“Edinburgh.”
Understanding lit up his eyes. “Running to Gran like always.”
“Except—” My lips trembled.
“She wasn’t there.” He squeezed my hand again. “Have you been alone all this time?”
“No.” I took a deep breath and told my brother everything. From being homeless and jobless to fate’s twisted sense of humor landing me a job at INKarnate, to meeting Rae and being taken into her weird but wonderful fold, to Cole, to the antagonism between us and why, to learning all I did from his family, to our relationship changing, to how supportive he’d been, to how I’d fallen for him, and how he was the one who convinced me to face Logan.
When I was done, Logan sat back in his chair, his brow puckered in contemplation.
“Say something,” I pleaded quietly. “I need you to believe I’m not making another mistake. You have to know after everything that I would never make that mistake again.”
Logan nodded. “He sounds like a decent guy and I’m glad you’ve had people around you.” He gave me his no-nonsense big-brother look, and warmth exploded in my chest at the familiar sight of it. “But I will have to meet him.”
“Of course,” I readily agreed.
He snorted. “You got a tattoo?”
“Yup.”
“Think I’d get a free tattoo when I get out of here? From the legendary Stu Motherwell himself?”
I grinned. “Definitely.”
“Good because I’ll have plenty of inspiration by the time I do.”
My stomach dropped at the reminder of where we were sitting. “How have you been? You’re . . . okay . . . right?”
“I’m not sunshine and roses, but I can handle myself. Don’t worry about me.”
“But what’s it been—”
“I’m not telling you that shit, so you can forget about it.”
I could feel my eyes bug out at his snapping, and raised my hands in surrender. “All right, all right.”
He smirked. “I’ve missed you, Shay.”
I almost burst out crying at him using the nickname he hadn’t called me since we were kids. “I’ve missed you too,” I choked out.
“Ah, don’t get all watery on me again. We have stuff to sort out.” He leaned forward, his stare direct. “Neither of us should have listened to Mum, Dad, and Amanda’s bullshit, but we did. That’s over now. What’s not over is this family. I know we’re not perfect, Shannon. But they are our family and they have stepped it up and been there for me. I want you to reconcile with them so we can try to be a real family. Promise me.”
Panic fluttered in my chest. After everything, no matter his protestations, I owed Logan. If he wanted this from me I had to figure out a way to give him it. But it was going to be difficult bringing my family around to the idea of forgiving me.
Moreover, it meant I’d have to forgive them.
I ignored the deep-seated uncertainty and gave my brother a reassuring smile. “I’ll try.”
CHAPTER 23
T he sight of your childhood home wasn’t supposed to fill your mouth with the taste of ash and your stomach with dread. Yet, staring at the prewar bungalow I’d grown up in on a quiet street in a wee town outside Glasgow, I felt just that.
What I really wanted to do was jump on a bus back to Edinburgh, but I’d made a promise to my brother. I just hoped Amanda was still living with our parents so I could kill three birds with one stone.
On the back of that thought, the door to the house opened and my pretty sister stepped outside in house shoes, ratty jeans, and an oversized T-shirt. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head and she was staring at me with the dark brown eyes she’d inherited from Dad. To my surprise I saw a flicker of relief in them that was at odds with her dry “You’re alive, then.”
“You would have known that if you’d called.”
She rolled her eyes. “Works both ways.” On that note she slipped inside, leaving the door open for me.
The familiar smell of my dad’s tobacco hit me as soon as I entered. Gran had hated Dad’s smoking, but no matter how much she nagged she couldn’t get her son to quit. Mum never nagged him about it. She said Dad was always going to do what he wanted to do and she loved him enough to leave him alone to do it in peace.
I thought that was a copout, but then, she was always like that with Dad. He won every argument because she didn’t want him to see her as anything less than the perfect, supportive wife she tried to be. Personally I thought they were living in the freaking fifties. I shuddered when I remembered how similar I’d acted with Ollie until near the end. Of course, Ollie was a violent woman beater. Dad was just a stubborn pain in the arse.
Full of trepidation, I followed Amanda into the large sitting room where my dad was watching TV while Mum sat at the dining table, typing on a laptop. They looked up at my entrance and Dad pressed the mute button on the remote.
Our eyes met and I could see that familiar stubbornness in his dark gaze fighting an emotion I couldn’t quite name.
He stood up abruptly, drawing his hand across his mouth before sagging on a loud exhale. “Thank fuck.”
I was abruptly pulled against him, his arms tight around me as he hugged me.
It took me a minute to get over my shock and hug him back.
“You should have bloody called,” he bit out, and then pushed me back from him. He gripped my biceps so hard I winced.
“Dad, you could have called me,” I said, trying to keep the hurt and annoyance out of my own voice, unsuccessfully. “You were the one that told me this was all my fault and that I should stay away from Logan. I thought you’d be happy to see the back of me.”
He let me go, that stubborn chin of his jutting out. “I didn’t say it was all your fault.”
“So why didn’t you call?”
“Why didn’t you?”
I sighed. Typical Dad. His pride would never allow him to admit he’d handled this badly. I shot a look at my mum, who’d come to stand in the middle of the room beside Amanda. Amanda was taller than her. I’d gotten my lack of height from Mum along with her hair and eyes and figure. She was young looking—so young looking we could probably pass for sisters. But that was where the similarities between us ended. I was like neither of my parents.
I was all Gran, through and through.
Thankfully.
“A lot of things were said and done,” Mum said. “But that was no excuse for what you’ve put us through.”
My hands fisted at my sides. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either.”
Mum sighed. “I imagine not. But it isn’t always about you, Shannon.”
“I didn’t come here to fight,” I replied through gritted teeth. “I’ve just been to see Logan. He asked me to try to work things out with you and I promised I would.”
“Fine.” Amanda crossed her arms over her chest, eyes narrowed. “You can start with where you’ve been for the last few months and why there’s a tattoo on your back that wasn’t there before.”
Damn. My shirt must have ridden up when I hugged Dad. “Okay. Let’s sit down.”
* * *
“I cannot believe this!” Amanda shot to her feet once I was done telling them the story of my life in Edinburgh. “This just takes the biscuit.”
“It’s not like that.” I glowered up at her. “You can’t possibly believe I’d be so stupid again. Not after everything we’ve all been through.”
“Yes, yes, I can!”
“Amanda,” Dad said gruffly. “Calm down.”
“Look.” I drew her annoyed gaze from Dad to me. “I explained about me and Cole. I was just as suspicious and wary of him as anyone who has been through what I’ve been through would be. But he’s a good guy. He’s the one that’s believed in me. He’s gotten me here. He’s gotten me to face Logan.”
The panic gripping my chest was unbearable. I wanted to run from the house—and from that feeling—but I couldn’t because I’d bloody well promised. So I had to face my
family’s response and I had to convince them I wasn’t making a mistake in dating Cole.
“I want to meet him.” Amanda glared at me. “I can come to Edinburgh and I’ll decide.”
“You’ll decide what?”
“If he’s a decent guy or another one of your losers.”
“And what the hell would you know about a decent guy, Amanda? You’re twenty-eight years old and you’ve never been in a serious relationship.”
She sucked in her breath, hurt flaring in her eyes.
“Shannon,” Mum warned. “If you want us to start over we need to know you aren’t going to bring a whole new load of trouble into your life and, subsequently, ours. We’re not going through this again. Your brother hasn’t finished dealing with the consequences of your last disastrous romance.”
“It’s not up to you to judge Cole,” I continued to argue, hating the idea of anyone believing he somehow had to prove himself. “He deserves better than that.”
Amanda grunted. “No offense, but you’re not exactly known for being able to distinguish a good guy from a loser. You want us to mend fences. Then you’ll introduce us.”
* * *
Reconnecting with Logan ended up burning out something inside me that I’d gotten so used to I hadn’t even realized it shouldn’t be there. Until it was gone.
It was this emptiness in my gut. A horrible space that couldn’t be filled no matter how happy Cole and my new life in Edinburgh made me. It was a feeling that had grown to become a part of me, so much so I’d grown resigned to the idea of it always being there.
It had disappeared. With such sweet, sweet relief, that emptiness was gone.
The remorse was a different story. That might never go away and it certainly wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Not as long as my brother was in prison. Maybe once he got out I’d have a fighting chance at battling that guilt, but for now it was a part of me, and yes, I was reconciled to that no matter my brother or anyone else’s reassurances.
After talking round in circles with my family, I’d left them with my contact details and told them that we could talk once we’d all slept on it. Then I went straight to Cole and cried in his arms until I fell asleep.
The next day I told him everything that had gone down and he listened without interruption. But I could feel the tension mounting around him.
He was pissed off at my family.
“You don’t have to deal with that shit,” he had said. “Not after the way they’ve treated you.”
“But I do,” I’d insisted. “I have to do this for Logan.”
For now we were agreeing to disagree. As were Rae and I. I’d told her everything too and she was of the same mind as Cole. And although Cole did agree to meet Logan (I’d already arranged for us to go in a couple of weeks on our day off), I discovered upon my arrival at work that not only was Cole being a little distant, but Rae was too.
“This is going to be a fun day,” I muttered after having had the coffee I’d handed each of them snatched out of my hands without even a thank-you. With Cole I knew it was because he’d gone inside his own head to brood over the matter. With Rae it was because she was just really annoyed at me.
Thankfully, as always, we were busy on a Saturday and I could pretend Cole’s quietness was due to his professionalism.
However, I knew with sinking dread in my stomach that all the pretending was about to fly out of the shop door when my sister opened it and stepped inside.
Frozen to the spot in surprise, I watched as her eyes roamed the tattoo studio, her upper lip curled in distaste. Amanda was pretty much my opposite. She hated tattoos, piercings, hair dye, or anything that modified your body from its natural state. She didn’t have a creative bone in her body and she’d never felt the need to enhance or change anything about herself or express who she was through her appearance.
She equated body modification with a deficiency of character.
Amanda finally caught sight of me standing behind the reception desk, and, ignoring the people sitting in the waiting area, she strode over to me with her eyebrow quirked. “This is the famous INKarnate?”
Feeling defensive, I stiffened. “Yes.”
She rolled her eyes. “Only you would think working at a place like this was cool.”
“No, actually hundreds of people would. It’s well respected for its art and it pays well because it gets a lot of business.”
She harrumphed and waved my comment away. “Look, I’m here because we all agree we want you back in our lives. You may have it in your silly little noggin that we could give a shit, but that’s not true, Shannon. We love you. We just . . . We know what you’re like. You have bad judgment. I’m here to make you see some sense.”
I’d gone from being amazed that she’d said the L-word to being indignant at her condescension. “I told you we’d discuss this. You can’t just walk in here, expecting to pass judgment on Cole. One, you just can’t. And two, he’s working. It’s a Saturday. We’re really busy.”
“I just want to meet him. I’m not going anywhere until I do.” She smirked. “Or don’t you want to make good on that promise to Logan?”
I gritted my teeth in frustration. Sometimes my sister was just pure evil. “Wait there.”
I hurried into the back, knocking on Cole’s door.
“Come in,” he called over the buzz of the needle.
I opened the door to find him tattooing a very detailed Minotaur onto a wannabe biker chick’s arm. Her name was Vik and she was a regular. She’d come in for a tattoo way back when I first started working at the studio, and she’d been three other times since then.
Cole looked up at me and stilled at the sight of my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“My sister is here.” I grimaced. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. And she won’t leave until she meets you.”
Cole’s features hardened. “I’ll be out when I’m finished with this tat. She can park her arse in the waiting area.”
I nodded and moved to hurry out when he called my name.
“Yeah?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Don’t offer her coffee, water, anything. She’s not welcome here, and the only reason I’m not throwing her out on her arse is you and your brother.”
Uneasiness moved through me, but I gave him a quick jerk of my chin in agreement and hurried out. I had a feeling this meeting wasn’t going to go too well.
* * *
Amanda made a face as I introduced Cole. I’d taken her into his room for some privacy. Cole hadn’t offered her his hand. He’d just given her a nod of his head and pulled me protectively into his side.
I scowled. “Amanda, you two haven’t even exchanged a word yet.”
“Look at him.” She waved her hand at me. “Like he’s going to stick around you for long.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Cole snapped.
Amanda snorted and shot me a pointed look. “Charming.”
Impatience sizzled in my blood. I stepped forward. “Amanda, quit it. You’re supposed to give him a fair chance.”
“I don’t need to. Look at him. I think your first instincts were right on this one, Shannon.”
Realization hit me. “You were never going to give him a chance. You like this. You like me being the black sheep.”
She rolled her eyes at me again. “You did that to yourself. You pick these losers. These big nothings—”
I shot toward her so fast she stumbled back in fright. “Don’t you ever call him that,” I hissed, fists clenched at my sides.
“Shannon,” Cole murmured, but I ignored the placation in his tone.
“You don’t know anything about him or me. Why?” I pleaded. “Why are you being like this? I’m trying to fix things because Logan wants his family back, and you’re playing your petty games.”
“I’m not playing. This is serious. This doesn’t look like trying to me.”
I shook my head, feeling immensely sad all of a sudden. “
You said you love me, but I’m not sure I believe that. You and me . . . we’ve never gotten along and I still don’t know why you’ve always had it out for me—”
“Oh, for God’s sake! If only you’d been this paranoid about your boyfriends, maybe Logan wouldn’t be in prison.”
I felt Cole’s heat at my back and I pressed a hand out behind me to stop him from saying or doing anything in retaliation. “Cole does not need to prove himself to you or to anyone. Now, you’ve insulted him enough. I want you to leave.”
Face red, eyes suddenly filled with a surprising amount of emotion, Amanda whispered, “I don’t know what you think or why you think it, but I do care about you. I just don’t trust you and I’m trying to save you from making another huge mistake. I’ll never forget what you did to Logan, but I was willing to try to forgive. Please, Shannon. You let me walk out that door, then you’re cut off from this family.”
As I was almost paralyzed by her words, it was only the touch of Cole’s hands on my hips that reached me. Fear of disappointing Logan again kept me from saying anything.
Amanda took my silence as rejection and with wounded eyes and a disapproving grimace she hurried out of the studio before I could figure out how to make it all work.
CHAPTER 24
I felt sick.
Logan wanted one thing from me, one thing, and I’d already mucked it up.
I spent the next few hours trying to push past my emotions and think rationally. I needed to come up with some way of making this situation work out for everyone.
I just didn’t know how.
“Are you going to speak ever again?” Cole said.
He sat across from me at Rae’s kitchen table. Rae was out. After having heard the commotion at work, she’d decided we probably wouldn’t be great company that night. Why she couldn’t just say she was giving us some space, I didn’t know, but that was Rae’s way. You would think being thoughtful was something to be ashamed of the way she tried so hard to hide her considerate side.
“I’m sorry.” I pushed my plate of egg noodles and red Thai chicken away. “I just keep thinking things over and over and I still don’t know what to do.” I bit my lip and then suggested softly, “Perhaps we should take a step back.”
Echoes of Scotland Street Page 24
