“I took a drive to clear my head.”
Alex shook his head, his hard eyes still boring into hers.
“I know, Jill. I fucking know what you’ve been doing. Stop lying to me.”
He picked up the glass and flung it across the room. It shattered against the door frame in an explosion of glittering shards. She jumped at the violent outburst. He turned his head and peered out the window, his sharp profile etched in the glass behind him.
“I know what you’ve been doing, Jill. I wish to God I didn’t.”
She surveyed his hands clenched tightly into fists, the long, tapering fingers that could bring images to life on paper now squeezed so tight that his knuckles turned white. Hands that had gently stroked her hair and touched every inch of her body. These were Alex’s hands, strong and powerful, yet capable of such tenderness, balled into fists of rage because of her.
Her throat tightened, making it hard for her to breathe. He knew her dark secrets, she reminded herself. Her worst fears had been confirmed. A ragged breath filled her lungs, and she stifled the urge to scream. If she knew Alex, he was already two steps ahead.
Jill’s heart pounded. Sweat dampened her palms. She had to act now. With each passing second, control was slipping away. It took all of her self-discipline not to give into her fear and go for the gun.
She knew Alex was waiting, and he’d already planned his next move. She had to hold back until she understood what game he was playing. There were no second chances.
“Okay, so you know,” she prodded him. “How did you find out?”
His smile was bitter in the darkened room. He leaned forward, resting elbows on the table.
“You’re not as smart as you think you are. I’ve been tracking your online movements. I know what sites you’ve been visiting, who you’ve been messaging. By the way, Mark sends his regards.”
“Fuck.”
She shook her head. One stupid mistake had cost her everything.
“Who have you been working with?” Her voice was rock steady as she worked out the logistics of her plan. “How did you get involved in the case?”
“Luka Petrovich, the San Francisco detective I was working with on the Honeywell case, asked me to look into the online-dating angle of his two open homicides.” Alex paused and held her gaze. “Imagine my surprise.”
“Small world,” she said, mocking him.
He jumped to his feet. The chair clattered against the window behind him.
“So that’s all you have to say for yourself? Who the fuck are you?”
He shook his head as he rounded the table and stalked toward her. She shrank from the fury she saw burning in his eyes.
“You know me,” she said finding her voice at last. “I’m your wife, the same woman you sleep beside every night.”
Alex shook his head as he stopped in front of her, flexing his hands as if he was trying desperately to control the urge to hit her. He placed one hand on either side of her, deliberately trapping her against the island as he leaned in. She could smell the whiskey on his hot breath. The loathing in his eyes was hauntingly familiar. She’d seen the look before, in her stepfather’s eyes.
“You’re not the woman I married. You may look like her. But the woman I know would never have done the things that you’ve done. I don’t know you, Jill. I wonder if I ever did.”
“Don’t be so naïve, Alex.” Her voice gained strength as she stood straight, refusing to shrink from him, her own anger building. “You can’t imagine anyone taking matters into their own hands?”
“Take matters into your own hands? As in self-defense?” He choked out a dry laugh. “I may seem stupid. God knows, you’ve had me fooled for a long time. What you did to those men sure looks like cold-blooded murder from where I’m standing. What gave you the right?”
Jill’s eyes narrowed and her hand snaked up, ready to slap him hard. He reacted quickly and caught her arm before she was able to strike, holding her wrist aloft as his eyes bore into hers. Her lips curled into a sneer.
“What do you know about it? What do you know about any of it?”
“I know you had an affair with Jamie King. I know you went to Lake Tahoe the day that he died. I know there were two men found dead in San Francisco. They had the bad luck to meet a woman called Lilith. Sound familiar? Those men had families. And I know you’re framing Dana Evans for your crimes.”
“Don’t worry about Dana Evans. She’ll be fine as long as no one finds the gun, and let me tell you something about Jamie King. He was going to squeeze me out of my position and make my work life a living hell. What right did he have to jeopardize my career? What happened to Jamie was an accident, but I can’t honestly say that I was sorry to see him die.
“And Kenneth Cox, well, he was a piece of work. He and his buddy Joel recorded their exploits with married women and posted them to a website.” Her face distorted with the hatred that poured out of her, and her blood was on fire as she yelled at Alex. It felt good to finally let go of the secrets she had so carefully guarded. She squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and felt a weight being lifted from her. Whoever said that the truth could set you free might have been onto something.
“And just how did you end up in Cox’s hotel room, Jill?” Alex’s voice was dangerously quiet. He dropped her wrist but didn’t budge an inch, standing so close to her that she could feel the heat from his body.
“He threatened me. I couldn’t let him get away with what he was doing. I had to act.”
He cocked his head and fixed her with a contemptuous stare.
“Sorry, I’m not quite following. You picked him up on an online dating site and somehow you’re the victim?”
“He was an arrogant prick who got what he deserved. Someone had to teach the poor fuck a lesson.” Her breath came in ragged gasps. She didn’t want to tell him about the rape captured on video and posted for the whole world to see. That was her own private humiliation.
“What lesson was that exactly?”
Jill lifted her chin, the angle defiant.
“He can’t do the things he was doing and just get away with them.” She was breathing heavy as she stared at Alex. “How many other women had he exploited? Would you have preferred I let him get away with it?”
Alex looked away, as if he couldn’t stand to hear the words.
“Stupid,” he muttered under his breath.
The word exploded in her head, and she narrowed her eyes.
“Who are you to judge me? Do you know what it’s like to have someone treat you like a commodity? He got what he deserved.”
“Let’s say that Kenneth Cox was a lowlife, preying on women. Let’s say I buy your line of bullshit about saving other women from him. What about the other guy? What did he do to you? Poor bastard thought he was going to get a romp in the hay and had no idea what he was in for.”
His sarcasm ripped through her hard shell, and she tried not to wince at the jagged shards of ice in his voice as they found their mark.
Jill struggled to contain her emotions, and she took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself. Her voice was suffused with chilly control when, at last, she answered.
“He was part of Cox’s sick game, too. He liked to tie his women up and hurt them. That’s the sort of thing he did for kicks. What was I supposed to do? Let him?”
His eyes rounded in astonishment, and he shook his head slowly from side to side.
“Jesus, Jill. Do you even hear yourself? They’re at fault for fucking around on their wives? And what about you? You’re some kind of hero? A vigilante? Bullshit. You’re a married woman luring victims into your deadly web, pretending to be someone else. When did you fall in love with the game, Jill? Did it make you feel powerful? What exactly did you feel as you looked into their eyes and pulled the trigger? Did you feel anything? Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the deadliest bitch of all?”
She clenched her jaw shut and snapped her head away from him. “Come on, answer me,” he
goaded. “What exactly did you get out of this? Was it worth it?”
“Fuck you.”
“Yeah, you did a pretty good job of that, too, didn’t you?” His smile was bitter.
“Oh, poor Alex,” she scoffed. “Did you just wake up to find that life wasn’t as simple as you planned? Not everyone is good or evil. We all have many sides, even you. You can’t tell me that, in that moment when you held your gun to Honeywell’s head, with no one else in sight, you didn’t want to pull the trigger and put an end to his miserable life. Come on, Detective Shannon, admit it. You’re just as human as I am. Don’t pretend you’ve got it all figured out. If it was that simple, you’d just slap the cuffs on me now and bring me in, no questions asked.”
Alex clenched his jaw. His expression suddenly shifted, as if a switch had gone off inside him. With one hand, he cleared the end of the island, sending the apples and mail flying, the ceramic bowl crashing to the floor behind her. With the other, he grabbed Jill’s shoulder and expertly spun her around, slamming her into the countertop as if she weighed no more than a rag doll. He pinned her with one hand, her face pressed flat against the cold granite, as he kicked her feet apart.
“You know, maybe you’re right,” he said, his voice drained of all emotion. “Maybe it is that simple, and to think I’ve been making it more complicated.”
“Alex,” she said, her voice strangled as she realized she had just pushed him too far. Her anger, her pride had sent her over the edge, and now she had lost control of the situation. She had to stop him. She had to get through to him before it was too late.
“You have the right to remain silent.”
“Alex, let go.”
“You have the right to consult an attorney. If you can’t afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the court.” She barely recognized his voice. It was as if he was a complete stranger.
He kept her pinned against the countertop. Jill struggled, but from this angle, she had no leverage. She felt anger in his every movement, anger in the heat wafting off of his body, just inches from hers.
“Alex, you’re hurting me.”
Jill pleaded with him as he twisted an arm behind her back, holding her prone. She imagined him reaching for his handcuffs. If he cuffed her, there was no way she could reach the gun. The gun was her only leverage. Second by second, Jill felt the situation slipping out of control, her options narrowing.
“Do you understand your rights?” he asked.
“Alex, there’s something you don’t know.” Panic flooded her voice.
The pressure he was exerting on her arm abated ever so slightly. Alex’s laugh was chillingly dry.
“I’m sure there’s a lot I don’t know, Jill, even more that I don’t understand and maybe never will. I guess I’m going to have to find a way to live with that.”
“I was raped.” She blurted out the words in a desperate cry. As much as the admission pained her, she had to find some way to get through to him.
Alex exhaled violently, as if he had just been sucker-punched in the gut. He released his hold on her and took a step back. She straightened and turned to face him, reaching for him with a trembling hand.
His expression was as cold and hard as stone, but she could see confusion surface in his eyes. When he made no move to touch her, Jill pulled her hand back and rubbed her shoulder as she continued to hold his gaze.
“What did you say?” he asked, eyeing her with wary skepticism.
“I was drugged and raped by a man named Peter Young.”
He rubbed his hands across his face.
“Jesus, Jill. What did you do? Did you execute him, too?”
Jill winced. Execute? It was a brutal characterization. If Alex saw it that way, so would a judge and jury. She shuddered at the implications and gathered her thoughts. Instinctively she reached for his hand, wanting him to understand. And this time he didn’t pull away.
“He lied to me. He said he wanted to interview me for his magazine. But after he got me back to the hotel, he drugged me. After I realized what had happened …” Jill trailed off, looking out the window. Thinking about what he’d done, and her hate. “You know better than anyone what would have happened if I’d reported it to the police. Date rape is hard to prove. Maybe he would have been convicted. Maybe not. Either way, my private life would be on public display. Either way, it would never be right. I couldn’t let him get away with it, Alex. I couldn’t.”
Alex recoiled. Spinning away, he fixed his horrified gaze out the window and stared off into the stormy night. The thunder rumbled outside, and he spread his hands wide on the countertop, his head hanging low between his shoulder blades. Jill continued in a shaky voice.
“Peter Young recorded the encounter and shared it with his sick buddy Kenneth Cox. They traded sex videos like playing cards.”
“He blackmailed you?”
“Cox threatened to expose me if I said a word. What was I supposed to do? Let him ruin my career, our marriage?”
Alex didn’t respond as she edged silently around the island to the drawer. Settling herself, she planted her feet in a wide stance.
“I couldn’t let anyone take away what I have, what I’ve earned. Not Jamie. Not Peter Young or Kenneth Cox. And not you.”
Silently, Jill eased the drawer open and her hand closed on the gun. Their cards had all been played. Alex couldn’t live with what she’d done. She couldn’t go to jail. There were no choices left.
Wrenching the pistol from its hiding place, she aimed it at his head, leaving no time for second thoughts or regrets. At that same moment Alex raised his head, and she caught his reflection in the window, long enough to register the look of shock and fear on his face before her fingers tightened around the pistol grip.
54
Jill gritted her teeth, trying hard to stop the barrel of the gun from shaking. Tears formed in her eyes. She blinked them away. What was wrong with her? She knew what she had to do. The moment she saw Alex at the bar, she knew that there was only one way out of the trap. Alex had to die. She knew she was right. She knew it was the only solution, so why couldn’t she pull the fucking trigger?
The gun clattered softly against the countertop. Hands still shaking, she stepped back.
“What now?” Jill asked. All the fight drained out of her, and she stared at the gun placed between them on the granite surface. Without breaking eye contact, Alex reached out. His long fingers wrapped around the pistol’s grip, and he tucked it safely into his belt.
“Now we talk about options.”
Fear fluttered inside Jill’s chest as she stared at his resolute expression. Options. She could think of few options Alex would find palatable.
Would he let her run?
The hum of the refrigerator and the ticking of the mantel clock were the only sounds to punctuate the silence between them. It was too quiet in here, and for the first time, she realized that Molly was nowhere in sight. Molly, who hadn’t left his side for a week, wasn’t there to protect her master. So where the hell was she?
Alex let out a long breath and raked his hands through his hair.
“I know a few lawyers, Jill. Good ones.”
Her gut clenched as she considered that particular option. What good would a lawyer do? She was guilty. A good lawyer might mean the difference between a death sentence and life in prison. Either way, her life was over.
“You can’t really expect me to turn myself in.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Someone else is bound to put the pieces together, Jill. Secrets like this don’t remain hidden forever.”
She rounded the island quickly, closing the distance between them. She reached out toward Alex. He took an instinctive step away, hands held up, as if warding her off.
The expression on his face spoke volumes. Despite everything they had shared over the past five years, she was a stranger to him now. A monster.
Jill’s hands dropped, hanging useless at her sides. She could see the ne
xt steps unfold before her as clearly as if she were turning the pages of a book. There would be a trial. Prison.
Alex turned away from her and pulled a cell phone from his pocket. The illuminated screen cast a greenish glow on his fingers as he dialed, and Jill’s head started to spin. The police? A lawyer? She didn’t know.
The sound of her thudding pulse filled her ears, and she closed her eyes, trying desperately to find some other angle, some way out of the trap.
All at once she felt cold, hard, metal press against her throat. Her breath caught, lips parted in a choked gasp. Before she could react, an arm clamped around her waist like an iron bar, and she was pinned against a strong, compact body.
Alex turned. Astonishment and fear registered in his eyes. He dropped the cell phone on the table. The color drained from his face, and he looked like he had seen a ghost. He didn’t have to tell her who it was. She knew by the stricken look on his face. The tip of the gun burrowed into the soft flesh of her neck.
“Well, well, now, Alex. I didn’t know your girl liked to color outside the lines.” Warm breath tickled her ear. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled.
His voice was soft, intelligent—not at all what she had expected.
The cool barrel of the gun drifted along her throat, soft as a caress, and she shuddered as her eyes locked on Alex’s face. She could see no fear there now. His expression was cold and stony as he stared at Jerry Honeywell.
“You sound like my kind of girl, Jill. What do you say we have a little fun? I told Alex here I’d let him watch.”
An eerie calm settled over Jill. She knew this game. Honeywell wanted her scared. He wanted her to beg. He was the same kind of sick bastard her stepfather had been, and she steeled herself for whatever would come next. Experience taught her to survive. She wouldn’t break. She wouldn’t give him what he wanted. She would fight.
“Not as long as I’m breathing, you sick fuck.”
Jerry Honeywell’s soft chuckle filled her ears, and she could hear the muted tsk-tsk cluck of his tongue as his arm dug painfully into her midriff.
Dead and Gone Page 255
