by M. A. Innes
Part of the problem, he admitted to himself, was that he didn’t want to do it alone. He’d been alone for too long. He wanted Sebastian around to talk about work and the businesses and he wanted his daddy around to take care of him and cuddle with.
Letting Sebastian care for him and be “Daddy” had been strange at first. The first night he’d gone over there with the intention of Sebastian being “daddy” for the evening had started out feeling weird. As he’d gotten further into the role of being daddy’s “boy” it wasn’t weird anymore. He liked the warm feeling he got when Sebastian would care for him.
They were starting to figure out how being Daddy and Boy worked for them in their normal routines. At Sebastian’s house when they were in his office talking business he was Sebastian. However, the rest of the time Sebastian was Daddy and he took care of Mark. They still talked and hung out; Sebastian didn’t seem to care one way or the other if Mark acted younger or not. It was more about caring for him than anything else.
Sebastian had also started telling him more about other couples that he knew in the lifestyle and how they lived between being adults sometimes and being “little” others. Mark couldn’t imagine only letting Sebastian care for him a couple of days a week. Even he could understand that they both needed more than that.
Sebastian didn’t seem to think what they needed was odd. He was convinced that his friends in the lifestyle would accept their relationship and Mark’s special issues without reservation. Mark wasn’t so sure.
Sebastian’s friends, Lucas and Gavin, didn’t seem to understand their relationship at all. The few times he had heard Sebastian talking to them it had been tense and awkward. It was his fault really, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to fix it.
From what he’d heard, Lucas and Gavin didn’t believe that he’d truly accepted Sebastian’s lifestyle. They probably didn’t trust how easily Mark had accepted the lifestyle but it was only because they didn’t know about his physical issues and his struggles.
In trying to protect Mark’s privacy, Sebastian was pushing his friends away. To Mark, it felt like it was the last barrier to Sebastian really feeling like his daddy. Sebastian hadn’t said anything but Mark thought that he would still worry about things until he was ready to let others in so they could see and hopefully understand their relationship. Mark was afraid that it wouldn’t be real to Sebastian until he didn’t have to hide it from his friends.
That was what was giving Mark ulcers, trying to picture explaining things to strangers. Well, strangers to him. He’d talked to them a handful of times over the past couple of years about Sebastian’s businesses but never anything beyond that. They had been Sebastian’s best friends for years but he still had a hard time with the idea of sharing things that personal with anyone.
Sebastian hadn’t said much about telling his friends but Mark knew he thought they would be open and understanding. Even if they were, though, it was still embarrassing to think about.
If they were going to continue on as a couple then he couldn’t put it off. He was ready for Sebastian to be his daddy full time. They hadn’t discussed it except as little offhand comments but Mark wanted to move in with Sebastian. Yes, they hadn’t been dating for long but it felt right. He was ready to belong to his daddy.
They were about an hour into the walk when Mark felt that he needed a new diaper. “Daddy?” Sebastian was always Daddy to Mark when they were talking about changing him.
“Yes, baby?”
“I need to change my diaper. Do you see any place on the trail that would be private enough?”
“Those trees up there…the ones with the bushes…that should be private enough. Even if someone comes up, you can’t see behind them.”
Walking just off the trail, they found a secluded spot that couldn’t be seen from the main path. Setting down his backpack, Mark got a new diaper out and started to take off his pants. He’d gotten pretty good about handling everything and had even found that the diapers were easier to deal with than the disposable underwear because he didn’t need to get completely naked from the waist down to change them.
“Wait, baby boy. Daddy will change you.”
Mark couldn’t help his body’s reaction. All he had to do was hear Sebastian’s voice when he needed to be changed and his cock got hard, begging for attention. Yes, he’d been embarrassed at first, but watching Sebastian’s face as he saw Mark’s reaction quickly pushed the embarrassment away. They both loved changing time now.
“We shouldn’t…not out here.”
“No one can see us, baby. Now, let Daddy get you cleaned up.”
Sebastian took the diaper from Mark’s hand and walked around behind him. Quickly stripping the wet diaper, Sebastian started fitting the new diaper on Mark. Reaching through Mark’s legs Sebastian pulled the diaper up and started putting the tapes on that would secure the diaper. Sebastian leaned close and whispered in Mark’s ear as he softly rubbed the front of Mark’s diaper.
“Are you sure that you don’t want your reward, Boy? You were such a good boy telling Daddy that you needed to be changed. You know I love giving you your reward.”
Lord, Mark had never come so much in his life. He was orgasming multiple times a day and even when it was too soon for him to come again, Sebastian still knew how to make him feel incredible. Feeling his Daddy’s hand rub the front of his diaper almost made Mark change his mind, but they were still out in public.
“No Daddy, not this time.”
“Okay, baby boy, but maybe I’ll get you to change your mind next time. Can’t you picture it? Out here in the woods, naked for Daddy. Think of how that would feel, baby.”
Pushing his body against his Daddy’s hand Mark shivered as the fantasy took shape. “Daddy, stop that, feels too good. Not here, Daddy. Not yet.”
He wasn’t even going to pretend that the fantasy wasn’t hot as hell. He just wasn’t ready for it.
“Okay, baby.”
Pulling his hand away, Sebastian redressed Mark and they continued on their hike. It took Mark another hour of hiking and another erotic diaper change before he could work up the nerve to talk to Sebastian about his idea.
“Daddy?” He needed his daddy now—not just Sebastian—to get through this conversation. “I was thinking that…I thought it might…Well…”
Stopping on the trail, Sebastian turned to gather Mark in his arms and give him a quick kiss on the forehead. Looking down at Mark, Sebastian reminded him to relax. “Deep breath and then we’ll talk about whatever is on your mind.”
Following his daddy’s instructions, Mark took a deep breath and tried again. “Daddy, I was thinking that it would be a good idea to have Lucas and Gavin over for dinner. So I could get to know them better. So they could get to know me better.”
Mark loved that he didn’t have to explain everything to his daddy. Sebastian just got it, nodding and hugging Mark. “Are you sure baby? There’s no rush. We can take things at our own pace.”
“I know, but they mean a lot to you and I want them to like me. Like us together. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be I think.”
“Don’t do this for me, baby.”
“Us. I’m doing this for us.”
Looking into Mark’s eyes, Sebastian must have seen what he was looking for because he nodded and agreed.
“When do you want to invite them over? On the weekend when Gavin will be in his role or during the week?”
“During the week, I think. I’m not sure I’m ready to share us and see them like that at the same time. Is that okay? I don’t want to insult them. I don’t have a problem with what they do. It’s just a bit much to think about at the same time.”
“It’s completely understandable, Boy. You’ve had a lot to deal with and we go at our own pace. They’ll be fine with whatever we decide.”
“Okay then, I think that I want to do it sooner rather than put if off.”
“Like our date today?” Sebastian smiled.
“No comment.�
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By the time they finished their hike, they’d decided to see if Lucas and Gavin could come to dinner on Wednesday night. Thursday would have been more convenient but even he was afraid that he would find a reason to put it off if it didn’t happen right away. Like ripping off a bandage, you just had to do it.
Chapter 11
“It’s not too late to change your mind, baby boy.”
Setting the last of the plates and silverware on the patio table, Mark turned to him and gave him a you’re-being-ridiculous look. “They’re going to be here in like five minutes tops. Yeah, it is too late.”
“No. One word from you and I’ll tell them that we need to reschedule. I don’t want you to feel rushed into this.”
“It’s a little bit rushed yes, but it’s what I want. I’m ready for this…I’m ready for us and this is a big part of it. So it doesn’t matter if it feels weird, I’m not going to back out.”
“Then why are you standing so far away and why haven’t you called me Daddy in hours, baby boy? We haven’t been in the office since this morning but you're still acting like we’re working.”
Mark had started running more and more of his virtual assistant business from Sebastian’s home lately and Sebastian had to admit he liked it. He liked having Mark around even if they were both busy with their own projects.
It also gave Mark some time that he wasn’t Sebastian’s boy and time where Sebastian wasn’t his daddy. They were just themselves. It was nice, not as nice as when they were Daddy and Boy, but almost.
“You even tried to go upstairs to the nursery and change yourself. I’m not buying that I thought you were busy nonsense. Are you really okay with this?”
Sebastian had been shocked, and a bit hurt when he’d seen Mark walking up to the nursery to change himself earlier. He’d never changed himself over at Sebastian’s. He always came to his daddy and asked to be changed.
Mark looked down at the deck and blushed. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m just embarrassed I guess and I’m not handling it well. I just kept picturing them and…”
Taking Mark’s hand, Sebastian pulled him over to a deck chair. Sitting down he pulled his boy onto his lap and held him close. “What are you embarrassed about? The diapers? Your physical issues? Us?”
“No, not us! I’m not embarrassed about how I feel about you, Daddy. I’m just still very self-conscious about the need for the diapers and letting them see us. But I’m not embarrassed about us.”
Sebastian couldn’t help but feel this was his fault, in trying to protect Mark’s privacy he just hadn’t been able to find the right words to make Lucas understand why they were right for each other. Lucas still had that gay-for-you crap in his head and he just couldn’t seem to understand how Mark could accept the lifestyle so quickly. He also couldn’t seem to understand that it wasn’t his business. His boy saw the strain in their friendship and felt it was his fault.
“You haven’t done anything wrong, Daddy. This is something that I want to do to get over my fears. I don’t want you to have to hide who you are and who we are together. This is going to be very uncomfortable for me and I’m going to need you. Don’t let me push you away, Daddy. I love you.”
“I know, baby. I love you, too.” Mark curled his head against Sebastian’s chest as he finished talking. He loved it when his baby boy needed him but he wished that this wasn’t going to be so hard on him.
“Okay, I won’t let you back out and I won’t let you hide from me again. Remember this is our house, baby, and we’re not going to let anyone come in here and make us feel that we’re doing something wrong.”
Mark peeked up from Sebastian’s chest. “Our house, Daddy?”
This time, it was Sebastian’s turn to blush. He hadn’t wanted to bring up the house and living arrangements just yet. “Well, baby boy, that’s how I see it. Our house and our life.”
“Me too, Daddy. Our house, our life.”
Sebastian knew they would talk more about the future later, but for now, they had a dinner to get through first.
“That means no more hiding from who we are or what we need. I need my boy and you need your daddy. We are not going to hide that. It also means that we are not going to hide how we behave and how we treat each other.”
Sebastian looked at Mark and hoped that his boy could see how much he loved him and how much he believed in him.
“Yes, Daddy.”
“We are also going to talk about your behavior this afternoon. I think some kind of punishment is in order.”
Mark just stared. Sebastian could see his boy’s brain going a thousand miles an hour. Shifting in Sebastian’s lap, Mark seemed to be discreetly trying to adjust himself again. Evidently, someone liked the idea of being punished.
“We will also talk about you using your diapers to masturbate in. But that is going to be a separate conversation.”
Mark’s still flushed face took on a violent purple color as he gaped at Sebastian, mouth open. “I-I-I…”
“Don’t try to deny that, naughty boy. I won’t believe it. We are going to discuss your behavior and go over some rules about touching your little penis without Daddy’s permission.”
“Permission? Rules?” Mark’s eyes were wide as he slowly shifted in Sebastian’s lap again.
“Yes, rules, naughty boy. And no more naughty rubbies. Stop that.”
Mark looked down at his lap, seemingly surprised to see his hips unconsciously rubbing against Sebastian’s lap and the diaper. His boy’s face went even redder if it was possible and he stopped mid grind. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Your body belongs to me, baby boy. Don’t forget that. Daddy takes care of all your needs.”
Mark nodded his head as Sebastian pulled him close for a kiss. Placing his hands on his boy’s sweet face, Sebastian pulled him in and brushed his lips against Mark’s. Going back across his boy’s lips over and over, he teased and caressed his boy’s beautiful mouth until they were both breathless.
Pulling back from Mark, Sebastian looked into his eyes, “Don’t forget, baby boy. All your needs.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Well, we don’t have to worry about the gay thing anymore. I think their chemistry says it all.”
Gavin’s teasing words broke the moment. Jerking back from Sebastian in wide-eyed shock, Mark nearly fell off Sebastian’s lap. Wrapping his arms around his boy to steady him, Sebastian didn’t even acknowledge the two men walking around the side of the house.
“Look at me, baby boy.”
He waited until he had Mark’s attention. Watching his boy take a deep breath, he looked down and smiled reassuringly, “Our house, our life.”
“Our house, our life. Love you, Daddy.” Mark’s whispered confession settled Sebastian’s remaining nerves.
“Love you too, baby boy.”
Looking up at Lucas and Gavin, Sebastian frowned. “Did it occur to either of you to knock or at least announce yourselves?”
Unless he was going over to their house on a night where their group met for dinner, he would never walk into their home or even walk around to the back without making sure they knew he was coming. With their kind of lifestyle, you could easily embarrass people or walk in on private situations. What were they thinking?
“Well…we…we always just walk around back if you don’t answer the door. Hell, most of the time we just head in the house if we’re expected, you know that.”
“That was when I was single. When Ally was alive you would have never thought to do that!”
Their explanation was ridiculous. When would they understand he was serious about Mark? He loved his boy and he wasn’t going to let him go just because he was a man or because other people might not understand them.
“What is going on with you two? I find someone that I deeply care about and that embraces my idiosyncrasies and lifestyle and you do nothing but judge and act insanely.”
Lucas and Gavin walked over to the patio and sat down. Lucas opening his mouth bef
ore Gavin could even say hello. “To be honest, it’s everything. We’re worried about you. You go from ready to date to just about living with someone almost overnight. Mark seems to jump right into to a very alternative lifestyle incredibly quickly and you won’t talk about your relationship at all.”
Gavin just sat back in the chair and shook his head. It was obvious that they weren’t on the same page with this.
“I understand your concerns,” he wasn’t going to let them get away with it, though. “But why would Mark want to open up to you guys when this is how you’ve been treating him? And yes, our relationship did progress quickly if you’re looking at it from the outside, but we’ve known each other for years and there are important things you don’t understand.”
“What things?”
“Why should I tell you? Just so you can judge us more and act even more absurdly? You’re acting just like everyone else out there who’s ever judged you for living a lifestyle that they don’t understand. How does it feel to be on the other end?”
This was not the friend he knew. This was not the Lucas who spent months worried about him, afraid that he wouldn’t come back from the grief of Ally’s death. This felt judgmental and intrusive.
Sebastian felt Mark tense, looking down at his boy he saw Mark’s concern and worry. “Daddy, they’re just worried for you.”
Mark spoke softly but Sebastian could see the change come over Lucas’s face. He didn’t know what he would do if Lucas said something to ruin this for Mark. His sweet boy had to deal with more than Lucas and Gavin could realize and one wrong word could damage everything that his boy had already overcome.
“Remember you are on my property and talking to my boy!” He couldn’t warn Lucas any more than he already had. If Lucas wanted to understand, then he had to be the one to change. Sebastian wasn’t going to defend his love for Mark.
“Your boy, huh?” Lucas looked slightly less angry but no less concerned.
