“I know you don’t deserve this, Jack. That’s why I am here to speak to you in person. Thank you for being my friend, and I forgive you for being an ass. The thing is, Jack, all I can offer is friendship. Nothing more. My heart isn’t mine to offer anymore. It knew where I belong even when I didn’t.”
“What the hell does that mean?” He puts down his coffee a little harder than necessary.
Using Cole’s words, I say, “It means I gave my love away a long time ago and I refuse to take it back.” I look at him apologetically. I was hoping he would take it well and I could get this over with quickly, but it doesn’t seem to be going that way, not from the storm brewing on his face.
“No way. When did you even meet him? You haven’t known him for that long! Have you remembered something new? What about what we have? What about me?” He’s raising his voice, and people are starting to notice.
“Jack, it’s so much more complicated than you could even know. I have known Cole for longer than you think, but it doesn’t matter because even if I knew him for an hour I would still feel the same.” I don’t want to hurt Jack, but I know if I don’t want to continue to hurt him, I have to make this very clear.
Jack leans back in his chair. Looking up at the ceiling, he lets out a breath of air and then looks at me. He isn’t sad; he looks angry.
“Jack, I want to tell you a story. It may help in understanding all of this…” He interrupts by standing up and knocking his spoon on the floor. “I don’t want to hear your fucking story. I’ve done everything right and you have treated me like a piece of trash. We’ll see who’s really the trash, Mia. You are all the same, always wanting the asshole, never seeing that I am the one who’s your real prince. I would have treated you like a queen, but you’ll get what you deserve because I won’t protect you anymore!”
Holy hell! I’m not sure how to even respond. Jack is seething and spitting verbal venom.
“Jack! Stop this, don’t say things like that.”
“What the fuck do you care? You only care about yourself and your precious Cole! You are selfish, Mia. You’ll see, you fucking bitch!” He screams at me while he stands hovering over the table. People are watching openly now and the kid behind the counter looks ready to pounce if I need him. I’ve suspected several sides of Jack before now, but this one frightens me. This Jack is unpredictable and clearly fucking psycho.
“Thank you for confirming that you are in fact, an ASS. Goodbye, Jack.” I get up to leave and turn my back to him. I had hoped to explain and find a resolution, maybe one day be friends, but no way would I ever be friends with someone as mean and insane as this.
“Miss you already!” Jack snarls, and when I look back he is looking at me with the most disgusting smile. I quickly leave the coffee shop, realizing in that moment who has been sending the notes. I’ll have to burn them later.
When I get back to the suite I find a note from Alex, telling me she went to stay with Chris and that her stuff is packed, so I can check out whenever I want. I go to my room and pack the few belongings I have with me into the two bags I brought last week. I check out and head to the street, hail a cab, and mentally review my plan. I hear the driver grumble about traffic and look up to see miles of brake lights. Oh man! I’ll be stuck in this for hours. I tell the cabbie I’m going to walk and he starts to laugh as I hand him the money. It dawns on me that I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see or hear until now that it’s raining, buckets of rain coming down hard. Fuck!
“You sure you want to get out now, lady? Seems like it would be easier to sit here.”
“I’m not looking for easy. I need to keep moving forward.” I get out and grab my bags.
As I walk into rain, I imagine it cleansing me, ridding me of all the sadness and confusion. I’ve never been closer to my real purpose. I have never felt more certain about anything. I am going to restart my life. I just need to get home.
Twenty minutes later, I’m riding the elevator to my apartment, soaking wet. So wet that I have a puddle forming beneath me. When the doors open I step out and look into his eyes. I’m standing in the foyer of Cole’s penthouse. My penthouse. Our home.
A new puddle is forming as Cole stands frozen, looking at me. I can see his eyes start to gleam. Tears run down his face as I shrug and drop my bags. He falls to his knees, head hanging down and I run to him. I drop to my knees and start kissing his tears. “Shh, don’t. I’m here, I’m not leaving. I’m here.” All he can do is hold onto me while he weeps, his release of sorrow and worry so great that he literally folds in half wrapping himself around my waist. Without knowing, I terribly injured this strong, beautiful man, and I will do everything I can to make it up to him.
“I thought I lost you again, Mia. I couldn’t lose you again.”
“Don’t you understand? You never really lost me. My connection to our love is so powerful that I have spent a year trying to find my way back to you. I might not remember all the details, but I remember the strength of our love. Nothing can keep me from you. Nothing.”
Cole sits up and cups my face with both hands. “I love you, Amelia Parker.” Parker, the sound of my name, feels like a rebirth. I want him to keep saying it. Then he kisses me. When he pulls away he smiles and says, “I didn’t realize my tears would cause a river in the living room.” I laugh, “I need out of these clothes.”
“Let me help with that, Mrs. Parker.” He stands and scoops me up, carrying me into the bathroom of our master suite. Our room… I love the way that sounds. For the longest time I’ve had no sense of home. I might be with Mom and Richard or in that crappy apartment with Alex, or in a hotel room, but I haven’t belonged anywhere. Now I know why. This is where I belong; with Cole. This is where I was supposed to be all along.
He puts me down to start the tub and I start to undress. I step into the hot water and it feels amazing. Cole disappears for a moment, bringing back with him a towel and wash cloth. He soaps up the wash cloth and begins to wash me in silence. It feels divine. I know he needs this, to take care of me - his bride, his wife. He washes my hair and when he’s done he stands with the heated towel. I step out of the bath and he wraps it around me. Then he takes my hand and we walk toward the closet. I hadn’t noticed before that there are two doors. He opens one and turns on the light. As I enter I realize this was - is my closet. Some clothes are hanging, but the racks are mostly empty. There are twelve shoe cubbies with two or three pairs, and the shelves along one wall are bare. As I open one of the drawers, it reveals my lingerie and pajamas.
“This was your side,” he says. “Your mom packed almost everything, but I asked her to leave a few things behind because I couldn’t bear for you to be completely gone.”
“Thank you.” I reach up and touch his shoulder, and he looks back at me intently, as though he’s still trying to make sure I’m really here. “Thank you for never giving up on me, Cole.” I reach up and kiss his lips, and he does that thing he did the other night, keeping his eyes closed like he’s committing the kiss to memory.
“Open your eyes, I’m real.” When he opens them to look at me, his lids are hooded. He wraps his arms around my waist, picking me up and spinning me around. “I think we should celebrate, Mrs. Parker.”
Then for a moment he scrunches his forehead in worry and puts me down. “Sorry, I can just call you Mia if you prefer, I know you don’t actually remember being Mrs. Parker.”
“No, stop. I want to live my real life, my life with you. I’m banking on that being what triggers my memories. Besides, I want you to call me that. I like it.”
I am rewarded for this with the biggest and brightest smile. His face is pure joy.
“I’m going to get champagne. Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen.”
“Done and done!”
I look through my things, hoping something will give me a sense of déjà vu, but nothing. I put on a beautiful, long, dark green and black lace negligée. I brush out my hair and pinch my cheeks for color. I am about
to seduce my husband and I’m hoping the new Mia will be as good as the old one he fell in love with.
I pad out barefooted into the great room, and when I see him shirtless in pajama bottoms I can feel the heat inside my body start to boil. He looks up from the champagne and I hear his sharp intake of breath. He likes what he sees. Good, because so do I. I watch him swallow and walk toward me with my glass. I take the champagne flute from him, never breaking eye contact.
“You look lovely, Mia. Breathtaking. This one was my favorite,” he says running a hand down my waist. “Drink your champagne quickly, because I would like to make love to my wife.” I barely finish before he hoists me over his shoulder and carries me back into the bedroom. I can’t help laughing.
Cole lays me down and stands admiring me from the foot of the bed. His gaze is so intense, I can’t help but get wet. His look - along with the sizable bulge in his pants - leaves zero doubt that he wants to pleasure my body. He leans over and crawls up the bed until he is hovered over me, then leans in and brushes our noses together. I lift my chin and he begins to kiss my lips, savoring my bottom lip, biting softly. I moan in appreciation of what this man can do with just a kiss. He moves to my jawline, feathering kisses up to my ear, then whispers, “I am looking forward to fucking you tonight. I think it’s time to help trigger that memory of yours. Buckle up, baby.”
I gasp audibly before I can help myself and turn to look at Cole only to see the smirk as he starts moving down to my breasts. With his left hand he caresses my left breast as he takes in my hard nipple on the other side, sucking and rolling his tongue around. I can barely hold onto my senses; my body starts to writhe on the bed. It feels so good, the heat from his mouth and the twinge of pain every time he bites my nipple. God I don’t want him to stop… I could come just like this. Cole moves his hand down my body, cupping my pussy and squeezing. I let out a groan, pushing myself harder into his hand, rocking into his palm harder and harder as he puts pressure on my clit. I can feel how close I am.
“Don’t stop, Cole, please…”
“Baby, your pussy is so wet, so ready for me.” He pushes two fingers inside me. “Yes, Cole, yes.”
“That’s it, push harder, Mia…do you want it, do you want me to let you come now or do you want me to fuck you hard?”
“Fuck me, Cole. Fuck me!”
He pulls his fingers out and grabs my legs, flipping me over onto my stomach, spreading my legs apart wide. Gripping my waist, he pulls my hips up so my ass pushes back into his pelvis but my face is still down on the bed. “Is this what you want, Mia?” I nod my head, unable to speak. “I can’t hear you, baby.”
I pant, breathing heavily, “Yes.” I can feel the smack on my behind but it’s completely obscured by the pulsating need between my legs. I like this…a lot.
“Do you remember this baby?” Another smack. “Answer, Mia.” Another.
“Oh God, please don’t stop.” I know I’m going to explode as long as he keeps going.
“Please, Cole, I need you…” I can’t even finish before I feel another smack, not only on my ass but there. “Yes!” I say as I am rocketed over the edge, my body losing all control and trembling.
Cole grips my hips and enters my swollen, throbbing center. His rhythm is hard and strong and the connection between us is so intense that all I can do is push back into him as hard as he thrusts toward me. We are literally trying to tear each other apart in order to get closer and with that we both fall again. Cole yells out my name, covering my back with his body as we both collapse together. He holds himself up for support, just enough to avoid crushing me.
“Fuck!” I can feel Cole nod in agreement against my back. When he pulls out it makes me wet all over again. I ache for that delicious pinch of pain. My body craves it. Of all the memories I’ve lost, this one is the most instinctual, the most automatic. I don’t need my mind to remember how to love Cole, because my body clearly remembers just fine.
He walks back to the bed with a washcloth and sits next to me. I watch him with awe as he cleans my body, treating it like a temple. He kisses each breast and rubs lotion on my bottom. He sits me up and slips my negligée back over my head, kissing my swollen lips.
“Thank you,” he says.
“For what?”
“For choosing me.”
I lean forward and deepen our kiss, tired but unable to keep away from him. It’s like we’re making up for lost time. Cole makes slow, sweet love to me two more times that night. Before falling asleep, I watch him and while admiring his beautiful face, I have a memory, a memory of him making love to me the night we were married.
“I’m coming back to you, Cole, I promise.” I whisper this before drifting off to sleep next to my husband.
“Mia, it’s been a month. I think you need to just commit. What do you want? I can’t live in limbo any longer.”
I stand looking at the main wall in our living room, Cole pacing behind me.
“I can’t choose, I love them both. The one on the right makes the room feel warm and cozy, but the color on the left is bright and cheery. Both are really perfect!”
“Ugh woman! You are infuriating. Just pick a damn color, or I promise you I will paint it all black!”
“I will kill you if you paint our walls black.”
Cole stalks over, giving me his best angry pout, making it hard for me to keep a straight face. He breaks his pout to join in my laughter.
“Quit making me laugh, I’m trying to be serious,” he says.
“Well then, stop looking so adorable.” I reach up to pinch his cheeks but Cole grabs my wrists and growls as he levels his glare at me. The moment he gets that look in his eyes, my insides heat up.
He lets go of my wrists to put his hands on my waist and lifts me until I am eye level to him.
My smile broadens because I know what comes next. I love it when he gets all alpha male on me.
“Pick a color,” he says in a low growl.
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I will make you live with whatever I choose. Either way, I will fuck you.”
This is a turn I wasn’t expecting. If Cole picks the color, I will probably hate it forever.
“The right,” I blurt, throwing my arms around his neck. He lets out Zeus’ laugh, big and booming. Reaching down he grabs behind my thighs and wraps them around his waist, pinning me to the wall. I’m then reminded of one of the ways I love my husband to fuck me.
We have been playing house for a month, finding it surprisingly easy. I knew I needed to be here, with him, to truly get back what I’ve been missing. A part of me still struggles with all the things I don’t remember; it makes me feel deficient as his wife. The one truth I know is that the current me loves Cole deeply and I am loved back with the same fierce intensity. The fear, however, of not living up to the person he fell in love with before, it lingers in the background, always nagging, making me second guess the longevity of his love.
We are taking our time now, trying to rediscover ourselves and each other as a couple slowly, telling each other stories about our pasts and confiding what we see in our future during nights and days of lovemaking. The more we open up to each other, the more my memory returns in flashes. The other day, I remembered arguing over the couch. Apparently I put up a pretty big fight to get this couch! It made me laugh when I thought of the first time I came to the apartment, when Cole laughed because I’d shown appreciation for the sofa in his living room. These small moments bring us closer but simultaneously remind us there is still a gap between us to conquer.
One night we talk about how we met, and that helps put things into focus. It’s the first thing Cole wants to tell me, but I refuse. He doesn’t understand but although it seems silly, I want such a beautiful moment to be one that I remember on my own, first. It’s ridiculous, I know. He was obviously there when we met, but I don’t want to be coaxed there. This love, his love, feels precious. I may not remember the details of our early dates, but my body and su
bconscious remember the force of our bond. I didn’t understand when we met the second time why I was so intensely drawn to him, but since Alex spilled the beans it finally all makes sense to me.
Our current reality is we’ve been living in a cocoon, sheltered from the outside world. I am too afraid to say what I’m pretty sure we’re both feeling, which is what if we fall apart outside these walls? I feel safe and protected here, physically and mentally. Cole mostly understands and accepts the gaps in my memory. He has fallen into a pattern of compensating for my lapses, but I wouldn’t even know how to broach that window of time with an acquaintance.
Cole took the month to work from home, but I know it’s only a matter of time before he will have to return. I secretly wish we could stay in our bubble forever, but time is ticking. Today, he has to go into the office for a bit, leaving me to my own devices. I tool around the apartment, watching television and calling Alex to check on her. I am happy to discover that she is settled into her new apartment (the one we secured together) and has unpacked her last box. It’s very satisfying to see your closest friend settle back into her life so happily.
Alex has refused the security detail Cole offered, much to his dismay, but I understand. I don’t think Carter would ever target her; I seemed to be his target, not Alex. Since I moved back in with Cole, he has insisted on my detail. Of course I try to get out of it because it puts a real hiccup in my freedom, but it’s ridiculous to think I will ever win that argument.
The biggest wrinkle in my plan is this unexpected happiness! I am genuinely happy with Cole. Not even my sense of revenge wants to risk losing what I have with him. In fact, it has done the opposite. I find myself afraid again; afraid that Carter will find me or even worse, find Cole. I don’t know what he is capable of. I know he was probably behind the mugging, but I don’t understand why he would choose that way to get at me. The police haven’t made any progress, but Richard says his investigators feel confident that they will nab Carter soon. I am basically stuck being a prisoner until Carter is found and returned to the hospital.
The Forever Series Page 11
