by M. A. Innes
Sebastian didn’t understand until he felt the heat on his lap. Then memories of the past came rushing back and he knew. He’d seen this panicked embarrassment before, not to this degree, but the first time Ally had used her diaper she’d had all kinds of conflicting emotions.
The embarrassment, combined with the humiliation and fear, the heat…he knew. But there were so many things that he was missing. This wasn’t something that Mark wanted to share with him. That was obvious. This wasn’t something that he was trying just to please Sebastian. No, something was wrong.
“Baby, you’ve got to calm down at tell me what’s going on. Baby, whatever it is it's okay. I promise.” Nothing he said helped. A defeated Mark simply sat on his lap shaking and mumbling.
“Nobody understands…broken…I forgot…broken…”
Not able to stand seeing his boy so devastated, Sebastian turned his head and kissed him gently. Tasting the salty tears as they fell, Sebastian tried to let Mark see how he felt and that everything would be okay.
Pulling back, Sebastian knew he couldn’t be delicate or ignore the facts any longer. If he was going to help his boy, they both had to be honest.
With a stern, no-nonsense voice, he looked at Mark and made sure his boy knew there would be no more hiding. “Boy, you need to tell me what the problem is. Nothing that you say will change what’s happening between us but you need to tell me why you’re so upset. Now, tell me about the diaper, Boy.”
Chapter 6
What had he done? How had he let this happen? Sitting on Sebastian’s lap, Mark couldn’t even find the strength to move much less anything else. He’d always been so careful when he was out. But with Sebastian, he just threw all that caution right down the toilet. Hearing Sebastian ask about the diaper was the final straw. He just gave up.
When Sebastian asked about the diaper again a second time, he just told him. It didn’t matter anymore. He couldn’t even manage to hide his problem through the first date. “I’m broken. I have to wear them.”
There was a long pause before Sebastian spoke again. “Boy, what do you mean broken?”
The cautious tone of his voice showed just how worried Sebastian was. He probably didn’t want the crazy guy in “disposable underwear” to go nuts on him.
“My body is broken. My bladder doesn’t work like everyone else’s. I was born premature and with some other complications at birth. It’s also why I’m so small. I’m broken.”
The unconscious tightening of Sebastian’s arms was the only hint to his emotions. “Tell me about being broken. How does your body work that’s different?”
There was no reason to hide. Sebastian knew about the embarrassment he had to wear, so there was no reason to hide the issue now. The date and the humiliation would be over soon enough. “I was sick as a kid but mostly I’m fine now. My biggest problem, besides my bladder being smaller than average, is that the nerves aren’t as developed as most adults. I don’t have the normal signals that everyone else gets to indicate my bladder is full and because of its underdeveloped size it causes problems.”
He wasn’t going to explain the problem. Sebastian could fill in the blanks.
“So that’s why you were watching the phone so carefully at dinner and why you wear your clothes so big.”
“Yeah, I’m usually more careful when I go out, but I got distracted.” Mark blushed thinking about the incredible reason he’d gotten distracted. Before everything went wrong, it had been incredible. He would remember his first kiss forever.
“I’m glad you were so distracted, baby. I would have been disappointed if you were thinking of something else while we were kissing.” The flirting teasing tone seemed out of place. Why wasn’t Sebastian pushing him away? Why was he still holding him?
“Boy, why would you assume that I would have a problem with your physical issues or with the diapers?”
“Disposable adult underwear.”
Sebastian just ignored him. “Baby, I know you remember about my nursery upstairs. Why would this bother me? That’s the reason that you’re so upset, isn’t it? You think I’m going to be horrified or think that there’s something wrong with you? How did other boyfriends—”
“There weren’t any others…boyfriends or girlfriends…I knew no one would understand. After the kids in elementary school found out, the bullying was so bad I had to be homeschooled. I made sure no one would find out again. Besides, just because you think that the nursery stuff is fun it doesn’t mean that you want to deal with a guy who will always wear them. No one wants to deal with that.”
Still lost in his own thoughts Mark was surprised when he felt the kiss to the top of his head. “Baby boy, you couldn’t be more wrong.”
He waited while Sebastian took several deep breaths before he continued. “I loved Ally so much but even our relationship wasn’t perfect. When Ally was still alive do you know what we disagreed about the most?”
He wasn’t sure why Sebastian wanted to talk about his late wife now, but Mark didn’t see any reason not to humor him. At least he wouldn’t have to talk about himself. “No.”
“We both loved the lifestyle, but Ally was adamantly against only one thing that I ever asked her. I wanted her to wear her diapers daily but she would only wear them once and a while. Not even at night. She was my sweet little girl in almost every way but that one. And it was something that I wanted. I learned to live without it and I would have lived with her forever understanding that it wasn’t something she wanted. But it was a big disappointment that we couldn’t share that part. So what you think might push me away is actually something that I’ve wanted for a long time.”
Mark didn’t know what to say. He’d researched enough lately to know that there seemed to be a variety of ways to be little but he’d never thought that Sebastian would have wanted that part of the lifestyle. It was so far from sexy and so far from everything that people always talked about when it came to sex and relationships.
“Why? I’ve spent my entire life hating them.”
Sebastian sighed and pulled him even closer so that he was tucked under Sebastian’s head cuddled right next to his chest. He could hear Sebastian’s heartbeat and the warmth of his tight muscles through his shirt. He hadn’t been this close to anyone since he was a kid and never to anyone he was interested in.
“Baby, I was drawn to this lifestyle from an early age because I’ve always liked taking care of the people that I was attracted to. Something about taking care of my partner just makes me feel special and I hope makes them feel special in return. In the past, tending my partner was through bathing them, dressing them, special feedings and play times but the idea that I would get to take care of something that personal is touching. It’s nothing I could hate.”
“Taking care of it?”
“Mark, you saw the nursery. You saw the changing table.”
“But…I just…they're awful. Why would you want to?”
He just didn’t understand. How could Sebastian want to do that? He could understand the idea of taking care of someone. He’d read enough comments on the website and enough of the instructional pages for it to make sense but this part just left him baffled. They were embarrassing things that you had to hide.
Sebastian kissed the top of his head again and Mark could hear him smile. “I’m not sure that I can explain it to you in words, baby. You’ve had to deal with this on your own for so long and you’ve been so ashamed about it that just telling you how I feel isn’t going to be enough.”
Sebastian reached over and found the remote. Turning off the forgotten movie, Sebastian looked down at Mark and with a smile that showed more concern than happiness gave him another kiss on his head. “Okay, baby. I’m going to show you what I mean. You’re not going to understand it until you experience it and you’re also not going to believe me until we move past this.”
“Experience it? Move past it?” What did he mean? Did he mean…?
“You know what I mean. We’re going
to go up to the nursery and change you. Get a fresh diaper on you and then we will finish the movie.”
“Adult disposable underwear.” He responded automatically.
“No, baby boy. The new nursery is fully stocked and we are going to lay you down on the changing table, clean you up, and put on a new diaper. A diaper, not disposable underwear that makes you feel ashamed. A new diaper that will hopefully make you feel special and cared for.”
Not waiting for a response from a dumbfounded Mark, Sebastian picked him up and carried him through the house, heading for the nursery.
Was he really going to do this? Was Mark really going to let him do that? Let Sebastian see him like that?
“No, wait. We can’t…I can’t…you don’t—”
Sebastian kept heading for the stairs and the nursery on the second floor but he slowed for just a moment as they got closer to the foyer. “Baby boy, I’m not going to do anything to you against your will, but I want you to think about something. Are you saying no because you’re embarrassed and afraid of being vulnerable when I’m taking care of you or are you against having me change you in general?
“Those are two different things, baby. If you're against me changing you in general, you can go into the bathroom and fix yourself up then we will go back to watching the movie and finish our date like any other couple. But if you are simply embarrassed, then I want you to try. I want to show you how different it can be when you have a someone to take care of you…a daddy to take care of your special needs and who can show you that you’re not alone.”
Coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, Sebastian stood there waiting for his answer. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. Back up and be safe, or jump? The last time he jumped, he’d regretted it for years; would this time be different?
“Baby boy, what will it be? Should I put you down so you can go to the bathroom and fix your disposable underwear or are you going to let Daddy get you all clean in a new diaper? Will you let me take care of you, Boy?”
He could hear the pain and worry in Sebastian’s voice. He knew Sebastian wouldn’t hurt him and hearing the worry in his voice, knowing that Sebastian wanted to take care of him, made him take the hesitant step towards the edge of the cliff.
“Yes.” The whispered words were the best he could do but Sebastian didn’t make him say it twice. Walking up the stairs, Sebastian tightened his grip on Mark and for just a moment, it felt as if he would never let him go. Slightly stalkerish at this point maybe, but for Mark, it was an incredible feeling. Someone wanted him, disposable underwear and all…diapers and all.
Some of the worry and fear returned as Sebastian carried him into the nursery. As Sebastian walked them over to the changing table, Mark couldn’t resist clinging onto Sebastian as he set him down.
“Hey, baby. It will be okay. I promise.”
With a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Sebastian waited for Mark to relax his grip. Feeling a little bit silly, Mark relaxed his hold on Sebastian and leaned back on the table. Staring up at the ceiling Mark was surprised to see the swirls in the plaster were actually shapes and patterns. Trying to figure out the pictures, he was surprised when Sebastian started easing his jeans down his legs. When had Sebastian taken his shoes off?
“What do you think of the ceiling, baby?”
“It’s weird,” Mark answered honestly.
Laughing, Sebastian continued to strip Mark’s pants off. “You know I love that answer, right?”
“Sorry, I was just surprised.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m not offended.”
“How did they do it? Why did they do it?”
“Well, the contractor that I use specializes in unique rooms and designs. His primary market is BDSM dungeons and littles playrooms and nurseries. So when we were talking about my vision for the room I wanted something that was more interesting for my little to look at when they were laying on the table. I wanted it to feel special and fun. He came up with the plasterwork instead of doing something more conventional like a mobile or pictures. Still think it’s weird or would you like to change your answer now?”
“Okay, maybe weird isn’t the right way to say it but it’s definitely interesting to look at. I can’t figure out the pictures, though.”
Concentrating on the shapes on the ceiling seemed to have the intended effect because he didn’t realize he was completely naked until he felt Sebastian tear the sides of the disposable underwear.
Mark tensed up as Sebastian brought his legs up and spread them apart as he removed the old one.
“Shhh, baby boy, it’s okay.”
It was weird, uncomfortable, and made him feel incredibly vulnerable but it was also touching and tender in a way he hadn’t expected. The way Sebastian looked at him…it was a mixture of tender sweetness and a hunger that Mark never expected. Sebastian liked this. Sebastian really liked taking care of him. There was no way to fake the passionate hunger in his eyes.
Distracted by the look on Sebastian’s face, Mark jumped when he felt the cold cloth of the wipe caress his skin. Sebastian smiled a little bit of a teasing grin when Mark jumped.
“Sorry baby, we’ll get the warmer set up so next time they won’t be this cold.”
He wasn’t sure what to say. “Thank you” seemed weirdly inappropriate and the fact that Sebastian was already planning for the future was surprising. But it probably shouldn’t have surprised him because nothing about today had gone like he’d expected.
Deciding that saying nothing was probably the best idea, he just watched as Sebastian continued to clean him up. He could feel the cool wetness of the cloth and the silkiness of the lotion as Sebastian covered the tender skin of the area where the diaper would cover. But he kind of felt as if he was watching it happen to someone else. Like it was happening from a distance.
It wasn’t until his body started reacting to Sebastian’s touch that everything snapped back into focus. He watched in embarrassed horror as his cock began to harden and lengthen under Sebastian’s gentle touch. Trying to pull his legs together, Mark tried to hide his growing problem.
“Baby boy, don’t be embarrassed. I’m taking care of you and I want you to feel good. This is supposed to feel good and be special. I want you to look forward to laying down for Daddy and being changed. I love seeing your body react. Watching your cock get hard, seeing how excited you are.”
Hearing the erotic words fall from Sebastian's lips made everything worse. He hardened to the point of pain and he couldn’t control the urgent need to thrust. He’d never imagined anyone saying that to him.
“Daddy’s boy likes getting changed.” Tightening his grip on Mark’s cock Sebastian continued the litany of dirty words. “You like having Daddy change you. Look at how much you like it, baby. You’re getting harder and harder. You look so sexy for Daddy.”
The lotion mixed with his precum felt incredible. Sebastian continued to stroke Mark’s hard cock gently, telling him how sexy he was…how good he was for his daddy…how special he thought Mark was. It was all too much for Mark.
“You’re Daddy’s good boy, aren’t you? Daddy’s good boy, who’s going to show Daddy how much he likes their special diaper time.”
Hearing the naughty words that took something so embarrassing and humiliating and then turned it around to make it sexy and special sent him right over the edge. Coming in Sebastian’s hand was incredible. He never imagined that he would find anyone who could handle his problem, much less someone who could take his problem and turn it into a fantasy experience.
Sebastian leaned down and gave him a kiss. It was a sweet peck on the lips but the look on his face was anything but. “Let’s finish getting you ready and then we’ll go finish our movie.”
After cleaning up the cum that covered Mark’s chest, Sebastian quickly slid a diaper under Mark’s bottom. A real diaper, not a pull-up or disposable underwear. A real diaper with cartoon characters printed on the front and little sticky tabs that fastened eac
h side. Mark didn’t know what to think or how he felt about it.
Part of him felt that he should find it humiliating but the expression of wonder on Sebastian’s face made it impossible. Sebastian thought he was special and that meant something. He wasn’t quite sure what exactly, but Sebastian saw his problem as something special and desirable. And Sebastian meant something to him.
Sebastian finished dressing him, but before he helped Mark down from the table, Sebastian placed his hands on both sides of Mark’s face and gave him a quick kiss to his forehead. Sebastian looked into his eyes and whispered, “Thank you, Boy. I know how hard that was for you. Thank you for trusting me.”
Curled up together on the couch again, Mark couldn’t believe how things were turning out. Instead of finding the diapers as something that had to be dealt with, Sebastian found them fascinating and sexual. It felt weird looking at them that way but even he had to admit the diapers were incredibly different than the disposable underwear that he normally wore. The whole experience was different.
He usually found needing a new pair of his disposable ones frustrating and humiliating. Even if he was alone, it still felt like he’d failed. That he should have made it to the bathroom but hadn’t. However, Sebastian didn’t want that to be the goal. Sebastian wanted to be his daddy and be the one to change him. For Sebastian, the goal was to use the diapers and take care of Mark. Incredible. Weird but incredible.
Chapter 7
“So let me get this straight. You decided that instead of dating someone who’s in the lifestyle or at the very least fantasizes about it you were going to ask your personal assistant if he wanted to go out after you introduced him to your nursery? That’s a bad porno movie right there, man.” Lucas didn’t hide his shock or his opinion.
“It was your idea to ask him after I showed him the nursery if you remember. Besides, I think it turned out very well. It could have gone bad but you’re making it sound much worse than it actually was. I had to explain to him about the business so it gave him some time to get a feel for things. Once I showed him the nursery and he didn’t seem to hate the idea, then I asked him out.”
