I make sure that the dim light over the stove is on and go into my room to my private shower. I hang my head and let the hot water cascade around me, my mind going back to the past.
I opened the front door, my heart crushed and my body in pain as I thought about the fact that what was supposed to be the best night of our lives was now the worst. My father was sitting on the couch with his arm around my mother as she cried into a tissue in her hand. She’d obviously already got the news. The phone started ringing again, and they both ignored it.
“You have to tell me it’s a lie,” my mother sobbed. “It can’t be true.”
My father’s eyes never left mine, and it was like he knew the truth.
“It’ll be fine.” My father tried to soothe her. “It’ll all be okay.”
“I’m sorry.” Those were the only words I could actually say.
A week later, my dad found me in the barn and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. He put one glass down and then another and then filled it. He looked at me, and I grabbed the glass and swallowed the amber liquid. It burned all the way down, but I only felt a sliver of pain. “That isn’t your child.” He wasn’t asking me; he was telling me. “There is no way that is your child.”
“How?” I asked him, but I wasn’t surprised he knew the truth. It was why he was so good at his job. “You can’t say anything.”
“Not my story to tell,” my father said, pouring another shot. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I know that I have to protect that child.” I took another shot, hissing, “My child.”
I turn off the water and shake my head. These flashbacks are not going to change or help anything.
I slip on my boxers and the pants that I wear when Ethan is here. He walked in one morning and my cock was at full salute, and we had to have an in-depth conversation about how it gets so big and what to do with it.
I’m just slipping into bed when I hear a soft knock on the door, and I stand here, not sure if it’s in my head or not. But then I hear it again, and my heart starts to beat faster. It starts to beat frantically when I walk closer and closer. I open the door, and my heart drops or maybe it crushes. I don’t know why I expected it to be Kallie. I don’t know why I even care.
“Sorry for coming over without calling first,” Savannah says, walking into my house, and I close the door behind her. “I just …” She takes a deep breath and walks into the living room. I look at her, and see she’s wearing her blue jeans and a tight top. Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful, but I can’t look past everything we’ve been through. We even had a talk when she gave birth about moving in together and trying to be a family, but I just couldn’t take that step. “This is crazy.”
“I’m sorry. I’m past the point of tired,” I say. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that Kallie just showed up in town.” She speaks quietly so as not to wake Ethan up. “I’m talking about the fact that the last time you saw her was prom.”
“I know exactly when the last time I saw her, Savannah. I was there,” I remind her.
“You promised me,” she says, and I hold up my hand.
“I have never once told anyone your secret. Not to my parents, not to my brother, not even to Beau, so don’t even start.”
She wipes away a tear. “I’m sorry. Talk in the town has already started. The bar was full tonight. On a Wednesday,” she says. When she gave birth, she bought the town bar and vamped it up. I never asked her how she got the money or what she had to do for it. I don’t want to know. All I need to know is that she is the best mother there is, and Ethan thrives with both of his parents.
“Give it a couple of days,” I say. “Something else will happen, and then it’ll be old news.”
“It’s taken seven years for people to be nice to me.” She sits down on the couch. “Seven years for me to finally walk into the grocery store without being pointed at as the ‘harlot’ who stole you away from the town’s princess.”
“The only thing that matters is that the town loves Ethan,” I remind her. “How they feel about me or you is not an issue.”
She puts her head back. “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page,” she says, getting up. “I’ll get out of your hair.”
She walks to me. “He has a spelling test tomorrow. Just go over the words in the car.”
“Will do,” I say, and she leans up to kiss my cheek.
“Thank you,” she says and walks out of the house. I walk out the door and watch her drive away. Stopping in the middle of my porch, I sit down and look at the sky.
“What the hell are you doing back in town, Kallie?” I ask the universe, and I expect to get an answer, but instead, all I hear is the silence. It’s always the silence that greets me.
Chapter Six
Kallie
I toss and turn in bed even though I’m exhausted and fell asleep five minutes after getting out of my shower. I wake suddenly and just lie here, my heartbeat going through the motions, just as it has been for the past eight years.
My room has stayed the same since I left, the only things gone are the pictures I had of me and Jacob all over my room. I don’t even think about all the times he climbed into my bed after my parents were asleep and just held me. Memories that I locked away and somehow forgot now come crashing back, making it hard for me to breathe. I get up, sitting at the end of the bed, trying to collect my breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I get up and go to my luggage that sits open on the floor, looking like it just exploded everywhere. I refuse to wear any of the clothes I left here. I left them here for a reason, so there is no way I’m going to put them on now. In fact, I’m packing them up tomorrow and taking them to the church so they can give them away.
I pull on my yoga pants and put on a sweater. Sliding open my door, I slowly wait for the creak that used to come when it opened halfway. This time, it doesn’t make any noise as I slip out of my room and go down the stairs. The light in the kitchen is on like always, and a plate of muffins sits on the island right next to the vase of flowers. I walk over to the door and grab my running shoes. After I put them on, I slip out of the door and walk to the barn. I stop and listen for it, waiting to hear a car horn honk or backfire or a siren blaring somewhere, but instead, it’s nothing but crickets. The light from the stars leads me to the barn, and I slide the big metal door open, just like I used to do all those years ago when I couldn’t sleep.
The lights are on dim in each of the stalls as I walk down the concrete path in the middle of the barn. I hear the horses in their stalls as I make my way over to the one I know is mine. Lady Princess is written on the outside of the stall. She comes over to the opening, her brown coat still as bright as when I got her ten years ago. My sweet sixteen present from my father.
“Hey, girl,” I say, holding my hand out to her so she can smell me. She knocks my hand with her nose. “Sorry I left you,” I say, rubbing down her muzzle. “I heard you were pissed.”
“She was.” When I hear that from behind me, I yelp, scaring her and a couple of the other horses.
“Jesus H,” I say. Looking behind me, I find Casey standing there in just jeans with a rifle in his hand. “Casey, what in the fuck?” I shriek.
“You almost got yourself shot,” he says. “What in the fuck are you doing out here at one in the morning?”
“How in the hell did you know I was here?” I ask, still trying to get my heart to calm down.
“You triggered the alarm,” he says, pointing at the door. “I have it set up in my house. It tells me everything.”
“Well, would you look at that.” I smile at him. “Can you help me saddle her?” I ask. “And can you please put that gun away?”
He puts the gun down and walks over to the far end of the barn, returning with my saddle. “When I found out you were coming home, I had her cleaned up and shined,” he says. Opening the stall door, he holds up his hand, calling Lady
. She slowly comes out and waits for him to put the saddle on her. He ties it tight around her belly and then steps back. “You need help mounting her?” His voice comes out smooth, and I cringe.
“One, I can’t even with that sentence,” I say, pushing him aside, “and two, I don’t need you to help me do anything but open the garage door.”
“Want company?” he asks me when I walk over to Lady and pet the side of her neck. I shake my head. “Okay. Well, leave the saddle on her, and I’ll take care of it when I come in,” he says, grabbing the shotgun and then walking out.
“You could put on boots and get a gun, but you couldn’t put on a shirt?” I ask, and he shrugs.
“I was hoping it was Olivia,” he says, and I groan. “Be safe.” He opens the barn door, and I put one foot in the stirrup and swing my leg over to sit on her. She backs up a couple of steps and then slowly she walks forward. “Be careful. She gets pissy when you try to guide her too much, and last time, she tried to buck Mom off.”
“She’s good,” I say, holding the reins in both of my hands. “It’s like riding a bike.” Using my foot, I make her start to trot. “That’s a good girl.”
She takes me down the path we always used to go, down the path where I spent more and more time with her as I got older, knowing I was going to leave her eventually. What I wasn’t intending was to go away for so long. My head is not even paying attention to where she is going until I hear the creek. She walks alongside the creek where I used to meet Jacob. I make Lady stop at the tree and get off, then lead her over to the creek so she can drink for a bit. I walk to the tree where he carved our names into the trunk. I expect to see our names still there except they’re not there. There is nothing. It’s like someone cut it out of the tree. My hand comes up and traces the smooth wood. I look at the tree next to it, thinking I might have gotten the wrong tree, but it’s not there either. I look around in the darkness, thinking I came to the wrong spot, but then I spot the rock he made Beau carry up here. The big boulder where we would sit while we spoke about the future. I walk over to it, and the memory of us sitting on that rock comes rushing forward. He’d sit behind me, and I’d press my head back on his shoulder, looking up at him. My hand on his cheek, my heart so full.
“Do you love me?” I used to ask him every single time.
“My heart doesn’t beat without you.” He used to say each time.
It knocks me to my knees, and my wails and sobs echo in the quiet night. My hand goes to my chest, the pain as intense as if it was yesterday. I sit with my back to the stone, trying to make sense of everything. When did it go wrong? How did it go wrong? How did I not see it? How did I not feel it? How? How?
Lady grazes near me, and when the sun starts to come up, I finally get up and walk over to her. My body feels beaten, but I get on Lady and we make our way back home. This time, I go as slow or as fast as she wants. When I approach the barn, the door opens, and I see Casey coming out with a cup of coffee in his hand. He’s already dressed in jeans, his boots, and this time, a shirt. “I was about to send out a search party,” he says, and his eyes meet mine.
“Just going down memory lane,” I say, getting off Lady and handing him the reins. “There is a rock I want moved.”
“Is it by the tree that Jacob tried to cut down?” he asks, and my head snaps back.
“Mom is up and found your friend Olivia asleep outside on the porch swing,” Casey tells me, and my eyes open.
“She doesn’t sleep ever since …” I don’t tell him the rest because it’s not my story to tell, and if she wants to tell him, then that’s on her.
“What is it with you city folks and sleeping in beds?” he asks, and I just shrug. “Tell Mom I’ll be in for breakfast in twenty.”
“You are thirty, and your mother still cooks you breakfast?” I shake my head.
“One thing at a time.” He laughs. “It took me two years to actually move out to my own house.”
“I can’t wait to see it,” I say.
“Tonight after dinner, I’ll give you and Olivia the tour.” He winks at me, and I turn to walk back to the house. My sneakers are filled with dust now. I open the porch door and quietly enter the house.
The smell of bacon and coffee hits me right away. “Morning,” I say. Yawning, I walk over to the coffeepot and grab a white mug. I fill it to the brim and then take a sip. “So good.”
“Since when do you drink your coffee black?” my mother asks as she mixes eggs in a big bowl.
“Since I saw how much fat is in half and half,” I say, and she just shakes her head. “Where’s Olivia?”
“Well, she got up at around three this morning, and then I heard her go outside. When I woke up at five, she was sleeping outside on the porch swing. Then she got up and did some Namaste things on the lawn.”
“Yoga.” I try not to laugh at my mother. “I want to swing by the church if we can today.” Her eyes fly up at me.
“Of course.” She tries to hide her surprise that I want to leave the house.
“Good,” I say. Walking upstairs with my coffee, I go take another shower. When I get out, I slip on a white tank top and fumble around for a pair of jeans but none of them are what I’m looking for. I open my drawer where I used to keep my jeans and grab my overalls. I smile when I think about how crazy it is that this is now the style again. I slip into them, and I roll up the bottoms and then slip on my white Converse shoes. I grab the cup of coffee and head downstairs, hearing voices.
“You can’t go out wearing that.” I hear Casey, and I roll my eyes.
“Why not?” Olivia asks, and I walk in and see what she is wearing. She has her tight white jeans that mold her and make her ass look amazing with a white tank top cut low in the front, showing her cleavage.
“You’ll stick out like a sore thumb,” he says, and she laughs.
“I have a jacket,” she says, walking to the chair and putting on her beige jacket with big gold buttons.
“Yeah, that’s much better,” he says, hiding his smile. “I’m sure Kallie has some shoes for you to borrow.”
“Oh, no,” Olivia says, going to the front door and grabbing her high heel sandals. Putting them on just makes her whole outfit sexy.
“No fucking way,” Casey says, and my mother laughs.
“Watch your language, young man.” She points at my brother. “Honey.” She turns to Olivia. “You might be a bit overdressed. But if you want to wear that …”
“I think it’s too much,” I say, and she looks at me. “Definitely leave the jacket off.” I try to roll my lips when I hear Casey groan and bang his head on the table.
“I’m going to have to sleep in my truck tonight,” he says, pushing off the table and carrying his plate to the sink. “Thanks, Ma,” he says, kissing her cheek. Then he comes over to me. “Try not to get the gossip going, would ya?” he says and then walks over to Olivia. My mother and I both watch him. “Have a good day, sugar.” He leans in and kisses her on the mouth, stunning her and us. “See you later,” he says and walks out the door.
“What in the heavens?” my mother says, and I look at Olivia, who just puts her hand to her lips.
“Does everyone in the country just kiss you?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“Not unless they want to get shot,” I say, and my mother laughs. I eat a bit of breakfast and help my mother clean up. When we’re finished, I grab a couple of bags and head upstairs while Olivia opens her computer and starts answering emails.
“I’m ready,” I say when I walk down the stairs with four bags stuffed with clothes.
“I just finished making lunch,” my mother says, wiping her hands. “Why don’t we go? I have to get a couple of things at the butcher.”
We get into my mother’s truck, and I fasten my seat belt and look back at Olivia in the back, putting on her designer sunglasses out of her Yves Saint Laurent purse.
“Here goes nothing,” I say under my breath when my mother pulls out of the driveway.
/> Chapter Seven
Jacob
“Let’s go, kiddo!” I yell down the hall while I pour another cup of coffee, this time in a to-go cup. I thought I would sleep like the dead, but instead, all I did was sit outside looking at the sky. I have no idea if I was looking for a sign or what, but tossing and turning in bed got old, so I went outside and spent the night lying on my porch couch just listening to the silence and looking at the blinking stars. When the sky started to get pink, I got up and ran on the treadmill that I have set up at home.
“Dad!” I hear Ethan yell. “I can’t find my bag.” I shake my head. My son would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to his body. I walk to one of the chairs at the kitchen table and see it there.
“It’s in the kitchen,” I say, and then he comes running into the kitchen wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I look down at myself and see we are almost dressed the same; the only difference is I have a baseball hat on. “You ready?” I ask. He grabs the toast I put on a plate on the table, then nods.
He picks up his sweater and backpack and forgets to grab his lunch box. I grab it from the counter with my keys and walk out with him, slamming the door behind me as I watch Ethan get into the truck and buckle himself in. I open his door, and he looks at me with a what now look. I hold up his lunch box in my hand, and he smiles. “Oh, I forgot that,” he says, smirking and holding out his hand for it.
“Yeah, you forgot that,” I say and close the door, getting into the front seat. The drive to school is max ten minutes. I pull up in the drop-off lane, and I’m greeted by one of Ethan’s teachers, Jana, wearing the drop-off vest. She opens the back door to get Ethan out.
“Good morning, Ethan,” she says softly and smiles at him. Her eyes meet mine, and she smiles bigger. “Morning, Jacob.” I nod at her. It’s no secret that I’m the town’s single dad. It’s also no secret that I haven’t dated anyone really in the past eight years. It’s also no secret that every single woman in the town is waiting for me to take the leap, especially Jana.
Southern Chance Page 4
