Damon shifted his weight. “It was all a giant game, wasn’t it? The Russians stealing medical advancements from the US and claiming the discoveries as their own. They didn’t have the resources to do their own research.”
“Correct. And as Blue Cell got more powerful, they got greedy,” her father responded.
“Demanding more and more from the Russians in exchange for life-changing immunizations or cures,” Spencer added.
“Exactly.”
Spencer cleared his throat. “Blue Cell is much larger than six people.”
“You’re correct,” Ash responded. “But those are the six top players. It won’t destroy the organization, but it will set them back while they lick their wounds and regroup. Unfortunately, they will rise again to wreak havoc another day. Maybe not for years, but I have no doubt they won’t be defeated simply by the imprisonment of their leaders. Hopefully the FBI will be able to run interference on them.”
“What’s going to happen to you?” Olivia asked, her voice shaking.
“I can’t tell you that yet. I’m still negotiating with the government.”
Olivia suddenly rushed forward, slammed into her father, and buried her face against his chest. “Daddy…”
He threaded his fingers in her hair and kissed the top of her head. “You’re strong, my sweet girl. And you have good people in your corner who care about you.” He tipped her head back and met her gaze. “Lean on the ones who matter most.”
She nodded, knowing he was referring to Damon and Spencer. She had no idea what might happen to the three of them when they left here, but she wouldn’t bother her father with that now. Her eyes were filled with tears as he kissed her forehead.
“Sir, we have to go.” Those words came from the man at the front of the house.
Ash nodded toward the man, hugged Olivia tight, and spoke one more time. “I love you more than life, E. Please know that everything I did was so that you might live in peace. It might have been selfish of me to keep you, but I will never regret a moment. Peace, sweetheart.” And then he released her, walked out the front door, and followed the man to an awaiting vehicle.
He did not look back until he reached the car door. His smile warmed her heart where she stood in the doorway, having followed him only that far. “I love you. I’m so sorry,” he said one more time.
Chapter 21
Two weeks later…
Damon was worried.
No. Worried was too mild a word for what he’d been experiencing for fourteen solid days. He was out of his mind.
He was pacing back and forth behind the farmhouse, something he’d done often in the last fourteen long days. It did nothing to alleviate his stress, but he did it anyway to blow off steam. Usually he came alone. Today, Spencer had followed him.
Spencer. The man leaned against the trunk of a tree far too casually. He’d said nothing for fifteen minutes, letting Damon sulk and rant internally. Damon appreciated the gesture, while at the same time he wanted to grab Spencer by the neck and demand he too exhibit at least half of the panic Damon felt.
Damon hadn’t confronted Spencer a single time. Not about Olivia. Not about their own relationship. Instead of sharing his anxiety with the man he was in love with, he kept it bottled up inside. He didn’t want Spencer to see him as weak. That was part of it. But he also didn’t want to hear if Spencer didn’t feel the same way about Damon now that they were no longer running for their lives.
They hadn’t seen Olivia for two weeks. Fourteen fucking days. Not since she left with the Feds in an SUV after her father. They’d needed her for questioning. They hadn’t permitted either Damon or Spencer to accompany her.
For a few days, Damon had been worried sick about what they might have done with her. Later, he’d calmed down, knowing he was overreacting, but still nervous. As the days passed, he switched to anger. Why hadn’t she contacted them?
He knew she was safe. If anything had happened to her, Dade would have known, and he would have told not just Damon and Spencer but everyone.
Olivia hadn’t returned because she had chosen not to. And Damon had stubbornly kept to himself, thinking that he couldn’t face Spencer alone. He needed Olivia. Without her, there was nothing to say.
After two weeks, his stubborn streak was growing absurd. He’d avoided Spencer for too long. He was a dick. He had thought they could quietly hold their collective breaths for a few days while they waited for Olivia to reappear, but with every passing day, Damon’s silence was wearing on himself. He hoped it was wearing on Spencer too, but it was hard to tell. The man said nothing.
“When you’re done freaking out, they’re going to have to replace the sod in this section of the yard,” Spencer mused from where he leaned against the tree.
Damon spun to face him, attempting to shoot daggers with his eyes. There was no reason for him to take his frustration out on Spencer. They were a team. But he couldn’t stop himself. At this point, he was even angry with Spencer for not pushing back. “You know what annoys me the most?”
Spencer took a deep breath, his expression turning more serious. “I hope you’re finally going to tell me.”
Damon stomped closer. “Damn right, I’m going to tell you.” He could feel the heat rising on his cheeks, his blood pressure rising. “It pisses me the fuck off that you can stand there so calmly like it’s no big deal that she left two weeks ago and hasn’t even tried to contact either of us. It pisses me off that what I thought we had, all three of us, obviously didn’t mean as much to either of you as it did me.”
Spencer shoved off the tree, fists at his side. “Fuck you, Damon. You do not get to decide how I’m feeling inside. Just because I don’t wear myself out stomping around throwing rocks and punching shit doesn’t mean I’m not hurting just as badly inside.” He reached up and pounded his chest.
Damon took a step back, shocked by Spencer’s outburst.
Spencer continued through gritted teeth, glancing over his shoulder as if to ensure no one could hear him before he spoke again in a lower voice. “You want to know what pisses me off?”
Damon swallowed, belatedly thinking twice about his outburst. Perhaps he’d misjudged his male lover.
Spencer took a step closer. “You probably don’t even give a fuck what pisses me off, but I’m going to tell you anyway. It pisses me off that while Livvy might have left us to deal with a mountain of shit, I’m still right here. I’ve been here the entire time. And you don’t even seem to see me.”
Damon nearly fell backward at those words. He lost his balance and his footing. His heart raced, pain slicing into him.
“I get that we had something incredibly unconventional, but I thought it was real. I thought it was solid. It would seem for you it was all about her. I thought I meant something to you, that you felt equal about the two of us.”
Spencer glanced over his shoulder again and then back at Damon. Was he that concerned about being heard? “So, while you’ve been stomping around here mourning the presumed loss of Livvy, I’ve been grieving the loss of the man right in front of me too. Do not fucking tell me how I feel.” Spencer turned around and took a few steps toward the farmhouse.
Heart pounding, Damon knew one thing for certain—he couldn’t let this man walk away having so totally misunderstood. He lurched forward, grabbed Spencer’s arm, and hauled him behind the enormous tree.
Spencer’s eyes were wide. “What the fuck, man? Let me go.”
Damon planted his hands on both sides of Spencer’s head and pressed his torso against the younger man’s. “Not a chance. Not until you hear me out.”
Spencer’s gaze darted around Damon’s face, his brow furrowed. He licked his lips, chest heaving.
“I’ve been a dick.”
Spencer said nothing.
For several moments Damon stared at the man he’d fallen in love with, trying to find the words to tell him how he felt, not wanting to fuck things up any more than he already had.
He finally cl
osed the inches between them, set his forehead against Spencer’s, and breathed against his lips. “I’m sorry.”
Spencer still didn’t move, but he glanced down and then back up.
“I thought she would come to us. I thought she would be gone only a few days and then meet us here in Montana.” He lowered his hands to cup Spencer’s face. “It seemed…wrong somehow…to carry on without her. To smile or laugh or fuck, even. It seemed wrong to have something she isn’t a part of. I don’t love her more than I love you. I just think we’re a threesome, and I’d feel like I was somehow cheating on her if we moved on without her. At least without talking to her about it first.”
Spencer finally nodded slowly. “That makes sense. Why didn’t you say something?”
Damon took a deep breath and gave him a half-grin. “I told you. Because I’m a dick.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “You’re not a dick. Stop it.”
“I was also scared. Scared to face you and find out if I’d lost you too. You’ve been so quiet. I wasn’t sure… I didn’t think. I just kept imagining that she would appear and then we could face each other and feel it all out together. Every day I thought: Today. Today. Today. And still, she’s not here.”
“She was with the Feds, Damon. Maybe they aren’t done questioning her.”
“That may be, but why doesn’t she contact us? She knows how to reach Dade. She could have at least gotten a message to us.”
Spencer sighed. “I don’t know. But I hate it just as much as you do. It hurts in my heart. She took a piece of my soul.” His voice dipped, gravelly and rough. “So did you.”
Damon felt another stab of pain at what he’d unintentionally done to Spencer. He slid one hand around to the back of Spencer’s neck and caressed his skin with his fingertips. “I’m sorry, baby. I wasn’t thinking. You’re right.” And then he slowly closed the distance, giving Spencer all the time in the world to stop him before their lips met.
Spencer didn’t stop him. In fact, he reached out to grab Damon’s T-shirt, fisting it in both hands while tipping his head to one side to deepen the kiss.
Damon was desperate and hungry for the younger man. He held him tight, devouring him with his tongue and lips. They stood like that for long minutes before Damon finally broke the connection, gasping for air while he remained flattened to Spencer. “I missed you.”
Spencer smoothed his hands up Damon’s back. “I missed you too.”
Damon glanced around the trunk toward the house. It appeared no one was watching them still. He wasn’t sure how Spencer felt about them being out to the rest of the group. He needed to clarify. Spencer had looked back numerous times while the two of them argued. “What do you want people to know?”
Spencer shrugged. “It’s not that I care what anyone knows or thinks, it’s just that I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression.”
Damon frowned. “And what’s the wrong impression?”
“That you and I are a couple as opposed to two parts of three. I wouldn’t give a single fuck if we walked back inside holding hands and kissing. That’s not the issue. The problem is dealing with it all over again when Livvy gets here.”
Damon smiled. “You’re right. Makes sense.” He released Spencer and stepped back a few paces, straightening his shirt. After a sharp inhale followed by a slower exhale, he spoke again. “Because the three of us never set up boundaries, I’d feel like I was cheating on her somehow if we had sex without her.”
“I agree.”
“However, I’d really like it if you’d come to my room tonight. Sleeping without you isn’t sleeping at all. It’s just me staring at the ceiling.”
“At least you have a room,” Spencer joked. “I’ve been on the sofa in the living room.”
Damon winced. “Not sure how we’re going to keep it a secret, but we’ll figure it out.”
Spencer nodded. “And, Damon?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s time to stop waiting for her to come to us. We need to find her.”
“Agreed.”
Spencer was all nerves as he walked into the enormous barn that had been converted into the command center for their crew of doctors and scientists. Damon was at his side, but Spencer had insisted on being the one to broach the subject with Dade. Mostly because he wanted Damon to see him as a man, one with balls. Not some kid.
Dade was standing behind Grayson who was pointing at something on his computer screen. He turned around as Spencer approached. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked, glancing back and forth between Spencer and Damon.
“Can we speak to you someplace private?”
“Of course.” Dade pointed across the room where a few separate offices were located. They had glass walls, so they weren’t private from peering eyes, but at least no one would hear them talking.
Spencer followed, Damon right beside him, his arm brushing against Spencer’s several times.
“You guys okay?” Dade asked after shutting the door and turning around to perch on the edge of the desk.
“Have you heard anything from Olivia?” Spencer asked, planting his feet and crossing his arms.
Damon stepped up next to him, looking more casual with his fingertips in his jeans pockets. “We’re worried.”
Dade slowly nodded, his gaze shifting back and forth. “I know she went with the Feds that day and spent several days being questioned by them.”
“Did they arrest her?” Spencer asked.
Dade shook his head. “No. They just wanted to find out if she knew anything, even inadvertently, from her childhood. They also set up a hypnotist to start the process of undoing the damage. She’ll need a new identity, but she can’t go through life with her own name as a trigger. Even though I have set up a hypnotist to work with the members of DEEP to undo our trigger word, at least it’s not a common word. We won’t often hear the unusual word for some strange fruit in our lives, but Olivia will never escape that name, not even with a new identity.”
Damon interrupted. “Do you know where she went after that?”
“I’m not sure. I’m sorry.”
Spencer gritted his teeth. Why didn’t she come to the two of them when she was done?
“I…” Dade hesitated, and then he continued. “I didn’t realize there was, uh… Never mind.” He waved a hand in front of his face.
Damon responded. “Well, there was. And there is. And we’d like to get in touch with her. Would you please ask her to call one of us?”
Dade nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Thank you.” Spencer sighed.
At least Dade looked at them with a certain level of sorrow. He didn’t ask personal questions, and he didn’t judge them or appear shocked.
It was late that night before Damon’s door quietly opened, the light from the hallway sending a ray across the floor before it shut again. No lights were on in the room, but Damon hadn’t shut the curtains or the blinds. He found he felt a little claustrophobic if he couldn’t see outside.
He could make out Spencer’s outline as he shuffled toward the bed.
Damon rose onto his elbows. He’d been staring at the ceiling, as usual, but tonight he’d done so with the hope that Spencer would eventually join him, no matter how brief his stay might be.
“You have a damn king-sized bed and I’m on a couch?” Spencer joked as he stopped a few feet from the edge.
Damon chuckled. “Well, most of the team is in rooms with twin beds.” The farmhouse was huge with plenty of bedrooms. Several of the team had paired off and were sharing, but those who weren’t probably appreciated having their own beds. “This one was available. They put me in here.”
“Do you think they suspected you wouldn’t be alone?” Spencer asked, closing the distance and then fingering the edge of the comforter.
Damon’s eyes had adjusted enough to see he was chewing on his bottom lip. “I have no idea. Come here.” He held out a hand, wanting Spencer to join him on the bed.
“You sure th
at’s a good idea?”
“It’s the only idea.” He rolled onto his side, still extending his hand. “If you don’t kick off your shoes and join me in about five seconds, I’m going to come after you, backing you up until I have you pinned against the wall.” Damon really enjoyed pinning Spencer just about anywhere. Except for that morning behind the tree, he hadn’t done so in two weeks.
Suddenly, he ached to hold Spencer in his arms. He hadn’t permitted himself to feel that pain in two weeks. Now, it was bursting from him as though he would combust in a matter of moments if Spencer didn’t move faster.
Spencer took his sweet time kicking his shoes off, and then he set a knee on the mattress and crawled forward. The moment he was in reaching distance, Damon lurched forward, grabbed him by the biceps, and flattened him on his back. He thrust a knee between Spencer’s legs and leaned his entire body over the younger man’s.
Spencer’s eyes were wide, and he smirked. “Desperate much?”
“You know I am,” Damon growled before he set his lips on Spencer’s and kissed the life out of him.
Spencer immediately parted his lips and moaned into Damon’s mouth. His hand came up to grab Damon’s hip, his fingers digging into Damon’s ass.
Damon kept up the assault until Spencer squirmed. Then he eased back. “That’s better.”
“How the hell is this better?” Spencer asked, laughing gently around the words. “Now my dick is hard, and you stopped.”
Damon chuckled. “I’m glad I still affect you as much as you do me.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “You know you always have. You affected me before I even met you. I was a nervous wreck just from speaking to you on the phone. Your voice alone did something unexpected to me.”
Reviving Olivia (Project DEEP Book 7) Page 22
