by Alexis Leia
“Definitely. It’s been a good year.”
“I’m glad to hear that. In case you were wondering, it’s pretty obvious on you”, doctor said.
“So, to conclude our one-year cycle, where would you like to begin?”
Chris cleared his throat and began. “Well, uh, you already know I don’t verbalize my thoughts easily. For starters, I’d like to thank you for your help. It’s been crucial for my recovery, and it has helped more than I could ever imagine”, it was another thing Selene had pushed him to realize – barking orders instead of expressing gratitude wasn’t the best way to deal with other people. In business, though, he still remained a relentless bastard. In personal life, he became more giving.
“I’m glad I got the chance to help you, Chris. I really am. Now, care to show me the list?”
Chris had shown doctor the list of demands Selene had put together, and each item completed signified another step towards his ultimate goals: self-growth and getting Selene to move in with him. The doctor inspected the list and a genuine smile appeared on his face.
“There’s only one step to complete. Are you feeling ready enough?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be. Selene will go with me after the session. I’m a nervous wreck, honestly. I’m afraid doing that will make me regress, and I won’t be able to cope”, admitting he was afraid was still a bit difficult for Chris, but the trick was to just let it out as soon as it crossed your mind.
“Nothing can erase these past twelve months of progress, my boy. Even if at times you feel as if you’re back to your old self, your mind knows the real deal now. The only thing you can do to make yourself feel worse is to convince yourself you’re regressing, but that wouldn’t change the factual state: you’re doing much, much better”, the doctor said, almost grandfatherly, which was another thing Chris appreciated. Dr. Burke never made his therapy sound like a medical procedure.
“I know that, and I’ll do my best to remember it.”
“Now, the post scriptum on the list is another huge step. Are you ready for that?”
Chris glanced down at the list the doctor had handed back and smiled. The paper was already wrinkled from so much usage, but Selene’s handwriting still stood out, along with red checkmarks he had made every time he completed the task. The list said:
1. Attend therapy. Explanation: I love you more than you can imagine, with or without your scars. But you need it, trust me. You'll feel happier, healthier, and ready for the future.
2. Become more grateful. Explanation: life is too short to remain blind regarding your blessings. You're the master of your fortune, but there's someone out there looking out for you, along with me.
3. Accept Annie for who she is. Explanation: I can't deal with your pranks. But don't join forces to take it out on me!
4. Tell Jackson you love him. Explanation: he's been with you through good and bad. He is your family.
5. Don't go all OCD on me because of my handwriting. Explanation: I didn't have time to find a blank paper, and my handwriting is a mess.
6. Listen to your therapist. Explanation: they're not just people with a diploma in human mind and behavior. They're here to help you.
7. Take part in the town's activities. Explanation: you’ll be able to reconnect to people from your hometown.
8. Smile. Explanation: you’re gorgeous when you smile.
9. Get close to foster kids. Explanation: we’ve both been there and they need us.
10. Visit Christine’s grave. Explanation: you need it, and she’d want you to.
PS. I’m moving in with you. Leave some space in the closet, you suit maniac.
“I’ve been trying to get her to move in with me since the day I came back here. I’m not only ready, I’m dying for her to be with me in our home”, he admitted, holding the list that meant the world to him. He was probably going to frame it and put it on his bedroom wall, to serve as a constant reminder of the person he wanted to be for himself and his girl.
Dr. Burke smiled knowingly. “It was like that for me too. I’d only realized it when I started talking about my home as ‘ours’, just like you’re doing now.”
Chris paused for a second, and then realized the doctor was right. He really did start thinking of his house as theirs, which was another sign for him that he was ready. Although, if Selene wanted to move to Hawaii and live in a shack, he’d do it for her. The location wasn’t as important as them finally being together.
“My home is with her, and I hope to God hers is with me too”, he admitted and actually felt himself blushing. Chris never blushed in his life, but there he was, professing his love for Selene to his therapist, who looked proud and approving.
“We’ll continue our sessions after New Year’s, biweekly. If Selene has any more lists for you to complete, we’ll base our activities on that”, Dr. Burke joked.
“Now go, there’s another thing you have to do. Go make your girls proud.”
***
“Are you okay?” Selene asked Chris as they walked down the snow-covered cemetery pathway, arm in arm. He was a powerful presence next to her, the usual cloud of mysterious attractiveness still around him. He, however, changed so much regarding his emotions and his attitudes that Selene fell even more in love with him.
The conditions she had set for him regarding their life together were more for his own well-being, since she would’ve moved in with him anyways. Not right away, of course, because she really wanted their happy ending to be an even happier beginning, which was why they both had to grow together. Aside from a bit longer groveling she had demanded from him, she also joined therapy herself, feeling the need to connect to him and herself even more.
She had decided to attend bimonthly session with an old therapist of hers, who had been with her through her own battles over a decade ago, when she was recovering from Jack’s assault. Now a bit older, but equally as wise as she’d been, her therapist pointed her in the right direction regarding her own feelings.
Just like Chris, she was afraid of losing the people she loved. But unlike him, she’d made peace with the fact that one could never control anything except one’s own behavior and actions. That’s why she’d decided to show Chris she loved him every single day. The biggest proof of her love, she thought, was the last item on the list. He maybe hadn’t realized it before, and maybe he didn’t realize it at the moment, but the visit to his sister’s grave was a certain closure he needed.
“I’m fine”, he automatically said, in his steely tone. Then, he sighed and rubbed his face.
“Actually, I’m fucking terrified.”
And he looked it; he was pale, and his pace was unusually slow. She was proud of him for being able to admit it.
“That’s why I’m here.”
He didn’t respond; he simply kissed her forehead and looked at the bouquet of white lilies in his hand. Christine’s favorite, as Chris had remembered. When they finally reached her tombstone, Chris swallowed loudly.
“I thought it would be in much worse shape”, he said as he inspected the white stone tombstone, with two little bushes of white Viburnum in bloom on the sides of the stone.
Selene kept quiet, but then she felt his gaze on her. “Babe, did you do this?” he asked her, and she felt nervous.
“I’m so sorry if I overstepped. I just thought it would be so much harder for you if you saw her grave all rundown. I’ve visited a few times, and I’ve planted these bushes that bloom in the winter too. Chris, I’m sorry if –”, she spoke rapidly, not trying to make the situation even harder for him. Instead, he took her face in his hands and kissed her gently, tiny snowflakes tickling them both as their lips connected.
“Thank you. Thank you for doing this for my baby sister”, his eyes glimmered with tears and incredible adoration. Selene smiled and kissed his cold fingers.
“I’d have done it a million times over.”
Chris then crouched down and, with a deep breath, touched his sister’s tombstone.
>
“I have a speech written in my pocket. I wanted to tell you so many things, I actually felt the need to write them down. But now that I’m here… I don’t want to read what I wrote. I just want to tell you”, he spoke quietly and placed the bouquet on the grave.
She watched him with pride and tears in her eyes, this big, strong man, knee-deep in the snow, talking to his deceased sister whom he had missed terribly.
“I’m sorry for never visiting your grave, Christine. I’m sorry for not being here, talking to you. I want you to know it wasn’t because I don’t love you, it’s because I felt guilty. I’m sorry for not being able to give you my bone marrow. If I could, I’d go back in time and give you my life if needed. But I can’t, and I can’t change what happened”, he said, breaking Selene’s heart.
“I don’t know if I believe in God or Heaven, or any of that stuff. But I do know that wherever you are, you’re happy and in peace, because there’s no way a kid like you would ever end up anywhere else. I bet you’re playing in the field of white lilies, with puppies all around you”, he laughed a bit and sniffled, wiping his cheek.
“You were an amazing sister. You followed me everywhere, just like little sisters should. You annoyed me, just like little sisters should. And you loved me with all your big heart, just like little sisters should.”
If she could, Selene would’ve sobbed at that moment right there. He was so strong, her gorgeous man.
“I will never forget you, as long as I live. And I won’t try to forget what happened, like I’ve been doing most of my life. I forgive our parents, on behalf of both of us, because I know that’s what you would’ve done had our roles been reversed. You were younger, but far wiser than me, baby sis”, Chris said and got up on his feet.
“My fondest memory of you from the last days of your life is your smile each time you saw me run inside your hospital room. In that moment, all your fatigue and weakness went away, and you waited for me to cheer you up. I hope I’m doing that right now too”, he said, kissed his fingers, and placed them on top of his sister’s engraved name on the tombstone.
In that exact moment, some stray sun rays broke through the clouds and the snow, making the ground sparkle in white crystals, and Christine’s flowers almost glisten. Chris watched the sunshine and smiled through his tears.
“Thank you, sister. I love you too”, he said, walked over to Selene and hugged her.
“And thank you for sending me an angel to watch over me. I know it was your doing.”
Selene’s tears freely flowed, and she approached to tombstone, as she had done numerous times over the past couple of months, to whisper what she usually said to Christine. It was sort of a secret between her and her sister-in-law.
“Thank you for everything. I love you. We will meet one day. And don’t worry, I won’t let him do anything stupid. Watch over us, Christine.”
And just like they had come to the grave, Chris and Selene walked away, arm in arm, followed by snowfall and sunshine. It was one of the countless times Chris would talk to his sister, heart-to-heart.
EPILOGUE
Three years later...
Chris woke up in his bed, in his house in Mountainview. It was dawn, early Christmas morning. It was still dark outside, but the snow that was relentlessly falling illuminated the dark night. He glanced down at his chest, where the most precious person in his life slept tightly. Her arm was thrown over his abdomen, her beautiful face relaxed in deep sleep, her full lips he had kissed passionately not so long ago slightly opened as she breathed deeply.
He looked at her left hand and couldn’t contain a satisfied smile that overtook his face as he saw a diamond ring shining on her finger.
Selene McClaran Ledford, his wife of two years, was sleeping tightly in their bed, in their house, in their town. His stunning wife hated surprises, but he was an extremely tenacious person, so he kept on delivering them. He carefully slid out of bed, pulling covers on her as he stood up. He bent down to her big, protruding belly and placed a gentle kiss where his son grew.
“Take care of mommy for me until I get back”, he whispered to the tiny person growing inside Selene’s stomach, a person he didn’t know but already loved with all his heart.
When Selene had informed him she was two months pregnant almost half a year ago, his first reaction had been a blackout. Literally, he had fainted. He wasn’t particularly proud of that moment, but after he woke up, he hugged her, told her he loved her about a thousand times and thanked her for the best gift about two thousand times more. And then he had made sweet love to her, being extra giving in gratitude.
He smiled at the memory as he made his way downstairs to line up the presents underneath the huge Christmas tree. There were a gazillion photos decorating the walls – mostly him and Selene, then two of them with Sam, Annie, Jackson, Emmet, Wilson and others. Selene claimed photos of family and friends were inevitable decorating pieces, and sort of a timeline. She then surprised him with a framed photo of his little sister that hung above the fireplace. It had been the third time in his life that Chris cried.
He now went to the cemetery at least once a week to talk to his sister, to catch up. Those visits gave him a certain closure he hadn’t even know he needed. He was finally at peace.
The quiet in the house was interrupted when soft footsteps sounded behind him. He turned around to see Sam, now a fourteen-year-old young man, walking towards him.
“Hey, buddy. Couldn’t sleep?” Chris asked him and approached him to give him a hug.
Selene and Chris had put in adoption papers for Sam three weeks after they got married, and Sam became their son only a few months later. It’d been a couple of years, but he grew up so fast, Chris could sometimes only stare in wonder. He was as tall as Selene, his black hair still on the long side, his blue eyes still full of maturity and knowledge, but they were now devoid of that rawness and fear. He was growing up to be a smart, happy, and responsible young man, making his parents proud.
“Nah, I heard you walking down and I knew you were lining up the presents. You’re predictable, every year”, Sam said and gave Chris a crooked smile.
“What can I say, it’s just the kind of man I am”, Chris said, rubbing Sam’s head in a playful manner.
The plan for this Christmas was to host a dinner for Annie, Jackson, Emmet, Wilson and Martia, after which they would all go to the foster home in a van full of presents for kids.
Chris was grateful that his sons would have constant positive role models in their lives. Well, maybe not Annie. She was now even crazier due to pregnancy hormones. Three years had already passed and she still hadn’t run out of ideas on how to end his life. Now even her husband helped her think of a several, since he was a seriously devoted partner.
Their love journey was even more hectic than Chris and Selene’s, but that was another story altogether. Emmet was going to bring his fiancée to dinner, a fellow police officer who had saved Emmet’s ass from being shot while they were chasing some bank robbers. As for Emmet, Chris could freely say that he started considering the bastard his own brother, and enjoyed hanging out with him and Jackson.
He walked over to the window that overlooked the mountain and stared at the lights of The Mountainview Resort, a stunning resort that only improved this amazing town. It was a real tourist attraction, and almost every Mountainviewer worked there somehow. He could only admire his wife for being able to pull it all off.
They’d also managed to renovate all of the four foster homes in town; each kid got a new, bigger room, new furniture, new game consoles, a back yard with a playground, and pretty much everything they could think of. When Selene informed him they were going to renovate the building, he was really happy. When she had told him Bruce would be the main constructor, he wasn’t that happy anymore. What could he say; despite regular therapy being a huge success, there were some parts of his personality he couldn’t quite get rid of. He was a semi-reformed man. Of course, he had fully agreed on Bruce perfo
rming the demanding task, because the man did a seriously good job.
He chuckled when he remembered his summer wedding that was held on the meadow near the lake. In the middle of the venue, Mona Walker had shown up, started crying and begging for him to take her back. What had happened next would forever remain etched in his memory.
Annie stood up, pulled out that forsaken shotgun out of nowhere, and pointed it at Mona, saying: ‘‘I knew something like this might happen. I didn’t let Chris live so you could destroy this day. Leave, right now!’’ When Mona ran away screaming, the guests started applauding, but the priest wasn’t impressed, because it took him five minutes to recover from shock and continue the ceremony.
So now, everything was alright. He had never been happier in his life, never felt more complete. Selene made him happy every day, and Sam being with them only contributed to their lives. Now, with a baby on the way and the upcoming elections, their hands were full with obligations and they would surely become fuller, but his wife and he always managed to find time for each other.
Chris changed his career path a bit, becoming both the producer and the song-writer for his company that was still majorly in his possession, but he had given up part of the reins to his capable team. His hit-song, The Silver Goddess was one of Jamie Black’s most sold singles, certified platinum six times over. Selene, on the other hand, was busy with her mayoral obligations, one of them being opening of a chocolate factory with Annie. It was a long story.
“Chris?” Sam asked, joining him in front of the window and interrupting his thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“I wanted to ask you something”, Sam said hesitantly.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. It’s just... I wanted to ask you... Are you okay with me calling you dad?” Sam finally said, leaving Chris speechless.
“I mean, I don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s just, I see Selene as my mom and I see you as my dad and... oh forget it, it was a stupid idea”, Sam blabbered, blushing from head to toe.
