by Sarah Suk
“Okay, Admissions FAQ,” I said, rolling my eyes, not liking how nervous her words made me. Did I seem spacey lately? I guess maybe I hadn’t been as focused since the new year started. There’d just been a lot going on.
Speaking of. I glanced at the kitchen clock. I had to get a move on if I wanted to be on time.
Umma opened her mouth to say something more on the topic of my grades, but I quickly interjected.
“Have fun rolling kimbap,” I said. “Sorry I can’t help. Oh, and Umma, you should put extra danmuji in the rolls. Appa loves danmuji.”
Umma clapped her hands together. “You’re right! Here, Samantha, I’m going to make a double danmuji roll. You tell me how it tastes, okay?”
Samantha glared at me. You’re dead, she mouthed. I blew her a kiss as I grabbed another end piece and ran out of the kitchen.
* * *
When I arrived at Snow Bunny, Taemin was already sitting in the corner booth, the same one where we’d had our first meeting. I carried a bowl of bingsu over to our spot, this time the classic patbingsu: just shaved ice with red bean and a few pieces of rice cake on top. My personal favorite. Taemin waited for me, his knee bouncing up and down under the table.
“Didn’t your mom tell you it’s a bad habit to shake your leg like that?” I asked, putting the bingsu down.
“Yes,” he said. “All the time. But since when were you my mom?”
I rolled my eyes, sitting down across from him. He grinned at me, his dimples flashing.
“Thanks, Nuna,” he said, digging into the red bean.
“It was long overdue,” I said with a smile. “Enjoy.”
He raised his eyebrows as he took a bite of ice cream. “You’re in a good mood today. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this before.”
“Really?” I rested my chin on my palm. “I guess I’m just happy today.”
“You have a new namjachingu or something?” Taemin said, drizzling a mini pitcher of condensed milk over the ice.
Namjachingu? I wasn’t totally sure how to answer that. Was Wes my boyfriend now? If he wasn’t yet, would he be soon? I chewed my lip, distracted by how the music in the café kept cutting in and out as the bingsu cashier tried to settle on a playlist.
“Seeing as you’re not answering right away, it must be true,” Taemin said. He grinned cheekily, pointing his silver spoon at me. “Wow, I’m happy for you. Who is it? He’s not someone from church, is he? Do I know him?”
“He’s not from church,” I said, my cheeks warming. “Stop guessing. Shut up and eat your bingsu.”
“Oh, so then it is someone I know!” Taemin said gleefully. Suddenly the smiled faded from his face. “It’s not Wes, is it?”
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name being dropped so casually. Who am I? When I hesitated, Taemin lowered his spoon and folded his hands on the table, looking at me with a serious expression.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I asked.
“Listen, Nuna, I feel like I need to tell you something. I wasn’t going to tell you this, but seeing how happy you are right now, I feel like you have a right to know.”
“Um? Okay?”
“This isn’t easy for me to say, but as Pastor Richard says, sometimes you need to tell the hard truth to help people.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, already. Spit it out.”
Taemin took a deep breath. “Wes is getting closer to you just to get insider info on your business.”
I stared at him. A song started, then stopped again. The inside of the café was eerily quiet without the music. “What do you mean?”
“That’s what he said. We hang out at the aquarium sometimes, and he said that you two have been getting closer so he can get insider information on you and win the bet you have going on.”
“No way,” I said, doubt in my voice. “He said that?”
He couldn’t have. Wes wouldn’t do something like that. Taemin had to have heard wrong.
“Almost word for word,” Taemin said. “He also said you showed him your business notes at the library. Listen, it’s probably not my place to say, but you should be more careful about who you show your personal notes to. You’re practically throwing your business in his lap.”
I swallowed hard. He told Taemin about my notebook? And he said he was getting insider info on me? Okay. Deep breath. Just because someone says something it doesn’t mean they always mean it.
“Since when do you guys hang out, anyway?” I asked, trying to ignore the storm of confusion growing inside me.
He paused, not answering right away. He poked at a piece of rice cake with his spoon, rolling it around the red bean.
“Taemin?” I said, narrowing my eyes.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he said. “I may have told him what you were planning to sell one time and we became friends. I wasn’t planning to, I swear! But he told me his whole story about wanting to go to music school and I felt really bad for spying on him. It felt different, suddenly, knowing him as a person instead of just your rival. And, well, it’s not like I really put you in a negative spot. I just kind of evened things out for both of you again. I was trying to do the right thing.”
He did what? I scowled at him. “Asshole. You’re telling me this now after I paid for your bingsu?”
He smiled apologetically, flashing me a finger heart. “I love you, Nuna.” His smile faded. “But you heard what I said, right? You have bigger things to worry about right now.”
He was right. As annoying as it was that Taemin had gone double agent on me, I could kind of understand where he was coming from. What I couldn’t understand was why Wes would say those things to him. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who would go around saying things he didn’t mean. Besides, he was a terrible liar. Was he really just getting closer to me to sabotage my business?
An awful thought crept into my mind. Maybe everything he had been doing lately—the rose, the kiss, wanting to spend more time together—was to distract me from my business so he could steal my customers. Maybe he was only trying to get close to me to learn more about V&C so he could rip off my strategies.
Maybe, at the end of the day, what mattered most to him was what it had always been about: winning the bet.
No, no. This was Wes we were talking about. Wes Jung. The boy who got me Hi-Chews and talked to me about family and identity and things I never talked about with anyone. The boy who made me feel seen, really seen, like no one had seen me before.
But what if… Doubt began to bloom. What if that had all just been a cleverly laid trap to get my guard down so I would lose focus on my own business?
Before I could stop myself, I flashed back to the day of the first snow, sitting on his bedroom floor, helping him with his Instagram account. My stomach turned. I’d helped him. Knowingly. When, all this time, he might have been laughing behind my back, playing me like a fool.
Focus. Samantha’s words from earlier rang in my ears. I’m just looking out for you since you seem kind of spacey these days.
Maybe I had been spacey. Losing my focus over a boy.
Letting my rival in.
My head hurt. I needed time to think about this.
“I’m sorry, Nuna,” Taemin said, truly looking apologetic. “I honestly don’t think Wes is a bad guy, but I mean, you guys are rivals. You have this huge bet going on. He even said—”
He broke off. Dread filled me. “What? What did he say?”
“I mean, it might just be salt in the wound. But, um, do you know girls named Lisa, Natalie, and Mimi?”
I nodded slowly.
“It sounds like he gave them all a discount if they promised not to shop with you anymore,” he said hesitantly.
My heart dropped. So that’s why I hadn’t seen those girls around in months. Wes was bribing them to stay away from my business?
“Nuna?” Taemin said cautiously. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I took a deep breath. I wasn’t fine.
But I would be. I had to be. “Thanks for telling me about this.”
“Really? Because right now, seeing the look on your face, I’m thinking I may have just made a huge mistake.”
“No, no.” I shook my head. “It’s better that I know.”
“Does that mean you forgive me for telling Wes about your business?”
I glared at him. “ ‘Forgive’ is a strong word.”
“Got it,” he said. “What are you going to do now?”
Shit. What was I going to do? Wes had made me too soft. He’d been distracting me from what was really important: my business and my goals. I thought of Umma and Appa sitting at the kitchen table, talking about how “cute” my business dreams were. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was just a cute pipe dream. Maybe I didn’t have what it took to survive in the business world if I didn’t even have the foresight to see sabotage coming for me right in front of my face. My fists curled in my lap, my nails biting into my palms. I couldn’t believe I’d just let Wes into my life so vulnerably. He was my rival. How could I have done this to myself?
“I’m going to do what I said I’d do from the beginning,” I said. “I’m going to win.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN WES
Sunday / February 16
I couldn’t get Valerie out of my head all weekend.
I must have replayed our kiss a thousand times over in my mind. I replayed it to the sound of my alarm on Saturday morning. I replayed it as I texted her, deleting and retyping, deleting and retyping, deleting deleting deleting, trying to get the words exactly right.
Me: When can I see you?
Too eager? Definitely too eager.
Me: Hi, what’s up?
Too casual? I think too casual.
Me: So should we talk about what happened yesterday or…
Well, now that just sounds passive-aggressive.
I settled on good morning. I told her about my audition, asked her to hang out on Monday. She texted back yes and good luck with a thumbs-up emoji.
I replayed our kiss the whole day as I practiced. And then on Sunday, I replayed it the entire drive to Toblie School of Music. It was probably the only thing that kept me from looking over my shoulder every ten minutes, paranoid that my parents would somehow be following me.
Even at the audition, I thought of her. I thought of her confidence as I walked into the audition room and introduced myself. You’ve got something that not everyone gets in their lifetime, I heard her saying. You got this. And I truly believed that I did.
For the audition, I had to perform one song for three faculty members, followed by an interview. As soon as I started playing, I was in my element. It was the best I’d ever played, better than any of my rehearsals or any of the videos I’d recorded, including the one I’d shown Valerie. My saxophone and I were working as one, and I was so glad I hadn’t gone with a rental from school. As sentimental as it was, I knew I wanted to go through this experience with the instrument that had carried me through all those moves around the globe and brought me to this moment.
The music portion was exhilarating. The interview portion, however, had my palms sweating again.
You got this, I reminded myself again.
“So, Wes,” one of the faculty members said, leaning forward in her seat. She was a stylish woman wearing purple glasses and a head wrap. “We’d like to hear more about why you want to study at Toblie School of Music.”
For a moment my brain froze. And then the words came easily. “For all my life, music is the one thing that has ever truly felt like home. I feel like at Toblie, I would not only be able to further my skills as a musician, but expand my home into a community.”
The longer we talked, the more at ease I felt. At the end of the interview, all three faculty members shook my hand, but the woman with the glasses gave me an extra-warm smile. “Lovely performance, Wes,” she said. “We hope to see you soon.” By the time I walked out of the audition, I was on cloud nine. No matter what happened now, I could truly and honestly say I gave it my all.
As I headed for my car, my phone pinged with an incoming text. I grabbed it immediately, thinking it might be Valerie. I was surprised to see it was Charlie instead.
Charlie: Hey man. I need some moral support and I can’t get a hold of Valerie.
Charlie: I’m going to tell Pauline how I feel. For real this time. Is she at the aquarium?
Charlie: And um, will you meet me there?
I supposed I could make a pit stop on the way home. I texted him back.
Wes: She’ll be at the sea otter tank. See you there in two hours.
* * *
Charlie was watching Benjamin the sea otter float idly on his back when I arrived. He had his hair gelled back, and he looked nervous like he might pass out at any moment. When he saw me, he rushed over, greeting me with a fist bump.
“Wes, thanks for coming,” he said. “I know we’re not that close, but I needed some moral support and I couldn’t reach Valerie. And my other friends don’t know Pauline as well as you do. How do I look?”
“Fine,” I said. “Kind of dehydrated, though. Do you want some water?”
He shook his head. “I’m okay. I know this is sudden, but after I sent her that rose on Valentine’s Day, I just kept thinking about what you said. How I should be honest with her. Today I realized I just really need to tell her in person once and for all, and I need to do it now before I chicken out again.”
“Again?” I said.
“You don’t want to know how many times I’ve tried to ask her out,” he said, sighing. “But today’s the day. I’ll never be more ready than this moment.”
I glanced behind his shoulder. “I hope so, because here she comes.”
He froze, slowly turning around as Pauline approached us, wearing her red volunteer vest. “Wes? Charlie? What are you guys doing here?”
“I’m, uh, here to see Mister Ottermelon,” I said, stepping toward the otter tank. I pretended to busy myself staring at the otters. I could see Charlie and Pauline reflected in the glass, staring at each other.
Charlie cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pocket. “Hi. Pauline. Um, did you get the rose I sent you?”
She smiled hesitantly. “I did. Thank you.”
He glanced at the sea-otter tank and gestured at Benjamin. “Remember that time we did the aquarium scavenger hunt and had lunch together here? I told you about my dad and how I wished he would come home and you just listened to me. You didn’t call me too sensitive or tell me to accept things as they are like other people did. You just listened. And you said that sounds hard. And you offered to share your blueberries.”
She laughed. “I do remember that.”
He smiled and took a deep breath. “I think that was the moment I realized I liked you. I liked the way you ask questions about the world and how you want to understand things for what they are. You see things differently than other people because you listen, like actually really listen, even when you don’t have to. It’s just the way you are every day, so you might not even notice, but for me, it’s really cool how you do that, and I just… I think you’re really special.”
He paused, looking down at the ground. “I wanted to tell you all of this two years ago. But you suddenly stopped talking to me.” He looked up at her, his face open and honest. “I never had the guts to straight up ask you until now, but why? Did I do something wrong?”
Benjamin swam in circles between them. Pauline pressed her fingers against the tank, thinking, confusion furrowing her brow.
“I overheard you telling Valerie that you had a study date with me and inviting her to join,” she said. “But after she told you that she didn’t want to hang out with me because I wasn’t a customer, you bailed on me. And then it seemed like you were the one avoiding me after that, so I started keeping my distance. And then we just… naturally drifted.”
His mouth dropped open. “What? You think I bailed on you because of what she said? No way. I told you she
asked me to help her with some business stuff. I really didn’t want to cancel on you, but she needed an extra hand and I didn’t want to let her down. Honestly, I was so mad at her about that, but she promised that if I helped her, she would try to get to know you. Even if you weren’t a customer.” He shook his head. “And then, after that, I wanted to make it up to you by asking you on a real date, but I kept messing up or missing my chance. That was probably why it felt awkward. I swear I wasn’t trying to avoid you on purpose. But I guess because of that, the vibe between us got weirder and weirder until…”
Silence hung between them. “Until now,” Pauline finally said. She hung her head. “Wow. I’m sorry, Charlie. I shouldn’t have pushed you away without getting all the facts first, even if I thought I knew what was going on. That was my mistake.”
“Wait, so all of this was just a classic case of miscommunication?” he said in disbelief.
“You say that like it’s ridiculous,” she said with a small smile.
“I mean, it is! One conversation and we could have avoided this whole thing!”
She cocked her head to the side, thoughtful. “Yeah, but it never is just about the one conversation, is it? It’s about being brave enough to start it, wise enough to choose the right words, and self-aware enough to know what’s going on inside your brain. That’s a lot of things that have to line up all at once. It’s kind of a miracle that people are able to communicate properly at all.”
He gaped at her. “See. This is why I like you. Who even thinks like that?”
She laughed. A comfortable silence hung between them.
“It is still sad, though,” she said, “that we lost all those years because of a miscommunication.”
“Yeah,” Charlie sighed. “I can’t believe we could’ve been together this whole time.”
“Well…,” she said. “We could’ve been friends this whole time. To be honest, Charlie, I don’t know what I would have said if you’d asked me out two years ago. I liked being friends, but I don’t know if I liked you in a romantic way, and I still feel that way now.”
