“I’ve known you for almost thirty years, and I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve come to the church midweek. Never mind that you were here praying nonstop for hours.”
She looked away from his probing gaze. How could she begin to describe the ghosts that haunted her? She took in a shuddering breath. “I . . . I don’t know where to start.”
“Does this have anything to do with Quinten and his brother?”
She sniffed, and Geoffrey passed her a handkerchief. How did the man always seem to know her thoughts? “I suppose it does.”
He sat quietly, waiting for her to elaborate. Silence was one of his best tools to get people to open up.
Finally, she released a long breath. “You should see the bruises on wee Harry’s body. To think a grown man took out his anger on a boy in such a vile manner . . . The brute should be behind bars.”
“I agree,” he said solemnly. “No one has the right to hurt a child.” He paused. “Is that what you were praying about?”
“If you must know, I was asking the Lord to take away this dreadful resentment. This unsettled feeling I can’t shake since—well, since Quinten started talking about Dr. Barnardo’s Homes and Hazelbrae.”
“Seems he’s brought a lot of unresolved anger to the surface.”
“Not just anger.” Her voice faded to a whisper. “Horrible, debilitating guilt.”
His brows rose above his glasses. “What do you feel guilty about?”
“About staying silent all these years.” She shuddered. “I never did anything after Annie died. What if I’d fought to have the man who abused her brought to justice? Or at least told someone about the type of exploitation we endured? Maybe it would have stopped the mistreatment. Maybe children like Harry wouldn’t still be suffering today.” More tears brimmed her lashes.
“Harriet, you can’t take the blame for everything that’s gone on in the organization for the past forty years.” He squeezed her hand.
She shook her head. “I was a coward, Geoffrey. Plain and simple. After Annie’s death, I kept quiet, too afraid that if I made a fuss, I’d be punished as severely as she was.”
“No one would have believed the word of a twelve-year-old girl, Harriet.”
“But what about later? When I was older? I could have gone back as an adult and made sure the conditions were better.” She rose from the chair and walked to the small window overlooking the church grounds. “Instead, I buried my head in the sand. Eased my conscience by telling myself I was helping other immigrants with the Newcomers Program.” Her voice became shrill. “And all along, little children were dying.”
“And you think you could have single-handedly changed that?” He came up behind her. “Even you, my dear Harriet, are not that formidable.” The gentle weight of his hand on her shoulder brought her a measure of calm.
“I don’t think I can remain silent any longer.” She turned to look at him. “I have to do something, but I’m not sure where to begin.”
Geoffrey stroked his chin. “We could start by paying a visit to the director of the boys’ home. There’s a chance the man isn’t aware of the true extent of what’s going on.”
“We?”
He smiled. “You don’t think I’d let you take on the establishment by yourself, do you? Besides, having a member of the clergy with you might strengthen your claim.”
Her throat tightened. This man had been her ally and best friend for so long now. Never once had he let her down, always by her side when she needed him. And now he was willing to go into battle with some potential hard-necked bureaucrats for her.
She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Geoffrey. That means a great deal to me. Perhaps bringing this issue to light will lay my demons to rest once and for all.”
“I’d slay any demon for you, Harriet.” And with that, he pulled her closer and kissed her on the lips.
For a split second, she froze, the air stalling in her lungs. Had he meant to kiss her cheek and missed?
Then, before she could react, he stepped back. But instead of seeming embarrassed, he searched her face, his expression earnest. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time now,” he said softly. “I hope I haven’t shocked you.”
“As a matter of fact, you have.” She couldn’t stop the heat from rising in her cheeks. Because as much as he surprised her, it wasn’t exactly an unwelcome development. One she’d daydreamed about lately, although she wasn’t quite sure why.
He brushed a finger down her cheek. “Don’t you think it’s time we took our friendship—our very long friendship—to the next logical step?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I rather like our relationship as it is. What if a romance ruins everything?” She was still a coward, no two ways about it. “I couldn’t take losing you. . . .” Her voice quavered.
Geoffrey enfolded her hand in his. “That will never happen. No matter what, you’re stuck with me.”
She attempted a smile, but the cold ball of fear in her belly would not dissolve.
He patted her hand and rose. “No pressure, my dear. In the meantime, let’s put a call in to Dr. Barnardo’s.”
Her shoulders slumped with relief at the reprieve. “Yes, let’s do that.”
CHAPTER 19
Quinn leaned his head back against the seat of the train and closed his eyes. What a colossal disaster this day had been. Instead of coming closer to fruition, his dream of reuniting his family was growing dimmer by the moment.
First Cecil, now Becky.
It was clear his sister had no desire to return to England. Her promise to see if she could get time off was likely a stalling tactic. Did she care so little about their mother’s health that she wouldn’t at least try to help?
He blew out a long breath, trying to rid himself of the frustration building within him.
And then there was Julia. She’d let it slip that she probably wasn’t coming with him either. He should be furious with her for misleading him—whether by accident or on purpose he didn’t know. But he was more hurt than angry. He thought they’d been growing closer and that their mutual attraction might tip the balance in his favor—no matter what he’d said last night about their not being able to be together.
Now he’d lose the opportunity to obtain his own piece of land and a home of his own. But really, what did it matter if there was no family left to live there? Quinn might as well keep his position as the earl’s valet and his room in the servants’ quarters. However, if he didn’t find somewhere else to live, a place where his mother could stay also, she would have to remain in the workhouse. And where would Harry go? Quinn couldn’t subject him to his mother’s horrid living conditions. The workhouse might even be worse than the Wolfe farm.
Quinn fingered the key in his pocket, trying not to let the weight of his disappointment crush him. Trying not to imagine what his father would think of him now. The man certainly would be disillusioned with Quinn for failing to keep his promise.
For failing his family and failing himself.
What had made Quinn think he could sail to Canada, round up his siblings like a flock of sheep, and herd them back to England without so much as a bleat of protest?
He was an idiot, clinging to a dream for the future that clearly no one else desired but him.
Movement stirred the air around him. He opened his eyes.
Julia had crossed to sit on the seat beside him. “I can tell by the wrinkles on your forehead that you’re not asleep.”
He shrugged. “My mind’s too agitated to sleep.”
“Try not to worry,” she said. “Everything will work out in time. I know it will.”
“How can you say that?” Bitterness burned on Quinn’s tongue. “I was a fool to think Becky would jump at the chance to return home and help care for our mother. How could I have been so wrong? About her? About Cecil? And about . . .” About you?
“About what?” she prompted.
“Just . . . everything.” He
turned to stare blindly out the window, barely noticing the landscape that whizzed past them.
“You mustn’t lose hope now.” Julia’s slim fingers wrapped around his hand. “This quest has been a huge undertaking. Can’t you simply be happy for the progress you’ve made so far?”
Warmth spread up his arm. Could she feel the jump of his pulse at his wrist? He summoned the courage to look at her, only to find her brown eyes beseeching him.
“Think about it,” she continued. “You could have come all this way and never found any of your siblings. Or you could have learned they had died. At least you’ve found them and know they’re all right.” Moisture swam in her eyes. “That qualifies as a miracle in my book.”
Quinn swallowed hard and looked away, afraid she’d see too much. She was so good, so kind. Always believing the best in everyone. Believing that every circumstance, no matter how horrible, had a hidden blessing.
“Did you ever plan to come back to England with me?” he asked at last. “Or did you only say that to keep me from hounding you?”
She removed her hand from his with a soft sigh. “For a while, it was a lovely dream to imagine returning to my former life. However, I’ve come to realize my future is here now.”
He stiffened against the seat as the train rounded a bend. “But your uncle wants you back. You could live with him and your aunt and cousin indefinitely. Do whatever you wish with no worries about money or how to survive.”
“That’s not entirely true.” Her brow puckered. “Uncle Howard would have certain expectations if I returned. He’d want me to jump back into society, attend all the balls and galas, the boring ladies’ teas. And he’d continue to try to pick out a suitable husband for me.” She shook her head. “I was silly to even entertain the idea.”
“Is your independence so important that you’d rather live in a country where you don’t know anyone? So important you’d cut all ties with your family?”
A pained expression darkened her features. “I’m not the first person to move far from home, Quinn. It happens all the time. And the reality remains that I lost my true family a long time ago.” She let out a shaky breath. “Don’t think I’m not grateful to Uncle Howard for taking me in. But I need to live my own life now. One he wouldn’t approve of.”
Quinn shook his head, exasperation leeching through him. “I still don’t understand. What exactly won’t he approve of?”
She bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “For one thing, he wouldn’t agree to my pursuing a career. He deems working for a living beneath his family. And any future husband Uncle Howard would choose for me would be of the same mindset. Here . . . well, there’s a freedom I wouldn’t have at Brentwood.”
Quinn held back a snort. Freedom was a wonderful concept in theory, but was anyone ever truly free? Quinn hadn’t known freedom since the day his father died and he’d been clamped with the shackles of responsibility. He supposed it might almost be worth leaving one’s family behind for a taste of such liberty. However, he could never imagine walking away. And he could never abandon his mother or any of his siblings for his own sake.
“I’m sorry, Quinn,” Julia said. “I never intended to mislead you. You made me begin to believe I could go home again.” She sighed. “But for many reasons, that just isn’t possible.”
The sudden tightness in his chest gave him pause. It wasn’t only because he’d lose the farm if she didn’t come with him. It hurt that she could so easily let him go. He thought they shared a bond, something more than mere friendship. And though there were many obstacles to keep them apart, his foolish heart refused to listen.
“What about that kiss last night?” he demanded. “Did it mean nothing to you?” The moment the words burst forth, he almost wished he could leap out the window, if only to escape the disapproving glare of the lady across the aisle.
What had happened to his pride? His self-respect?
“Of course it did,” she said in a low voice. “It was the most wonderful moment of my life.”
A crazy surge of hope rushed through his veins. “Then how can you not want to see where our relationship might lead?” Even though last night he’d dissuaded her of a possible romance, now it didn’t seem to matter. The force of emotion that surged through his body made him believe they could overcome any impediment to be together. He laced his fingers with hers. She jumped a little but didn’t pull her hand away, giving him the courage to continue. “I want to be with you, Julia. To spend every day together. Walk the grounds of Brentwood with you on my arm.”
The sorrow on her face halted his ramblings.
“Don’t you see, Quinn? If I return to Brentwood, I won’t be allowed to speak to you except to issue you orders.” She squeezed his fingers, her expression earnest. “But in Canada, our stations don’t matter.” She raised her hand to his cheek. “You could stay here with me.”
Her luminous brown eyes drew him in like a riptide. He hardly cared if he drowned in the process. Oh, how he wished that staying was an option. That nothing else existed except Julia and the softness of her lips. The intoxicating scent of lavender that surrounded her. But he shook his head before the temptation to say yes grew too great. “You know I could never leave my mother alone. Even if I can’t persuade my siblings, I have to go back. I’m all she has left.”
Sadness filled Julia’s eyes, but she nodded. “I understand.”
Gently, he brushed his thumb over her palm. “Let’s not dwell on all that right now. We have some time before any hard decisions must be made. Can we agree to simply enjoy the remaining time we have left together?”
“I’ll take whatever time I have with you, Quinten Aspinall,” she whispered. “You’re the best man I’ve ever met.”
Quinn’s chest expanded. When she looked at him that way, he believed he could sprout wings and fly all the way to England. It took everything in him not to kiss her lips right then and there, with all the other passengers in the car looking on.
Instead, he leaned back in his seat, his heart thumping as loudly as the train over the tracks.
Lord, I don’t know why you’ve led me down this path. I pray you know what’s waiting for me at the end of this journey and that I’ll be able to live with my choices.
Julia hung her shawl on the hook in the boardinghouse foyer. Quinn entered behind her, saying he wanted to check on Harry before he headed back to his room at the Y.
After their intense conversation on the train, Julia found herself feeling out of sorts, unsettled.
“What about that kiss we shared?” His question had jarred her with its forthrightness. But more worrisome was the way she’d wanted to melt into his arms again, feel the thrill of his lips on hers once more and show him exactly what the kiss had meant to her. To do so, however, would have been the most selfish act in the world.
And what sort of madness had made her ask him to stay in Canada? She must have been out of her head, because even if he was willing to forsake his family to be with her, there still loomed the matter of the illegitimate child she carried.
“There you are.” Mrs. C. bustled into the hallway, smiling. “How did you make out in Peterborough?”
Quinn’s jaw muscles tightened as he removed his cap.
“Quite well,” Julia jumped in. “But I can tell you about it later. I think Quinn is eager to see Harry.”
“Oh, of course. He’s upstairs resting.”
Quinn frowned. “Is he no better, then?”
“Actually, he’s much improved. Mrs. Teeter’s soups have shored up his strength. But I’m making sure he gets as much rest as possible.”
The lines across Quinn’s forehead relaxed. “That’s good to hear. I’ll go up and say hello if it’s all right with you.”
“Certainly. I’ll put on some fresh tea.” Mrs. Chamberlain headed off to the kitchen.
Quinn paused at the foot of the stairs to give Julia a long look. “Are you coming? Harry will want to see you too. Probably more than me.”
> She laughed, her tense shoulder muscles loosening. “I’ll see him later. I thought you might like some time alone with him. To tell him about your visit with Becky.”
He stepped toward her and took her hand. “You are the most thoughtful woman I know, Julia Holloway.”
Heat spread into her cheeks at his warm regard. “Go on with you, then. Tell Harry I’ll be up soon.”
Quinn’s steadfast gaze held hers until she could scarcely breathe. What was wrong with her? No man had ever affected her this way.
He kissed her hand, then released it and turned to climb the stairs.
Julia stayed below, watching until he was out of sight, her pulse still racing from his touch.
She’d never met a finer man. A true gentleman. One who put the needs of his family ahead of his own happiness.
A strange fluttering sensation hit her abdomen. Julia pressed her palm against her stomach. Could it be her baby moving inside her? This was the sign she needed to remind her why she had to forget about her attraction to Quinn. After all, what would he think of her when he learned she was with child?
Never mind, little one. We’ll be all right no matter what.
“Julia, would you mind opening the doors, please?” Mrs. Chamberlain stood in front of the parlor with a tray in her hand. “Someone must have closed them without thinking.”
Julia rushed to open the pocket doors, then followed her inside.
Mrs. C. set the tray down on the table and straightened. “I’m glad you’re back, dear. Mrs. Middleton telephoned this morning to say she expects to be released from the hospital tomorrow. I told her you’d likely be back in time to help her get home.”
Julia clasped her hands together as she took a seat on the sofa. The timing couldn’t be better. She needed the distraction of starting her new position. Needed to forget any ridiculous fantasies of romance and get back to reality. “Thank you, Mrs. C. I’ll go over first thing tomorrow.” She gave the woman a sad smile. “It looks like I’ll be moving out.”
“It appears so.” Mrs. C. set down the teapot. “I’ll miss your company, Julia dear, but I’m sure you’ll be very happy in your new job. Remember, though, you’re welcome back here anytime.”
The Brightest of Dreams Page 16
