by Bella Andre
What kind of stories could they be to make her look the way she had when he'd walked out? But he never got a chance to ask her, because his bodyguard got off the phone and said, "A big crowd has assembled out front. Do you want to go out the back?"
Drew was tempted to escape without being seen, simply because then he could return his focus to Ashley. But early on in his career, he'd promised himself he'd always be there for his fans the way they'd always been there for him. Plus, in his lowest moments, playing for them had given him a reason to get up in the morning.
"Nope, let's go say hello to the fans."
James nodded. "I figured you'd say that, so I've got a local security crew already waiting downstairs."
"Make sure to write down in your notes that James is the best security director in the business," Drew told Ashley.
"I already have," she said with a smile that knocked Drew's heart around in his chest like a pinball.
"Do you want to head out the back? Max could take you down."
"While I'm here, I need to see and experience everything. At least," she added with one of those beautiful blushes that turned her creamy skin rosy and flushed, "everything you're okay with letting me see."
Jesus. If she had any idea of the kind of things he wanted her to experience with him, and that he wanted to show her...
He'd never been caught in this kind of conflict before--at the same time that he wanted to protect Ashley, he also wanted to do precisely the things to her that he should be protecting her from.
His insides were completely twisted up over her, and yet he still couldn't stop the runaway train of remembered visions that his brain kept sending him about how soft her naked skin had been that morning. Or how good she'd smelled. Or how much he'd wanted to pick her up and carry her back to his bed to--
Damn it! He was doing it again. Completely losing focus. Keeping Ashley safe while she was on tour with him was his number one priority. He couldn't let himself forget that.
Still, this was her first time in Vegas. And he couldn't let her leave without experiencing his favorite part of it. Not the bright lights, but the awe-inspiring beauty that most tourists never even knew existed, let alone saw.
"Max," he said as they headed down in the elevator, "after we say hi to the fans, we've got time for a trip to the Valley of Fire before they need me at the venue, right? I'd like to show it to Ashley."
Max nodded. "If we leave right away, we should have plenty of time to get there and back even if the traffic is nasty."
"What's the Valley of Fire?" Ashley asked.
"Only one of the coolest places on the planet. And no sneaking a peek at pictures of it on your phone. It's better if the first time you see it, it's the real thing."
The words the real thing seemed to hang in the air between them, even with James and Max in the elevator with them.
"I won't look online," she said in a solemn voice, one that made it even harder not to kiss her.
A few seconds later the elevator doors opened, and the screams of his fans brought him back to reality. At least, they should have. But just as he'd been so wrapped up in Ashley that he'd forgotten to call for security at the airport, he wasn't at the top of his meet-the-fans game today either. Because while the Las Vegas security team did their best to keep everyone orderly, when a bra went flying, Drew wasn't able to react fast enough to grab it out of the air before it landed on top of Ashley's head.
She stopped dead in her tracks, and through the din of screams from the girls outside, he heard her say as if to herself, "Somehow, I don't think this is meant for me." She took it off her head and reached out to hand it to him, her lips twitching. "A gift for you."
He laughed out loud, even more thankful that she was with him. "Thanks." He wanted to be alone with her on the bus again, wanted to hear her let her own laughter free. But first he needed to get his act together for the next half hour and hang out with the fans who had made the effort to come see him this morning.
He turned to the crowd. "Thanks for coming to say hi."
The entire time he was signing autographs and taking selfies, he was aware of Ashley standing nearby making notes on her tablet. And just knowing she was there made him feel good.
* * *
Ninety minutes later, they had pulled off the freeway and were heading straight for the Valley of Fire. They were sitting in the front section of the bus beside Max so that Ashley wouldn't miss the moment when the national park came into view. James was there with them, too, and Drew was charmed by the honest interest Ashley had in both men's lives. He could tell she wasn't just asking about their wives and kids as research, but because she liked hearing them talk about the people they loved. Some musicians stayed separate from their crew, preferring to keep things as impersonal as possible, but Drew had always enjoyed getting to know everyone. One of his favorite things about touring, in fact, was how much it felt like family after a week of living in each other's pockets. If he couldn't see his real family, then at least he didn't have to feel totally alone.
Ashley was laughing at something James had just said when she suddenly stopped. "Oh my God, look at that!" She pointed at the bright red and orange rock formations rising from the middle of the otherwise flat and barren desert. She turned to Drew with a huge, awestruck smile. "They're like flames rising from the ground."
"Amazing, right?"
She nodded, grinning even wider as she said, "Valley of Fire. What a perfect name for this magical place."
As they got closer to the park, more and more of the incredible rock formations came into view. Drew had been here a good half-dozen times, but it never ceased to blow him away.
Soon, they were pulling into the visitor's center parking lot. Fortunately, Ashley was wearing Converse sneakers instead of heels or sandals, and she immediately hopped out of the bus so that she could see one of the rocks up close.
Drew turned to James and Max. He dug them both, but sometimes he wished he could drive himself around in a car like a normal person. "You guys don't mind waiting here, do you?"
Max nodded, grinning like the true romantic he was. "Sure, no problem for me."
But James was frowning. "Last time I let you loose in a desert, you almost didn't come back." That had been a rough day, one Drew had no intention of repeating. James did his staring-you-down thing for a few moments before he finally grabbed one of the black baseball caps on the dash and shoved it at Drew. "Don't take this or your sunglasses off. And if you run into any other hikers, keep your head down."
At first these precautions had felt like overkill. But more and more, Drew was glad to know that James was there to make sure they got in and out of crazy situations safely. And now that Ashley was with him, making sure nothing got out of hand was even more important.
Baseball cap on, he headed for Ashley. She was running her hand over the red rock, but turned as she heard him approach. Her smile was radiant, and he nearly stumbled at how deeply her pleasure affected him. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to keep giving her pleasure. Any and every way he possibly could.
Down, boy.
"I can't believe we're practically the only ones here. The Vegas Strip is pretty cool, but this--" She waved her hand at what was surely one of the wonders of the world. "Thank you for blowing my mind, Drew."
He put his hand beside hers on the rock. It was warm, but not nearly as warm as her skin had been that morning when she'd barreled into his arms. He wanted to tell her she'd blown his mind from the first moment he'd set eyes on her. But with her father's take care of my baby ringing in his ears, Drew simply said, "You're welcome. Ready to explore?"
She nodded, but as they were heading off toward one of the trails, she stopped and looked back. "Aren't James and Max going to come with us?"
"Not this time." In order to distract her from asking why not, he said, "I was ten the first time we came here, all eight of us piled into a beat-up old RV my parents had bought secondhand."
"It mus
t have been such a grand adventure."
"It always was whenever we took that thing out. We fought sometimes, but we played more. And we always knew our mom was going to show us something really cool. Like this sand, for instance." He bent down to scoop up a handful of the red powder, then let it slowly blow out from between his fingers. "Not just because of the amazing color, but also because of how fine it is. I remember coming home after our first trip here and all of us were dumping red sand out of our tennis shoes for days."
"What else did your mom show you?"
He liked that she wasn't afraid to ask him questions about his mother. It was pretty much impossible for him to talk with any of his siblings about his mom, when they were all still too deep in the pain of losing her. And as for his father, Michael? Any hint of Lisa Morrison in a conversation and he went to pieces. Drew hadn't realized just how much he wanted to talk to someone about his mom until this moment.
Not just someone. Ashley.
"We traveled all over the country in that RV. We went to the Grand Canyon. We saw the world's biggest redwoods in Humboldt County. We explored the canyons in Carlsbad. And each of us put a foot and a hand in the four corners where Utah, Colorado, Arizona, and New Mexico meet. In fact, right outside of the Four Corners Monument is where my mom bought me my first guitar--from a guy selling a bunch of random stuff on the side of the highway." He smiled, remembering that day. He'd been tired of being stuck inside with his little sisters hanging all over him and his brothers knocking around on him. And his mother had known exactly what he needed to feel better. "It only had five strings and one broke pretty quickly, but it was still the greatest gift anyone has ever given me."
"What happened to that guitar? Do you still have it?"
"I wish." He shook his head. "My brother Justin dropped it out of a tree a few years later."
"Why would he do that?"
"I had it coming," Drew admitted. "I'd narced on him at school for doing something wrong that had been my idea in the first place. He was just dumb enough to go along with me. Anyway, I ended up buying my first real guitar after that, a Martin that I mowed approximately a million lawns to afford. I still have that guitar. I actually played it--"
"On your last album." She bit her lip when he looked at her in surprise. "I kind of have a thing about liner notes. I read them so many times that I end up memorizing them."
"I do the same thing." Now she was the one looking at him in surprise. "You want to find out more about what inspired the artist, right? And it feels like there must be clues in the liner notes."
"It's good to know I'm not the only person crazy enough to think that."
"It's why I always buy the physical album in addition to the digital. I know I can read the liner notes online, but I like being able to flip through the pages."
"No wonder your liner notes are so great. I loved the way you basically put together a big photo album for the last release. Each picture really felt like the song it went with." She shook her head. "I know that must sound weird--to say that a picture can feel like a song."
"If you ask me, everything can feel like a song." Especially this moment, when it was just the two of them surrounded by red rocks and brilliantly colored sand and the bright blue sky. "One of the biggest questions I've gotten since putting out that album is why I put all those random pictures in the liner notes. The label wanted it to be just pictures of me, and they weren't particularly happy when I came in with pictures they couldn't understand. I ended up bending on some of them, and some other things on the album, too, which still really bugs me whenever I look at it or listen to it." He stopped, realizing that it sounded like he was complaining about all his good fortune. "Chief Records has done great things for me, but sometimes it feels like they just want me to paint with primary colors."
"If that's what they're trying to get you to do, they're wrong." He'd never heard her sound so firm. So strong. "You should paint with whatever colors you want to use and never let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to use only primaries, awesome. If you want to create brand-new colors that no one has ever seen before, then you should do it. No matter what anyone else says."
He'd never told anyone what his mother had said in the letter she'd written to him before she died, not even his siblings or his father. The letter she'd left for him to read that he kept with him always. It had already been a huge step for him to play "One More Time" last night, but now he found himself telling Ashley, "My mom wrote all of us a letter to read. After." He suddenly couldn't talk and walk at the same time. "It's in my pocket."
Ashley didn't say anything, simply stood with him beneath the blazing sun and waited for him to say what he needed to.
"I wasn't the easiest kid. I liked causing trouble more than any of my brothers or sisters. My teachers always said it was because I wanted to be in the spotlight."
Ashley laughed softly. "No wonder you're so comfortable in it."
He couldn't believe how easy she made everything for him. Even this. "I probably would have ended up in really bad trouble at some point if it hadn't been for my mom buying me that guitar. Music saved me from myself. I always wonder how she knew it was what I needed."
"She loved you, Drew." Her hand slipped into his, and he realized he'd never needed another person's touch more. "That's how she knew."
Ashley's hand felt like his only lifeline as he finally reached into his pocket. He unfolded the letter with one hand so that he wouldn't have to let go of hers, then handed it to her.
She hesitated for a moment before finally taking it from him. When she looked down and began to read, he heard her breath hitch in her throat. "Oh, Drew."
"Read it out loud." When she looked up at him in obvious surprise, he added, "Please, Ashley."
He would never hear his mother's voice again, but at least he could hear her words in the beautiful melody of Ashley's voice.
She took a deep breath before beginning. "My dearest Drew. Do you have any idea just how much joy you've brought me? Right from the moment you were born, I knew how special you were. You were always moving. Always making noise. Joyful noise that was musical right from the start. And even when you were being naughty and I knew I should be telling you off, it would be nearly impossible for me to keep from laughing right along with you. I still remember the first time you sang. You were barely a year old and there was a James Taylor song on the radio. "Fire and Rain." You had only just started to talk, but by the final chorus, I swear you had learned the lyrics. We sang together, even though I was off-key, and you were always so perfectly in tune with the song in your heart. And it just seems right, somehow, that those first lyrics you ever sang to me would come back around again for us now. Because I loved every single sunny day we shared together. And if it seems sometimes like there are too many lonely days, honey? Just know that I'm always here watching you make the beautiful music you were put here to make. Because when nothing else makes--"
Tears had been streaming down Ashley's cheeks the entire time she'd been reading, but she'd been able to keep going. Until she couldn't anymore.
So Drew filled in the words she was too emotional to finish reading aloud. "When nothing else makes the pain go away, all I have to do is put on one of your songs and it works every time. Every single time."
Ashley sniffled and looked back down at the letter as if she knew that he needed her to say the final five words aloud, needed to hear the beautiful melody of her voice dancing with them. "I love you, Drew. Always."
She didn't reach up to wipe away her tears, simply handed him the letter so that he could carefully fold it up and put it into his pocket.
"She wouldn't let me leave my tour to come home." The desert was so quiet that in the spaces between his words, he swore he could hear their hearts beating. "Every time I tried, she sent me back after a few days. She said people needed to hear my music."
"And she knew you needed to be playing it for them, too, didn't she? That you wouldn't be whole without it."<
br />
He looked into her beautiful eyes--eyes that saw so deeply it stunned him. "My brother Grant finally called and told me to get on a plane. I had only a few weeks with her at the end. She was asleep most of the time, but whenever she was awake, she'd ask me to play. I'd never been into folk music, like I didn't think it was cool enough. But in those three weeks I learned all her favorites--Dylan, CSN, Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen. And James Taylor, of course. 'Fire and Rain' was always her number one favorite, even when she was lying in the hospital and knew she was never going to leave it."
"She must have loved you playing all of her favorite songs for her."
"She did." And he had, too, even if he hadn't been able to play any of those songs since. "Her throat was too dry to sing along, but when she had the energy, she'd mouth the words and even tap her fingers to the beat."
He hadn't talked this much about his mom for...he didn't actually know how long it had been. Since even before she died. And maybe it wasn't fair to lay all of this on Ashley. But he couldn't stop now. He had to get it out.
Finally just get it all out.
"I knew she was going to go soon. We all did. But even though we knew we were saying good-bye, we all broke."
"Drew." Ashley slipped her hand from his and wrapped both of her arms around his waist as she pulled him close.
She wasn't only his lifeline now. She was his strength, too.
"Grant just kept swearing. Dad and Madison couldn't stop crying. Justin kept wanting to hit buttons on the machines all around her, as if science could save her. Olivia went so silent it was scary. Sean looked like he was on the verge of breaking down a wall to get out of there."
"What about you?" She didn't let go of him as she asked the question, just held him so tightly that the words coming from her chest vibrated through his. "What did you do?"
"I nearly slammed my guitar into the ground, but Olivia took it away from me before I could destroy it. I wrote 'One More Time' that day."
"It's the most beautiful song, Drew. She would have loved it."
"I didn't mean to write it," he admitted in a low voice, "but I couldn't stop the words or melody from coming out. And I didn't mean to play it for anyone either. But last night...last night it felt like she was there. Like she really was listen--" The word broke in half as the tears he hadn't been able to cry since his mom died finally broke through the wall of pain he'd built around them. "I miss my mom so much. So damned much, every single day."
