by E. L. Todd
Her eyes filled with pain, like I’d really hurt her.
“I just…can’t.” I sank back into the booth, breathing hard because this was worse than my divorce. It was the most emotional day of my life since my father passed away. “Every time I’m around you, I just fall for you harder. I can’t be with other women because it makes me miserable that I’m not with you.” It took all my strength to rise out of that booth and prepare to walk away forever, to never see her face again, hear her voice. But I had to do what was best for me because my heart couldn’t take any more of her punches. I started to walk away, my eyes down so I wouldn’t have to look at her again. “Thank you for the cake…”
Ten
Carson
It took me a second to process what happened, the drastic turn the evening took. We’d swerved off the road, and it all happened so quickly that I couldn’t believe we were pinned against a tree off the side of the road.
It was so traumatic my brain froze.
The waitress came over and placed four slices of cake in front of us.
But we were all quiet.
Charlie stared at me, his expression saying everything his mouth didn’t.
Matt was normally talkative, but he was speechless too, like he didn’t have a single thing to say. There was cake in front of him, but he ignored it, which was saying something for Matt.
Charlie sighed. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Let’s not do this—”
“We have to do this. Because you’re being a goddamn idiot right now.”
“I’m not ready—”
“Then tell him you need more time. But don’t lose him altogether. He’ll wait for you.”
“I’m such a mess right now. I don’t want to ask him to wait for something that may not even happen, you know?”
He dragged his hand down his face. “You really don’t trust the guy?”
“It’s not that—”
“So, you do trust him?”
“I didn’t say that either. I just think neither one of us is ready—”
“It doesn’t seem like he cares about that, Carson.” Charlie stared me down. “He wants to try to make this work, in any way that he can. You’ve been spending time together as friends for a month now, and you’ve gotten to know him even better. I think there are no secrets at this point.”
I knew he was going to scream at me until he got his way. “Look, I really like him. And I just…I’m scared.”
“Well, you need to grow a pair and get over it,” he snapped. “Because if you stay scared, you’re going to lose this guy. No, you already lost him. He’s gone now.”
Hearing Dax say he didn’t want to be friends at all hurt more than his lie. Knowing we would never run into each other at basketball or the bar or wherever…was devastating. Now, he really was gone. Permanently.
“Get your shit together, Carson. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Matt grabbed his fork and started to pick at his cake. He didn’t participate in the conversation.
“I’ve only been divorced for a year—”
“That’s plenty of time. If you continue to live in the past, you’ll never be happy. And the best revenge is being happy. So, live well—and you can’t live well alone. You need to pull your head out of your ass, Carson. If you don’t, I’ll do it for you.”
The days passed with strange stillness despite how busy I was. I was all over the place, working on my articles, staying late at the office, getting to bed at some ungodly hour, just to wake up at sunrise the next morning.
But most of my thoughts were filled with Dax.
I remembered the pain on his face, the sincerity in his eyes, the intensity of the moment as he threw his heart on the table and let it pulse right on the surface. My response was cold, but his declaration had been so unexpected there had been no time to react, to prepare.
I felt like shit.
I didn’t know what to do.
I still had to finish his article and had more questions, so I called his office and made an appointment. He said he didn’t want to be friends, so I had no idea how our next meeting would go.
Within fifteen minutes of making the appointment, I got an email.
From: Dax Frawley
Carson,
If you have any remaining questions pertaining to your article, you can send them here.
Dax Frawley
CEO, Clydesdale Software
It was like a punch to the gut, the way he cut me out of his life like a surgeon removing an organ. It was sterile and clean. It hurt…a lot. I didn’t respond back because I would only type my questions and say nothing else.
I still had to interview his sister, but that shouldn’t be a problem.
Eleven
Dax
I stepped into Renee’s office. “I just talked to the developers, and we’re completely scrapping our previous idea. We’re meeting up again in a week to see what they come up with, and I’ll do my own research. So, you need to talk to the manufacturers and put everything on hold.”
Her office was the complete opposite of mine. She had a white desk with a beautiful rug underneath. There were always vases of flowers everywhere. The walls had images of the beautiful countryside, reminding her of our home in Connecticut. Instead of looking like a corporate office, it was an office you’d see in Home and Garden.
She looked up from her laptop then shut it. “Alright, I’ll handle it.” She was in white pants that were high on her waist with a blouse tucked in. Her hair was curled and pulled over one shoulder. “How’d it go with William last week?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“I want your version.”
I sat in the armchair facing her desk. “Pretty decent player.”
“That’s it?” she asked, her eyebrow raised.
“He told me about the hooker in Vegas.”
“He did?” she blurted. “What? I can’t believe he told you that.”
“The guy doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. I like that.”
“But still…”
“And he told me about your little tantrum…”
The blood drained from her face, and she suddenly looked pale.
I grinned at her embarrassment. “Didn’t know you were the jealous type.”
“Oh my god, I’m going to kill him.”
“I thought it was a cute story, actually.”
“That was the most embarrassing night of my life.”
“He seemed to enjoy it.”
“Well, he’s…different.” She looked away, like the memory still got under her skin. “I’m glad you two are getting along.”
“He’s easy to get along with. I like that he doesn’t brag to impress me. I just discover more information through our conversations.”
“Like?”
“The fact that he owns his own practice. Impressive.”
She chuckled. “He’s one of the top five cardiologists in the city, but I’m sure he didn’t mention it.”
“See? That’s what I’m talking about.” I snapped my fingers. “If you’re successful, it doesn’t need to be broadcast. Constantly bragging means you’re insecure. He’s not insecure at all.”
“No, he’s definitely not.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway…I’m doing an interview with Carson tomorrow.”
The second Carson was mentioned, my lungs deflated like punctured balloons. I put her out of my mind as much as possible, and when she’d tried to come in and finish off her questions, I’d intervened and told her we would only communicate via email from now on.
I never wanted to see her again.
Just couldn’t do it.
My elbow rested on the arm, and my fingers stretched across my jawline as I regarded my sister.
“Not happy about that?”
“The interview doesn’t bother me.”
“Then why did you get so low all of a sudden?”
I normally wouldn’t say anything,
but Renee had asked for a deeper relationship with me, probably because she had been close to Mom and they talked about a lot of things. She’d turned to Dad for advice too. They were gone, and she needed me to step up. So, I told her the truth. “We aren’t friends anymore.”
“Oh… What happened?” She leaned forward, her elbows resting on the desk, her hands coming together.
“We got together for a dinner. I thought it was just casual, hanging out with her and her friends. But it was actually to celebrate my birthday, and she got me a cake and everything…”
“That sounds nice. What’s the problem?” Her eyes were soft as she regarded me, like my romantic problems were important to her.
I rubbed my fingers across my cheek. “There’s just something about those quiet moments with her that make me feel… I can’t really describe it. The night before, I went out with the guys and we hit up a strip club and all this bullshit, and I just… It’s not me anymore. And having that quiet moment, just us in that booth, her sitting across from me… made me lose it. I told her I wanted to be with her, that I wanted her to take me back.”
Her eyes widened. “You said that in front of her friends?”
“Like I said, I just snapped.”
“Then what happened?” Her voice trailed off like she already knew the outcome.
“She said no.” I’d relived that moment so many times, the way she rejected me, turned me down like her answer was so concrete that no amount of closeness would ever change our relationship. I’d never felt this way about anyone, not even my ex-wife, and I refused to believe Carson didn’t feel the same. But she still didn’t want me, even if her feelings lingered.
She shook her head slightly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah.”
“And she doesn’t want anything to do with you?”
“No. I was the one who walked away.”
Her eyebrows rose.
“As friends, she was a lot more open with me and I got to know her on a whole new level, and it’s just making it more difficult. I’m never going to move on if I see her all the time. I’m never going to give other women a chance if I’m sprung on some woman who doesn’t want me.”
Renee turned quiet and just stared.
I rubbed the scruff on my jawline then looked at her. “What?”
“I just… I didn’t know you felt that strongly about her.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does matter.”
“It’s complicated. I wasn’t interested in anything meaningful when I met her, and she wasn’t either. So, our timing is terrible…”
“If you guys are in the same place, then it sounds perfect to me.”
It had sounded perfect to me too. We could both grow together, both move on together, both find happiness in each other. “She doesn’t see it that way.”
Twelve
Carson
Renee Frawley was on a different floor, so there wasn’t much of a chance I would run into Dax. He was probably aware of the appointment and would make sure we didn’t cross paths.
I checked in with her assistant and was ushered in a moment later.
Renee’s office couldn’t be more different from his. It was like a spring day in the park—but inside a skyscraper with a view of more skyscrapers behind her. Vases of flowers were placed throughout the large room, and big, vibrant paintings of hydrangeas next to sea cottages hung above a white desk with a padded white chair.
Renee rose from her chair and greeted me with a handshake—but not a smile. “Take a seat.”
When I was up close, I could see the subtle similarities she shared with Dax, but she had her own look. She was beautiful, just like in the pictures at the house. But many years had passed since those photographs had been taken, and she’d really turned into a stunning woman. “Thanks for meeting me today. I’ve gotten a lot of information already, but I just wanted to get an understanding—”
“Just ask your questions.” She returned to her chair and stared me down, her laptop open in front of her, a cold frown on her face. It seemed like this was the last thing she wanted to do with her time. Dax was so down-to-earth, but she was nothing like him. She was colder than ice.
My instinct was to talk back, but since I needed something from her, I just ignored it. I opened my notebook and got straight to the questions. “Dax said joining him in the CEO position was always a possibility, but you probably wouldn’t want it. Do you think that could change? And how do you feel about having a brother who so easily shares power?”
Her stare was just as cold as her voice. “How do I feel about having a brother who’s the best man that I know?” She cocked her head slightly, as if I’d said something offensive. “Dax is an equalist who has always treated me like I have just as much right to this company as he does. There’s not a misogynistic bone in his body, because our parents were exactly the same way. Dax would do anything for me within a second, and if it were my wish to be the single CEO of this company, he would vacate the chair immediately. He’s not some egotistical, greedy asshole who only cares about his bank account. He is, undoubtedly, the most wonderful man on this planet. That’s how I feel about it, Carson.”
Jesus Christ, that hostility was like an inferno. “We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, and I have no idea why. Did I do something to offend you?” Instead of apologizing right away to kiss her ass, I didn’t. I didn’t apologize unless I meant it, and I didn’t bend to anyone just because they were richer than I was. I came here as a professional, but she’d been pissed off since she laid eyes on me. William was kind and easygoing, so I found it hard to believe this was her usual character.
Her eyes narrowed farther. “I don’t like you.”
“Whoa…just gonna come out and say it, huh?” I gave a slight shrug. “Well, I have to commend you for your honesty.”
She was still, her arms on the sides of the chair, regarding me like a ruler.
“I’ll just stick with the questions then and disappear as quickly as possible.” I didn’t ask her why she felt that way because it really didn’t matter. I hadn’t done anything to deserve this disrespect, so I wouldn’t humor her by pretending to care whatever her ridiculous reason was. “The company has been in the family for three generations, which is quite an accomplishment—”
“I don’t like you because of the way you treat my brother.”
I’d thought it was a possibility she wouldn’t like me because of my personal relationship with her brother, but I didn’t think she would lose all professionalism over it. “You mean, the way I was upset when he lied about who he was entirely? Took me to a fake apartment so he could be something he wasn’t?”
Her anger increased. “He’s a good man, Carson. I’m not saying that as his sister. He’s not like the friends he hangs out with. He’s honorable and, despite his mistake, honest. And the way he feels about you…is real. I don’t appreciate the way you’re holding a grudge against a man who obviously would do anything for you.”
I bowed my head. “No offense, but it’s complicated—”
“It’s not complicated at all.” She lowered her voice, which somehow made her more sinister. “My brother feels very strongly about you, has heartbreak in his eyes, and you’re an idiot for continuing to play with his heart.”
“I’m not playing with his heart—”
“Get your shit together and give him a chance. Because I promise you, you will never find a better man. You will lose your shot and regret it for the rest of your life. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, and I understand new relationships are terrifying, but his lie was harmless. Stop being stubborn. Stop being difficult.”
The last thing I’d expected was to have a conversation about my relationship with her brother, especially at this intensity. “If you don’t like me, why would you even want me to be with him? He can find someone much better than me.”
“Because you’re the one he wants. Make him happy, then we have no problem. Ma
ke him unhappy…I’m your biggest enemy.”
Charlie glared at me the second I walked in the door.
“Okay, this shit is getting old.” I dropped my bag on the table.
“It’s not going to stop.” He sat in front of his computer in his sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Your head is still in your ass.”
“Seriously, I’m not in the mood right now.” I sat down and pulled out my phone. I started firing off texts, getting the girls to go out for a drink. The week had been rough, and I wanted to forget about all the drama.
“What’s up?”
“I interviewed Dax’s sister…”
“And that didn’t go well?”
“She drilled into me harder than you did.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Meaning?”
“She basically told me off for hurting Dax.”
“Good. I hope that lit a fire under your ass.”
“I can’t believe he told her about us. Do people really share that stuff with their sister?”
“You tell Denise stuff.”
“But we’re both girls.”
He shrugged. “They’re orphans.”
Dax had told me they’d gotten closer. Maybe he was opening up to her more, which included details about me.
“You know, you could make this all go away if you just talked to Dax.”
“Wow, that’s really romantic,” I said sarcastically. “I’ll tell him the only reason I’ve come back is because everyone in my life hates me…”
He sighed and relaxed against the chair. “You honestly don’t want him back? That’s my issue. I know you do, but you’re stubborn. If you just didn’t want him, I’d let it go.”
I pulled out my laptop and opened it on the table. “Can I just have some space with this?” It was my life, not his. It was my relationship, not his. “How am I supposed to think when I have people harassing me everywhere I go?”
