by Lane Hart
“How would I fucking know? You wouldn’t talk to me or anyone else about it.”
“Wow. That coffee smells so good,” Eden says when she joins us in the kitchen, wearing one of my shirts that comes down to her knees and a pair of my sweatpants that I’m certain she had to roll over at the waist a few times to keep them up. “What were y’all talking about?” she asks, reaching up to get a coffee cup from the cabinet like she’s done it a million times before.
“When did you say we moved in here?” I ask Tal.
“Four years ago, after I graduated and came back home.”
“Then how does Eden know where everything is?” I ask them.
“Huh?” Eden says when she turns around to face me with her brow furrowed, her chocolate eyes bouncing back and forth between me and Tal.
“Tal told me that I broke up with you. You don’t have to pretend anymore,” I tell her with a sad smile.
“You what?” Eden yells at Tal. “What did you tell him?”
“The truth,” Tal says, shrugging his shoulders casually like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“The doctor said to remind him of things gradually!” she says like she’s pissed at him.
“Why did we break up?” I ask her.
Eden takes a deep breath and then says, “We don’t have to talk about this now.”
“I want to know,” I say. “I thought everything was great between us.”
“I did too,” she replies. “But, um, you said that since I was leaving for college and you were staying here that it would be best if we break up. You said that you wouldn’t be able to visit much because of training and that’s what you said you needed to focus on.”
“Oh,” I mutter. “Why would training take up that much time?”
“Because that’s the only way to earn a title,” Tal explains. “And you’ve wanted a title belt like dad since you were old enough to say the words.”
“All that work and all it got me was knocked out, missing memories of the last eight years,” I grumble.
“You thought it was worth it,” Eden says. “You probably will again soon.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Bullshit!” Tal chuckles. “Fighting is all you care about.”
“Not anymore,” I tell him, which quickly has his face falling.
“That’s just the amnesia talking,” Eden says, but it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than me.
“I’m, ah, I think I’ll go take my shower,” I say. My head is throbbing again thanks to all this new information my brain is trying to process. Before I leave, I grab two aspirin from the bottle on the counter and throw them back without anything to drink, too lost in my own thoughts.
What the hell was I thinking eight years ago?
Chapter Eleven
Eden
As soon as Sage is gone, I go over and slap Tal on his shoulder. “Why did you do that?” I whisper-yell at him. “Can’t you see you’re making his head hurt?”
“He’s going to remember sooner or later…”
“I wish you would just mind your own business, Tal!” I tell him. “Why are you trying to ruin things?”
“Ruin things? How could I ruin something that isn’t really happening, Eden?” he asks. “You need to wake up from your fantasy and get back to reality where Sage only cares about himself and fighting. He lost his memory, but he hasn’t changed his mind.”
“That’s not true. He’s different. But you don’t want to see it. You just want everyone around you to be as miserable as you are.”
“You’re going to be even more miserable than I am when he stomps all over your heart again,” Tal says. “And maybe I don’t want to be the shoulder you cry on for the next several years.”
“I’ve never cried on your shoulder since the first night…”
“Metaphorically, you have been using me as a crutch since he dumped you. I know why too, because I remind you of him.”
“You and Sage are nothing alike!” I yell at him.
“The tats, piercings, and hair dye don’t change the fact that I’m his identical twin.”
“If you’re saying you’re done with me, then I couldn’t agree more,” I reply. “Especially now, after Sage and I…”
“Fucked? That doesn’t change a damn thing and you know it,” he says. “You’re not back together. I know my brother. He had eight years to change his mind and he didn’t. All this is right now is his suppressed needs catching up to him.”
“His suppressed needs?” I repeat.
“You know his rule about abstaining while training for a fight. He probably went months without even giving himself a shower tug. That sort of shit makes men crazy after a few weeks.”
“So, you’re saying that Sage is using me to just get off?”
“Probably,” Tal says simply. “That hunger doesn’t ever go away. And he doesn’t date. All he’s had is his hand for years, and he even wills himself to refrain from that because he wants to win so badly.”
“I don’t believe that,” I tell him while blinking away tears. “Why are you being so hateful?” I ask. “Are you jealous, Tal?”
“Jealous of being used like a fuck doll?” he responds. “Nah, you can keep that shit.”
“Fuck you, Tal,” I tell him before I have to get away from him. I know he’s unhappy with his life, and I never blamed him for being so depressed he tries to drown the pain with alcohol and drugs. But I never thought he could be so cruel as to try and bring me down with him.
By the time Sage comes out of the shower, I’ve dried my tears. But when he climbs into bed on top of me naked and kisses me, I’m not able to forget Tal’s words from earlier.
“You’re so fucking sexy I can’t keep my hands or mouth off of you,” he says as his lips and tongue move down to my neck.
And while I want him as many times as I can have him in case Tal is right and he goes back to not wanting anything to do with me when his memories come back, I find myself asking him, “Can we just cuddle a little while?”
“Yeah, sure, baby. Whatever you want,” he says. Rolling off of me and to his side, he pulls me to him and hikes my thigh up and over his to run his palm up and down my leg. “Everything okay?” Sage asks.
“Just thinking about how I wish Tal wouldn’t have unloaded all of that on you.”
“Oh. Right,” he says, his hand stilling on the back of my knee. “Why do I get the feeling he’s angry at me about something? Things feel different between us.”
“Ah, yeah, I don’t think the two of you have been very close the last few years.”
“Why is that?” he asks. “Wait. Tal went off to college when you did, right?”
“Yes. You remember?” I say in surprise.
“I think he mentioned it earlier, and now I do remember him packing up his things into boxes back at our parents’ house. I hated he was leaving, and I remember sort of wishing I could go with him.”
“To college?”
“Yeah. That’s when he told our parents he didn’t want to fight anymore and that he wanted to study…” Sage squeezes his eyes and then says, “Psychology?”
“Yes, that’s right!” I say as Sage opens his eyes and flashes me a smile so breathtaking that it makes my heart turn to goo. I never got over him, and I don’t think I ever will. Shaking those thoughts away, I tell him, “Tal started out in psychology, and then he transferred to history.”
“Right. Yeah. I sort of remember that too,” he says. “And you were studying business?”
“I was. I did. I started my own marketing business a few years ago.”
“That’s great, Eden. I’m so proud of you,” Sage says, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “You looked so happy and beautiful at graduation.”
“You remember graduation too? College?”
“Blue caps and gowns with gold tassels,” he says.
“That’s right,” I say, both relieved and a little sad that he’s remembering so much
. I want him to have his memories back, I do. It’s just, I’m not sure how he’ll react when he remembers that Tal and I were together just before his concussion…
“You and Tal got to do all the normal college things while I worked out and trained day in and out, the same old thing. I should’ve come to visit more on the weekends.”
“Yes, you should have,” I agree with a sad smile. That’s what I always wanted, for Sage to show up at my dorm one Friday afternoon, tell me he wanted to try and make long distance work, and then spend the entire weekend with me in bed. I dreamed about it all the time. But that never happened. He didn’t even come to see Tal. He always said he was “too busy”; and while I know Tal missed him, I think he liked having a little privacy for once in his life away from his family.
Thinking of Tal makes me feel guilty for spending time in Sage’s bed, knowing how alone he is.
So, even though I don’t want to leave, I promised Tal one day and night.
“You know, I really should go by the office to check on a few deadlines,” I say even though I’m sure my two employees have everything under control.
“Yeah? I wish you didn’t have to go,” Sage says, brushing the hair from my cheek to kiss it, making me melt and debate my decision.
“I know. I wish I didn’t have to either, but I really do need to go to my place to pick up some clean clothes and make sure the office is running smoothly without me.”
“I’ll miss you,” Sage says, pulling me to him tighter for a hug. “Will you come back tonight?”
“Ah, yeah, I’ll be back tonight,” I promise even though I’m not sure I’ll stay.
“Okay, good,” Sage says, kissing me hard and making it nearly impossible to leave his bed. I’m so scared that when I walk out the door Sage will get his memories back and then it’ll be over.
We’ll be over again.
Chapter Twelve
Sage
“How’s it going?” I ask Tal when I flop down on the opposite side of the sofa where he’s sitting, his fingers banging on the game controller in his hands.
“Fine,” he says without even looking at me. “Where’s Eden?”
“She had to go back to her house to grab a few things and then check on shit at work. She’ll be back tonight.”
“You remember anything yet?” he asks.
“A little bit,” I reply.
“Yeah?” he asks, finally cutting his eyes over to look at me a second before his attention is back on the television screen. I watch him play for a few seconds, until the Viking on screen cuts off someone’s head, and Tal quits hammering on the controller.
“I think I’m going to ask her to marry me,” I say. Tal doesn’t say anything, but his on-screen Viking suddenly gets run through by a spear and ‘Game Over’ appears.
Tossing his remote down on the empty cushion between us, he says, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are! You’re moving way too fast with Eden.”
“I love her,” I tell him. “And if she loves me, then why shouldn’t I ask her to marry me?”
“Because it’s too much, too soon and you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. That’s not what you wanted before – not Eden and certainly not marriage. This is just the amnesia messing with your head,” he declares confidently.
I would probably believe him if not for the diamond ring I found.
“If I wasn’t serious about asking her to be my wife, then why do I have an engagement ring in my pajama drawer?”
“You what?” Tal asks.
“I bought a ring before my head got fucked up,” I explain. “I’m not sure when I got it, but I do remember buying it! I found it in my drawer when I came home from the hospital.”
Tal gets to his feet and shoves his fingers through his hair as he paces. “So, you’ve had an engagement ring for Eden for eight years? I don’t fucking believe it.”
“Then I’ll show it to you,” I say, getting up from the sofa and heading to my bedroom. Tal follows behind me, too impatient to wait for me to get it and bring it back.
I retrieve the ring box from my pajama drawer, then pop it open to show it to him. “See?”
“Holy shit,” he says, taking the box from me and even removing the ring to hold it up to the light. “It looks like a real diamond.”
“Of course it’s a real diamond. I’m not a cheap bastard. At least I hope I wasn’t…”
“You spent your savings, your fight purses, on an engagement ring right after our high school graduation? That’s why you lived with mom and dad instead of getting your own place back then?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Holy shit,” Tal says again when he lowers himself to the foot of the bed still holding the ring, staring at it in awe, or maybe something else… “You wanted to marry her.”
“Yeah, I did. I think I still do,” I reply.
“Then why the fuck didn’t you say something after she left for college?” Tal asks, offering the ring back to me.
“Hell if I know. Maybe I’ll never know what I was thinking. All I’m certain of is that I loved her before, and I love her now. What could’ve happened in between?”
Tal opens his mouth to say something and then closes it again. Finally, he stands up and starts to the door. “I guess we’ll find out when you get your memory back.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I agree.
Reaching a hand out on the door frame, he stops and says, “I can’t believe you never told me you bought her a ring. After she left and you didn’t go after her, I knew you would regret torching what you had with her. You were a fucking idiot.”
“Yeah, maybe I was,” I agree. “But what the fuck would you know about relationships? You’ve never even had a girlfriend, have you? I haven’t forgotten that you couldn’t keep one around for more than a night when we were in high school.”
“You’re right. I’ve never had a girlfriend and probably never will,” Tal agrees before he finally leaves.
Eden
The longer I’m away from Sage, the more I realize what an absolute fantasy I was living in thinking we could actually be together again.
I want to go back to him, but at the same time I keep checking my phone, waiting for Tal to text me and say that Sage’s memories are back.
“Everything is fine here, boss, really,” Mary says when she comes into my office. “You don’t have to worry.”
“Oh, I know. I’m not worried about this place,” I tell her. She was the first employee I hired and knows how to handle the marketing accounts as well as I can. “It’s just, being here reminds me that I’m an adult and no longer a lovesick teenager.”
“Huh?” Mary asks.
“It’s so hard to forget your first love, you know?” I explain. “How they made you feel like you were on top of the world and nothing could bring you down. Then, when you realize how wrong you were, it’s a long, sudden drop.”
“Ah, yeah, I guess so,” Mary replies, probably thinking I’ve lost my mind.
“And even though I know it’s going to end badly, I wouldn’t change things. Maybe that makes me naïve or stupid, but love is worth it, right?”
“Right. Sure,” she agrees with a smile.
“Okay,” I say when I get to my feet and grab my purse. “Call me if you need me or anything urgent comes up.”
“Will do, boss.”
“Thanks,” I tell her on the way out the door and to my car, in a hurry to get back to Sage.
Whether we have a few minutes, hours, or days left, I don’t want to miss them. The pain after will be worth it.
At least that’s what I tell myself when I go back to Sage and Tal’s house and jump right back into bed with the man I love.
Chapter Thirteen
Sage
I wake up feeling fucking amazing, like I just had the longest, best sleep ever. The throbbing in the front of my head that felt like it was there for an eternity is, than
kfully, finally gone. And last but certainly not least, a woman’s bare ass is pressed against my hard dick, which feels so damn good…
Hold on. What the fuck? Who the hell…did I bring someone home last night and fuck her?
“Oh shit!” I exclaim as I scramble away from the brunette and sit up in bed to try and figure out where the fuck I’m at.
I’m in…my room, but I’m not sure how we got here or how we got naked, although based on the fact that my balls aren’t threatening to explode, I’m pretty sure we had sex.
My movement and swearing has the woman stirring. She stretches her arms over her head and then rolls over. Sweeping the long dark brown hair from her face, she looks up and smiles at me. “Morning, babe.”
“Eden!” I exclaim, now climbing all the way out of bed and snatching a pillow from the bed to cover my hard cock. “What the hell are you doing in here?”
“Huh?” she asks, her lips pulling down in a frown. “What are you doing? Come back to bed.”
“I…I have to get a shower and get to the gym,” I tell her quietly as the memories of the night before start coming back to me, the two of us going at it twice, no three very messy times before taking a bath together and passing out. “And you need to leave before Tal sees you in here!”
“Tal knows I’m in here,” she says, propping herself up on her elbow. “Sage, what’s wrong? Why won’t you come back to bed?”
“Does Tal know that we had sex last night?” I ask since all I can think about is the actual act of fucking and not on the particulars of whether my brother was home or not.
