by Sophia Gray
Pepper whined as I finally found a plain-looking white ceramic dish and filled it with water before setting it down on the floor. She nosed the bowl over to the corner, slopping water over the sides, before flopping down on her belly and drinking in long, contented gulps.
Even knowing that she was better didn’t make me feel relaxed. I felt tense like I was on edge. Like this whole thing was just some kind of obvious, stupid joke. Like I was just waiting for Enzo to wake up and realize that he didn’t actually want to be with me.
“Pepper, come here,” I said in a low voice, beating my hand against my thigh. But she was still drinking, and I knew that I couldn’t pull her away.
With a sigh, I walked into the living room and flopped down on the taut black leather couch. The room which had seemed so tense and full of sexuality earlier didn’t seem to be doing much for the way I felt. Whenever I looked out at the huge, domineering skyline, I just felt empty inside.
I thought about my parents—what they’d say if they saw me in a place like this. The only advice Mom had ever given me—besides “Keep your head down and work harder than you think you need to”—was to find a good man, someone wealthy, someone who’d take care of me. It had never been a priority, but now I wondered if it was something I’d wanted along.
I swallowed hard. I love him, a voice chimed in from the back of my mind. I love him, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I was faced with an interesting dilemma: either I could tell Enzo how I felt, or try to assume that he’d just know. But I knew deep down, Enzo wouldn’t know. He was used to women falling in love with him, but I didn’t even know how to show how I felt.
I finally understood all of the romantic comedies that I’d seen over the years and all the jokes about feeling stupid and breathless around the object of your desire. I’d never thought that would become me. I was flustered and awkward around almost everyone, except for Carl. It didn’t seem right that I would be tongue-tied around someone like Enzo, at least not more so than I already felt.
My mouth felt dry, and my head was twanging with the beginning of a headache. I thought about going to Enzo’s bathroom and rifling through the cabinets for some ibuprofen, but the mere thought was exhausting. I didn’t want to get up, and I certainly didn’t want to wake him up. He was the kind of man who rarely slept, and I had a feeling this was the first sleep he’d gotten in quite a while.
Finally, Pepper finished drinking and walked back over to me, her toenails clicking on the hardwood floor. She whined a little and looked up at me with her big brown eyes.
“Sorry, Pep-pup,” I told her regretfully. “I don’t think Mr. Enzo would like you on his couch very much. This is leather.”
Pepper made a sighing noise and sunk down on the floor. I could tell that she was anxious, too. What was I doing here? Why had Enzo even brought me here in the first place?
To seduce me, I realized with a sinking feeling in my chest. He brought me here to fuck me again. The words felt strange and clunky in my mouth, like they were inaccurate. But I knew that I wasn’t wrong—that was exactly why we’d come here. Enzo knew what he was getting into when he’d brought me home.
I sighed. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone! But I had no idea to whom I could turn. Everything was muddled and complicated. Of course, I realized that the only person I really needed to speak with was Enzo. But he wouldn’t listen. I had a sinking feeling that he’d masterfully shut down any kind of relationship talk before it even had a chance to stick.
That was the kind of guy he was. I bit my lip, thinking of Karen. Would I become like her? Or would I just be fired?
This whole thing was giving me a headache. I didn’t even know what I wanted. I thought I wanted Enzo, but I knew that I couldn’t afford to lose my job. Whenever we were in the same room, all I could think about was him and his hands on me, how they were going to make me feel. And then whenever we parted ways, the anxiety and the doubt would begin to creep in almost as soon as he was out of sight.
I thought of him snoring away in the bedroom, completely oblivious that I was out here and feeling discomfort. But then again, I wouldn’t have wanted him to know that I was hurting. I felt private about my pain, like I didn’t even deserve to wallow. After all, I’d gotten myself into this mess. I’d let him seduce me, and I’d loved it.
Pepper barked, and I jolted up on the couch. “Pepper!” I scolded. “Hush!” She looked at me and thumped her tail on the floor. I sighed. If we were at home, I’d bundle up and take her outside. But as it stood, I had no idea how to even get back inside Enzo’s condo.
The inside was almost like a maze, and I had no idea where he kept his keys. I didn’t want to risk waking him up. Would he be mad that I’d slipped out of bed? Would he be grouchy? What was a guy like Enzo even like in the morning? I couldn’t imagine seeing him without his fancy suit and perfect hair.
I coughed once, then lay down on my back. The silk robe hadn’t warmed up to my skin, and the touch of the fabric against me was startlingly and alarming chill. The couch felt solid and hard underneath me—comfortable to sit on, but not exactly for a nap. There weren’t even any pillows or throw blankets. It was like the most sterile living room that I’d ever seen in my life.
Suddenly, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I sat up and pulled an elastic off my wrist, making a ponytail with my hair and knotting it at the nape of my neck. I motioned for Pepper to stay, then walked into the bedroom and tossed the silk robe on the floor.
After a second thought, I picked it up and gently folded it and put it on the bed. The slippery material made it nearly impossible to leave looking neat, but I didn’t want to offend Enzo more than I had to.
It took me a few minutes to find my jumper, turtleneck, leggings, bra, and panties in the dark. Enzo had scattered my clothes on the floor of the dressing room, and I dressed quickly, feeling a snake slipping back into her old, discarded skin. I set my mouth in a thin line and looked in the mirror. I looked exactly the same as I always had, not trussed up in expensive silk nightclothes like some kind of trophy wife.
“It’s better this way,” I said to my own reflection, startled at the huskiness of my voice.
Walking into the living room, I called for Pepper and quickly pulled a leash out of my purse. “We’re going home, Pep,” I murmured, rubbing her ears. “We don’t belong here.”
Chapter Eighteen
I was afraid of who I was becoming when I was with Enzo, pure and simple. Pulling off the silk robe had really made me realize it: it didn’t matter what he said about clothing. I got that he had a point about the office—thinking about embarrassing him with my sartorial decisions made me feel horrible—but if we were going to be together, I was going to keep my clothes.
“That’s right, Pep,” I told her as we waited on the frigid “L” platform for the next train. It was so cold that, for a moment, I’d regretted my decision to leave Enzo’s toasty condo. I wish I could have called a cab, but I didn’t want to spend any money. Not knowing how much longer I’d have a job was definitely taking a toll on me.
Pepper wagged her tail, then sat down and whined at the cold platform. I winced and reached down, stroking her soft fur with my gloved hand. As I stamped my feet, I checked the timetable—the nearest train was still twenty minutes away. It was sometime after midnight, and I was lucky that I’d managed to catch the last one at all.
Even though it would probably take me over an hour to get home, I was glad that I’d left. I didn’t want Enzo to wake up, and I cringed when I thought of his reaction to the clothes. After all, I didn’t think what I’d done was gracious. Another girl, probably any other girl, would have taken the clothes. But I didn’t want to let Enzo, the man I loved, change who I was inside. I didn’t want to become mean and superficial like Karen or those other girls he’d slept with. After all, if he liked me for me, he’d understand that.
Assuming that he likes you and you’re not just another notch on his bedpost. Haven�
��t you ever heard about virgin fetish? I shuddered as the small voice in my head popped up, determined to undermine how I was feeling. I hated that I couldn’t think anything without doubting myself. I envied Enzo—that didn’t seem like a problem that he ever struggled with. He was the kind of guy who didn’t let anything faze him. Or at least, not that he showed.
Pepper rubbed against my legs. She was cold, and I felt guilty, but there was nowhere else to go. After sunset, the Loop usually got pretty deserted. Only rich people like Enzo could afford to live downtown, and most people who worked in the office buildings went home to their suburbs or other neighborhoods.
It felt eerie, almost like a ghost town. I’d rarely been downtown past closing hour, and it was definitely the first time I’d taken the late train by myself. I knew that I shouldn’t be afraid—after all, my weekly shifts at Helping Hands were probably more dangerous than anything else—but the crime rate in Chicago had skyrocketed as of late. Suddenly, I was nervous that I wouldn’t even make it home.
Pepper whined again. “I know, girl, you didn’t have dinner, but we’ll have some meatballs when we get home, okay?” She whimpered, rubbing her face against my legs. I rubbed my hands together; my fingers were starting to go numb even in my fleece gloves. As I looked out over the tracks, there was a weird scraping noise, seemingly from underneath the platform. I jumped a foot in the air. Suddenly, I was actually scared. I wanted to go home. Hell, I didn’t just want to go home, I wanted to be with Enzo. A lump swelled up in my throat as I thought of him, warm and snuggled in his bed, not four blocks from where I stood.
“It’s okay, Pepper,” I said nervously. “We’re going to be okay.” She barked, and I felt a slight surge of confidence—maybe whoever was out there wouldn’t want to mess with me knowing that I had a dog. As she got up and paced around me in a little circle, I strained and listened in vain for the sound again.
The air was silent. My nose tingled with the cold, and when I looked up into the inky black sky, I saw tiny flakes of snow coming down towards my face. Great, I thought sourly. That’s just awesome. Now I’ll be a brick of ice by the time the train gets here. Maybe Pepper can drag me onboard.
Stamping my feet in a useless effort to warm up, I finally saw a flicker of light all the way at the end of the platform. As the train approached, the platform shook and quivered with the weight of the train. Gratefully, I took off my gloves and started to blow on my frozen hands. They were so cold that my breath felt like an icy blast and I cried out in pain, shoving my hands deep into the pockets of my jumper.
When the doors of the train opened, I hurled myself inside. It was hot and sour-smelling—there was a homeless person curled up on the bench across from me—but I was so grateful to be out of the cold that I didn’t even mind. Pepper curled up on thebench and rested her head on my lap. Closing my eyes, I relaxed and let my head thump against the window. I didn’t want to watch as the train pulled out of the station and away from Enzo. I couldn’t bear it.
Shifting in my seat, I wondered if he’d be unhappy with me for leaving. He was both possessive and controlling. Oddly, I didn’t mind as long as I could exercise some degree of autonomy. I wasn’t going to change my life for Enzo, but I didn’t mind a little domination in the bedroom.
Pepper whined. “Hush,” I said softly. “It’s not my fault that thinking about him makes me so hot and bothered.” She whined and thumped her tail against the seat. “I know, girl,” I said as I rubbed her ears. “I know. It’s late. We’ll be home soon.”
As the “L” train hurtled through the darkness, carrying me up and away from the city, I felt a strange sense of calm blanket my limbs. There were so many mornings that I’d seen women, still clad in evening clothes with lipstick clinging to their mouths, struggling on the train. I was finally one of them. I was finally one of those girls who stayed out all night at a guy’s place and then returned home in the wee hours of the morning.
Even though it was miserable and cold outside, I could tell that it was just before dawn. I didn’t entirely feel good about my revelation. For all the happiness that Enzo brought me, I still wasn’t sure that I’d be able to do a good job maintaining my life without him.
We screeched to a stop, and my stomach froze. The homeless man across the aisle from me didn’t even stir as the lights on the train blinked on and off. Suddenly, I felt just afraid as I had back on the platform. Chicago at night was an entirely different creature than Chicago during the safe daylight hours, and I couldn’t wait until I was home and snuggled on the couch with Pepper. It was almost daylight, which meant that I could maybe shower and nap for an hour or so before going into work.
The train finally reached Pilsen, and I gently pushed Pepper off the bench as we exited the train. The first pinky-gray streaks of dawn were starting in a far-off corner of the sky, and I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. I was too far away from Lake Michigan to smell anything fresh, but it smelled like home all the same. My home, where there wasn’t a single silk item in the whole apartment. I grinned to myself as Pepper and I jogged up the stairs. Sure, it wasn’t Enzo’s luxe high-rise, but it was what we knew.
Pepper barked and growled, stopping dead in her tracks as I took my keys out. I looked down and saw that the fur on the back of her neck was sticking straight up.
“Girl, what’s wrong?” I asked in a soothing tone. I reached down to stroke her, and she tensed again, growling and backing away from the door. “Pepper? Did something happen?”
Frowning, I looked at the door. Everything looked fine—it hadn’t been broken, or jammed open. Still, a sense of fright and unease descended over me. Pepper never acted up unless something was really wrong. What did she know that I didn’t?
“Pepper, come on,” I insisted. “Stop being such a silly goose. You’re coming with me girl, okay?” She dug her paws into the wooden landing and refused to move, growling and barking sharply. I winced. “Pepper, hush!” I scolded her. “We have neighbors!” My mouth went dry, and my heart started to beat faster in my chest as I slowly pushed the door open. For a moment, everything looked fine.
Then my eyes adjusted and I let out a scream of fright. The inside of my apartment had been completely ransacked. The kitchen was a mess—all of the doors to the pantry were open, and everything had been pulled out and tossed on the floor. I felt shocked, like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over my head. Pepper growled again, and I gripped her leash tighter, pulling her inside the door with me.
“Hello?” I called loudly. My voice trembled and I cursed myself—I was the least intimidating woman out there! “Hello? Who’s there?”
There was no answer as I slowly slipped into the house, treading as lightly as I possibly could on the floor. Pepper strained and tugged at the leash. She pulled me into the living room, and I let out a small gasp. It was completely destroyed, even more so than the kitchen had been. The couch had been ripped apart—stuffing and slashed cushions littered the floor—and my TV was broken and smoking on the ground. I winced as I trod over some broken glass. It crunched under my boots, sending a scary tremor through my body.
I bit my lip as tears welled up in my eyes. My whole apartment was ruined! What the hell was I supposed to do now? Taking a deep breath, I pulled out my cell phone. Enzo was the last person I wanted to call, but I knew he was the only one I could turn to.
Pepper barked as I dialed his number.
“I know you don’t like him, Pep, but we don’t have a lot of options right now,” I said to her as I braced the phone between my shoulder and my cheek.
Pepper growled in response.
Chapter Nineteen
Enzo
I was having some kind of amazingly lusty dream. In my sleep, I reached out for Audrey, expecting her warm, supple body to be right there next to mine in the big bed.
My eyes flew open when I only groped cool silk and the comforter.
“Shit,” I muttered. Where the hell did she go?
Climbing out of bed,
I pulled a robe on and stalked into the living room. I knew that it would be empty before I got there, but seeing the confirmation only made my heart sink. She was gone. Her mutt, Pepper, was gone, too. One of my solid gold serving bowls was on the floor with some water and crumbs in it, and I rolled my eyes. Fucking Audrey. Of course she’d pull down a three-thousand-dollar dish and use it for her goddamned mutt.
“Audrey?” I called out. “Audrey. Where are you?”
Balling my hands into fists, I stalked through the apartment and looked for her. She was gone. She’d left, and taken the pooch with her. In the bathroom, I flicked on the light and gazed at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. I needed to moisturize and get a haircut, but somehow, I knew that wasn’t the reason why she’d left.
A feeling of discontent came over me, and I whirled into the dressing room. Sure enough, Audrey’s dowdy clothes were gone, and the silk bra and panties were on the floor. I rolled my eyes as I snatched them up and stuffed them in the bag. I’d sent one of my personal assistants on a shopping spree after giving her Audrey’s size, and she’d spent close to twenty thousand dollars at some new boutique. Bags littered the floor. I picked one up and read the label: RH Shoes.
