by Piper Lawson
The memory of his words makes me insanely, deliriously happy.
“What do I need?”
“Me.”
There was no room for doubt when we came together again through the night until we were tangled and sweaty and exhausted in the dark.
It felt like everything he said with his body meant more than words.
Now, despite the soreness, I’m lighter than I have been in ages.
I reach for my panties, the scrap of lace hanging off the side of the bed, and hold them up. “Well, these are ruined.”
He props up on his elbows, surveying the evidence and me with a perplexed frown that’s sexy and endearing at once. “I’ll buy you another pair for every day of the week."
“That’s kind of sweet.”
“It’s self-serving. I’ll fuck you until they’re all ruined too.”
Holy. His slow grin is so knowing, it should some with a censor’s warning.
I’ll never get used to my best friend like this. He’s tormentor and comforter, wicked and sweet, dirty and… okay, mostly dirty.
Not that I’m complaining. It’s the best sex I’ve ever had.
“You’re filthy,” I say.
“You’re exquisite.”
He lifts me and carries me to the bathroom. If it should feel awkward, it doesn't. He’s even more gorgeous naked than clothed, which should be impossible but isn’t. His body is hard lines and planes, strong shoulders and pecs, chiseled abs and an ass that makes me wish my nails were longer so I could dig into it when he’s rocking into me in that relentless, punishing rhythm. Except that I want to touch every inch of him. I'm rediscovering my best friend in entirely new ways.
Ben sets me down next to the huge, glassed-in shower and he turns it on.
"You should really have a bathtub in here," I comment. "A clawfoot soaker tub."
“You sleep over one time and you’re telling me what my condo should look like?” The teasing threat hangs in his tone, and I snort it away.
“You'd be lost without me.” His grin fades, and I turn back to the shower. "I've had nightmares about falling in the shower.”
He reaches for a drawer under the vanity. “Then it’s time to get over those fears.”
His smug voice is sexy, and he slaps a pack of condoms on the soap rack.
How much endurance does this man have? I think I want to find out.
I step under the spray, loving his gaze on me. The water feels almost as good as his dark eyes.
My fingers dig into his strong biceps when he joins me in the shower. “There must be a trick to it.”
He’s looking at me as if I’m cute. "The trick is you hang on to me."
"It's not an irrational fear. I fell and hit my head off the built-in soap holder when I was a kid. Needed stitches and everything." I lift my hair and show him the spot at my hairline.
He traces it gently with a finger. "I promise I won't let you get a concussion. But I'm still going to fuck you, because I need it. Turn around.”
I put my hands on the sleek tile and Ben presses me against it. I’m rewarded by his fingers between my thighs, his other palm on my ass.
"Tell me when you first knew you wanted me,” he says.
I lower my forehead to the tile. “A long time ago,” I murmur.
His length slides between my cheeks and I suck in a shaky breath. The slow stroke of him against my skin is torturous.
"How long?"
I twist my head around to meet his gaze. The way he asks it is commanding, but the longing that edges in tells me just how much he wants the answer.
"The trip we took with our friends to Mexico spring break senior year. Hunter broke his leg on a ridiculous dare. We only had five days and you gave up two of them for him. You got him medical attention, calling around before to make sure you found the best option and staying with him the entire time, spending hours on the phone with his travel insurance, rebooking his accommodation to get him a more accessible hotel and arranging overnight rental for a wheelchair so he didn’t have to miss the rest of the fun. Then his painkillers didn’t work and he was howling, and you tracked down a doctor to get him something better.”
Ben stills behind me, cupping my face. “You remember all that?”
I nod. “At the end of the second day, everyone was passed out—Hunter from painkillers, everyone else from drinking, but you’d stayed sober to take care of Hunter and I’d stayed sober because you were.” I shove a chunk of wet hair out of his face, my touch lingering on his cheek. “We were at this little bar, and you were exhausted but the bartender came over and started talking to you about tequila. It was his passion and his family’s legacy, and you listened to him for twenty minutes, before ordering his best bottle. The whole time we were drinking it, I wanted to go upstairs with you. With or without the tequila.”
The memory warms me in a way the shower can’t. Ben might be controlling and impatient, but he’s also kind. He doesn’t let many people in his life, but those he does, he’d go to the wall for.
His nostrils flare, his gaze moving between my eyes and my mouth. “Shit, D. We should've done this a long fucking time ago."
Ben's whisper has me aching even as guilt swells in my stomach.
I can't admit we did do this a long fucking time ago, not with him looking at me like I’m everything.
But it wasn’t like this, I remind myself. It was nothing like this.
Last night was special, and I’m still learning to trust that he wants and cares about me. That whatever he felt for my sister once doesn’t matter to our evolving relationship.
Because it’s new, but I have seriously high hopes.
He palms my ass, squeezing in a way that makes me arch into his touch.
“Ben?”
“Hmm.”
“I want your cock now.”
“I see. And why is that?”
“It’s nice.”
His hand comes down on my ass, hard enough I gasp, but his other hand holds my hip tightly so I don't jump or fall. That firm mouth is at my ear the next second, his skin rubbing mine.
“You can call it whatever you want, but not nice.”
The knot in my chest eases. I like Ben like this, wickedly playful. “Pleasant?”
His hand comes down again, this time on the other side. “I’m holding you up—I could drop you on your ass as fast. And I’d rather make you sore other ways.”
I run a hand through his wet hair while he cages me in, hungry.
God, I adore him. Crave him. Need him. It’s scary how much.
He rips a condom off the pack in the soap dish, cursing at his slipping hands as he works it on. Then he’s back at my entrance.
"Don't worry, darling," he whispers at my ear. “I won’t let you fall.”
Those words are everything.
I know he has feelings for me. I don't know if they're love, but they're something.
When he strokes inside, I do fall, but not to the ground.
His arm bands around my body, palming my breast possessively as he braces the other hand on the wall.
I’m his. Maybe I’ve always been his. It should be terrifying, but mostly I just want it. I want someone who wants me for me, who knows me and craves me and doesn’t want me to change.
He builds us both up until I’m gasping, the thick, humid air filling my desperate lungs while he rasps in my ear. Ben’s everywhere, filling me and surrounding me.
I never want it to end.
Ben and I spend Saturday together.
And Sunday.
It’s like the Vineyard and nothing like it, because this isn’t a vacation. It’s stunning normalcy.
He comes to the climbing gym with me.
He makes me coffee from the fancy machine Tris bought him as we catch up on email side by side.
We visit his mom.
We get brunch with our friends, who send us looks as if we’re complete idiots for each other.
Because we are.
; And the sex…
We can’t stop touching and kissing. It’s as if every second he’s not inside me is a waste.
“Everything good?” Ben asks Monday morning, coming in his front door, wearing dress pants that cling distractingly to his strong legs and a midnight blue shirt with the cuffs still undone.
I didn’t bring my charger to his place, since I’m not in the habit of crashing at guys’ places all weekend, so I had to swap off with Ben, who has the same one.
“Lily’s back from spending the weekend with friends." My phone died once and I forced myself not to panic about her being out of touch. Sure enough, I got her text this morning.
"Bet you're breathing easier now."
"It's stupid. I know she's not going to up and leave. She's not Vi, and she’s not going to drop out of school and vanish overnight.”
Ben’s brows pull together. “If I’ve never said it, I’m sorry that happened. I know how it feels to have someone walk away from you.”
Conflicting emotions have my gut clenching, a reminder that there's still something between us. I start to reach for my bracelet before realizing Ben took it off me Friday night. Saturday, I tucked it into my purse for safekeeping.
“Ben…”
He holds up a package. “I bought you a charger. For next time.”
For next time.
Those three words have my chest expanding until it threatens to crack my ribs.
I want a thousand next times with him.
"Thanks." My gaze runs over his chest and shoulders, the way he fastens his cuffs. “Here, let me.”
I cross the floor to fix them for him. “I can’t believe the gala is just a few days away,” I say as I work the cuff links into place.
“Me either. Here’s hoping you can stand pretending to be my girlfriend for the rest of the week.”
The warmth in his eyes has me smiling. “I’ll try to endure it.”
The alarm on my phone goes off, reminding me of my appointments for the day. After finishing his cuffs, I head to the door and grab my shoes. “Are you worried about the prospective lawsuit?”
He’d told me about the wrinkle in his latest deal over the weekend.
“No. It’s a scare tactic. I think the company threatening to sue is more interested in buying them out and figures they can work the price down this way. Happens all the time. We can still get in on this, and we’ll make tens of millions or more if we do.”
I work with large businesses, but it still blows my mind that Ben does deals every month worth more than I’ll make in a decade.
He grabs my coat from the closet, helping me into it once I step into my heels.
“It’s too bad you couldn’t find Holt’s suggestion, too,” I say. “I looked them up and their mission looked exciting.”
I turn back to him and belt my jacket, and he cocks his head in surprise. “You did?”
“Mhmm. We need more people working on innovations in healthcare delivery.”
His eyes darken. Before I can stop him, he grabs my coat tie and tugs me in for a drugging kiss, wrapping both arms around me to hold me against him until I melt.
“What was that for?” I murmur as he pulls back.
“You’re sexy when you tell me what I should invest in. Even when you side with Holt.” He winks. “Good luck with Vane this morning. Call me when you land him."
Lily’s already in class when I get dressed and do my hair before I head down to Richard’s office.
“I apologize, but Mr. Vane’s schedule has changed at the last minute,” the woman at the front desk in the huge office informs me, looking not the least bit apologetic. “He asked me to tell you he’ll speak with you at the rehearsal dinner.”
I frown. “But the launch for the resorts is in a couple of months.”
She smiles tightly. “I trust Mr. Vane has the details in hand.”
Confusion rolls through me, but before I can respond, a familiar form stalks down the hall.
“Aiden,” I call after him.
He looks up in surprise. “Daisy. I was on my way out.”
I cross to where he’s standing. “I was supposed to meet your father today about getting your business after the wedding, talking about some ideas for launching the resort collection.”
He sighs. “Listen. You’ve done a capable job on our PR. The last person we hired couldn’t get the story right.”
“The story?” I echo.
He cocks his head and lowers his voice. “You’re a smart woman. Don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out. The story that this is a fairy tale wedding and my bride and I are in love?” His mouth twists sardonically.
It takes a moment for the words to sink in. When they do, I feel blindsided. “You’re not in love.”
“No. Like anything else, it’s business. The photography shoot at the Vineyard was a smart move. Make the world feel like they got to witness something private, something that wasn’t meant for the cameras. I see that now.”
I struggle to catch up. I knew their relationship was unconventional, but had dismissed it as that.
“My bride wants a piece of this company,” he goes on. “The profile. The platform.”
God, it’s so clinical. I hate thinking of it that way.
But that’s what you and Ben were doing, right?
I shake that off. I almost don’t ask my question, but it seems inevitable.
“And what do you want?”
A haunted expression flits across his face, something like hope chased by despair. “Things I thought I could have.”
There’s bitter edge in his voice. He’s still not telling me everything.
Only this time, I sense that what he’s keeping from me, he keeps from everyone.
He has feelings for her.
The possibility has my chest swelling.
I reach for his arm through the tailored jacket, and he stiffens as I say, “Something real can come from something fake, Aiden. Trust me.”
When I get home after a long workday, still thinking about Aiden Vane and his bride, Lil pounces. "You're so busted. You were at Ben's all weekend. What did you do?"
"Hung out."
"Uh-huh."
I step out of my heels, wiggling my toes. "We left the apartment at least once a day."
Her eyes round. "You're joking. You can't have sex all day long. Can you?"
I make an assessing noise. "Pretty much."
"But you have to eat. And drink."
I set my bag by the door and head to the living room. "There's delivery. And Ben has a water dispenser in his fridge."
"Marry him," she says.
I laugh, but it does feel as if we could be in one another's lives in an entirely new way. I want that, so much.
The way he acted this weekend makes me think he might want it, too.
He makes room for me in his routines. We talk about traveling. We always talked about books and movies, but it's entirely different doing it in his arms, arguing until his eyes warm and I know he's about to try to convince me using entirely unfair tactics.
"Something came for you." Lil's words bring me back as she goes to the kitchen and returns, holding up a postcard.
I stiffen before I even read the text on the front.
Portugal. A stone street, curving and lined with windows boasting riotous flower baskets. It's beautiful and it makes my stomach plummet.
"Let me guess,” my sister starts, her voice echoing in my buzzing ears. “Nowhere in this weekend did it happen to come up that you slept with him a decade ago?”
“No.” I sink onto the arm of the couch, the comfort of the padded form doing nothing to ease the guilt in my stomach. "But you have to understand why keeping it from him felt like the right decision.”
At first I was angry with him, I didn’t want to admit how hurt and ashamed I was that we slept together, that I wanted him and he wanted her.
Later, after I saw what a decent guy he was—that Ben wasn’t only smart and attractive an
d funny, but loyal to his friends, his family—I let myself start hanging out with him again.
But the closer we got, the more I didn’t want to confess and risk losing him over it. As time went on, there seemed less and less point in digging up the past. Eventually, I could pretend I’d almost forgotten it.
“That was years ago,” Lil points out. “You’ve both changed, and if Vi was here she would’ve changed too. Are you willing to walk away from Ben because of this? Or worse, lie to him?”
Seeing Aiden Vane this morning, the weight he’s carrying and the secret between them, makes me realize both are awful.
“I didn’t just keep it from him to protect my feelings, Lily. I did it to protect his. He liked her, he must’ve or he wouldn’t have looked so gutted when he found out she left. It was a personal moment, no matter who it was with. I couldn’t take it away from him.”
Her face falls as she realizes the fucked up situation I was in.
I did what I could to protect Ben, and to keep myself from losing him in the one way I could have him.
I take the postcard and head to my room.
Inside, I sit at my desk to study the glossy photo before reaching for a sheet of paper from my desk.
But instead of writing, my pen hovers just above the surface.
Normally, I have no trouble letting the words flow.
Sometimes, they're kind things. I miss you. It looks beautiful where you are.
Other days, they’re questions. Why did you leave? Why is it better there than here?
Today, they're a storm in my head.
You're halfway around the world, but you're still here in my life.
Still a pain in my ass.
Still making me question whether I'm enough.
I know Ben has feelings for me, and I can let go of the fact that he cared about my sister first. I have to if I want to be with him. And part of that is telling the truth.
"You write back, but you never send it."
I turn to see Lil sink onto my bed and squeeze a pillow to her chest.
"Maybe this time I will."
25
“Ben.”
I pull up on the sidewalk outside my office building at the sound of my name, turning to see a semi-familiar face.
