by J. E. Parker
I’d missed something.
“What?” I asked, lips pinched.
“I said...” She huffed and pointed up the street to where Guapo now stood in his front yard, hands in his pockets, shoulders tensed. “Pop is waiting on you, and he looks ready to come out of his skin, so you better get moving, or else he may come unglued. I love the man to death, but Lord knows he isn’t very patient.”
Throat constricting, I studied her expression. “You sure you’re okay with me staying with him? Because if not, then I won’t hesitate to—”
“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Jade interrupted, climbing back out. “If you don’t march your culo up the street right this second, you’re going to be removing my foot from it.”
“Little One—”
“No,” she snapped, interjecting once more. “Do you remember what I told you earlier? Because in case you don’t, then let me remind you. I want my family back, Mama C. The one I was always meant to have, so get working on that, m’kay?”
“Jade—”
“Hells bells, you’re still not moving.” If looks could kill, I would’ve been deader than a doornail thanks to the glare she shot my way. “Listen, Miss Colombia, I’ve got Chiquita back, yes, but until you fix every damaged piece of you and James’ mangled hearts...” Her chin wobbled. “Hearts which you shattered in order to save me, Hendrix, and Maddie, then none of us are whole.”
Tears now falling, she stared at Ashley, who looked close to crying herself. “And we’ve gotta be whole, or else I won’t be able to fix myself. And that’s something I need to do, like ASAP, because I’m tired of being so broken.”
“Bebé, you aren’t—”
“Go,” she demanded. “Go fix every single tattered piece so that we can finally get our happily ever after, okay? Because it’s been a long time coming, for you specifically.”
I swallowed around the boulder lodged in the base of my throat and locked eyes with Chase. “You take care of both Chiquita and Little One while I’m gone, si?” I gave him a pointed look. “Else, your teammates will find you swinging from the stadium’s largest scoreboard by your cojones.”
He cringed and shuddered, then smiled. “Understood.” Wrapping an arm around Ashley’s waist, he pulled her back and into his side. “I won’t let anything happen to either of them. Trust me.”
Trust. That was something I had little of. Primarily where Chiquita and Little One were concerned.
“Since Addie is spending the night with Lily Ann and the rest of the girls, maybe we’ll watch a movie or something.” He kissed Chiquita’s head, then winked at Jade. “Just nothing scary. Living down the street from my future mother-in-law is a nightmare all on its own. I don’t need more.”
I grinned as he chuckled.
I didn’t know Chase well—not much at all, in fact—but I already liked him. There was something about him, something that put me at ease and made me thankful that Ashley had found her way into his loving arms.
It’s because of him that she’s now whole.
“Mama C, I swear to all that is holy,” Jade fussed again. “Walk away or I’m going to call Grandmama and ask to borrow her flyswatter.” Great, she’d learned of the infamous flyswatter. That did not bode well for me; or anyone else, for that matter. “Now, for the last dang time, go!”
I needn’t be told a tenth time.
Knowing what needed to be done, I blew Ashley and Jade a kiss, then waved at Chase. “I’ll see you all in the morning.” I pointed at Little One. “You sleep in since you hardly slept a wink last night.”
She smirked. “Planning on it.”
I just bet she is. “I love you, chicas.” I patted my chest and turned, hesitant to walk away from them but more than ready to find my way into James’ waiting arms. “With every healing piece of me.”
Without another word, I pivoted, giving them my back, and moved. My gaze clashed with Guapo’s as I headed straight to him, leaving the last of the heartbreak that had shadowed me for way too long in the dust, which is where I intended for it to stay.
For all my remaining days.
16
James
My woman was finally in my bedroom.
With her cheeks tear-streaked and her pulse point fluttering, she sat on the edge of my mattress, tracing her fingers over the bedding I'd bought in the dark weeks that followed what I'd thought had been her death.
A masochistic act of self-torture, I'd redecorated my bedroom with everything she'd dreamed of one day having: a peach-colored duvet, matching silk sheets, and enough throw pillows to drown in.
Lost in the despair that never left me for longer than a minute at a time, I'd hoped the gesture would serve as a homing device for her ghost. Messed up or not, back then, I'd prayed with every beat of my ruined heart that she'd find her way back to me like she'd promised, one way or another.
And she had.
It didn't matter how long it took her, nor the circumstances of her return. The only thing of importance was that she was here now—in my home and in my space, where she was always meant to be.
I'd die before I let her go again.
"Guapo," she whispered, sniffling. Lifting her chin, she looked up. "I'm so sorry. When I chose not to come back, I knew it would break your heart, as it did mine. But if I had known how badly...”
Determined not to let her go down this road again, one she was set to travel after seeing my bedroom, where the evidence of my past heartbreak was clear, I kneeled before her and cupped her face, trying to keep her focused on the present.
Not the past.
"Baby, don't." Eyelids sliding closed, a ghost of a smile played on her lips. I loved seeing it, but I couldn't stand not having her full attention on me. "Yeah, beautiful, you closing yourself off from me like you're doing right now isn't going to work." My skin bristled. "Look at me when I speak to you."
Words sharper than I'd intended, a mistake on my part, I was surprised when she didn't haul off and smack the living daylights out of me. A fighter through and through, my Pixie didn't take kindly to commands.
Not from me or anyone else.
Tough shit for her, though, because she would listen to me when it came to this. "Don't hide from me.” I forced my words to come out softer than before. The last thing I wanted was to scare her—or piss her off.
Surprisingly enough, she did as I demanded without hesitation, and most importantly, without clocking me.
It was a miracle if I'd ever seen one.
"Good girl." My thumb swept across the apple of her puffy cheek. "Now listen, because this is the last time I'm going to say this."
One of her brows shot up as she prepared to lob a handful of attitude my way, but I didn't give her the chance. "I hate that I lost seven years with you and Jade, just as I loathe that you spent all that time thinking Ashley Jo was dead. But as pissed as I am, and baby, I'm downright irate, it's not at you. After what that motherfucker did—"
Don't think about the pimp!
Grinding my molars, I inhaled and forced myself to steer the conversation in yet a different direction, one I hoped wouldn't leave me seething and her sobbing.
"I know what's happening between us is moving fast enough to give us both whiplash, but as far as I'm concerned, the past is the past. And I'm beyond ready to pull the plug on the ocean of regret and misplaced anger that lingers between us, threatening to jerk us both under. We've lost enough time. I'm not about to pussy-foot around and let more precious moments slip by on account of past hurt. Not when I love you and you love me, and we both know that this was meant to be."
"I want that too but—"
Dropping my fingers, I took her hands in mine. "Pixie," I cut in. "Gorgeous, I love hearing you speak, but right now, I don't want to hear any of the bullshit your demons are feeding you, so again, be quiet and just listen to me for a second."
I was digging myself one hell of a grave.
I realized that.
But did impending death shut me up?
Hell no.
"Me and you," I said before she had the chance to slap the taste right out of my mouth, "we've lived ugly lives. We've been abused, neglected, and let our demons taunt us into doing shit we aren't proud of, all the while carrying around guilt that was never ours to shoulder."
Every word was the truth.
I just had to make her understand that what had happened to her and the girls, along with her family back in Colombia, wasn't her fault. Freeing her from those binds was the only way we could move forward, which was the only option we had.
The crux of the matter was this—before we took another step, I would make her see that her family's blood, as soul-staining as it was, wasn't on her hands.
Just as my mother's wasn't on mine.
"And that needs to end," I continued. "Now."
Apparently, I was channeling Shauna, the family therapist I saw once a week with Hendrix and Shelby and had been since the latter had hesitantly agreed to give me a shot at being her dad, because I sounded more like her with each word I spoke. I just hoped my message got through to Carmen like Shauna’s had gotten through to me.
"But I—"
"There are no buts," I said, imploring her to hear me over the doubt I knew her shame had begun screaming. "Everything that's happened until this very moment is behind us, where it needs to stay. But this second chance that we've been given thanks to my pain-in-the-ass son-in-law? That's happening right now, and I say we grab it by the balls and refuse to let go."
Her bottom lip trembled, and a flicker of hope gleamed within the golden flecks embedded in her cinnamon irises as what I hoped was one of her many walls shattered, crumbling to ash. "After all this time, you think it's that easy?"
"Why shouldn't it be?"
Her warm hands went to my shoulders, and my calloused palms found the outer flesh of her silky-smooth thighs. Breath hitching, chill bumps erupted across her skin as my fingertips caressed her, sending my already pounding heart into a frenzy.
"You want me, and I sure as hell want you. And at fifty and forty-one, we've both spent more than our fair share of years fighting to survive the darkness. We’ll always harbor demons, that’s a fact, but I say it's high time we try to let all the bad stuff go so we can live in the light for a change."
We'd both been through so much shit, and the scars we carried on our souls ran deep. But if there was one thing I'd realized since the moment I'd walked into Ashley Jo's house and crashed headfirst into a future I never thought I'd have, it was that we had to stop letting those scars define us.
Yeah, she and I both had wounds.
More than I could ever count.
But it was time we mended each one.
And after seeing her bond with my kids and grandkids earlier, the friends I considered family too, all the while laughing the afternoon away as if she didn't have a care in the world, it seemed she was already on her way to doing just that.
She just needed one last shove in the right direction to keep her headed down the path I wanted her to follow. Good thing it was a task I was more than willing to take on.
Time to give her a little push.
Consumed with what I assumed was uncertainty, she turned her head and stared at the far wall, her watery gaze focused on the open door of my closet as she tried to cloak her inner turmoil.
I wasn't having it.
Lifting a hand, I grasped her chin and turned her face back to mine, forcing her attention to return to me. "What did I say about you hiding?"
"Listen, pendejo," she snarled, making me grin even as she scowled. "I don't know who you think you are, but—"
"I'm yours." Her mouth snapped shut. "I'm yours, Carmen. Always have been too. From the moment we met, through the years we were apart, and until this very second...”
Circling one of her wrists, I lowered her hand and pressed her palm to my hammering heart, like I'd seen her do with Maci hours before. "This, along with every other part of me, has belonged to you." I nearly choked on the multitude of emotions welling into my chest and throat. "And it always will."
She looked unsure. "You truly forgive me?"
Needing to be closer and to wipe the doubt she wore from her stunning face, I stood from where I'd been kneeling without answering, forcing her hand to drop from my chest before sitting down next to her.
Grasping her soft hips, I lifted her with ease and slid her onto my waiting lap. My arms wreathed her lower back, and her face found its way into the crook of my neck, reminding me of the very first time I'd held her in my arms.
"There is nothing to forgive," I whispered, replying as I rocked her back and forth. "By not coming back, you selflessly put our kids’ safety first, even when you knew that doing so would destroy us both. It's what any good parent would do."
And what I should've done for Hendrix.
Pushing down the heartache that threatened to rend me in two over my past mistakes, the very ones I was trying to let go of, I held her tighter and rocked her a little slower.
"It's not your fault I didn't get the postcard, and it isn't your fault that you were forced to make such a choice to begin with." I meant it. Zero blame sat on her shoulders. "Now, though, you've got another choice to make."
Leaning back, she peered up at me, lips trembling from the sobs I knew were close to breaking free. "Si? And what choice is that?"
My stomach twisted, the anxiety of what she'd say and how she'd react nearly paralyzing me. "The one where you choose to let me keep you forever. Because I'll be honest, even though I'm trying not to ride roughshod over you and make choices on your behalf, I can't let you walk away again. There's no way. Not when, with you being back, my heart finally feels close to being whole for the first time."
Eyes never leaving mine, she turned, straddling my lap. "Then show me.” She dropped her forehead to rest against mine. "Show me, and I'll stay like I planned."
My fingers trailed up and down her dress-covered spine as her tears fell onto my face, wetting my skin. "Show you what?"
Her body quaked. "That you love me. That you forgive me. And that you want to keep me... forever."
"Pixie, I—"
A lone finger pressed to my lips silenced me. "Show me," she repeated, the meaning of her words sinking in. "Not with your words, Guapo." Lifting my palms to her soft chest, she mimicked the move I’d made seconds before. "But with your hands...”
Through the tears, a wicked smile, one I'd never seen from her before, graced her lips. It should've been my first clue that she was up to something, but lost in her, my misfiring brain didn't quite catch on.
"And with this."
I grunted, a four-lettered expletive rattling around my fogged mind as she ground down on my zipper, bringing my cock to life in two seconds flat.
Hands flying to her hips, I gripped her tight. "Carmen," I murmured in warning, working to keep a tight rein on the lust trying to take me prisoner. "We don't have to do—"
"All those years ago," she said, cutting me off again, "while sitting on your lap in a disgusting motel and in the throes of withdrawal, I made you promise me that one day, when I was ready, you'd make love to me. You remember?"
Arms looping around my neck, she moved her face closer, her tempting lips mere inches away as I dipped my chin in affirmation. "Yeah, gorgeous, I do."
How could I ever forget?
Fingers sliding into my hair, she teased my scalp, making my eyes almost slide closed. "Well, Guapo, that day is today." Lips ghosting across my jawline, she pressed her breasts to my pecs and swiveled her hips once more, rocking against my cock. "As you said, the darkness is behind us, and it's time we both seize the second chance we've been given by the cojones."
"And this"—her hands slid down over my shoulders and to my chest—"is me trying to vanquish a few of my demons, so I can do exactly that." Leaning back, she stared at me with a mixture of fear and determination. "I'm ready now. I just need you to go slow, si? Because I've never...”
"Will
ingly allowed a man's touch?"
She nodded, her cheeks tinged red. "But I want you to touch me, to erase the memory of those who took things I never freely gave. Because sometimes I can still feel them." Raw anger flooded my veins, close to ripping me apart at the seams. "And I need you...”
Hanging her head in shame, she dug her fingers into my pecs as her shoulders shook from her silent cries.
I couldn't stomach it.
My healing heart threatened to crack down the center as I slid a finger under her chin and lifted her face.
Muscles clenching, I wrestled with the mounting rage that demanded I hunt down every sorry bastard who'd ever touched her and end each of them in the cruelest way possible.
Starting with the pimp.
Whose name I now knew.
Dominic fucking West.
After learning that her Chiquita was my Ashley Jo, I'd put two and two together since she, Carmen, and Jade had all been abused and trafficked by the same man.
No, not a man—a devil.
Pure evil—just like my father had been, myself too, if I'm being honest—West was locked up in a federal prison right outside of Atlanta and had been since he tried to kidnap my granddaughter from the shelter days after her arrival there.
I wanted nothing less than to murder him with my bare hands, always had, but much to my dismay I couldn't get to him. I knew someone who could, though, regardless of the bars temporarily keeping him safe.
Good thing she and I had history.
"The past is in the past, remember?" I whispered, hiding the fury possessing every inch of me, the plan I'd already started to concoct as well. "And, baby, me and you, we're not letting that taint what we have now. Understand?"
A breathy exhale slipped past her lips as my hand left her chin, and my scarred knuckle traced the line of her delicate throat. "Answer me, Carmen."
Her hands grasped my shirt, tugging the material hard. "Si," she mumbled, eyes glazing over with something far more potent than tears. "I understand. Just don't...” She swayed on her knees, and I palmed her lower back, the tips of my fingers grazing the top of her ass. "Por favor, no te pares."
