Collected Short Fiction (Jerry eBooks)

by J F Bone

  “Frankly, I’ve been scanning through Edith. I’ve seen only the technical excellence of their entertainment industry, and the enormous waste which goes into the making of one of their productions.”

  “We must have a synthesis,” I said, “and pool our observations.”

  Ven nodded.

  “I’m not at all happy about this place,” I continued. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “Could we modify it?” Ven asked.

  I shook my head. “It would take an entire task force to do that. Reeducation of this culture would have to begin at birth after appropriate culling. We would have to start from the beginning. I fear that the council would never authorize such an action on behalf of mammals. We are altruistic . . . but not that altruistic.”

  “Then they will destroy themselves?”

  “I fear so. This culture has a poor prognosis. But it is perhaps better so. Or would you like to see them roaming through the Galaxy?”

  Ven shuddered. “Not as they are now. Not these fierce, combative stupid brutes. Individuals perhaps, but not the race. They would have to learn the rules of civilization first.”

  “Yet they show no sign of learning. If they can’t even cooperate with their own species, how in Authority’s name could they ever get along with the dissimilar races of this island universe?”

  “They couldn’t. We would have to quarantine them.”

  “So isn’t it better to save the expense and let them quarantine themselves?”

  “I suppose so.” Ven’s aura was a dull gray and mine matched the gloom of hers. It is hard to stand aloof and watch a race condemn itself to death.

  WE fed our observations into the analyzer, together with all extraneous data we could lay our digits on via our proxies—not to prove our conclusions but to determine the means by which we could obtain the power metal with the least possible repercussions in this society. We both realized it would be fatal to expose ourselves. The mammalian technology was sufficiently advanced for them to duplicate the essential portions of our ship, and chaos could result if they secured a road to the stars. Generations of effort would be required to confine them again to their homeworld.

  Thinking in this manner caused me to take certain precautions with the drive mechanism that would ensure no trace of our craft remaining if I projected a certain impulse at a given strength. Ven, of course, was appalled at my action, although she realized its grim necessity.

  And in the meantime we worked with our proxies, I attempting to establish some means of quietly obtaining the metal we needed, and Ven doing nothing so far as I could determine that would further our mission. At that, Edith was in no position to obtain metal, and Ven was too young and inexperienced in contact work to attempt a mission of such delicacy. Since Edith amused her, I was content to leave them both to their own devices while I worked with Donald to speed our departure.

  “In this society,” I said to Donald, “it seems that one can accomplish anything with this medium of exchange you call money.”

  “That’s close to a fundamental truth,” Donald replied.

  “And you are not too well supplied with it?” I asked.

  “Those four ingots I brought you last week put a vicious dent in our savings account.”

  “Isn’t your trade as an author profitable?”

  “Only in spurts. It’s a feast-famine existence. But it’s the only one I care to lead.”

  “But popular fiction makes money—and you can write.”

  “I wish you’d tell that to my agent. He seems to have other ideas.”

  “I have recently read some of your fiction,” I said, “and have noticed that it has certain basics that could easily be applied to an analyzer. There is no reason why we could not cooperate and produce a work that would yield a great deal of money.”

  Donald laughed. “Now I’ve heard everything!” he said. “You mean to tell me you could write a book humans would buy?”

  “No, you would write the book. I would merely furnish the idea, the research data, the plot, and the general story outline. In your popular fiction,” I continued, “there are four basic elements and a plot that can be varied about twenty-five ways. There is small need for philosophy and little need for abstract thought. In fact, there is no need at all for anything but glandular excitation. All that is really necessary is plenty of action, enough understanding of the locale and events to avoid anachronism—and the basics.”

  “WHAT are these basics?” Donald said. “As a writer I’d like to know them.”

  “There are four,” I ticked them off on my digits. “First, violation of the ethical or moral code of your race; second, adequate amounts of cohabitation between the characters; third, brutality; and fourth—murderous assault.”

  “Hmm. Sin, sex, sadism and slaughter,” Donald commented. “You know, you might have something there.”

  “I have prepared an outline and a synopsis of such a book,” I said. “It is a historical novel. It should sell. Most historical novels do.”

  “You’ve done what?” Donald gasped. Then he laughed. “Of all the insufferable egoists I’ve ever seen!”

  “Listen,” I said, ordering him to silence while I outlined the opening chapter.

  “I can’t stop you,” Donald said. “But why should this happen to me? Isn’t it bad enough to be bossed around by you lizards without having to be forced to ghost-write your amateur literary efforts?”

  “It is laid in the period of your history called the Renaissance,” I continued, “and deals with a young man of a noble but impoverished house who rose to power by cleverness, amorality and skill with the sword.”

  “I suppose the girl is the daughter of the local duke.”

  “No,” I said, “she is the favorite wife of a Saracen corsair.”

  “Well, that’s a switch,” Donald said. “Tell me more.”

  So I did. I outlined the opening and told him the major points of the whole story . . . as the computer had synthesized it out of seven excellent novels of the period and a four-volume set of Renaissance history.

  Donald was enthralled. “You’re right,” he said. “It will sell. It’s lousy literature, but it’s got appeal. With this story and my writing we can out-Spillane Mickey.” He was more enthusiastic than I had ever seen him appear before.

  “Who is Spillane?” I asked.

  Donald looked at me as though he thought I was crazy and shook his head. “I can get to work on it as soon as I get home,” Donald said. “And if I keep at it, it’ll be ready for mailing in a couple of weeks. I’ll get it off to my agent and we’ll see. I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right about the yarn. It should sell like hotcakes.”

  “That is fine. It should provide us with the medium of exchange, which is necessary in this society.”

  “It’s not necessary,” Donald grinned. “It’s essential.”

  V

  DONALD’S prediction was a good one. The book sold—and sold well. Despite the outright plagiarism of ideas and source material it was hailed as a new novel—one that stimulated thought with its realistic approach to the life of the times. And we prospered amazingly.

  With the advance money, I had Donald buy the land on which the ship was resting, together with the valley and rimrock. Having thus secured our landing site I felt a bit more comfortable. The comfort was even greater when, at Donald’s suggestion, a fence was placed around the property and electronic tell-tales were installed. The remainder of the royalties were used to purchase tin and supplies.

  But despite our prosperity and the regular supply of tin that came to me as a result of my adventure in fiction, and the certainty that Ven and I would be leaving, Donald was not happy.

  As a successful new author he had to travel to meetings in various cities. He had to speak at public gatherings. He had to meet with publishers eager to receive rights to his next book. And Edith did not go with him.

  Ven was adamant on this point. “It’s bad enough that she is w
orking on this motion picture,” she said, “but I’m not going to have her traveling all over the face of this planet. She’s the only amusement I have since we must stay cooped up in this place. I’m not going to let her go.”

  Donald was upset about it. He was so angry that he came to visit me voluntarily, and the sight of Edith’s little car parked under the trees below the ship infuriated him even more. It took the controller to make him keep his distance as he stood in front of the airlock and hated me.

  “Damn you!” he swore. “You can’t do this to me! Edith’s my wife and I don’t like this relationship between her and that—that dinosaur! It isn’t healthy.”

  “It’s out of my hands,” I said. “Edith is Ven’s responsibility.”

  “It’s not only that,” he raged. “Ever since you lizards butted into our lives Edith looks at me like I was a stranger.” His face twisted. “I’ll admit she has her reasons. But that gives her no call to ask Ven’s advice rather than mine. When I told her I wanted her to come with me, the first thing she said was that she’d ask Ven. She doesn’t do one damn thing without that cold-blooded little monster’s consent! She even asks advice on what clothes she should wear!” He laughed harshly. “The blind asking advice from the blind!”

  I couldn’t help chuckling. Ven, like all Thalassans, had never worn anything in her life except a utility belt. Clothing has never been a feature of our culture. Since it isn’t necessary on Thalassa, it was never developed, and since our sex impulses are periodic it has never been useful to attract either males or females. “I can see your point,” I said. “Ven’s ideas along that line would be zero.”

  “Not quite,” Donald said angrily. “She likes moccasins. Apparently they make feet look more like your pads.”

  “Well?”

  “But that’s it! Edith’s idea of what a well-dressed housewife should wear is—moccasins! She damn near caused a riot the other day when our TV repairman called to fix the set. We’ll be lucky if we’re not forced to move because of that little incident!”

  “I’ll speak to Ven,” I said. “And if that doesn’t work, I’ll insert a block against such a thing happening again. I don’t want special attention called to you. That sort of thing will stop right now.”

  “Thanks,” Donald said. “But I should be the one to stop it.”

  “Face it,” I replied, “you aren’t. Not now. But you will be once we’re gone.”

  “Which can’t be too soon to suit me,” he said. “I spend every spare moment collecting tin for you. Edie doesn’t. She wants Ven to stay.”

  “They seem to be happy with each other. Edith comes up here regularly.”

  “I know,” he said bitterly. “She’s here more often than she’s home. I can’t see what fun she gets out of running around these hills stripped to the skin carrying your mate on her shoulders.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” I said. “Certainly you never seem to enjoy performing that service for me.”

  “I don’t even like the thought of it. I’m not an animal, after all.”

  “But you are,” I said. “So am I. The only difference is that I am a superior animal and you, being inferior, conform to my wishes. It is a law of nature that the superior type will inevitably rule. The inferior either conforms or dies. And you have no desire to die.”

  He shook his head. “But I can still object,” he said.

  “At that?” I asked pointing across the meadow with a primary digit.

  Edith was running, her long yellow hair floating free behind her. Ven, high on her shoulders in a seat the two of them had contrived, waved gaily at us as they came up. Edith was flushed and laughing. Her eyes sparkled and her smooth bronze body gleamed in the sunlight. She lowered Ven to the ground, slipped the harness off her smooth shoulders and stood behind my mate, breathing deeply but not at all distressed.

  “OH, Donald!” she said. “We had a wonderful climb—clear up to the top of the ridge! And coming down was almost like flying! I’ll tell you all about it in a minute, right after I take a dip in the pool. Ven doesn’t like it when I sweat.” She turned and ran down to the little pool in the meadow.

  “See what I mean!” Donald gritted.

  “She seems happy. She’s not hurt. And Ven’s little weight doesn’t seem to bother her. What are you complaining about?”

  Donald growled something unintelligible, turned on his heel and walked away.

  I let him go. There was no sense in making him angrier than he was. After a moment the snarl of his car’s engine rose to a crescendo then faded away into the distance.

  A few minutes later Edith came back to the ship. “Why did Don leave?” she asked.

  “Perhaps he had something to do,” Ven said.

  She pouted. “He’s always so busy nowadays,” she said sulkily. “He isn’t nice like he used to be. Do you think he’s tired of me?”

  “No, I don’t think so. He just doesn’t like you spending so much time up here,” I said.

  “But it’s fun—and Ven likes it,” she said. “I like it too. And since he isn’t home much any more, it’s the only place where I can relax and be myself.” She brushed the drops of water from her body and shook out her damp hair. “It’s wonderful up here—so quiet and peaceful—and Ven’s so nice.”

  My mate’s aura glowed a pleased pink as I turned an embarrassed lavender. It was almost criminal, I thought, what Ven had done to the girl. Donald might be my servant, but I had never attempted to condition him into liking it. As much as possible we operated as equals, rather than in this sickening relationship which Ven had imposed upon Edith. To avoid showing my displeasure I went up to the control room, donned my helmet and went into rapport with Donald.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I hadn’t realized the true situation. The best thing for both of us is for Ven and me to leave as quickly as possible.”

  “How quick is that?” he shot back angrily.

  “Four thousand pounds more,” I said.

  “Whew! That can must drink tin.”

  “It takes a great deal to leave a planet,” I said. “And hyperspace demands a great deal more. Once we develop an inertialess drive it will be easier. But we’ve only been working on it a thousand years. These things take time.”

  “I imagine. Well, are you going to do anything about Edith?”

  “No,” I said. “It would only make things worse. The relationship has gone too far. Ven has become an Authority-image.”

  “You could break it.”

  “But I won’t. I’m fond of Ven.”

  “You’re a damned little tyrant,” Donald said. “You like to see a human squirm.”

  “BE thankful that I’m the worst tyrant you’ll see,” I answered sharply. “You could really learn about them if the Slaads knew you existed. They’re more advanced than you. And, unlike us, they’re warlike and predatory. They breed mammals for food. However, I’ll put up a marker on your moon before I leave. They respect Thalassa and won’t preempt our claims.”

  “You mean you’re going to lay claim to Earth?”

  “Only technically. We’ll exercise it only if the Governing Council decides it will be to our advantage.”

  “What would you do if you took over?” Don asked curiously.

  “Clean things up,” I said. “Stop wars, stabilize the population, increase production and distribution, give you an effective central government and an understandable legal code, and eliminate the unfit. In three generations you’d be Class VI all over your planet.”

  “It sounds good. What’s the catch.”

  “The catch,” I said, “is that you wouldn’t like it. You mammals are erratic, emotional and uncontrolled. You do not reason well, and you have no race discipline.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The capability of sacrificing units for the benefit of the whole. Eugenics control, culling the unfit.”

  “You’re talking about human beings!” Donald exploded.

  “And what makes a human being
different from any other animal?” I asked. “Would you hesitate to dispose of an animal that was unfit to breed?”

  He sighed. “No,” he said. “But that’s not the same.”

  “What’s the difference? And realize, it’s done for your betterment.”

  “Just a bunch of murderous little altruists,” Donald sneered. “Out of the kindness of your cold-blooded hearts—”

  “That’s the trouble with you lower orders,” I interrupted. “You get emotional. Your observations have no basis in logic. Actually, the Galaxy wouldn’t even quiver if the lot of you disappeared tomorrow. Yet you think the universe rotates about your heads.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “Don’t interrupt,” I snapped. “You—your race—your whole pitiful little civilization is ready mentally and almost ready technologically to commit suicide. If we came and saved you, you would owe us eternal gratitude, but I doubt if we’d get it.”

  “You wouldn’t,” Donald assured me. “There wouldn’t be a human alive who wouldn’t hate you.”

  “I realize that—and that is one of the reasons I should report your world unfavorably to the council. We could hardly take on an altruism mission like this unless we felt that our work would be appreciated. It would be better to let you kill yourselves.”

  “Altruism!”

  “In a sense. At least your race would be the greater gainers. All we’d get would be your excess population.”

  “And what would you want them for—slaves?”

  “Authority, no!” I said, shocked in spite of myself. “We’d merely process them for food.”

  He was silent after that.

  DONALD was away again, at a publisher’s meeting. Our new book laid in Restoration England was going to be an even greater success than the first if the advance notices were any criterion. Edith was at a studio party celebrating the completion of the picture in which she was working. And Ven was bored.

  For awhile she sat in on Donald’s conference in a city called New York, but that proved to be uninteresting. I was busy with a faulty fuel feed in the drive chamber. The sun was hot, and the day was promising to be extremely warm even though it was not yet noon. It was one of those days when nothing happens, and I was grateful for it. I had had enough of emotional tangles to last me for some time. It was almost soothing to work with the robots on insensate machinery rather than supervise a pair of highly charged mammals and a hardly less unstable mate.