by Emily Bowie
I am at a crossroads. I have to choose the girl or the brotherhood. Do I go to Jewels, giving up my opportunity to take Lewis’s place, or do I stay here and fight for my rightful place? I only have one chance to make my mark in the brotherhood, but I fear if I don’t leave I will lose my girl forever.
*
JEWELS
In my self-loathing, I hear Tyson say Andrea’s name. It figures he would run to her. How is it that this girl seems to be always beside Tyson? It’s like she has a tracker on him. I force his voice from me. I can’t hear him, it’s much too hard.
Chapter 25
TYSON
Stepping off from the white wooden stairs, I toss my half full beer to the ground. Everyone can go fuck themselves. My strides turn into a light jog as I go for my car. My legs being heavier than anticipated. Turning my car on, I press the gas, my heavy foot helping me in the process. I’m starting to sweat as I drive off to follow Jewels in the car. It doesn’t take long for me to see headlights up ahead. Now I wished I had taken note as to what car she drove away in.
My Bluetooth rings through and I fumble to press the answer button on my dashboard.
“I wanted to thank you personally, Tyson.” McKinley’s voice is screeching throughout my car.
“Soon you will start to notice that your limbs are getting heavy and your mechanical motions will become more difficult. I put a sedative in your beer while I distracted you with Jewels leaving.”
A fucking diversion. I fucking know better than to listen to him.
“Now you need to make a judgment call. You will have enough time to catch up with Jewels in that car or see if I’m playing you and come back. Good luck.”
He cuts the line and I move my fingers. I know myself. He’s bluffing. There is no way he could have put anything in my drink. I am no fool. Moving my fingers more, they feel fine. I feel very alert and in control actually.
Realization hits me, Jewels is still at the party. I know her better than to think she would leave. It’s not her style. I should have never jumped to conclusions like that. I hit the steering wheel, knowing that McKinley played me.
Before my hands can do anything, bright lights come at me in slow motion. My limbs refusing to move as my brain screams at it. I can see the glass shatter from my passenger side window, one piece at a time. It looks beautiful. Then it goes black. I can hear sirens and voices. But I can’t open my eyes or twitch my fingers. Then the sounds dissipate.
*
JEWELS
Slowly, it’s like my brain starts working beyond my egocentric self. But it’s too late. I stand up from my hiding place on unsteady feet as I watch Tyson get into a car, pulling up any loose rocks or dust from the road before he speeds away.
Richard gives me a smile and wink, placing his hand out and gesturing for me to walk back inside. I shake my head before he enters the house, leaving me in the dark. I hear clapping and the speakers announce Mr. McKinley to the stand.
Andrea steps out of the shadows and stops. How had I forgotten she was there? I shake my head. I feel confused.
“Oh, honey,” she patronizes me. “You will never have what I have.” Her look is sympathetic; one you would give a small stray cat that you know won’t make it outside in the winter. “You will never have the wealth, power, or respect that Tyson craves and needs.” She shakes her head. “It’s always been him and me. You just wait and see. They always come back. You are nothing but a minor distraction.” She gives me a smile before walking into the room full of prominent businessmen and a few wives.
A flash of McKinley’s lips on me lights up behind my eyes. It was like it happened yet it was a dream. I fight harder to think, but I can’t see myself kissing him. I love Tyson. Hearing McKinley’s voice through the speakers makes me shiver. Quickly, I send a text to Mandy telling her that she needs to pick me up as soon as possible.
“In all seriousness, I want to thank all of you for your support. I will always have all of your backs.”
I feel a weird sensation as if I’m sobering up, but my head is foggy. My thoughts don’t seem to be coming to me right, and it’s confusing me. I slip into the house, into the open room looking for answers. I hide in the back, watching what seems like an acceptance speech. Everyone looks happy, there are a few laughs at his joke attempts. All eyes are on the stage, waiting for his words of wisdom.
“My gratitude for the late Mr. Lewis.” He pauses for effect. “And Mr. Bennett humbles me.” McKinley looks into the crowd, scanning it blankly.
“Another thank you is to Tyson Bennett.” His eyes land on mine when he says Tyson’s name. “Who passed on his congratulations to me just a few minutes ago when he headed out.”
I begin to hear a few murmurs within the crowd.
“Don’t hold it against the boy, I know I don’t.” He chuckles.
Then a few gasps are heard throughout the crowd, as Mr. Lewis makes his way toward everyone. He is so weak, he falls down before getting close to anyone. Hysteria follows throughout the room as everyone had thought he was dead. Andrea screams and faints at the sight of her father.
It looks as if Lewis is trying to say something but the volume is far too loud to hear anything. I am frozen in the back, watching everything in slow motion like a movie.
Richard races to Lewis and tries to hold him up just as Lewis says something to Richard. Richard says Tyson’s name loud enough for everyone to hear, making it seem like Lewis had said his name. As if Lewis is pointing his finger at Tyson for causing Lewis’s disappearance. As more people surround Lewis, Richard backs slowly away, scanning the room as he goes. Everyone else is so focused on Lewis that they don’t even see him attempt to make an escape.
That’s when I notice William pull out a gun and shoot Richard. The gunshot rings through the room. People start frantically screaming and running. No one stares back at William, everyone is too far lost in the commotion.
I slip out as everyone is finding different exits and begin to walk up the driveway to wait for Mandy to pick me up. The driveway is long and dark; I keep to the very edge of it, not needing crazy, scared people to run over me.
I still can’t believe I am so calm. It’s like my mind can’t fully comprehend everything. I know what has happened, but I hold no emotions to anything.
Not long after reaching the end of the driveway, I see Mandy’s car. She slows down and I hop in.
“You look beautiful, darlin’.” She leans in to give me a hug. “What’s wrong?” she asks me.
“Just start driving.”
She looks at me in concern but starts on our way home.
“Why isn’t Tyson driving you?” She looks over while she asks me.
“I think we broke up,” I say, sounding unsure. “I don’t know what happened.” I am so confused over the events of the evening. “I wasn’t myself, and I feel weird,” I tell her honestly.
I can tell she wants to say something but doesn’t. I know Mandy, this must be taking all of her willpower. She typically doesn’t hold back.
Slowing down, we see a car crash, both cars involved look totaled, and the ambulance is just taking off from the scene with its sirens on.
We slow, watching the wreck as we go by before I recognize the totaled car. “That’s Tyson’s!” I scream. “You need to follow that ambulance!” My hands go into a pray stance on the bridge of my nose. I cry more. My emotions are everywhere. They seem to be at each side of the spectrum. Neither Mandy nor I say a word as she drives, following the ambulance. My mouth goes cotton dry over the anxiety I am feeling that we cannot go fast enough.
Mandy drives in front of the large glass sliding doors that have the bright red word Emergency across them. Her car slows but I open the door and jump out before she has a chance to come to a full stop.
Running inside, I am vaguely aware of the eyes on me. I bypass the line where everyone waits to be signed in and go straight toward the glass screen where a nurse sits, the hospital emergency area behind her. I am able to
get a glimpse of Tyson in a stretcher, the EMT rushing him in as nurses bustle toward him. His mouth looks to be covered with what I assume is an oxygen mask, his skin beginning to form purple bruises.
“Tyson!” I call out his name in hopes for a reaction, but I don’t get one. He passes by me as his stretcher is pushed down the hall.
“That’s my boyfriend,” I tell the nurse as I point to Tyson.
She turns her head in the direction I am pointing before she returns with a small sad smile on her thin lips. “Only immediate family,” she tells me matter-of-factly before she returns to the paper on her desk.
Taking a few steps away from the glass window, I turn to the waiting area and see Andrea and William come running in. Standing up, the nurse greets each of them by name. “William and Andrea, this way.” She presses a button on the wall, a small gate opening for them. Taking a step toward the gate, and then another, I hope to get in, too.
“Only family.” She looks down at me in a condescending manner, far different than she seemed a moment ago. Just then I see Mr. Lewis also being rushed in on a stretcher. The door closes, cutting me off from the doctors and patients.
I pace the waiting room, watching people come in and out, Mandy patiently waiting in a hard seat. Finally, after three hours of waiting, I realize that there is no use.
“Honey, I think we should go home to get you all changed up.” Mandy places her warm hand into my cold one.
I nod, feeling defeated. When I look at myself in her car mirror, I don’t recognize the face reflecting back at me. I have raccoon eyes, my mascara having run from all the tears I cried tonight. My face is pale, my lips nude. My eyes now look dull, red, and tired. Life is kicking my ass.
Just like when we were kids having a sleepover, Mandy and I share her bed. If I had any tears left, I would still be crying, but thankfully sleep beckons me quickly.
Chapter 26
JEWELS
I wake up wanting—needing—to feel happy. After a week of being wrapped up in my bed sheets, I want a moment where I feel euphoria; I want that passion-filled love that Tyson and I had shared. But I realize that those moments will never be again. Who was I kidding? I don’t fit into Tyson’s world. I’m a country girl who wants a ranch. Not a city slicker who is fine with the corruption, wealth, power, and prestige that Tyson is accustomed to.
I force myself to shower today, putting on jeans, not sweat pants like I really want, and a T-shirt. I go about my morning, grabbing a bowl of granola cereal to sit at my small circular kitchen table.
A knock on the door has me standing up, opening the door. I don’t bother to check to see who it is. I just open. Tyson stands in front of me, looking battered.
“Jewels.” He says my name like relief has sucker punched him in the stomach. He goes to take a step toward me, like he needs to embrace me. I want it, but I would only be hurting myself if I accept it.
I can feel the pressure behind my eyes. “No.” I have to force that word out, my throat hitching.
“No?” he questions, confused, his eyes scanning me over like he is making sure I am the one without wounds.
The words I want to say are at the tip of my tongue but can’t seem to come up my throat.
“I can’t.” I hold onto the door, it being the only thing keeping me standing. My eyes moisten as I try to find the right words to tell him.
“I can’t,” I start again, “give you what you need.” My free hand gestures between us, my heart breaking for the two of us. “I will never fit into your world.” I feel a tear shedding as I fight it back. Each of my words coming out slowly as I fight the waterfall fighting to break loose. “I want a ranch, Tyson.” Shakily, I take in a breath as I fight to finish. “You want to rule this other world you belong to.”
“I love you, Jewels.” His words are strong and he takes my moment of weakness to wrap his arms around me. I can feel both of our hearts beating strong. But never in unison. If our hearts can’t even stay in the same rhythm how will we ever be strong enough to fight everyone else off? Our two worlds fight each other, only leaving me damaged, lost, and broken.
“It’s not enough, Tyson.” I shake my head and follow with a poor attempt to step away from his grasp. “Andrea is the one you seem to constantly migrate to.” My words are a hoarse whisper, my body fighting each word.
“I don’t love her. I won’t ever see her again.” I look up to see his eyes pleading with me. My reflection in them cuts me, as I see my tears in his.
“We know that isn’t true.” A sob breaks through. “She is perfect for you. She has the family, the wealth, the power, the life in your world. And she loves you.” I can see it, how can he not?
“You don’t want this.” He shakes his head like I’m saying the most ridiculous thing ever.
“I can’t love you like she can.” I duck under his arms and out of his embrace. I take his stunned shock to close and lock the door in front of him.
Banging erupts on the other side. “Jewels! Let me make this right,” he yells out, voice strong. He bangs some more and Mandy comes running out of her room to see me fall like a puddle behind the door, crying.
“I won’t let you give up on this!” He bangs again. Mandy sits next to me on the floor, holding me. The same position she did when I found out my dad was gone and never coming back.
My phone rings beside me but all I want to do is sit and cry. I don’t feel like I am ready to be done. But I am stubborn and driven once I put my mind on a task. This is the new me. I choke back my sob, trying to pull myself together. I count to three in my head, it takes three times before I get myself under control.
Just as I reach for my phone, Mandy touches my hand. “You don’t have to pick that up.”
The ringing brings me hope that there might be some good news about the ranch. I need to put myself one hundred percent into something to get over Tyson.
Mandy is right that it’s time I get my ass in gear and start living. I will not allow one setback to put me where I was one year ago. Having her beside me gives me the extra courage I need.
I lift my cell to my ear just as I swipe the call to answer. Impatient thing, I think to myself as it’s still ringing.
“Hello.” My voice is low and unsteady.
“Miss Rogers.” The tone is formal and unnerving.
“Yes?” I wait, feeling like this is an important call.
“This is Deputy Sherriff Rhodes from Three Rivers’s police station. I am calling to inform you that your brother, Luke Rogers, has been arrested. I suggest you find a lawyer, if you don’t already have one.”
I nod, even though I know the other person can’t see me. I can’t bring myself to speak. I try to respond but my words are muffled by more sobs being unleashed. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Mandy’s questioning look of who is calling me. I can’t bring myself to look at her.
I never truly allowed myself to deal with the incidents that forced me to move here a year ago. Instead, I bottled it all up and moved on with my life. Now that I have allowed that gate to open, I have no control. It’s exploding out of me, and I can’t pretend it’s not there.
Slowly, I bring my phone away from my ear. Why does all of this shit have to be happening now? Needing a release that doesn’t involve more tears, which I’m certain is impossible, I throw my phone against the wood cupboards. But that’s not enough. My pent-up anger from my whole last year, last month, and last week hits me like a freight train. Mandy’s gentle touches to my back only infuriates me more.
Picking up my phone that now boasts a cracked screen, I walk over to the kitchen and smash it down into the sink. I wish that is where it ended, but instead I pick it up again, forcefully jamming it down the drain, running some water, then tossing on the switch to the garbage disposal.
The jarring metal on metal sound hits the air before I turn off the switch and water, to only cry more as I go into my room, ignoring Mandy’s calls for me to come talk to her.
Chapter 27
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TYSON
I must turn back around and walk up to her door ten times before I leave for good. I could see how shattered Jewels was, and I did that to her. Instead of it deterring my motivation, it amps me up to win her back. She needs to know how much I love her. I will do anything.
My blood is pumping fast and furious through my veins. I can’t help but think about our old punching bag. If I don’t hit something soon, I’m worried whom I may take my outburst on.
I head to my family home, the only one I have ever known. Walking in, I call out, “Mom! Dad!” but am met with silence. I don’t bother taking my shoes off as I walk through the main living area, reminding myself of the dancing Jewels and I shared that night. I consider that to be our start. Our relationship took off after that.
Going into the basement, I begin to take off my shirt. Lifting my arms above my head hurts. My ribs are tender and covered in purple, blue, and black bruises. I make sure the collar doesn’t touch the side of my face where I had to have stitches. It’s minor really. Four little things. If I had been awake I would have fought against it. Not because I’m vain like that, but it’s small. Seriously, it would have stopped with some applied pressure. For a moment the thought of being grateful if Richard had actually given me drugs passes through my mind. But there were no drugs.
Opening the door to our old workout room, I see nothing has changed. A punching bag sits in the middle of the floor with weights to the side. I go straight up to it, throwing a punch. Its thrust hits into me, I can feel it in every muscle.
I toss my weight to the other side and hit the bag again. This time I feel paralyzed by the pain. I can’t help but hunch over, feeling the bag’s weight ricochet into my arm.
“Hitting that bag won’t change anything.” William walks into the room and leans back into the wall like he did when we were kids. “Not many people get a second chance to live, like you.”
