear my fucking mind.”
Kyra rolled her eyes and stomped away. “Yeah, and I noticed all that fending for my honor when mud was hitting my head.”
“Is that really all you heard?”
“It wasn’t,” she muttered, stopping to look at him. “But as much as I want to commiserate with your terrible life, I can only shove aside my own heaping pile for so long. I would have liked to sit by the water, but instead, I got called a child by grown lupine slinging literal mud.” Turning, she headed back towards her trailer.
“There’s no reasoning with them. Hey, stop.” His hand slid down her arm, but if he meant to grab her the attempt failed.
She lost her balance and tumbled forward, landing on the dark, wet ground. One knee banged a root and throbbed, while the previously injured arm, the one she’d tried to catch herself with, sang with a steady ache. The pain became anger and she flung a string of curses to the wind.
His hand reached down to help her, but she smacked it away. “Leave me alone.”
“I’m trying to help you,” he insisted.
“Where was your help just now?”
“You don’t need me to lecture idiots. It’s not like you were in real danger,” he scoffed.
“And I’m not in danger now.” She stood and wiped her hands on her ruined jeans. “You know what? It’s finally sunk i
n. You can’t help me. You don’t want to help me. If you cared at all, it wouldn’t have taken so long for you to talk to me again. How did I forget that? How did I fall for your story about always caring from a distance?”
“I thought you were doing fine,” he said briskly.
Are you blind? She wanted to scream at him but thought better of it. “How did I look ‘fine’ at any point during the last few years?”
His arms crossed, and he looked away for a moment, seeming to be deep in thought. When he glanced back, concern was absent from his expression, replaced with something serious and dark. “You looked fine sucking human cock on a regular basis.”
Rage kept her embarrassment at bay. “What are you talking about?”
“Like I said. I watched over you, Kyra. I never stopped. If you vanished to cry or read alone or rummage for berries, anything, everything, I watched. I tried to make sure you were safe. And yeah, maybe I’m shit for never stepping forward and comforting you but what the fuck was I supposed to say? And then I smell humans in the area and I find you sucking one off. And then it happens again. Has there been a lost hiker in the last year that you didn’t go down on? Does it help you find your wolf?” He ended in a near shout, and to her recollection, he’d never once raised his voice like this.
The accusation stung, and her anger reached a high point. She wanted to lash out, but she held back. She headed for her trailer with renewed determination to take control of her life.
FOURTEEN
While Kyra packed a bag, Mikos paced outside. His large form cast angry shadows against her windows, but she ignored it.
She’d find her wolf, but she wouldn’t do it here. She took a final look around the pitiful trailer that had been her home during her life as a shunned woman. Pathetic. With barely a month left, she didn’t plan on staring at her past every day.
She stepped outside and slammed the door behind her.
“Where are you going?” he demanded.
