‘Why is it different for women?’
‘Can you imagine, if I shared any of this with my mates? They’d just tell me to man up, and have another beer.’
‘Men have feelings too, Drew. You never know, they may feel exactly the same sometimes,’ said Isla, but she knew it was difficult for men to come forward, open up and talk about their mental health. ‘You did well to go and talk to Dr Taylor, did that help?’
Drew shrugged, ‘He suggested therapy, gave me a leaflet, it’s hidden in the back of the sock drawer.’
‘Well it’s no good in there, is it?’ smiled Isla warmly, trying to lighten the mood a little. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know.’
‘Why does it feel like I am, then?’
‘Do you know what triggered all this? What changed, Drew?’
‘I don’t know; the bridge, the loss of income, you giving birth to Angus at home and me feeling utterly helpless. If anything had happened to either of you …’ His eyes filled with tears again and he blinked them away. ‘Everything was out of my control and I felt like I was sinking fast.’
‘But why didn’t you speak to me about it? We are a team, we could have sorted it out together. We could have lost you, Drew, and not just in the barn fire.’
He nodded, ‘If I hadn’t survived you would have discovered what a lousy husband I was. I can’t even provide for my own family.’
‘Hey, we are a family and we all provide for each other – love, support and money.’
Drew exhaled and raked his hand through his hair. ‘I couldn’t tell you about the financial mess I’d gotten into because … I couldn’t bear for you to think of me as a failure. There, I’ve said it now.’
‘The bridge collapsing was beyond your control and so was the storm. Whatever would make you feel like a failure?’
Drew clasped his hands across his chair and stared at the floor, before taking a deep breath, ‘You.’
That one word hung in the air. A word Isla was not expecting to hear.
‘I don’t understand,’ she stuttered, her heart pounding, tears brimming in her eyes.
‘Look at you, Isla. Everything you touch turns to gold. You run this farmhouse, cook all the meals, make having a baby look like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And every night I come home and there’s my tea waiting on the table.’
‘You’re making that sound like it’s a problem. Some men could only dream of that.’
‘And after all that you play with the kids, read with Finn and build the best Lego towns anyone has ever seen …’
‘Well that’s not in dispute,’ said Isla with a slight smile, but she was struggling to see where this conversation was going.
‘I’m up before you wake, when I get home I’m physically knackered and falling into bed, sometimes even before the kids.’
‘You are up at 4.30 a.m. to milk the cows; of course you will be going to bed early, even at the weekends you don’t get a lie-in.’
‘I just feel like I’m useless to you.’
‘Drew, that’s crazy!’
‘I knew you wouldn’t understand.’
‘I’m trying,’ she said, amazed that Drew felt this way.
Isla had always respected that he was the backbone of the family and admired his hard-work ethic. Rain, hail, snow or shine, he would be up to milk the cows, followed by a day of hard manual labour, or herding the stock or taking produce to market. Drew had never had a day off sick in his life, until now.
‘I love you … the boys love you … and we need you. All of us, even Martha,’ she added, hoping that was a bonus.
‘But we never get time to do anything as a family, just me, you and the boys. I don’t want to be a dad in name only.’
Isla swallowed down a lump, she dabbed her eyes, she too was emotional. Sometimes she felt the same – that she never really spent quality time with the boys, but just looked after them. ‘You could never be that. You are an incredible dad and all Finn wants to do is be just like you. Sometimes work gets in the way, that’s just the way things are, but we need to make sure we set time aside for each other, make sure each other is okay.’
Drew took a breath, ‘I can’t even get the financial stuff right. I’ve got into a mess … I know I have,’ he admitted. ‘And then as soon as you discover the accounts, there you are taking control, up and running your own business before I’m even out of hospital.’
‘We can sort the accounts together … and look at the mistakes I make, Drew … buying a herd of stolen alpacas,’ added Isla, hoping that would make Drew feel a little better. ‘You were right, I should have checked David out and been more careful with our money.’
‘At least their fleeces will hopefully clear the debts, as long as no-one claims them back before the weekend,’ Drew said, a small smile touching his lips.
‘Drew, maybe we should just talk to each other, like we used to. When we don’t talk, look at the mess we get ourselves into. And the bank will be okay, I’m sure of it. We’ve been customers for a long time and never defaulted on payments before.’
‘And how are we going to build a new barn? I’m out of action for six weeks,’ Drew said in a solemn tone. ‘And …’ Drew took a moment, he looked pained. Isla waited for him to speak. ‘Sometimes, I think I’m not good enough for you, Isla.’ His voice cracked.
A terrible sadness bled through the room. Isla felt deeply shocked by Drew’s honesty. He had bared all.
Feeling like her heart was being ripped out, Isla took his hand, she was distressed seeing Drew this way. ‘No!’ she gasped, trembling. Her throat was tight, ‘Don’t ever say that … Look at me, Drew Allaway. You are all I’ve ever wanted … the boys are all I want … we are a family … we have each other,’ the tears were now freefalling down Isla’s cheeks.
Drew nodded, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too, but please, no more secrets. It’s okay not to be okay, but we don’t need to hide it from each other. Promise?’
Drew nodded, ‘I promise.’
‘Come here,’ Isla held out her arms and hugged him tightly, like their lives depended on it. ‘I do love you.’
‘I love you too,’ he said, pulling away slowly.
‘We are going to get you well again, we are a team … we are going to be alright.’
Drew nodded, tilting Isla’s face towards his. He held her head gently in his hands and slowly pulled her lips towards his. He kissed her softly and slowly, his thumb caressing her cheek.
Every inch of her body tingled with his touch. Isla felt safe with his strong arms wrapped around her, this was what she missed. All their troubles instantly falling away. This was where they belonged, together. From now on they needed to look after each other.
‘Can I come back to my own bed?’ asked Drew, pulling away slowly with a glint in his eye.
‘Let me think about that for a second,’ murmured Isla, kissing him again. ‘But you just remember, I’m up early, milking those cows.’
‘Well, that means one thing … it’ll be my turn to wake up to a cup of tea in bed.’
Isla smiled, she felt emotionally drained and it was safe to say she had no idea how the evening was going to pan out. Drew’s honesty had taken her by surprise, but at least she had some answers and now she felt they were back on track.
Chapter 31
What seemed only moments later Isla was woken by banging on the front door of the farmhouse. The sun was shining through the opening of the curtains and she tried to create a gap between her upper and lower eyelids in a vain attempt to read the display on the clock radio. The space next to her lay empty, Drew must be already up. Finally, the red digits came into focus. She couldn’t believe her eyes, 10 a.m. Next to the clock stood a mug of cold tea.
Isla bolted upright in bed; she’d slept right through the alarm! The cows, the cows, she hadn’t milked the cows. Feeling flustered, she threw back the duvet and swung her legs to the floor.
There it was again – the banging on t
he door. Isla cursed under her breath before staring into the cot. Angus wasn’t there, where was everyone? Why hadn’t anyone woken her?
Pulling herself together, she jumped out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown before literally flying down the stairs. She flung the door open to find a smiley red-cheeked delivery man holding out a parcel. ‘A delivery for Mrs Isla Allaway.’
Isla peered over his shoulder, ‘You haven’t seen anyone on the farm?’
The delivery driver looked baffled, ‘No ma’am, I’m just delivering a parcel … can you sign here please?’
Isla took the black contraption from his hand and attempted to scribble her name before scooping up the parcel from the mat. ‘Priority Delivery’ was stamped across the brown parcel in bold red ink. Isla couldn’t think of anything she’d ordered as she carried it into the kitchen and placed it on the table. She saw Finn’s favourite cereal bowl on the draining board, which meant Martha had taken him to school, but the house was deadly silent and she knew she was on her own.
Suddenly hearing the click of the front door, she rushed into the hallway to find Martha trundling through the front door with a smiley Angus gurgling away in his pram.
‘Morning, sleepy head,’ Martha smiled, unbuttoning her coat.
‘Why didn’t you wake me?’ said Isla, all flustered, pulling off Angus’s hat, the static leaving his hair standing on end.
‘Because it would have been a shame to wake you … and everything is under control.’
‘I haven’t milked the cows.’
‘Fergus is back – he insisted, before you ask – and he milked the cows this morning.’
‘And where’s Drew? Please tell me he’s not back on the farm?’ asked Isla, feeling a tiny bit redundant that the morning routine had run like clockwork without her and she’d slept through all the early morning chaos.
Unstrapping Angus from his pram, Isla planted a kiss on his head.
‘Sorry, I should have left you a note, it’s a lovely morning out there.’ Martha flicked on the kettle and draped her coat over the back of the kitchen chair. ‘Finn is safely dropped at school and Drew …’
‘What about Drew?’
‘He’s been rather busy this morning, but I’m saying no more until you’ve eaten breakfast.’
Isla narrowed her eyes at her gran, ‘What are you hiding?’
‘Nothing! But he told me all about last night. Come here,’ she said, holding her arms out wide. ‘You pair have been through the mill, hopefully you’re back on track now?’
Isla hugged her gran tight, ‘I had no clue how he felt, Gran.’
‘But we do now, so we support him the best we can.’
Isla nodded, feeling relieved she had the support of her gran.
‘Now what’s in this parcel?’ asked Martha, intrigued, looking at the bright-red lettering.
‘There’s only one way to find out,’ said Isla, settling at the table with the parcel in front of her. ‘I’m not expecting anything.’ She began to open the old-fashioned brown paper, the postmark was smudged which didn’t give anything away.
Isla trembled with excitement when she unfolded the tissue paper and gasped.
There in front of her was a beautiful cream-coloured wooden sign with Foxgloves painted in striking colours in the background. ‘Foxglove Camping,’ she said out loud as she read the lettering, not able to take her eyes off the sign.
‘Well, just look at that!’ exclaimed Martha, peering over her shoulder. ‘What’s the card say?’
Isla peeled back the envelope:
Good luck with your new venture,
You’ll smash it!
All my love,
Drew x
Isla was overwhelmed and happy tears brimmed her eyes, a huge smile plastered her face. How thoughtful of Drew. Even though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to keep the farm afloat, he always thought of her.
In her mind, Isla had already hung the sign on the post at the entrance to the farm. She pictured the sun beating down in the height of summer with a steady stream of ramblers frequenting the campervans.
‘There’s something else,’ Martha pointed to the parcel.
‘So there is …’ Isla delved back into the parcel and let out a tiny gasp. ‘A diary … for my bookings.’
‘It’s all coming together,’ Martha squeezed her granddaughter’s hand. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
Isla’s heart was beating like a drum with excitement, her eyes twinkled, and her smile was wide.
‘Now that smile suits you. This little business is going to be the making of you … I can feel it in my old bones,’ said Martha, giving her a wink. ‘Now go and get a shower, because we are off to the charity shops today to source out bargains for those vans.’
After taking a long hot shower Isla was beginning to feel human again. She tugged a brush through her tangled locks and sat down at her dressing table. For the first time in a long time she brushed blusher across her cheekbones and applied some lip gloss. How things had changed in just twenty-four hours.
‘Are you nearly ready?’ Martha shouted up the stairs.
‘Coming,’ shouted Isla, wandering into the kitchen to find her gran bouncing Angus up and down on her knee.
‘You look refreshed,’ admired Martha, noticing the sparkle back in her granddaughter’s eye.
‘It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep does for you,’ said Isla, tapping Angus playfully on the nose before turning towards Martha.
‘Ready when you are.’
The day flew by so quickly. They’d grabbed lunch in the new bistro and enjoyed a cheeky glass of wine. Isla was on a massive high when she ambled back up Love Heart Lane towards Foxglove Farm with her gran by her side.
Stored in the bottom of the pram were carrier bags full of bargains they’d rooted out from the charity shops: vintage crockery, cutlery and other paraphernalia to spruce up the vans. Isla couldn’t wait to get it all cleaned up and show Drew what she’d bought.
As she pushed a sleepy Angus through the gates of the farm something caught her eye. She held her breath and stared. There, swinging in the light breeze, was her new sign. Another lovely surprise from Drew.
‘Foxglove Camping,’ she whispered under her breath. Isla felt like she was flying high, just like the sign, and it was a far cry from how she had been feeling at the beginning of the week. Her heart gave a flip and Isla knew she would give her all to her new business venture.
Opening the farmhouse door, Isla shouted Drew’s name. ‘Come and look at the bargains we bought!’ But there was no answer, only the sound of silence.
Martha pointed to the envelope propped up against a jam-jar of flowers. Her name was written boldly on the front. Tearing it open, she read these words:
Isla,
When you get back meet me in the orchard.
Love Drew x
That was it, there was no further clue to what was going on and Isla felt a tingle of excitement.
‘What’s all this about?’ asked Isla, giving her gran an inquisitive stare.
‘I’m saying nothing!’ Martha’s cheeks stretched into a gigantic smile.
‘You know something, tell me!’ Isla tilted her head to one side, waiting for her to answer. ‘Were you under strict instructions to keep me away from the farm today?’
‘I’m saying nothing! Go on … go and find out!’ Martha placed her hand around Isla’s shoulder and gently shooed her out of the front door. ‘Don’t keep him waiting!’
Isla had no idea what was going on, but she hurried down the path and stood at the foot of the wooden bridge. As she cast her eyes across the orchard she caught her breath. Dotted around the lush green meadow stood two campervans and the caravan. Isla had no idea how Drew had managed to transport them from the barn with his broken leg, but he had done it and she couldn’t thank him enough.
The sun shone down on the vans and they gleamed. Everywhere looked so peaceful and pretty, and lanterns draped through the t
rees of the orchard. Someone had been busy. Isla had always thought this was the most romantic place on the farm: delicate pansies, cheery daffodils and poppies freckled the scenic meadow, and there was something timeless about the whole place. Isla couldn’t tear herself away, it all looked so perfect. Goosebumps prickled her skin and her face was alight with excitement, her cheeks aglow.
As she walked full circle around the vans, she couldn’t help feeling thrilled, and she flashed the biggest smile ever. This was her new business … all hers.
She opened the first campervan door and gasped. Her eyes filled with happy tears. Polka-dot bunting crisscrossed the walls. The small pine table was adorned with a jam-jar of fresh flowers picked from the meadow. The musty smell had been replaced by fresh, clean aromas and the whole van had been given an instant facelift. Vintage-style cushions were scattered on the front seat of the van, which had been upgraded (presumably by Drew) to create a small sofa, and on the hob was a duck-egg-blue kettle which would match perfectly the crockery she’d picked up from the charity shop.
Isla pulled the door shut and walked over to the next campervan. The vintage violet van had the original awning attached to the side which provided extra space. Isla again stepped inside and was amazed at how hard Martha and Drew must have worked to make this happen. Everywhere was spick and span and even the jam-jar of purple crocuses was colour co-ordinated.
Last but not least she made her way to the caravan. Until she secured the licence she could only rent out three vans at a time, but hopefully, once the toilet block was refurnished, it wouldn’t take too long for the council to grant permission for further vans.
She tugged on the door and jumped out of her skin.
‘You took your time.’
Startled by his voice, she met the smile of Drew, her heart beating wildly. Bringing her hand up to her thumping chest, she tried to catch her breath.
‘You frightened the life out of me.’
Drew was sitting on the settee sporting a huge grin. Isla was amazed to see the table was set and a small candle flickered away. She threw him a smile. ‘What’s all this?’
Foxglove Farm Page 20
