He had honestly believed there was no risk he wouldn’t take. Turned out that loving Princess Isabella of Augusta when she didn’t love him was the line he couldn’t cross.
‘I’m not saying we never tell them,’ she tried, but Matteo shook his head.
‘It’s okay, Isabella. We never—this wasn’t ever the love match M wanted it to be. We weren’t matched together because we were soulmates who were going to live happily ever after. We were put together because my manager wanted to keep me out of trouble and your assistant wanted to give you a week off from being a princess.’
‘It was more than that,’ she said softly.
‘Was it?’ Because it was hard to remember that right now.
‘You know it was.’
‘It was great sex, I’ll give you that.’ His heart was breaking, but he knew he couldn’t give in. Couldn’t let her say anything that would persuade him to stay. To hide away and follow her rules instead of his own.
For seventeen years he’d worked every day to fulfil his late brother’s ambitions. To cross off every item on the bucket list he’d written before he died. And now, here he was, thirty-three years old and no idea what he wanted from his future for himself. Nothing except a half-scribbled list of adventures still to be had.
But he knew what he didn’t want. And surely that was a pretty good place to start.
‘Isabella, think about it. We sneak around, we have some fun, and, sure, I’m not denying I want that too—I want more time with you. But it wouldn’t be enough. Not for me.’ He’d never been the marrying type. Until he met Isabella. ‘Eventually, the secrecy would break us. Or we’d get found out, and you’d have to choose. Your family, your title, or me. We dodged a bullet, this time. I won’t put us in front of another one.’
‘So what? We just never see each other again?’ There were tears in her eyes. Matteo had to look away.
‘I think it’s for the best.’ Even if it broke his heart. ‘I can’t live by your royal rules, even if they’d have me. I can’t hide away my love for you, either. I need to go out there and live my life—not yours, not my brother’s—just mine. I’m sorry.’
He didn’t kiss her goodbye. Couldn’t even meet her gaze.
Instead, he walked straight out of the hotel suite, and pretended not to see the astonished look from the bodyguard as he headed back to his old life once more.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ISABELLA SLIPPED HER sunglasses over her eyes as she stepped out of the car at the small airfield outside the city. She’d pretended to sleep during the short drive out there—believable, given the early start—but now she needed something else to hide her red-rimmed eyes from her brother.
Not that he was looking at her, of course. He had work to do: emails from the prime minister, or something. Leo was being groomed to take over the throne, possibly sooner rather than later if their father decided he’d like to step aside and retire to the country. It wasn’t unprecedented in Augustan history, and King Leonardo had been looking tired recently.
Musing on royal successions distracted her brain from the only other topic it seemed able to hold until they were seated on the royal plane at last. But then, as they prepared for take-off, it occurred to her that once Leo became King her role would be even less clear.
Her brother had married three years ago in a royal pageant like none the country had seen before. His wife, Princess Serena, was still in Augusta with their adorable toddler son, pregnant with their next child already. The succession was secure, and Isabella was happy for it. The further she got from the throne, the less pressure on her to be perfect.
But since she was further from the throne...what was the point of her? As a princess, at least? Serena had happily taken over a lot of the public-facing duties; the daughter of an ex-prime minister and a famously beautiful duchess, she was used to the spotlight. She was also a huge favourite with the Augustan people, mostly for having cute babies, but also for her keen fashion sense and ability to look empathetic on demand.
Isabella just wore whatever Gianna told her to wear. And, having grown up in a palace, was generally seen as unable to empathise with the Augustan public, even more than a woman who’d also had nannies from birth and gone to the same boarding school.
The point was, there was no place for her in Leo’s new palace. If her father did hand over the crown sooner rather than later, would she even be welcome to stay there? Or would she move to the country with her parents, a spinster princess for ever?
More likely, they’d marry her off to some duke or lord they needed support from for something. Because Augusta liked nothing more than tradition—and the tradition of using princesses as pawns was well established.
Are you just going to do what they tell you for ever? The words sounded in her head in Matteo’s voice.
Suddenly, she had to know.
‘Leo.’
Her brother looked up from his papers and his laptop, his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, and irritation in his eyebrows. ‘Yes?’
‘When you become King, what happens to me?’
‘What do you mean? You can carry on as you always have.’ He looked back down at his papers.
‘No, I mean... What role do I play in the country?’ she pressed.
Sighing, Leo removed his glasses and rubbed his temples. ‘You want to talk about this now?’
Isabella shrugged. ‘We’re not going anywhere. Why not now?’
‘Because you haven’t shown any interest in your future, or how you can support the country or the monarchy, in years. So I’ll ask again, why now?’
‘That’s not true.’ The words were automatic, but they didn’t quite cover the sinking feeling in Isabella’s stomach that, actually, it might be. ‘I care about our country. I do the public appearances I have to. I smile for the cameras. I stay out of trouble... Just because I haven’t married any of the titled idiots you keep throwing my way—’
Leo cut her off with a weary sigh. ‘Bella... Do you really not get it? After everything that happened with that reporter chap—’
‘None of you trust me to make my own decisions! Trust me, I get it. I have to follow The Rules, more than anyone else, because I can’t be relied on to choose good people, to know who to trust. To fall in love responsibly.’ As if she could ever have missed that.
Even after all the stories about Aunt Josephine, she might have had hope that Augusta was changing with the times.
If it hadn’t been for everything that had happened with Nate, maybe she’d have had the courage to take Matteo home to meet her parents. To tell them that, while he might not be the Augustan lord they’d hoped she’d marry, she loved him, and she hoped she had their blessing—but she’d marry him without, if he’d have her.
If there’d been a baby, they’d have had to let her. But now...she knew they’d remind her of her past mistakes and steer her away from what she thought could make her happy.
‘That’s not... Bella, it’s not that we don’t trust you.’ Leo sounded amazed that she could even think it, which, considering the number of lectures he’d given her over the years on the ‘right sort’, was a bit rich.
‘Of course, it is—’ she started, but Leo kept talking over her.
‘It’s that you don’t trust yourself.’
She fell silent.
Oh. Oh. Leo’s words resonated in her ribcage until she couldn’t deny the truth of them.
All these years, she’d thought she was toeing the royal line for them. Because it was what she needed to do to have their love, their faith. To keep her position.
And Leo had torn that away with just one line.
She’d been using The Rules as an excuse, thinking she was protecting her reputation, her family—but in truth, she’d been protecting her heart.
‘Do you blame me?’ she asked, slumping down in her se
at to consider the implications of this revelation. ‘The last time I thought I was in love, I almost brought down the monarchy.’
Leo chuckled. ‘I don’t think it was quite that bad. Although at the time, I was a little worried that the prime minister was going to have a heart attack.’
‘So why all the awful set-up dates with your friends and other lords?’ Because she definitely hadn’t imagined those.
‘Because... Bella, after everything that happened, you sort of drew in on yourself. You shut yourself up in the palace, avoided as many public events as you could, and only spent time with people you’d known practically since birth—like Sofia, or Gianna. We were worried about you. So yes, we tried to get you back out there—to help you get some confidence back—by getting you to spend time with people we knew we could trust. And yes, I can’t deny that we were hoping you’d find love with one of them. Because we want you to be happy, and you so obviously weren’t.’
Isabella looked quickly out of the window, so her brother wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. ‘I thought it was because you didn’t trust me.’
‘It was because we loved you. And we wanted you to trust yourself again. To find your way back to us.’ Leo sighed. ‘But apparently we only pushed you further away. Serena warned me...well, never mind that now. The important thing is, when I am King, the same as now, there will always be a place for you in my palace, if you want it.’
‘Thank you, Leo,’ she said softly. ‘And...and I think that, maybe, I’m ready to do a little more for the family business, so to speak. If you want me?’
‘If?’ Leo laughed. ‘Serena would love it if you could take some of her events and visits off her plate right now. This pregnancy is exhausting her even more than the last, and I’ve been worried about her trying to do so much.’
Guilt twinged in her chest. ‘I’m sorry. I should have noticed—should have offered sooner.’
Reaching across the aisle between them, Leo took her hand. ‘None of that. We’re all at fault for not realising things sooner. Not talking about them. I know our parents...they’re a different generation, and for them feelings are very private, not to be discussed. But it doesn’t have to be like that for us, Bella. I’m always here if you want to talk.’
She smiled, although it felt weak on her lips.
Maybe she’d never be what Matteo wanted—she couldn’t stop being a princess, and she didn’t want to walk away from her heritage, her country. Quite the opposite. She was finally ready to take her proper place and do her part—and it seemed that Leo would let her.
‘You said “last time”, before,’ Leo said cautiously. ‘The last time you fell in love. Does that mean...? Is there someone you think you might—?’
‘No.’ She cut him off quickly. ‘That’s not...don’t worry about that.’
The lines on Leo’s forehead told her that he was worrying. Isabella sighed.
‘I met someone when I was in Switzerland I thought might...but he didn’t want the royal life. Or me.’ All the truth, even if Leo still believed her trip to Geneva was to visit their cousin Sofia. It was plausible that she might have met someone there, and she wasn’t quite ready to confess everything to her brother, yet.
‘Are you sure? Because, Bella, you put up walls. One day you’re going to have to let someone in. And when you do, I’ll support you. Whoever they are.’
But she had, hadn’t she? That was the problem. She’d let Matteo all the way in. She’d been so afraid of falling in love again, and now it had happened she could see why.
Except that following The Rules meant she’d be heartbroken for ever, separated from the man she finally admitted to herself that she loved. Completely and totally.
She couldn’t regret her time with him, even now he’d walked away from her because of who she was. Because loving Matteo had shown her that love was worth taking risks for.
‘What about Aunt Josephine?’ she asked suddenly, remembering all the stories that had swirled around the palace. ‘You said “whoever they are” but that wasn’t true for her, was it?’
Leo’s brows met in a puzzled frown. ‘Aunt Josephine... Bella, she left the palace before you were even born!’
‘Was driven out, you mean. Because the King and Queen—our grandparents—didn’t approve of who she fell in love with.’ Everyone knew that.
‘Bella, she chose to leave. She didn’t want the life of pageantry at the palace. She wanted to run a racing stables with her husband, so they left.’ He shook his head. ‘I know there was a lot of gossip—I heard plenty of it myself. So I sought her out and asked her, and she told me the truth. I guess it didn’t occur to you to do the same?’ he asked, looking amused.
‘Well...no.’
Leo sighed. ‘But you’re not entirely wrong. Josie knew that there’d be a lot of talk when she married her groom. I’m sure that weighed into her decision to step away from royal life. But I promise you that no one made her. And if you fell in love with someone...perhaps not entirely in keeping with royal expectation, we’d find a way to make it work. I would make it work for you, if he made you happy. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ she said, blinking away tears. ‘Thank you, Leo.’
‘So, with that in mind, are you sure there isn’t a certain gentleman you’d like me to meet? I can have the pilot divert to Switzerland, if you want? Or return to Rome, perhaps...?’ He left the suggestion hanging, and Isabella wondered how much he’d already guessed about the man she loved.
It was so tempting, to head back and find Matteo and tell him they could be together. But Leo was right about Aunt Josephine’s decision, too. She’d chosen to move away from the royal life because there would be a scandal, and she didn’t want to live it.
Whereas Isabella had only just reconfirmed to herself how much she wanted to step back into royal life. She loved Matteo, but she had to live her own life, too—just as he needed to live his. And she couldn’t decide for him on this one. If he wanted to be part of her royal life, that would be up to him—and without the baby to bind them together, it didn’t seem as if he would.
‘I can’t live by your royal rules, even if they’d have me.’ His words echoed in her brain, and she knew there was no point turning around.
‘I’m sure,’ she replied to her brother.
Leo gave her a sad smile. ‘I’m sorry, Bella. But one day, you’ll find the right one.’
Isabella tried to smile, to look as if she believed him. But her heart was telling her that she already had.
She just hadn’t been able to hold onto him.
Matteo slammed back into the team hotel, ignoring all the fans and press he passed on the way. No way he was talking to any of them—not after a race like that.
There was, unfortunately, one person he couldn’t avoid, though.
Gabe slipped into his hotel room behind him, before Matteo could take out his rage on another door.
‘So. That was quite a race.’
‘It was a disaster.’
‘It was definitely close,’ Gabe admitted.
Throwing himself into the chair by the window, Matteo put an arm over his eyes, only to find those final moments of the race running behind his eyelids like a video. The way the barrier had seemed to rise up before him. The roar of the other car’s engine, too close at his side. The split second when he’d honestly believed that this could be it. The last risk he ever took.
He removed his arm and opened his eyes, to find Gabe perched on the edge of the bed across from him.
‘What happened, Matteo?’
‘It was a bad race, that’s all.’ Matteo shook his head. ‘That idiot Rennard was too close.’
‘There was no penalty given,’ Gabe observed, mildly. ‘There seemed to be room as he overtook.’
Except he shouldn’t have been overtaking in the first place, should he? Matteo had never lost to Rennard
of all people before now.
He’d lost his nerve, that had to be it. He’d seen that corner and, for the first time, thought about the risks.
Was this what love did to a person? If so, he needed to get over it, fast.
‘Matteo...you’ve not been the same since you came back from Switzerland. I think everyone can see that. It’s not just the race,’ Gabe added quickly, when Matteo started to object. ‘It’s you. Before, you were happy, racing along through life, living it to the full. Ticking things off Giovanni’s list.’
‘How did you know about that?’ Because Matteo was damn sure he’d never told him. He’d never told anyone except Isabella.
But Gabe just gave him a look. One of those, When will you learn that I see everything and I know everything? looks.
‘The point is, you’re not happy now,’ Gabe said. ‘Are you?’
‘No.’ It was hell to admit, but he wasn’t.
How could he be unhappy? When he lived and Giovanni didn’t? When he’d achieved everything his brother had ever set out to do?
He’d even started ticking things off his own bucket list—booking a trip to swim with sharks, during his next break. He had things to look forward to, a life to live. And, today’s race notwithstanding, a career he loved and was great at.
‘It’s the Princess, isn’t it? Isabella.’ Because of course Gabe knew that too. He’d even kept her brother occupied while Matteo had whisked her out onto the balcony at the ball. ‘You’re in love with her.’
‘I can’t be.’ Because she didn’t love him back—not enough to go against her family, or her title.
She wouldn’t take the risk to be with him. And he...he couldn’t take the risk of trying to live someone else’s life again. He’d done it for his brother, but once was enough.
‘I don’t think love works like that, son.’ Gabe creaked to his feet—for all that he was only fifteen years older than Matteo—and pressed a hand against his shoulder. ‘Trust me on this. If it’s love that’s the problem, there’s only one way to fix it.’
The Princess and the Rebel Billionaire Page 15
