by Alexis Leia
This book is dedicated to my sister Monika, my guardian angel who has been with me through good and bad. Without you, the world would be bleak.
This book is dedicated to my parents, my most loyal friends and protectors. Without you, the world would be a lot scarier.
This book is dedicated to Tea, my friend and editor, who has invested her time and sarcasm in our friendship. Without you, the world would be unorganized.
This book is dedicated to Josipa and Antonio, my oldest friends, who have shared my excitement and disappointments throughout the years. Without you, the world would be a lot less funny.
This book is dedicated to Ines, my friend, who has always been there to listen to my rants. Without you, the world would have lost all the drama.
This book is dedicated to everyone who has helped me reach my dreams, who were willing to listen and help whenever I needed someone else to lean on. All of you will recognize yourselves in these words. Thank you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
WHO AM I? Now that's a deep question! Still not entirely sure of the answer, but in general: a 20-something-year-old woman, from a small European country barely visible on the map, with big dreams and even bigger goals. A new author, who's trying to make her breakthrough.
WHY DO I WRITE? I feel a deep love for the written word, imagination, building characters from scratch, giving my readers that oh-so-good feeling. Also, it's a great way to make your overly active brain to finally shut up.
WHERE DO IDEAS COME FROM? A variety of sources: an overheard conversation in the streets; a dialogue that just pops up in my mind; a place I see that would work great as the setting for a book; even dreams!
IS THERE SOMETHING SPECIFIC ABOUT MY WORK? As a lover of all things good, I always need my characters to get a HEA. Before that, of course, we need to go through some drama! *fans herself with a hand fan*
WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT? I wrote this book years ago, when I was still a little newbie. I fell in love with the characters and plot I've come up with, and I could never really shake off the idea that I should publish the book for everyone to read. The main idea of the book is forgiveness, redemption, and the power of love. All things necessary to make peace with the past. I guess you'll just have to read it to see what kind of emotions it can evoke.
Copyright © 2019 by Alexis Leia
E-mail: [email protected]
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/alexisleia
Amazon: amazon.com/author/alexisleia
Cover design by © Andrej Cirkinagic @bocboc.media
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the author. No part of this publication may be changed, edited, adjusted or modified without the permission of the author. The copyright exclusivity is applied to all regions of the world and confirmed by international treaties. Therefore, it follows that any transgression against the intellectual property is punishable by law and subject to arbitrary processes.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of trademarks is not authorized with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This e-book is licensed for your personal use only. The e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people.
Thank you for representing the author’s work.
ABOUT THE BOOK
IF YOU COME BACK
They grew up together in the same foster home…
Chris Ledford swore he would never go back to his hometown of Mountainview, Colorado. He escaped thirteen years ago on a Christmas Eve, after spending years in foster homes, existing only as a number in the system. He had nothing to go back to, except Selene, a girl who had found her way to his soul so many years ago. Chris is now a hotshot music producer in Los Angeles, not even thinking about the demons of his past. However, his entire world shifts on its axis when he unexpectedly sees Selene after a decade of silence. What he thought was buried has again resurfaced, and he would stop at nothing to see the woman who had his soul in her hands, and redeem himself for the mistakes he had made.
But then he left…
Selene McClaran knew how it felt to have everything one moment, and then lose it the next. She was an orphan with no real home most of her life. Chris was someone she didn’t like to think about because he destroyed the remnants of her childhood when he decided to leave so many years ago. He was her first love when she was only a teen, but even then, he was a complex person who hid so much beneath the surface. Now, Selene is the mayor of the small town that had raised her, the town that she loved. But everything changes when her old flame returns and reignites the fire that he extinguished so many years ago.
In this story about broken love, sweet foster children, and making peace with the past, two people are on the path to redemption. Will they make it and discover there is life beyond regret?
PROLOGUE
Some people have the power to destroy you. It is tragic when the same ones are the only who can mend you.
13 years ago...
It was well after midnight in the small town of Mountainview, Colorado. All of its four thousand residents slept tightly in their warm homes, protected from the blizzard that raged outside. When they woke up in the morning, they wouldn’t be surprised at the massive snow that fell overnight; Mountainviewers, after all, lived on the mountain and no weather could surprise them. It would cheer them up even, because they would have a white Christmas. However, it surprised Selene McClaran, who stared out the window, following the snowflakes and listening to the howling sound of wind. She could feel something was different that night, some tension that burdened the air. It wasn’t like always, when her foster parents fought over the constant drunk state of her foster father, or the tension when she expected to get beaten again. That didn’t happen often now anyway, because Chris protected her from everything and everyone.
Selene was sure Chris only saw her as a fourteen-year-old baby sister, but she saw him nothing like a big brother. He was seventeen, also a foster child in the same home. He was Selene’s first great love, she knew that. But he, despite being overprotective and scaring off any boy who came even close to her, felt nothing more than brotherly love toward her. And that broke her heart. He would be eighteen soon and he would leave this town he hated so much. He always talked about leaving Mountainview, going somewhere he could make his passion come to life - creating music.
When she had first seen him, it felt like lightning struck her chest - his coal black hair, tall scrawny body and the eyes dark blue, like winter night. He was her savior, her hero, and she worshipped the ground he walked on. They’d both changed since they met; his body became stronger and bulkier, and hers became curvier and more feminine. The town boys noticed, but the only attention she wanted, she couldn’t have.
Her mind drifted off and she shook her head, her wild, dark red hair tumbling all around her. Her room was the size of a matchbox, and given how tense she was that night, she couldn’t stay inside. Her miniature room seemed to get even smaller with her unsettling thoughts, and she couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was. She was mature enough to know how instinct worked, and she always listened to it. She quietly walked out of her room and checked the dark hallway. She stopped locking her door a while ago, since Chris ha
d the habit of knocking on it in the middle of the night, to talk or watch movies after his nights out. He was seventeen, after all, and it’d been a few years since he was allowed to come back late. Well, it would be better to say it’d been a while since he stopped caring what their foster parents said about his behavior.
Chris was, Selene thought, a force of nature – at such a young age, still a child practically, he was unforgiving, relentless, and uncompromising. That much could be seen from his relationship with the other kids in the foster home, but most of all from his attitude towards authority.
As she walked towards his room at the end of the hallways, Selene heard loud snoring coming from her foster parents’ room, but everything else was quiet. She tiptoed down the hallway to Chris’s room and quietly knocked. He was probably awake, since he was a night owl, and she needed someone to talk to, to calm her.
The bad feeling intensified with every passing second as she stood in front of the door, shaking in her sweatpants and a light sweater.
For a second she thought Chris might be out, but he never went to bed after a night out without saying good night to her. The door slightly opened and she went inside. His room was complete chaos; clothes were all over the bed and floor, closet door opened and drawers pulled out. She gasped as she saw Chris stuffing his things in a large duffel bag on the bed, the old records piled neatly in another bag. He was already dressed in a thick winter jacket and boots, quickly packing and not sparing her a glance.
“W-what are you doing?” Selene whispered, but in her heart she already knew.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in a cold voice he never used with her, only those he perceived not worthy of his attention. Chris came from nothing, just like Selene, but he had this trait to him that she could only ever dream to achieve – immense pride. Before he became big enough to fight off bullies, among which he considered their stepfather too, he took insults and physical violence with his head held high. No matter what they did to him, he never shed a tear or begged for mercy. In the eyes of a fourteen-year-old like Selene, that was admirable, but she strongly suspected it wasn’t really good for him, keeping his emotions so bottled up.
She knew from experience if she didn’t let her emotions out, sooner or later there was a breakdown waiting to happen. But Chris was always there to comfort her when she tried to silently cry her woes away, in his own, manly, awkward way. Whenever she was sad, he’d bring her a chocolate she didn’t know how he could afford, and he’d hug her without saying a word. In Selene’s opinion, words weren’t always necessary. She felt that speechlessness that night as well, but not in a comforting way. Rather, it was the fear of what was going to be said.
“I wanted to be the first one to wish you a Merry Christmas”, she answered him, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill out of her green eyes. Chris stopped packing and stood still like a statue, his hands plastered on his hips and gaze directed to the ceiling windows. He exhaled loudly and shook his head.
“You shouldn’t have come”, he murmured and finally looked at her. She took an involuntary step back when she saw his expression. He was gritting his teeth, his square jaw so tight, they were in danger of breaking. There was coldness in his eyes she’d never seen before, not even when he told her his life story. A deep frown twisted his features, and it was directed at her. He looked dangerous, almost primal, but she wasn’t afraid of him. She was afraid of nothing, anyway. How could you be afraid, when you had nothing to lose?
She took a step toward him and shook her head. ‘‘You’re leaving, aren’t you?’’ she asked, not bothering to hide her tears. It was a lost cause anyway. He only nodded and continued packing.
“But, why now? I don’t understand. You’ve still got a year –” she began, but he interrupted her with a humorless laugh.
“I can’t wait another year. I can’t be in this town anymore. In this fucking foster home where they only use us to do their work. I’m not their slave, and I won’t be a prisoner of this town I hate”, he snapped. Her head twitched as if she’d been slapped.
“And you’re leaving without me?” she asked, her voice raising.
When he had talked about leaving, she always imagined he would ask her to come with him. They would run off, find another home in a big city where he could make his music and... live together. She now guessed it was only a result of her daydreaming, of her fourteen-year-old imagination, because he’d never said he would take her with him. The sharp intake of his breath was her answer. She lowered her head and watched her tears silently land on the cheap linoleum beneath her bare feet. He approached her and put a finger under her chin to lift her head up. His face softened a little as he wiped away her tears.
“You won’t be alone. You have Marcus and Annie”, he said, referring to two more kids that shared their foster home. They were close, but not as close as Chris.
“They are not you”, she admitted and sniffled. He stood really close to her, and it somehow seemed different, despite the numerous times they’d hugged, wrestled, and played by now.
“Don’t make this any harder on me, please”, he pleaded with a whisper as his hand played with her red curls, something he always did when he was distressed and wrapped in his thoughts.
“I don’t see how can this be harder for you. Will you ever come back?” she asked and let herself hold onto a little thread of hope.
His expression turned raw and painful for a second, before a neutral mask fell over his face. Instead of answering, his palm gently stroked her cheek and his thumb went over her full lips. She let out a gasp at the contact and closed her eyes, leaning her head into his hand. He first kissed her one cheek and then the other, and she opened her eyes to take a look at him.
“I’m sorry, for everything”, he murmured before giving her a bone-crushing hug. Yet, she closed her eyes and held onto him as if the act alone could make him stay.
Despite being breathless, she was sad when he pushed her away and ended such an emotional hug. She slowly opened her eyes to see him wearing his backpack and his duffel bag. He zipped up his jacket and went past her. He acted like his departure meant nothing to him, but Selene knew he felt something. He must have. He went past her and opened his door, only to pause and whisper to her over his shoulder.
“Goodbye, Red”, he used the nickname he had given her – so typical for a redhead, yet so special when uttered by him – and silently crept out.
She was rooted to the floor for a minute, completely shocked, but then realization that he was leaving put her in a state of frenzy. She ran outside the room and down the stairs towards the front door that had silently closed only a moment before. She opened them violently and ran out in the blizzard, not caring that it was below zero outside, that she was barefoot and poorly dressed. The snow was up to her knees and she shook in coldness, but she didn’t care. The only thing she cared was the boy sitting on his old, fixed motorcycle, with a determined look on his face that showed no intention of returning. Chris fired the engine and drove away, without even looking at her.
She knew in that moment that he had never really cared about her. How could you ever leave a person you cared about? Chris wasn’t a boy anymore, and it made sense he hadn’t even thought about bringing her with him. After all, she was only a scrawny fourteen-year-old kid, a byproduct of the system nobody ever wanted.
Selene felt her tears freeze on her face and her legs give away. She sat in the deep snow and stared at the white horizon. She was wrong after all; there’s always something to lose if you care enough. Just like snowflakes that fell on the ground, her heart froze, fell and shattered into million pieces.
CHAPTER ONE
Present day, Los Angeles
Whoever thought life in Hollywood was only glamour and hedonism had their head up their ass, Chris thought to himself. Los Angeles was simply one big wilderness, where everyone fought for the place under the spotlight, and a few of the most capable ones fought to be the kings of the jungle. Ch
ris fought for his spot over a decade ago and earned it, fair and square. He also fought to be the king and won the fight a few years back. He was only thirty-years-old, but he was already a legend, a hotshot music producer everybody wanted a piece of.
His record label, Moon Records, managed a good number of the most popular, widely known artists, and a few stars-in-the-making. His label held a firm place in top ten companies in the state and was often described in media as a ‘‘futuristic record label, with creativity bursting out the door of the headquarters managed by the iron fist of Christopher Ledford, the CEO and the producer’’. He was proud of his company, of his hard work and the position he so relentlessly fought for.
He had made it from scratch, when he was a nobody, just a runaway foster kid, a byproduct of the system. Most of all, he was proud of being able to afford himself everything he had craved for as a child and a teenager, who had nothing but his dreams.
At the moment, he was sitting in the wide open-plan living room of his Beachwood Canyon mansion, staring through the massive floor-to-ceiling windows and sipping a glass of expensive whiskey he allowed himself once a week. The party was in full blast all around him, but having spent thirteen years in the industry, he got bored of it. Got tired of people and the same scenery everywhere he went – sex, drugs and alcohol. But all that was his job. Even organizing a party in his home, which was attended by all kinds of celebrities, singers, actors, even pornstars.
It was all a parade in order to keep his business relationships strong and going, even if it meant suffering in boredom for a few hours. His personal relationships, though, matched the rhythm of the city – fast-paced and constantly changing. He never gave false promises to women he slept with; one hot night and a polite goodbye the morning after was all he had to offer. The same applied to people who tried to make friends with him; he always let everyone know friendship wasn’t in the cards. He had enough friends, so everything else was just business and superficial relationships he had to maintain in order to stay on top of the game.
