by J. A. Huss
All the adults were a little tipsy by the time it was dark enough for fireworks. My dad has a thing for explosives, so Fourth of July was the perfect opportunity to put his skills to use. He and Spencer would be busy for weeks planning beforehand. And we’d sit out on the lawn and watch. Back then Rory’s little sisters were a handful for Spencer and Ronnie. Too young to take your eye off them. And Sparrow wasn’t invited into the Kate and Rory Club yet. She was glued to her mother at the time.
But Kate has been my partner in Princess crime since the very beginning. She’d help me out in all kinds of ways. They were up here in Rory’s bedroom putting on princess costumes before the show. She knew I was coming and excused herself for the bathroom so I could have some alone time with Rory.
I came in through the open window, wearing my little kid version of a suit—dark blue shorts and a white polo. Kate nixed the tie before we left home, but I still think it would’ve been a nice touch. She said I looked like I was going to school, not a summer party. So I relented. But she was wrong. Our school uniform was blue pants with a green polo. Totally different.
“Hey,” I remember saying. “What’re you doing, Princess?”
She stared up at me with those wide blue eyes and smiled. “My dad is going to shoot you if he sees you coming in my window.”
I shrugged it off because even though Spencer Shrike is kinda scary when you’re seven, he’s still not gonna really shoot a kid. Especially one with the last name Aston.
“I wanted to see if you’d like to watch the fireworks with me.”
“Of course.” She giggled. “I always watch the fireworks with you, Five.”
“No,” I said. “I mean, out there.” And I hiked my thumb over my shoulder, pointing to the roof.
She gave me a sidelong look that was so adorable, I just wanted to take her hand and squeeze it.
And that’s how we spent that night. Watching our fathers put on a show that was good enough to be a city production. Those bursting red sparks high in the sky were a metaphor for my heart. She made it explode with love.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” I say to the aged tin-foil stars dangling above my head. “I just meant…” But fuck it. I can’t even tell her what I meant. Because if she knew what kind of a guy I really was, she’d probably walk away from me and never look back. She’d choose some dumbass like Cliff Middleton instead of me. And then I’d have to watch her. I’d be forced to watch her go through all those milestones meant for us. Engagement. Marriage. Honeymoon. First house. Pregnancy. Children.
I’ll miss out on all of that if I don’t find a way out of this mess. If I don’t keep all those secrets hidden. If I can’t keep her from finding out why I really walked away six years ago and never came back.
It makes me feel very alone in this moment. Not even Kate knows what I did back then. Not even my dad knows, and I have never kept secrets from him. Not even when I made my first million off an app when I was fourteen. An unauthorized app. Illegal, if you want to get technical.
But by that time, it was too late, wasn’t it? I was in deep by then. Way too deep to just turn it all off and choose another path.
I take out my phone and find the app I gave Rory for Christmas the year I left for Oxford. Love Notes, it’s called. It’s filled with all kinds of pre-written nerdy teenage boy love declarations.
But it also had a special feature on my administrator version. A camera add-on that I never sent to her because it would’ve given me secret access to everything on her phone. And even though I’m a devious little fucker on the best of days, I couldn’t spy on her like that.
I press the tab that will turn my camera feature on in my app, and then smile. “Princess,” I say. “Can you guess where I am?” I pan the phone around so she can see everything. Her canopy with dangling stars. Her window, lit up by the moon outside. And then I focus back on me and my frown.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “For everything. And I know you don’t have any idea at all what I’m sorry about, but I’m pretty sure you’re gonna find out soon. So I’m saying it first. Because I mean it, Rory. I’m fucking sorry I got us mixed up in all this bullshit. I’m sorry about walking away six years ago. I’m sorry…” I stop and sigh. “I’m sorry for coming back. Because it’s not fair. Not to you or my family. To your family. And you deserve better than me, ya know? You deserve a guy who will put you first and I’m… I’m afraid I haven’t done that. I fucked up, Ror. Bad. And it’s all catching up with me. I’m gonna get caught. I’m gonna have to pay for all of it eventually and I’m afraid that…”
I stare at the phone for several long, silent seconds.
“I’m afraid I just fucked up, Princess.” I sigh again. “I really fucked this shit up and I’m sorry.”
I press the stop tab and cut the recording short. And then my finger hovers over the delete option. I should delete it. If I get caught with this, they’ll use it against me. This little virtual heart-to-heart could be my downfall.
But just as I’m about to delete it, I see another icon at the bottom of my screen. An icon I haven’t seen in—hell, since I was ten. One of the apps I built. I vaguely recall telling my sister Sasha it would “change death as we know it.”
It came out a little morbid at the time, but it’s not morbid. I was just… well, I laugh. Then just admit it. I was kind of a morbid kid.
My phone must’ve assumed I’d be interested in that old app since I just pulled up Love Notes.
But I’m not interested in the death app right now. I’m wavering on if I should send this video to my princess. Make her stop, take a breath, and give me a second chance to make things right.
Will this make it right? Or will this make it worse?
I just don’t know. I can calculate all the probabilities in my head. But it’s too close to fifty-fifty to give me a solid projection.
“Love,” I say out loud to the tin-foil stars, “is not a calculation, Five Aston. Love is a leap of faith.”
I’m not real good at faith.
But I am good at taking risks. So I inhale the deepest breath I can and… press send.
There. It’s done.
Princess Shrike is gonna get that video confession when she opens Love Notes.
“Fuck!” I yell to the canopy of dangling stars. “I fucking forgot Cliff Middleton has her phone!”
How could I be so stupid?
Is this what love does? Makes people stupid? It has to be, because I might’ve just fucked up everything. I just sent an admissible confession to my enemy!
He’s gonna tell her. He’s gonna tell her everything he can think of so he can take her away from me. He’s gonna tell her I’m not who she thinks I am. That I am a bad guy. One of the worst bad guys in the entire world.
That I am, and have always been, a fucking criminal.
Chapter Fifteen - Rory
Halfway to Fort Collins I have second thoughts about leaving Five behind. But then the hurt takes over and that feeling—that tightness in my chest like something is about to crush my heart—comes back. And I’m angry all over again.
Besides, it’s not like I left him stranded out in the middle of nowhere. He’s on my family farm. It’s practically a country resort. He’ll probably go inside the pool house and go to sleep on the couch. Hell, he might even take a dip in the spa while he waits me out.
He knows I’ll be back. Eventually. I’ll always come back to him.
And then I’m angry all over again because fuck him if he thinks I’m so… so… predictable and easy!
I’m not going back. Nope. If I was standing instead of driving, I’d stomp my foot. Put it firmly down in place. Six fucking years. This man left me hanging for six fucking years!
I turn on the radio and find the country station my mom listens to when she’s mad at my dad. I blare it. And even though I haven’t listened to this station since I was home last, I recognize the song and sing along. I curse my man along with the singer on the radio. We will not be taken fo
r granted! We will not be left behind! We will not be forgotten!
When I get into town I realize I have no idea where Cliff might be. And I have no phone to call anyone asking if—
Wait.
There he is. Walking up to the front door of Shrike Bikes. It’s closed, so I’m not sure what he thinks he’s gonna do… but I peel into the parking lot, squealing my tires, and slam on the brakes.
“Hey!” I say, yelling as the window slides down. “Cliff!”
“Rory?” he says, squinting his eyes and covering them with a hand as he tries to see past my blaring headlights.
I switch the lights off and get out. “I saw you,” I say. “Leaving the farm. You…” I look down at his hand. “You took my phone.”
He looks at it. Dumbly. Like he’s never seen it before and has no idea how it got there. Then he looks at me and offers it back. “Sorry,” he says. “I found it out by the pool and the place was dark. I didn’t think you were there.”
“I was sleeping. I just caught sight of you as you were leaving in your car. I’m so sorry. I got caught up in…” Well, what to say about what I was caught up in? Five Aston’s arms? No. I haven’t broken up with Cliff yet. He still thinks I’m his girlfriend.
“I was gonna drop it through the mail slot. This is your dad’s shop, right?” He smiles. It’s a nice smile too. Cliff is as handsome as any guy I’ve met. Except Five, of course. “I recognized the logo. All those t-shirts you wear.”
Right. “Well, that was sweet of you.” I take the phone from him and tab it awake. The Love Notes app is open with a new message from Five. My heart does a wild staccato thumping inside my chest as I wonder…
“I didn’t spy on you, Rory. If that’s what you’re checking for.”
“No,” I say, realizing that the message hasn’t been read yet. Realizing that’s not really something Cliff would do. “I never thought that, Cliff.”
“But…” He swallows hard. Like he has to say something and needs to build up his nerve. “Your phone buzzed while I was holding it. It was… a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to see that message, I swear. And now I just want to get the hell out of town.”
“What?” I’m squinting my eyes in confusion.
“I mean, I had no idea, Rory. If I had known—”
“Known what?”
Now it’s his turn to squint his eyes. And then he looks around. Like he’s checking to make sure no one is listening. “Five.”
“You know him,” I say. It’s not a question.
Cliff sighs out a long breath. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I would’ve never have asked you out. I would’ve never have kissed you. I—”
“What are you taking about? You don’t think I’ve been dating Five all this time, do you? While I was dating you? Cliff, I’m not that kind of girl.”
Cliff simply shrugs. “It’s none of my business. I’m just gonna go now.”
“Hold on,” I say, grabbing hold of his arm before he can scoot past me and get in his car. “Just wait a minute. Why are you acting weird all of a sudden? We’ve been friends for years, Cliff. Talk to me.”
“About what?” he says. And now there’s a little bit of annoyance in his words. “There’s nothing to talk about, Rory. I admit, I must be pretty fucking stupid not to have put two and two together before now. I knew you were from Fort Collins. And of course, everyone knows Five is from here too—”
“Wait,” I say, putting up a hand to stop his words. “What the fuck are you talking about? Everyone? Who?”
Cliff furrows his brows at me, the glow from the streetlights casting a sad shadow across his face. Or maybe not. Maybe he is actually sad. “How well do you know Five Aston?”
“Pfftt.” That is the most ridiculous question ever. “Like… better than anyone, Cliff. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. We grew up together. Since we were babies. He’s been by my side through everything.”
But it’s a lie, isn’t it? He left me six years ago and I have almost no idea what he’s been doing since then.
“Then why are you so surprised that your best friend scares the shit out of me? And all I really want right now is to get the fuck out of this town as fast as I can?”
My mouth drops open in surprise. Just hangs there like that for a few seconds. Then I swallow hard and say, “Pardon me?”
“You don’t know, do you?” And that expression—that one he’s wearing right now—is more than sadness. It’s pity.
“Know what?” I say it too loud. But I’m frustrated. “What the hell is going on?”
“I gotta go,” he says, pushing past me. Not even trying to be gentle about it.
“Wait!” I say, running after him. But he slides into the driver’s seat of his rental and slams the door before I can stop him. “Cliff!” I say, knocking on the window. But he doesn’t even bother looking me in the eyes. He just… takes off.
“What the fuck?” I say to the night sky. “Just what the fuck is happening?”
My phone rings as I stand there in the middle of the Shrike Bikes parking lot looking lost. I glance down at the lit-up screen in my hand. Tab accept. “Hey,” I say.
“Where the fuck are you?” Kate says, her voice filled with worry and frustration. “I’ve been calling your phone for hours. Five isn’t picking up his phone either. What’s going on?”
“Sorry,” I say. “It’s a long story.”
“So you’re at home still?” she asks.
“No,” I say. “I’m at Shrike Bikes. Standing in the middle of the parking lot. Feeling foolish and confused.”
“What’s going on, Rory? You disappear all day while some guy asks about you all over town. And where is Five?”
“I think he’s still out at the farm. At least, that’s where I left him when I took off.”
“OK, stay right there. I’m coming to get you.”
“No,” I say, stopping that little idea before it can bloom. “No. I have Five’s car. And I need to go back to the farm and talk to him before I do anything else. I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? Just give me a night to figure all this shit out and then I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”
I don’t give her a chance to argue with me, just end the call and get back into my car. I have no idea how this day went so sideways. But the answer to all my questions is back in Bellvue.
So that’s where I’m going.
I get back on the road that will take me up north to my farm and get lost in the darkness of the forest surrounding me. The road follows the river, the very river that runs through the back of our property. The very river Five and I have played in our entire lives. If anyone had asked me how I felt about this place before today, I’d say, It’s nothing but a long string of wonderful childhood memories. But now… everything about home feels like a lie.
My parents, Five… that fucking secret command center his father has hidden underneath his garage. Cliff and his cryptic messages. That weird meeting Five was at in Denver yesterday. Hell, the fact that I’m here and not in the Hamptons with Tera is part of this too.
I have no clue what’s happening to my life right now, but it feels a lot like a death spiral.
It’s always been a long drive out to my family farm from town. Thirty minutes. But tonight it feels like I’m making no progress at all. The twisted tree on the side of the road I have been using as the first landmark takes forever to appear. And the little bridge I have to cross feels far away. Each second I remain in the dark about what’s really going on is agonizing.
My phone rings in the passenger seat and my heart flutters for a second, hoping to see Five’s name come up on the screen. But it’s not Five. It’s Tera.
I grab the phone, tab accept and say, “Tera?”
“Rory?” Her voice sounds small and… frightened.
“Tera, are you OK? What’s wrong?”
“I just… please…”
“Please what? What’s going on?” Why the fuck
does everyone have to be so cryptic tonight?
“Don’t let him hurt Cliff. He didn’t know, OK? Neither of us knew. I don’t pay much attention to what happens with that sort of stuff. You have to believe me. I wasn’t… I didn’t—”
“God! Fucking! Dammit!” I yell into the phone. But I slow down, because I just passed the little bridge and a twisted canyon road is coming up. With the way my luck is going tonight, I’ll be so distracted I’ll drive the car right into the river. “Would someone please tell me what the hell is happening?”
I take the first twist in the road, then the moon is blocked out by the tall conifer trees, which isn’t helping my mood any.
“Tera?” I say. “Tera? Are you still there?”
“—why we’re friends. You have to believe me. I swear—”
But the connection is going in and out. And a few seconds later, the phone beeps three times in my hand, letting me know we’ve been dropped.
I press the tab to call her back, but it doesn’t even ring.
“Fuck,” I say, pounding my fist on the steering wheel. The canyon is a dead zone. And the signal won’t come back until I’m on the other side, which is where the farm is.
So I let it go. I don’t know what’s going on with Tera and Cliff, but the answers I need won’t come from them.
Five is the word of the day today. Five is the man of the hour. Five. Five. Five.
He’s the one with all the answers.
I pull into the driveway ten minutes later, the tires making an ungodly loud crunch on the dirt and gravel in the still, dark night.
There’s no lights on anywhere. Not the pool house. Not the main house. Not the shop.
I stop the car in front of the house, turn it off, and sit in silence as I look at my phone and find Five’s contact.
I press send.
“Hello,” he says, picking up on the first ring.
“I’m back,” I say.
“I know. I heard you drive up.”
“Where are you?”
“Upstairs.”
In my room, he means. That’s the only place he could possibly be if he’s upstairs.
