by Haven Rose
I’d called every R. Walker I could find and had no luck, then I’d had Peyton do the same and she’d come up with nothing as well. It was a dark day when my sister reminded me Rooney may not even live in this town or nearby. We’d talked, and I knew she wanted to run an animal shelter, but I don’t recall her telling me anything specific about it, just that saving as many as she could was her purpose in life. And while I applaud her caution, being a single woman and all – something she no longer is - it makes my search that more difficult. I’d gotten desperate and asked Drew for help. Within two days of talking to him, a problem had suddenly come up at one of our hotels out of state and I needed to send him. Knowing he, understandably so, wouldn’t have the time to devote to my quest, I’d hired a PI to find her. He was proving useless though, his only updates being that he's following a lead.
“When was the last time you slept?” Peyton asks, and I feel bad as I see tears forming in her eyes. I know she’s worried, hell, I am too, but finding Rooney is the only thing that’ll heal me.
“Last night,” I tell her, technically lying my ass off. I get an hour here and there, usually waking up due to dreams of Rooney. My favorite was that she’d never left, we were married and expecting our first child.
“And food?” She asks as she opens my fridge, mumbling under her breath when she sees there’s nothing inside. “Thomas Caden Howell.” Well, damn. I must be in sad shape if she’s using the whole thing. Peyton knows I hate my first name, and I’ll admit a lot of that has to do with the fact it’s the only one are parents use for me. Yes, I live in the hotel, but I don’t rely on the staff for my meals. It’s not their job to feed me. I have a full kitchen which means I can cook for myself…I’ve just chosen not to use it since Rooney walked out on me.
I don’t know how she does it, but my sister works her magic and finds the ingredients to make a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s not much, but it’s more than I’ve eaten in a while. My appetite has steadily dwindled as the days without Rooney have passed.
“I may be a mom, but I’m not yours,” she says, shaming me. I know she has a lot on her hands raising Reese on her own and I hate that I’ve added to it. I vowed to her and myself when she’d told us she was pregnant that I’d always be there for her and I broke that these past few weeks. I’ve been too consumed with finding the woman I know will be my wife, and my sister and nephew have paid for it. Our father and mother have come to terms with her having a child from a one-night stand, an act of rebellion against the woman the latter had decreed she would be, but they haven’t forgiven her. Crazy, I know, but it’s all about appearances for the Howells, something Peyton and I don’t agree with.
Peyton’s reaction to our mother’s vision of her life may have been reckless, but it gave her Reese and she’s never once regretted it.
“I’m sorry, Pey,” I tell her, meaning it. “I’ll do better, I promise.” I’m not going to stop searching, but I will start taking care of myself again. When I find Rooney, and I will, she’ll need me to be healthy. Hell, I’ll need to be for what I have planned for her.
“Okay,” she says, taking me at my word, her sheer trust in me shining through. I’ve been a shitty brother the last two months, but no more.
“What’s new with you?” I ask. “Everything okay?”
“Reese has a checkup this afternoon,” she tells me. Peyton must see my concern because she quickly reassures me. “That’s all it is. He isn’t sick.”
“Good,” I say, relieved. Then, seeing my chance to start redeeming myself, I add, “Let me take you two. We can stop for an early dinner.”
“You sure?” Peyton asks, probably surprised by my seemingly abrupt change.
“Of course. I’ve been slacking in my roles. Let me make it up to you, starting now.
“All right,” she agrees, “but you have to shower and shave first.”
Forty-five minutes later, I’m presentable, wondering if I should have kept the beard. Peyton and Reese are sitting on the couch waiting for me, so it isn’t long before we’re in the elevator. I have a love-hate relationship with it now. It brought Rooney and I together, since it’s where we first made love, but it also took her away from me.
I take a deep breath after the doors open, swearing Rooney’s lemon scent still lingers in it, and we head to my vehicle. As soon as Reese was born, I bought a car seat to keep in there and have upgraded it as he gets older. Following her directions, I recognize the building since Peyton came here during her pregnancy, and when I ask about that, she tells me a few doctors decided to open a practice where the patients could be seen prior to birth, then by the pediatrician as well without needing to start over. I make a mental note of this fact and how pleased Peyton is by it. When Rooney and I have kids, she might want to come here.
We take our seats, Reese choosing to sit on my lap, as we wait for them to be called back. The door leading to the patient rooms opens and I look, as does everyone else, to see whose name will be said. However, instead of someone going in, a woman is coming out, her appointment seemingly finished as she heads to the desk.
I know that hair. I’ve kissed every inch of that body. Those hands hold my heart, the one she bruised by leaving that morning.
“Reese, Uncle Caden needs to go talk to someone. Sit with mommy and I’ll be right back, okay?” Peyton looks at me, confused by my words, but she follows the spot my eyes haven’t left since realizing who stood there.
“Is that her?” She asks.
“That,” I say with determination, “is your future sister-in-law.” Then I plop a kiss on Reese’s head as he sits on Peyton’s lap and stride toward the woman who has eluded me for far too long. This ends now. I don’t know why she ran, but the only way she’s leaving is with me by her side.
“Ms. Walker, your next appointment is scheduled and here’s some pre-natal vitamins to get you started,” the woman behind the desk says. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you, Dorothy,” Rooney replies before turning, and a mix of emotions crosses her face upon seeing mine. Happiness, shock, and fear, but I saw hope as well and I’m clinging to that.
“Caden? What are you doing here?”
“I’d ask you the same, but I just heard. We need to talk,” I say as I grasp her hand, my body jolting at her touch. It was deprived of it for too long and I’m going to soak it up like a sponge.
And then I see anger cover her beautiful face, any trace of joy at seeing me, at feeling my skin caress hers, vanishes as if it was never there. “Caden? They’re calling us back,” Peyton says as she touches my arm. Rooney’s eyes, I swear, about shoot sparks as she stares at my sister’s hand on me. Not wanting to upset Rooney, without even looking at Peyton, I take my keys from my pocket and say, “Sis, I’ll leave my car with you. Rooney will give me a ride. Okay?”
I see the second Rooney understands who Peyton and Reese are, and the tears, which I have a feeling are of relief, gather in her eyes.
“Okay,” Peyton says.
Reese wraps his arms around my leg and squeezes as he says, “Bye, Unc Den.”
Once they leave, I see Rooney open her mouth, but I need to take care of something first. I retrieve my wallet and take a business card out, reluctantly turning my head to address Dorothy as I scribble on the back of it using the pen on the counter that had just been in Rooney’s grip.
“Ma’am,” I say, then hand it to her when she responds. “Please add my information to this lovely woman’s file. I’m her fiancé.” I hear Rooney gasp, but thankfully, she nods when Dorothy looks to her for confirmation. “My cell is on the back. Feel free to call if you need anything further. Also, I’ll have my secretary fax my insurance information if that’s acceptable for the paperwork.” She assures me it is, then Rooney and I, with the help of a tug on her hand, walk out. As we’re standing in the hallway, I can’t resist any longer and slam my mouth on hers as I press her against the wall. She doesn’t protest, just moans as I thrust my tongue inside to duel with hers. Needing t
o breathe, I pull back, taking little nips and kisses as I do, unable to break all contact with her lest she disappear a second time.
Rooney is shaking, her hand raising to her lips, one finger tracing over them, as if trying to savor what just happened.
“Caden. I,” she starts, but it’s unnecessary because I know what she’s going to say, it somehow all making sense in this moment when I remember the missed call and my phone being on Rooney’s side of the bed. How did I not piece that together until now? Oh yeah, I haven’t been thinking straight since she snuck out.
“You saw the picture of my sister and nephew and assumed they were something else?” She nods, misery on her face, and it’s then I notice how tired she looks. It’s like a punch to the gut, and it hits me then, as worried as I am about Rooney’s health within minutes of seeing her again, why Peyton was so concerned about me.
“I’m sorry,” Rooney tells me, the sincerity in her voice clear. “I should’ve asked, but I was scared by how much, you made me feel, so I jumped at the excuse it gave me.” I should be pissed, and I am to some degree, but I can’t blame her. If the reverse had happened and I saw a man and child on hers, I would’ve been gutted.
“I didn’t lie to you that night, Rooney. I meant every word I said. You. Are. Mine.” Then I wait, making sure she sees how deeply I mean it before continuing with my declaration. “I. Am. Yours. This baby is ours. You made me a daddy?” She nods, confirming she understands what I’m saying. Trails of happiness are on her cheeks from the now overflowing tears as I wrap my arms around her, holding her so tight it’s as if I’m trying to merge with her. She’s never leaving now that I have her once more.
“I don’t want to Caden,” she reassures me and it’s then I realize I said that last part out loud. I should feel embarrassed, but I don’t. I want her to know that shit won’t happen ever again. “It won’t, I promise.” Well damn, that wasn’t in my head either. When she laughs, I join her, knowing she’d heard that as well. “It about destroyed me to walk away. It took me almost an hour to gather enough strength to leave the hotel. I went back later that day, but you weren’t there, and no one would give me your information.”
“You went back for me?” I ask, that knowledge making the pain of her leaving me alone in the bed we’d shared lessen a little.
“I tried again when I discovered I might be pregnant, but the front desk clerk called an older lady who said she was the owner and I wasn’t to return, that I was becoming a nuisance. She looked at me like I was less than nothing.” Rooney’s head lowers at that, resting on my shoulder, and I have to battle the urge to rush to my parents’ home. I have no doubt that was my mother, that she intentionally kept my soulmate from me. I will not let anyone, not even the woman who brought me into this world, make Rooney feel as if she doesn’t matter. She and my son or daughter are the most important people in my life.
“Marry me?” I ask, taking the ring out of my pocket. It’s been with me every day. It had become my lucky charm, somehow feeling that as long as I had it, there was a chance we’d be reunited…and we were.
“You carry that around with you, like a just in case?” She asks, but there’s no anger or suspicion in it. She’s smiling, teasing me.
“I knew I’d find you. Nothing could keep me from you, not even fate. I was ready to make it my bitch until you were back in my arms.
“When did you get that?” She asks, and I don’t hesitate to tell the truth because there will be no secrets between the two of us.
“About an hour after you left me.”
“It took you that long?” This time the smile on her face is so wide it’s running out of room. But it’s the light in her eyes, the one that drew me to her all those weeks ago, the one that was missing when I first saw her again, that lets me know we’re okay.
“A smartass, huh? I ripped that room apart looking for anything of yours, hoping you’d left a way to contact you and I just needed to find it. Then I had to put it back together.” She laughs, and the sound is just like her, full of life, and I lift her in my arms, asking where she parked and heading toward her car after she tells me what to look for. “You know you’re marrying me, right?” I can feel the movement of her head against my shoulder as she nods. Seeing as she’s so agreeable, I decide to push my luck. “And moving in with me.”
“I am?”
“Please?” I ask, secure in my manhood, having no issue pleading in such a way if it’ll get me what I want – her, in my bed, in the house we’ll choose together. Forever.
“I suppose, since you asked so nicely,” she says, stressing the word asked, both of us knowing it was more a demand, “I could do that.” Then I slide the ring on her finger, and it fits so perfectly there’s no doubt it was meant to be hers. The gems arch, each line as if shaping a rainbow – one containing rubies, another sapphires, followed by diamonds, and lastly, emeralds.
**Rooney**
This morning when I’d woken up, my hand had been cradling my belly, the home pregnancy test I’d taken two weeks before confirming my suspicions. I didn’t realize until seeing the positive sign could be joyous and heartbroken at the same time. I was excited to be a mom, eager to give my child the same type of love and support mine had given me my entire life. The sadness though? That all centered around Caden. He wasn’t the man I’d thought he was, the one I could see as my future within minutes of meeting, and that hurt. It seemed nothing would be like I’d envisioned, but I couldn’t think about the letter I received a couple weeks ago and the fight I’ve begun because of it. One thing at a time, and today that’s the child I’m having in seven months.
I knew I had two options, and both would cause pain. The first, raising the baby on my own, never telling the father. That path, while possibly the most optimal for all involved, would deprive not only Caden of time with his son or daughter, but it would do the same for our child and that was something I couldn’t do to either. The second would be finding Caden and telling him. That came with its own agony. I’d be destroying a family, telling a wife I’d slept with her husband, unknowingly, but I had nonetheless. Would they try to take the baby from me? A single mother versus a married father? There was a chance I wouldn’t win, or we’d end up sharing custody. Either way, I had to do what was best for the life growing inside me and having his or her dad in theirs would provide that.
Sitting in the waiting room, seeing the couples eager for their appointments, made it ache even worse. Since leaving Caden’s room eight weeks ago, I’d been suffering. Sleep was almost non-existent, eating difficult, and my heart ached. When I realized I might be pregnant, I forced myself to do better, to be better. I still don’t have much of an appetite, but I eat regardless. I wake constantly through the night, my hand reaching for Caden, only to cry myself back to sleep upon finding my bed empty.
I know I’m not the first woman to do this alone, nor will I be the last, but after the doctor confirmed my pregnancy and told me what would happen next, the minute she closed the door, I’d cried. And when I’d walked out, I worried whoever was in there next would feel the sorrow left behind, see my heart on the floor.
And then I’d seen a beautiful woman that looked familiar, a face I could never forget because it destroyed the dreams I’d had for myself. When I saw the adorable little boy sitting on the lap of the man I’d instantly fallen for, it was all I could do not to curl into a ball, wanting to make myself as small as possible so I wouldn’t have to watch them together.
But just that quickly, the sun was shining again, the birds were singing, and my heart was healed. My dreams had returned in an instant, my hope for a forever with Caden and our child revived by one single word – sis. I’d suffered for two months, deprived us of time we could never get back, because I hadn’t stopped to ask one simple question. I’d jumped to conclusions, assuming he was a liar and cheat. Not only wasn’t that fair to Caden, but it made me second guess myself. How could I claim to have fallen for him then believed he was capable of such t
hings?
I’d done some serious thinking while we were apart and came to a realization about myself, one that rocked me to the core. While I refused to let others dictate my appearance or how I lived my life, that wasn’t the case for how I saw myself. I believed, deep down where I tried to hide it, that I was the freak all the kids claimed when I was younger, that only my moms could love me. That was a shock. They’d never withheld the truth from me, telling me as soon as I was old enough to understand that I was adopted. They’d emphasized that they knew instantly I was meant to be theirs and I have never doubted their love for me. But the little girl that hadn’t been wanted by her biological parents was in there, not surfacing until that morning with Caden. Seeing what I’d thought was his family, and they are that - just not in the way I’d assumed - I’d reverted back to a child, one that was scared something was so wrong with her that not even those who’d created her wanted anything to do with her. Self-reflection can be a bitch.
“You still with me?”
I look at Caden as he’s standing outside my car door, having opened it for me. “Sorry. Just…thinkin’.” I’d driven to my house on auto-pilot, not a good thing at any time.
“About?”
“Ghosts of the past,” I reply then change the subject, standing in the driveway not the time to talk about it. Thankfully, Caden just nods, and I wonder if he has any haunting him. “Want to meet my current resident?” I ask, my mind going to a favorite topic of mine. I’d told him of my shelter and my hopes for it, though I’d let him believe it was something I was working toward not that I’d already started it. Granted, it was currently being run out of the addition next to my house which severely limited my ability to take in animals that needed my help, but things were going well, despite recent events to the contrary. “There’s only one dog right now, but that’s okay because I have a feeling he’ll need extra attention,” I say as I open the door, giving a little whistle to let Boomer know I’m coming in. “He’s very skittish, so no sudden moves. He’ll come to you on his own terms.” A brown face, ears lying flat, peeks around the corner, doing recon before making an entrance.
