“Yes, of course.”
I hurried out, feeling a sharp pain in my gut from my anger with Karla. I went out of my way to treat her kindly, to make her comfortable, yet this was the result I received. The closer I got to her bedroom, the more upset I became. Greyson had blown up at me because of her lies.
Then my emotions shifted to worry.
If she hadn’t been going to school, where had she been?
What was she doing?
Were there drugs involved? Alcohol?
Oh, great, now I was angry and worried. I wondered if this was what it was like to be a parent, feeling every single emotion all at once. It was exhausting. Each emotion came in like a wave crashing against the shore, and I wasn’t sure what to do with all the emotions I was experiencing.
I felt as if there was a split personality disorder going on. I wanted to yell and speak gently at the same time. I wanted to be the good cop and the bad cop. I wanted to be her friend, and her comfort but also the drill sergeant.
There is no middle ground when it comes to parenting teenagers. You always have a feeling of being crazed.
Before Karla could even witness my worry-anger, the biggest knot formed in my gut as I walked into her bedroom only to find it empty.
“Karla?” I called out. No response.
She wouldn’t have gone, would she? Snuck out to go do whatever the heck it was she did during school hours?
I walked farther into her bedroom, toward her ‘Do Not Enter’ closet door, and as my hand landed on the door handle, a sharp shout stung my ears.
“What are you doing?!” Karla barked, forcing me to turn around in haste.
“Karla!” A wave of relief crashed against the shore. “Oh, my gosh, where were you?” I asked, my heart racing.
“The bathroom.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why are you about to go in there? Are you stupid? Can you not read?”
“Don’t call me stupid,” I scolded, sounding more grown up than I actually was. “Your father wants you in his office.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m busy.” She walked over to her desk and went to reach for her headphones to drown me out, but I grabbed them before she could.
“No, you’re not. Now, get going to your father’s office.”
“Why?”
“Because we know.”
“Know what?”
“You know what we know,” I stated, narrowing my eyes as I waved a finger at her.
She cocked her eyebrow. “Or I don’t.”
My hands landed against my hips. “Karla, come on. You can drop the act.”
“Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I’m getting sick of this round-about accusation stuff, so either spit it out or leave my room.”
“You haven’t been to school in weeks, Karla,” Greyson growled, appearing behind me. His eyes were filled with anger, and his chest rose and fell harder each time he took a breath. “That’s what she’s talking about. That’s what we need to discuss.”
He was pissed off, with good reason.
The second the real parent walked into the room, I felt as if I were out of place. I was, after all, just the nanny. For the most part, Lorelai was my main duty.
“I’ll take it from here, Eleanor,” Greyson told me, placing his hand on the doorknob, and stepping back a few steps to make a pathway for my exit.
I took a deep breath and looked toward Karla, who looked both nervous and almost…happy? She seemed pleased with the way she was pushing her father’s buttons.
Then, I turned on my heels and left the room. Greyson closed the door behind me.
Within seconds, the shouting began. The hollering match between those two made me equal parts uneasy and glad.
Even though they were fighting, I was witnessing Greyson doing something I hadn’t been aware he still knew how to do—parent his children. Seeing him engaging with Karla, being so angry demonstrated that somewhere inside his cold, numb heart, he still cared so much. Somewhere within him, he was still concerned.
That had to stand for something.
I left that night before the yelling came to a halt. It wasn’t my right to listen to Karla and Greyson exchange words that were filled with exhaustion and pain. It was clear that they were both hurting, but the only way they could seem to ease their hurts was by shouting at each other.
33
Eleanor
I woke up the next morning curious about what had gone down between Karla and Greyson. I couldn’t help but wonder where Karla was going each day, what she was doing, and how it had slipped past both Greyson and me.
When I headed over to Greyson’s house, he was already standing on his front porch with a cup of coffee sitting on the railing. He didn’t seem as angry as he’d been the previous night, and I thought maybe sleep had helped him calm down. He did appear eerily calm, though.
It was freezing outside, and all he wore was a black, long-sleeved button-down shirt and a pair of slacks. How was he not an ice cube?
“Eleanor,” he said, his voice tame.
I cringed a little, almost positive I knew what was coming next. “Let me guess…” I sighed, pulling my purse higher on my shoulder. “You’re firing me. I get it. I made a huge mistake. I just have a few things of mine in the house. Then I’ll pack up my things at the guesthouse and be out of your hair in a few minutes.” I started walking past him and was taken aback as his hand landed on my forearm, stopping me.
My eyes drifted to his touch, and his gaze did the same thing before we looked up at each other. It felt as if a bolt of electricity shot throughout my entire body, leaving nothing but chills.
Oh. What was that?
I wondered if he felt them, too.
He quickly dropped his hold on me and cleared his throat. “Sorry. I just…” He took a step backward and sighed, crossing his arms. “Good morning.” His words threw me for the biggest loop known to mankind.
I raised an eyebrow. “Good…morning?”
Then, he just stared at me, and I stared at him. My eyes darted back and forth for a moment, uncertain what was next for our conversation.
“Is there something I can help you with…?” My voice was low and confused.
“You’re not fired.”
“Oh, but I thought—”
He nodded. “I know, but you’re not.”
“Then what is it? Is there something else you wanted to say?”
“No. Yes. I mean…” He took a deep breath and released it slowly. Everything about Greyson seemed so complex. It was as if his heart was constantly battling his mind, making it impossible for him to really express himself wholly. “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“For snapping at you yesterday about Karla. It was unprofessional,” he stated, brushing his hand against the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact.
“Oh, that. Well, yes, it was,” I told him matter-of-factly. “But it was also understandable. I would’ve reacted poorly to that news, too. I just hope you know I had no clue about any of it, Greyson. I truly thought I was doing the right thing.”
He nodded, he and didn’t correct me for calling him by his first name. Maybe he was too dazed and confused from last night’s falling out that he didn’t even notice my error.
“Did you find out where she was going each day?” I asked.
He shook his head and turned his back to me, looking out toward the rising sun. “No. She wouldn’t say, but I did find out she forged my signature on some paperwork, saying the family was on vacation for two months. The school even gave her all her homework ahead of time, and she’s been doing it all. I just…”
His voice trailed off, and his shoulders rolled forward.
Oh, Greyson…
His sadness was so loud that morning.
“She’s smart, you know?” he told me. “Thorough—like her mother. She covered all the bases. She must have had this planned before you were even hired to nanny for us, because it had been in the works for some time. I j
ust don’t know why.”
“Did you ask her why?”
“No.” He turned back my way with his arms crossed. “I just snapped.”
He knew that was the wrong thing to do, too. I saw it, the guilt of his reaction.
“You worry about her.”
When he looked up to me, his eyes told me a story his lips didn’t dare speak. Those eyes looked grayer that morning. Sadder, too. The previous night must’ve been hard for him; his stare told that story, the tale of a broken soul.
He shifted around in his running shoes. “I just wanted to apologize for snapping. I took it out on the wrong person, and it was idiotic of me to believe you had anything to do with Karla and her evil plan.”
I smiled, but I was sure he saw the sadness in the curve of my lips. “Thank you for the apology.”
He nodded and lifted the cup on the railing. “I made you coffee. Two sugars, one pump of vanilla, extra cream.”
My heart skipped a little as I stared his way. “You remembered my favorite coffee from when we were younger?”
“No. I just notice you making it every morning in the kitchen.”
Oh. Of course. What an odd thing to even think, Eleanor. Of course he didn’t remember my favorite coffee. The fact that he noticed me each day hadn’t gone unnoted, though. Even more so, him handing me that mug felt a bit like a peace offering.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the mug from his hands.
“No, thank you. I know I can…” He paused and released a weighted breath. “I know I’m hard to be around.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not. I’ve never been the best at this stuff—being a father. I work hard, and long, and whenever I come home, I’m checked out. It was like that before the accident, but at least then, I had Nicole there to balance me, to be the calmness to my storm. Now…without her…” He brushed his thumb against his nose. “It’s just that I don’t know how to do this,” he confessed.
“Do what?”
He lowered his head and when he looked back up, I witnessed the saddest expression I’d ever seen in all my life. His face was pale as if all life had been sucked out of him.
He parted his lips and softly spoke, “Live in a world where she doesn’t exist.” His eyes looked as if his whole world was set on fire. They watered over and he shook his head once, trying to pull his emotions back together. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. What you went through—what you’re going through is one of the hardest things anyone ever has to deal with. And it’s still so fresh, Greyson. Those hurts are still so new. It’s not shocking that you feel completely lost,” I said, reaching out to him. I placed my hand on his forearm, and I felt his body slightly shaking from his nerves. He was so far from okay, and I was almost certain he wouldn’t be all right for a very long time.
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” he lied as he removed my hand from his arm. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just wanted to say sorry for being so rude toward you. You don’t deserve it, Ellie, not at all.”
He’d called me Ellie, and I didn’t think he’d even noticed the slip of his tongue.
I smiled. “It’s okay, really. I get it.”
“Even though you get it, you don’t deserve it.”
I didn’t know what else to say, and it seemed neither did he.
He turned to walk back into the house then paused for a moment before turning back toward me. “Every single day…I worry about Karla every single day of my life.”
That morning, everything went back to the normal routine, except this time, I personally walked Karla into the school building. She definitely wasn’t thrilled about the idea, that was for sure.
“This is humiliating,” Karla whispered, hunched over, trying her best to make herself disappear.
“Yeah, well, you should’ve thought about this before planning a make-believe trip,” I replied as we stepped through the front doors.
“Yeah, whatever. Can you go now?” she muttered, grumbling under her breath. “This is so uncool, Eleanor.”
I’d never been happier to be labeled as uncool in my life. “No. First we are going to stop by the front office to clear up a few things.”
“Everything has been cleared up,” a voice said, making us both look up to see Greyson walking out of the main office.
“Dad,” Karla groaned, slapping her hand to her forehead. “What are you doing here?”
“Doing my job as a parent,” he commented back to her.
“That’s a first,” Karla sassed.
Harsh, yet perhaps true…
“Everything’s in order. Plus, I signed you up for some extra credit in every class,” he told her, standing tall.
“Extra credit?!” she hissed, her nose flaring wide. “But I did the homework!”
“Yes, you did—after lying for weeks to do God knows what on your own time. You made a choice the moment you forged that paperwork, Karla. Now I’m making a choice to keep you from thinking about ever doing something like this again. Unless…”
“Unless what?” she asked.
“Unless you tell me where you’ve been going every day,” Greyson said.
Karla’s eyes watered over and she shook her head. “This is bullshit!” she shouted.
“Language,” Greyson and I said in union.
I smiled at him.
He didn’t smile back.
It seemed things were back to normal.
“Don’t you have a meeting or some crap to get to? Can’t you just leave me alone?” she asked.
Greyson glanced at his watch and nodded. “As a matter of fact, I do.” Then those eyes looked at me. “Thank you for bringing her to school today, Eleanor. If you could please take her to room 102 for her science class, that would be great.”
Oh, he was really playing up the embarrassing father routine.
“Of course, Mr. East,” I replied.
“It’s Mr. Ea—” He stopped his, realizing I had indeed called him by his last name. “Right, of course. Well, then, goodbye.”
He walked off and I continued walking Karla to her first class, even though she was completely against the idea.
“I hate when he does that,” she complained.
“Does what?”
“Tries to act like my father.”
“He is your father.”
“You’ve been with us for almost two months now—tell me how much parenting you’ve actually seen.”
She wasn’t wrong. Just as I was about to drop her off at her classroom, another student walked up and paused in front of us. I watched Karla tense up as he looked at her.
He was adorable, a cute boy with a curly blond Afro and blue eyes that would make any girl his age melt. “Hey, Karla. Haven’t seen you around lately,” he said. “A few people thought you switched schools.”
She shifted on her heels and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. Her left hand rubbed up and down her right arm. “Yeah.”
“Have you been doing okay?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
Before she could reply, another girl called out to him. “Brian! What are you doing?” I looked up to see a sassy girl wearing more makeup than anyone her age should’ve ever worn, standing there with both hands on her hips.
Brian turned to the girl and shrugged. “Nothing. I just thought I’d say hi. Did you see Karla’s back?”
“Saw it, don’t care,” she muttered. “Now get away from that thing and walk me to class,” she growled.
Every hair on my body stood up as the rude little demon spoke about Karla like that. “What do you mean that thing?!” I started, but Karla quickly tugged on my arm.
“Don’t, Eleanor.”
“But—”
She looked up to me, with tears in her eyes as she shook her head. “Please. Don’t.”
Brian frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I guess we’ll catch up later, Karla.”
“Probably not,” she said dryly as he hurried away to walk Satan to class.
“Who are they?” I asked, and she grumbled as we continued toward her classroom.
“The ghosts of Karla’s past,” she muttered, not letting me in any more than that.
It was nice to know high school was still hell on Earth.
At least some things never changed.
34
Greyson
“How have you been sleeping?” Claire asked as we sat down for our regular Tuesday lunch date. I didn’t have the desire to meet her every week, but Claire was stubborn that way. If I didn’t meet with her, she’d sit in the office lobby of EastHouse and play Journey songs on full blast. It amazed me how one’s mind could just snap after the third round of hearing “Don’t Stop Believing.”
So, I met her for lunch once a week, even though it was still hard to look at her.
“I’ve been sleeping fine,” I replied, biting into my sandwich.
“You’re lying,” she told me.
She was right, but it didn’t matter.
My eyelids were heavy, and sometimes in meetings I’d doze off. It felt as if my entire system was running on espresso and energy drinks. It was the only thing that kept me going. Healthy? No. Good for my soul? Probably not. But I didn’t really care much as long as I wasn’t sleeping.
She placed her fork down and sat back in her chair, studying me. She was so good at that, too, staring my way and being able to tell when I wasn’t okay. Most people learned to leave me alone and let me be, but she and Landon always kept pushing me to open up, even though I tried my best to keep them at a distance.
“Greyson, it’s not healthy, the way you’re not sleeping. You should really talk to someone about it,” she told me. “Jack and I have been really concerned.” Jack was Claire’s new husband. She’d lost Nicole’s father a few years back, and for a long time, she thought she’d be alone for the rest of her days. But then Jack kind of swept in and changed her mind.
Claire leaned forward and clasped her hands together. “I just worry about you not resting. Especially with the approaching days…”
“I’m fine,” I told her once again, cutting off her thought process.
Eleanor & Grey Page 17
