“Oh, Greyson, hi. Sorry I’m still here. Allison was just giving me a tour and she gave me permission to look around a bit more.”
“She made me aware.”
Wow. He had responded immediately, unlike the first time I saw him. I called that progress.
I smiled at him, he didn’t smile back, and that felt like the oddest thing in the world. The old Greyson had been full of smiles.
“It’s a beautiful home,” I stated, unsure what else to talk about. “It’s massive. I swear it’s like ten times the size of mine and Shay’s apartment.” He blankly stared as I shifted from foot to foot. “I love the décor,” I blurted out, and I hated myself the second the words left my lips. Just walk away, Eleanor. Don’t be awkward. “Those throw pillows in your living room are to die for. Where did you get them?”
“The interior designer chose everything,” he replied dryly.
“Oh, right, of course. My interior designer is normally the clearance section at T.J. Maxx,” I joked. “Or on special occasions, Target.”
He didn’t laugh, probably because I wasn’t funny.
I wondered when was the last time he’d laughed.
Did he ever find anything funny anymore?
We kept staring at one another in the most uncomfortable silence, though I didn’t feel as if I could pull myself away from it. I probably stared at him too long, but how could I not? I’d gone fifteen-some years without looking at him. It was understandable that I wouldn’t be able to turn away quickly.
The awkwardness of it all finally came to a halt when Greyson cleared his throat.
“Eleanor?”
“Yes?”
“I came for water.”
“Oh?” I stared at him like an idiot, wide-eyed like a deer in headlights, waiting for his next words. I stood still as if he were going to expand on his interest in water. Was he offering me a drink? Were we going to sip water and catch up on things? Was I finally going to be able to ask him how he’d become the CEO of his father’s company at such a young age? What had happened to his father?
His stare narrowed, and his lips turned down in a displeased fashion. He nodded once.
“Hmm?” I asked.
He nodded more aggressively this time, gesturing past me.
I glanced behind me and realized I was standing right in front of the refrigerator, blocking the water dispenser. I stepped to the side, mentally beating myself up.
Idiot.
“Oh, right, of course. Well, I think I’m done here, so I’ll see myself out,” I stated, scrambling to grab my binder. “Have a good afternoon.”
He didn’t reply, but that wasn’t shocking. I was quickly learning that this new Greyson didn’t have nearly as much to say as the old one.
27
Greyson
Eleanor had a way of staring and standing in front of me for too long, to the point that it was uncomfortable. It had to be uncomfortable for her, too, yet still, she kept staring as if she didn’t care about the awkwardness of it all.
I also hated how she stared. She stared as if I were the saddest man alive. I wished she’d stop playing the tiniest violin whenever she looked my way. It was irritating. Whenever she awkwardly gawked, she looked at me as if I were a sad puppy from a damn Sarah McLachlan commercial.
I wasn’t a sad puppy.
Just a not-so-happy man.
The weekends were hard for me, seeing how there wasn’t as much work to keep my mind busy. Plus, the girls were always at Claire and Jack’s house. Most of the time I tried to travel because being in different places made it harder for me to overthink too much, but sometimes travel wasn’t an option and I was left home alone.
My home was eerily silent. It was always weird when it was so quiet, because there had been a point in time when all I ever heard were loud voices laughing. Sometimes I swore the echoes of the laughter still bounced off the walls, though, truthfully, I was probably just hoping the echoes lingered.
There were a million things I missed about Nicole, but her laughter had to be at the top of the list. She’d laughed in a way where tears always streamed down her face, no matter what. Nicole found everything so ridiculously funny, and she could make even the grumpiest person crack a smirk.
That was her superpower: making people happy.
It was no wonder that after she’d left this place, everything had felt a little darker. She had taken that light away with her.
My phone dinged, and there was a ninety-nine percent chance it was Landon checking in on me. Even when I told him to stop doing it, he always did.
I was somewhat thankful for that.
Even though I’d been a shitty friend for quite a few months, it was nice to know that Landon didn’t take it personally.
Landon: Wanna grab a beer?
Me: Are you even in town?
Landon: I can get a private plane out to Chicago, no problem.
Me: Ha. Don’t waste your money.
When the house was empty, and there were no more emails or contracts to check and double-check, I knew I was at my worst. I went for a jog on my treadmill to try to clear my head, but still, that never really did much to slow my thoughts, because the moment I stopped running, everything came rushing back to me.
She used to run, too.
She used to run, and bake, and smile.
She used to laugh, and dance, and love out loud.
She used to be everything to me.
And she was gone because of me.
On the nights when it was too much, like it was that evening, I allowed myself to crack. I fell apart when no one was looking, because it was easier to be broken when no one was around to feel bad for you.
I didn’t want people’s pity.
I didn’t want their sincere apologies.
I didn’t want their words of encouragement.
I just wanted my wife back.
So, that Saturday night, I walked to Karla’s room, ignored the Do Not Enter sign on her closet door, and I opened it, which opened a world to everything that was Nicole.
Covering the walls were dozens and dozens of photographs of Nicole with the girls and me. There were a million moments frozen in time, pictures that captured their smiles, their laughs, our happiness.
Karla had set a chair in her closet and hung fairy lights throughout the space. On the floor were articles of Nicole’s clothing, and I could tell my daughter had sat in the space not too long ago, because they were freshly sprayed with her mother’s favorite perfume.
I shut off the main light source in the bedroom so only the fairy lights shone above me. Then, I sat down on the chair and picked up a black hoodie. Nicole had worn it to bed when she was too cold, which had seemed to always be the case. I remembered pushing her cold feet away from me almost every single night before giving in and allowing her to freeze me.
I pulled the hoodie to my face and took a deep breath as I shut my eyes.
“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.
I squeezed it in my hands as if I were somehow holding on to her.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” I hadn’t known why those were the words to leave my lips, but they were all that had come to mind.
I held the garment as if she was somehow still there with me.
She shook her head. “No. The girls.”
My hands were turning red from how hard I was gripping on to that hoodie, but I couldn’t let go.
I was holding on to a ghost, a memory, a story of my past.
And then I fell apart.
When it all became too much, when my thoughts overpowered me, I left Karla’s room and went to pour myself a glass of whiskey.
I stood in front of the fireplace, watching the flames as I sipped the brown liquor.
I tried to shake Nicole from my mind, but when I did my girls entered my head, and that made me sadder. It reminded me of what my mistake did to their lives. Thinking about them reminded me of how I changed their world forever.
So I tho
ught about Eleanor Gable.
The girl who stared at me for too long, and really liked uncomfortable situations.
Those thoughts weren’t as heavy as all my others.
So, I let them stay.
28
Eleanor
If you had told me five years earlier that my next employer would be Greyson East, I would’ve called you a liar. Heck, if you told me that a week earlier, I would’ve laughed so hard in your face that tears would’ve rolled down my cheeks. But, there I was, standing in Greyson East’s dining room, meeting his children for the first time ever.
Claire was a saint to me that Monday morning. She came over bright and early, ready to teach me the ins and outs of her granddaughters.
“I can’t thank you enough for helping me out,” I told Claire as she set the table for breakfast. “It means the world to me.”
“Oh, darling, it’s no big deal, and after all the nannies that had come before you, I feel like this is tradition. I’m just hoping you last a bit longer than the others did, that’s for sure. You know what they say—seventh time’s a charm!”
I laughed. “I don’t think people really say that.”
“Well, they should. Seven is a lucky number. So, let’s meet the girls!” Claire then turned and hollered toward the back rooms. “GIRLS! BREAKFAST!”
Well, at least Claire seemed down-to-earth in an oversized house with too many rooms and not enough people.
“I swear, these girls are going to try to bully you into letting them sleep in. Don’t be afraid to pull them by their pigtails,” Claire said when no girls appeared. “Wait right here. I’ll be back.”
As she hurried off in the direction of the girls’ bedrooms, I took a deep breath.
Man, I was nervous. I’d never been nervous meeting my employer’s children, but this felt a bit different. I felt oddly unprepared.
“Grandma, I just don’t get why I have to go to school every week,” a little voice moaned and groaned as the speaker stomped her way toward the dining room. As she turned the corner, she looked up to me. “Who are you?” she asked before plopping down in front of her cereal bowl. Lorelai was dressed in mismatched pajamas. She was wearing the most vibrantly colored stripes and polka dots, and she had bright scrunchies in her hair. On her back were huge butterfly wings. She looked like an old-school Rainbow Brite ad.
“That is your new nanny,” Claire explained. “Say hello, Lorelai.”
“Hello, Lorelai,” the little girl mocked, making me smile.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Eleanor, but you can call me Ellie if you’d like.”
“Okay.” Lorelai shrugged and went straight into eating her food.
“After you finish your meal, you have to take a quick shower, okay, Lorelai? Because you can’t be late to school again,” Claire remarked, sitting in the chair beside her granddaughter. “Plus, unlike last week, you aren’t going to put up a fight about your clothing choices.”
“I just want to dress like a rainbow, Grandma. Let me live,” Lorelai groaned, shoveling the spoon into her mouth.
She had truly said the words Let me live. I almost died laughing.
“Where did you hear that from?” Claire questioned. “Let me live?”
“Karla said it to Dad the other day.”
“Sounds about right,” Claire remarked. “But as far as your dress code, we’re going to pick out some tamer clothes for you to wear today.”
“I don’t know what tamer means, Grandma, so whatever I pick out will be fine,” Lorelai stated matter-of-factly.
Claire moved in closer to me. “Lorelai is the brightest personality you’ll find in this place. She’s sassy, funny, and so easy to love, but boy will she push your buttons some days.” She turned to her granddaughter. “Lorelai, what do you think about Eleanor being your new nanny for a while?”
She cocked an eyebrow, holding her spoon in the air. “Is she gonna let me wear whatever I want?”
“No, probably not,” Claire said.
“Will she let me eat chocolate chips for breakfast?”
“No, probably not,” Claire echoed.
“Will she color with me?”
“Yes,” I cut in. “I can do that.”
Lorelai shrugged and went back to eating. “Okay, that’s fine.”
Coloring—that was easy enough.
Then, from around the corner, I heard a grumbling sound.
Claire sighed. “Here comes Little Miss Sunshine.” She turned to me quickly and patted the chair beside her. “Here, Ellie, come sit by me, and remember, don’t take anything personally with Karla. She doesn’t mean it, even if she says it.” She paused. “Especially if she says it.”
“Grandma, I really wish you wouldn’t come stomping into my room like that. It’s so annoying. Plus, I know how to wake myself up for school. I’m not a child.” Karla grumbled as she turned the corner into the dining room. Her limp was very noticeable, but I tried my best to not display any kind of reaction to it. She was dressed head to toe in black and her hair was still dripping wet from her shower, stringy and hanging in front of her face. She mostly kept her head down, and when she moved to the table, she didn’t look up at anyone. She didn’t make one sound.
“Good morning, Karla,” Claire said, walking over to her granddaughter with Karla’s meal and kissing her forehead.
“Whatever,” Karla muttered. She inhaled her food quickly as we all sat there in silence for a moment.
“Karla, this is Ellie, the new nanny.”
She looked up at me slowly, and I felt like a complete idiot because I quietly gasped as she moved the hair partially hiding her face.
The scars…
Allison had prepared me for them, but still, I wasn’t prepared enough.
They were more intense than I could’ve imagined. They ran from all directions across her skin, but the one that was most noticeable seemed to start at her forehead and slice across her left eyelid, which appeared to be swollen. Her left eye had a red spot near her pupil that seeped into her potent blue stare.
I’d never seen anything like it.
God, her eyes were as cold as her father’s.
“Grrr.” Karla growled, clenching her jaw as she leaned toward me. My stomach knotted up and I wasn’t quite sure how to react, so I just kept staring. Oh, gosh. Staring was probably the worst thing I could do, because Karla kept growling. “Grrr! Grrrr!”
“Karla Marie, knock it off this instant,” Claire snapped at her granddaughter, yet Karla didn’t pull back.
“Grrr! Hisssss! Grrrr!” she hollered, keeping her eyes locked on me.
“Karla, that’s enough,” a stern voice snapped, making my stare move from Karla to her father. Greyson stood in the doorframe wearing his suit and tie with, coffee cup in his hand and his eyes on his daughter. “Quit it.”
“I’ll quit when she stops staring at me like I’m a fucking freak of nature,” she snapped.
“No, I wasn’t…you aren’t…” I started, my voice shaky as ever, but Greyson cut me off.
“Watch your language,” he scolded, and she gave him the most dramatic eye roll I’d seen in quite a while. Truly I hadn’t known eyes could roll so deeply.
“Sorry, Father,” she mocked, standing up from the table. She grabbed her bowl of cereal. “Since I used bad language, I should be banished to my room until it is time to be driven to prison by my servant.” And with that, she left.
Greyson didn’t look my way once, and I didn’t know why I expected him to do such a thing. He walked through the dining room toward the kitchen. From my seat, I watched him pour more coffee into his tumbler before he turned around and walked across the space. He didn’t speak as he walked back through the dining room.
“Bye, Daddy! I love you!” Lorelai said, to which Greyson replied, “You too.”
Then, he was off to work.
“I’m sorry about Karla. I won’t lie, she’s going to be the hard one,” Claire remarked. “I can’t blame her for
her hardness, though. She’s been through more than most, though, for the most part, she’s physically handling her changes well. She’s adapted to moving around quite quickly and is pretty self-sufficient. Now, on the emotional front, there’s a bit of struggle. Don’t let her exterior throw you, though. She may act tough, but our Karla has the gentlest heart. She just gets hurt easily. Don’t take her moods personally. She’s working through a lot.”
I smiled. “Aren’t we all?”
Out of nowhere, Lorelai looked up from her breakfast and turned my way. “Hey, Ellie?”
“Yes?”
“Are you sure I can’t wear my pajamas to school today? I’m really comfortable, and I think I’ll learn better with them on.”
I laughed. “Probably not, but I can help you pick out an outfit if you want. And then while we’re in your room, maybe you can show me some of your best artwork.”
Her eyes lit up and the biggest smile in the world filled her face.
That smile Greyson was missing?
The one I’d once known?
It lived on the lips of his daughter.
“Okay! Come on!” Lorelai said, leaping up from her seat. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me off to her bedroom to pick out an outfit.
Well, at least not all of Greyson’s children were completely underwhelmed by my existence. One out of two was good enough odds for me.
When it was time to get the girls off to school, I was thankful that Lorelai was so chatty, otherwise the car ride would’ve been extremely silent and awkward. Faithful Lorelai talked and talked and talked about everything and nothing at all while Karla’s head was down and in her phone. Her hair was no longer wet, but she’d straightened it and it hung directly in front of her eyes, blocking her face. A pair of shockingly huge Beats by Dre headphones sat over her ears, and the nosey part of me wondered what she was listening to. The logical part of me thought I should never ask, because I knew she would never tell me.
Unfortunately, my first drop-off was Lorelai, which left me in a car alone with Karla and her grimaces.
Eleanor & Grey Page 14
