by Ruby Vincent
The bathroom door opened again and Ryder walked out in a white tee and gray sweatpants. Water dripped from his hair onto the towel slung around his shoulders and the dark scruff on his chin told of why he needed the shaving cream.
Ryder sat on the edge of his bed, allowing an entire floor rug to separate us. “Is something wrong?”
My hands fisted on the hem of my dress. “Of course, there’s something wrong. We need to talk, Ryder. I’ve been waiting weeks for you to come to me, but I can’t wait any longer.”
He frowned. “For me to come to you? But, Val, I— I didn’t think you’d want that.”
“What do you mean?”
“For me of all people to make you talk about what you went through. You shouldn’t have to relive that with me. Not after the things I’ve done to you.”
“Oh.” Of all the reasons I thought of for why Ryder wasn’t speaking to me, being considerate of my feelings hadn’t cracked the top twenty. “I get that,” I began, “but we need to talk about it. I’ve been going crazy wondering what you’re going to do or say—”
Ryder’s frown deepened. “Say? I would never tell anyone what you told me.”
I swallowed. “But I... killed the man who raised you.”
“It was self-defense.” Ryder’s silver eyes weren’t blank now. They shone with an emotion I had never seen before. “And my mother helped cover it up so telling the truth of what happened hurts both of us.” He got to his feet. “If you came here because you were worried I wouldn’t keep your secret, you don’t have to be.”
“Ryder, it’s not just that.” Suddenly, I was on my feet too. “You know what almost happened on that roof. Things have always been”—I waved my hands—“insane between us! We do too much; we go too far, and I have never understood why because I don’t know how you feel! So for once, tell me!” I crossed that stupid rug and didn’t stop until I was in front of him, inhaling his piney scent. “Tell me how you feel about this. Tell me where we go from here.”
Ryder looked down on me, his lips unmoving. I waited but he didn’t speak. Finally, I turned away. “Goodbye, Ryder.”
“I knew about the affair.”
I froze. “What?”
“Your mom and Benjamin. I knew.”
“How?”
Ryder ripped the towel off his neck and threw it on the chair I just vacated. “I walked in on them in his office. I was twelve. She didn’t see me, but he did.” He tossed his head. “I went at him that night, expecting him to show some shred of guilt, but he told me to shut up and pushed me away. He said...”
Ryder’s arms bulged as his hands curled into fists.
I don’t know what made me do it, but I reached for him. Taking his hand, I pulled us both down onto the bed.
“What did he say?”
“He said that he’d have a new kid and a new wife soon, so why should he give a fuck about us?”
My jaw dropped. “He said that to you?”
“He did and I thought... that wife and kid was you and Olivia.”
“Oh my gosh.” I lowered my head as it began to make sense. “That’s why you hated me.”
“My mother was too depressed to leave her bedroom while another woman screwed her husband down the hall, and her kid ran around her house. Yes, I hated you. I hated your mother, but most of all, I hated him. But of all those people, the only one I could hurt was you.”
I felt sick to my stomach. “I didn’t know about them until he started coming to the apartment.”
“I understand that now.”
“No one wanted him out of our lives more than me,” I cried. “If he had married my mother, I would have killed myself! I couldn’t—”
“Valentina. I’m sorry.”
Those quiet words silenced me faster than a shout ever could.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. There was no mask. Ryder’s grief was there for me to see. “If I had known... I never would have been so awful to you, and that’s still no excuse. I’m a piece of shit and sorry will never begin to cover it.”
“But you see that now?”
“Of course, I do. Val, he r— He ra—” Letting out a shout, Ryder launched himself off the bed and began to pace. “He hurt you. A grown man doing those things to you— You had been through enough.” His hand flashed out and punched the desk. “I hate that I made it worse.”
“Ryder...”
“Was it him?” Ryder raised his head, letting me see the fire in his eyes. “Did he give you chlamydia?”
It took me a while, but I nodded.
“Motherfucker!”
Another punch made me jump.
I kept my voice low. “Ryder, you seem angry.”
“Of course I’m angry!”
“No... you seem angry for me.”
He rocked back. His distress was overcoming him. Tossing his head, Ryder gripped the back of his chair until his knuckles turned white. “I’m angry for you. People shouldn’t do things like this, Val. Kids. Just kids! Why do they do it?!”
The chair shot away under his assault and Ryder fell against the desk.
“Ryder?” Concern laced my voice. “Why don’t you come and sit down?”
His head shaking became more agitated. “It’s not right.”
“I know it’s not right, and I’m angry too. Sit with me. We can talk about it.”
He twisted around. I saw only his back as he bent over the desk. “There’s... so much you don’t know.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. We’re past the point of secrets.”
“No one knows. No one is supposed to know. That’s why all this started.”
“What? Ryder, I don’t understand.” I went over to him and put my hand on his back. I felt a shudder pass over him. “Look, you’re freaking. Just take a minute and breathe.”
He didn’t seem to have heard me. “I don’t blame you for what you did,” he forced out, spittle showered the desk. “I would have killed him too! I wanted to— I was going to—”
I was truly getting worried. I had dealt with Ryder in many states, but never like this. “Ryder, calm down. It’s okay.” I pressed my hand to his cheek and he whipped around, startling a cry out of me. His eyes were huge.
“I wanted to kill her, Val. I was going to do it.”
“Kill—”
“That night in the woods.”
I stilled as those words struck me. “The woods. You mean the masquerade dance?”
“You saw us.” The words were pouring out of him and it didn’t seem like he could stop it. “You saw us that night, but it was me with the knife. I thought it was over. She had moved from the prep school to the academy, away from the boys, but then I heard her that night, telling Professor Rossman that she was going to start an outreach center for kids.”
“Who was?” My head was spinning; I was doing everything to keep up. “Who moved?”
“I got the knife. I don’t know why, but I did. I came back, and I made her come with me to the woods. I was going to do what I should have done so long ago. Stop her!”
I took his face in my hands, and he immediately grabbed my wrists, clinging tightly. “But you were there, Val. You weren’t supposed to be there, and when that card showed up in your locker, I found out she was more than just a fucking pedophile, she was a Spade.”
“Who, Ryder? Who is it?”
He looked me in the eyes as fevered pants warmed the air between us, and he said two words I never expected to hear.
“Scarlett LeBlanc.”
Chapter Ten
Ryder and I sat splayed out on the floor. Neither of us had moved for twenty minutes. I didn’t know about Ryder, but I was pretty sure what I was feeling matched being run over by a truck—twice.
Scarlett was the person in the woods. Scarlett is a Spade. The kind woman who gave me painting lessons and told me about Walter marked me... and she hurt Ryder.
This time, it was me who reached for his
hand. Ryder curled his fingers through mine, and together, we went back to staring at the wall.
Knock. Knock.
“Hey, Ryder.” The keypad chimed, signaling they were coming in before either of us could think to do something. “Here’s your shaving...” Ezra trailed off as he took us in. I saw his eyes flick down to our clasped hands. “What’s going on in here?”
“Get Maverick,” Ryder said.
“But—”
“Go.”
Ezra didn’t argue further and stepped out of the room. When he returned, it was with Maverick and Jaxson in tow.
“What’s going on?” asked Jaxson.
Ryder looked across him to Maverick. “She knows.”
Maverick’s grave expression said it all.
“Hold on.” I looked from him to Ryder. “You know too? About the woods?”
“Know what?” Ezra demanded.
“What about the woods?” This came from Jaxson.
“But they don’t know?” I said to Ryder. “Wait a minute. Is that the real reason you were outside the night of the dance? You were keeping watch?” I addressed this to Maverick.
“Someone want to tell us what’s going on?” Ezra sounded pissed now.
“She knows about Scarlett,” said Ryder.
Jaxson’s eyes popped. “She knows what?! Who the fuck told you that you could—”
“She knows what she did to me,” Ryder cut in. “She also saw me try to attack Scarlett in the woods. I was shouting about what she did, and she promised I would regret it if I told anyone. Then we heard Valentina. Scarlett couldn’t have known how much she saw or overheard, but she marked her to get rid of her.”
“Scarlett’s a Spade?” Ezra asked through pale lips. “And you knew that for a whole year and didn’t say anything!?”
“What would telling you have done?”
My eyes ping-ponged between the group. It was strange sitting there holding Ryder’s hand while the awful truth came out.
“Maverick knew,” Ryder went on, “and we’ve been working on a way to get rid of her without getting us all marked too.”
“Argh!” Jaxson shouted. “That’s why we were chosen to be Knights. I knew it was too much of a fucking coincidence! I said it!”
“You were right,” said Ryder.
“What’s this plan? How can you not let us be a part of it?” Ezra spoke up.
“Still working on it,” Maverick admitted. “It’s hard when we have to play nice.”
“She’s a Spade,” said Jaxson. “For how long? What psycho let that happen?”
“Guys!” My yell brought the noise to an abrupt halt. Four pairs of eyes flew to me as I let go of Ryder and got to my feet. “That’s enough. My head is spinning and we’ll never make sense of things like this. So here it is: Ryder overheard Scarlett say she was going to start working with young boys again. He lured her to the woods to confront her and I saw. She marked me and tipped Ryder off to her being a Spade. Since then, he and Maverick have been trying to find a way to get rid of her, but what I don’t get is why she stopped at marking me if she wanted me gone?”
“Did she stop?” asked Jaxson. “Someone pushed that planter over, Val, and started the fire in your room.”
The sentence chilled me to my core. “Scarlett’s been trying to kill me.”
“She probably couldn’t believe her luck when you came into class clearly not knowing who she was,” said Ryder, “but that didn’t mean she wanted you around to find out. That’s how the marks work. They get rid of problems.”
“But I’m not going anywhere. She isn’t going to force me out of Evergreen so what now?” I fixed on Maverick. “What’s your plan?”
Maverick looked to Ryder. “What do you want to do?”
“We need to talk,” Jaxson said. “That’s what we do.”
Ezra nodded. “Agreed. What else have you been keeping from us?”
I opened my mouth.
“Val?” Ryder gripped my shoulder. “You have to go.”
“But—”
“I’ll find you after, but you need to go now.”
I looked around at the four faces and saw they were united. Knights against me.
“Fine.”
I left with no more arguments and made the walk back to my dorm. Sofia looked up from my computer when I came in.
“Hey, Val. How did it go? Did you talk with Ryder?”
I looked at her—face open and supportive, and I made up my mind.
“Sofia, there’s something I need to tell you...”
SOFIA STAYED WITH ME for the rest of the weekend. She said it was because she wanted to make sure I was okay, but I think she was shaken up after learning about Adam and who his father was. I didn’t tell her about how Benjamin died, Ryder’s mom, or the money, but I did feel a weight lift off my shoulders at finally telling her Adam was my son.
I wasn’t ashamed of him, and Adam would always know who I was, but other people asked questions when you tell them you gave birth at fourteen. I didn’t want questions.
“It feels wrong to have to go back to class like nothing happened,” Sofia said as I locked the door behind us. “If you want to sit out, I’ll tell administration you’re sick.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m good. This weekend was emotionally wrecking, but classes will take my mind off of it.” Over her head I spotted Kane. “You should go. Have a good day.”
We hugged and then she broke off for class. Kane fell in step beside me, and as we walked to homeroom, I thought about the Knights and Ryder. What had they decided? Did Ryder mean it when he said he would come and tell me everything? Had things changed between us?
How could it not after going through something like that and sharing the things we had? I don’t know what happens from here, but it can’t go back to the way it was.
They were all there when I walked into homeroom. I met all of their eyes, but they were impossible to read. I made the effort of reading from my chem book, but the letters blurred on the page after five minutes. I couldn’t focus.
Homeroom let out after thirty long minutes, and I swung by my locker for my notebook.
“Morning, baby.”
“Jaxson?” I wrenched my head out as he sidled up next to me. “What’s going on? When are we going to talk?”
“Easy.” He spared a glance around and landed on Kane. “Can you tell your boy to back up a few steps?”
I did and Kane moved out of earshot.
“We’re meeting up tonight,” Jaxson said under his breath. “At the cliffs. Nine o’clock. Ezra will pick you up so make sure you shake the guard loose by then.”
“Alright. Nine o’clock.”
He sauntered off—looking every bit the carefree Jaxson and I envied him. I didn’t know how to act now that I knew what Scarlett was. I couldn’t have been more thankful that I never had to take her class again.
My mind was in such a fog, I heard about it from Ciara.
“What are you doing? You’re measuring everything out wrong.”
“Sorry.” I put the beaker down. “Maybe you should do this part.”
“You said you weren’t going to mess with my grade.”
“I’m not. That will mess up my grade too.”
We fell quiet as I cleaned out the beaker and redid the measurements.
“Val?”
“It’s two point six ounces.”
“Val, why are you here?”
“What?” I squinted at her through the goggles.
“Why stay here after everything—”
I cut her off with a groan. “I swear if one more person asks me that. I’m here because I gave up a lot to be. I’ve earned my place here, more than the assholes who tried to drive me out, so I’m not leaving until I get my diploma. Does that answer your question?”
Ciara looked blown away by my reply. I wasn’t intending for it to come out as forcefully as it did, but I had been having an intense... life.
“Yes, sorry.”
We fell silent again and went back to our work.
I PACED UP AND DOWN the floor of my front hall that night. Every five seconds I looked at my phone to check the time.
It’s 9:01. Where is he?
No sooner had I finished the thought than there was a knock at the door. I pulled it open on Ezra.
“You ready?”
“I am.” I stepped out and he turned to go without pausing for chitchat. I locked up and hurried to catch up to him. “You’re pissed at me.”
“You have the whole school thinking I beat you,” he answered without slowing his stride. “Pissed is putting it lightly.”
“Does the school think that? Last I checked, everyone is happy to believe I did it to myself.”
Ezra’s eyes were even darker at night. He narrowed them at me, and the white disappeared until I was looking through an endless abyss. “My mom doesn’t believe it. She sent me to anger management over the break. You need to tell her the truth.”
“I could do that. I would do that. If I thought you were sorry.”
“Sorry? Sorry for what?”
“If you have to ask that, then we have no more to talk about.”
“Moon—”
“I’m done, Ezra.”
No more words passed between us as we stepped into the woods. Ezra had a flashlight to show our way, but he stepped with such assurance, I figured he could do without the light. I hadn’t gotten many invitations to the cliffs since I was marked, and the one I did get was a disaster.
A niggle of fear curdled in my stomach. What if this was another cruel trick?
A glow broke through the tree line and soon we were stepping out into the clearing. Jaxson, Ryder, and Maverick looked up from their spots around the fire when we appeared. Somehow they had gotten chairs out here, and there was a fifth one for me.
Ezra sat down next to Maverick which left me between Ryder and Jaxson. I spoke up the minute my butt hit the seat. “What’s your plan to take down Scarlett?”
The boys shared a look.
“What? You said you would tell me.” I made to get up. “If this is a trick—”
