by Robin Leaf
“Okay, Blue,” he says calmly. “I’ll handle it.”
“You will?” I ask, breathing in deeply and holding it for a few seconds.
“Yeah,” he says smiling and folding the list. “I think that if we take her to Vegas and let her gamble, she’ll be satisfied.”
Fuck. His smile is off.
He starts the car and backs out of the spot.
I watch him carefully as I continue to try to come down from the mother of all panic attacks. I decide that handling him when I’m calmer will definitely be the way to go.
And now, on to the distractions. I gotta get myself under control.
I pick up my phone and see that I have several texts. Mom and Kelly have checked on me. I respond to Mom and Kelly first with the obligatory We’re good, call you tonight, and All is well, not as sore as I thought I’d be.
The next text is a surprise one.
Kaelyn: I am so glad Dugger found a girl who appreciates the awesome guy he is. Welcome to the family, Sista.
To her, I just send a hug GIF and heart emojis. I can’t think of another appropriate response right now.
Above her text is the abandoned video I never did get a chance to watch, and with all the other stuff going on, I honestly forgot about it. Something tells me not to watch it in front of Douglass, so I make a mental note to find a way to do it after we get home.
I dare a glance at him again. He seems to be holding himself the same way he did yesterday when he was mad at me, for what, I still don’t know, but I’m not gonna ask. He’s over it, so that’s all that matters. I test the waters and reach across the console, placing my hand on his knee. My shoulder protests, but I keep it there. He smiles a little and reaches down to grab my hand, threading his fingers through it, placing our entwined hands on my side of the console.
Damn. He’s so fucking awesome. I’m encouraged by his thoughtfulness.
“What do you feel like eating, Babe?” I ask, mostly to see how he responds.
“Burgers sound good?”
Well, it was kind of a flat response, but we are just talking about food. I mean, I’m not having a ninth circle of hell meltdown anymore, so maybe he’s just trying to maintain my re-found calm. That must be it.
I nod, and then he nods. We’re just a couple of nodders, I guess.
All seems okay, but something is nagging at me that it’s not. Fuck.
~ ~ ~
Douglass is quiet while we eat our burgers and fries. He doesn’t really make much eye contact, either. I could just chalk it up to his being tired or worried about Mabel and drive myself crazy second guessing what I said or did to make him quiet, then I’ll just overcompensate by either leaving him alone, which will further drive a wedge between us, or I’ll get so nervous, that I’ll spout some run on sentences, possibly driving him crazy or making him angry. I’ve always done that, so maybe, I should just ask him.
I reach over and grab his hand. “Babe, please tell me what’s wrong.”
His smile, that one that I’ve noticed he uses to hide his emotions, is plastered on like it’s a mask. This is not good.
“I’m fine, Blue.”
“Bullshit,” I say, surprising us both. “You are not fine, Douglass. Don’t lie to me.” Squeezing his hand, I add, “Communicate.”
He hangs his head for a second before raising it, looking me in the eye.
“I’m just re-evaluating some things about myself that have surprised me, that’s all.”
I stand, circling the table and stand between his knees. “Because of what I said about getting married?”
He nods.
My heart feels like it’s taking a big froggy jump into my throat, so I try to swallow it down.
“Is what I said a deal breaker?” I ask hesitantly.
His hands make it to my waist, and he shakes his head, and his smile is genuine this time. “Trust me. It’s not what you said at all, Blue.”
I kiss him quickly.
“Okay, I gotta pee. Wanna watch a movie?”
He stands and kisses my forehead, gathering our trash to throw away. “Sure.”
I rush to the bathroom, placing the ear buds I swiped from my purse in my ears so that the video is not overheard. Something is telling me I need to watch it right now.
I push play, waiting almost a full ten seconds before it loads and watch.
“You can tell her in the morning,” Emily tells him.
Dugger shakes his head. “But I don’t want her to worry all night and think that I’m an asshole.”
“I think it’s too late for that,” Etta snarks.
“I need to admit that I’m a dumbass, and that I want her, and I miss her, and I’m sorry, and that I’m coming for her first thing tomorrow.”
I hit pause, blinking. He was… coming for me anyway? Well that’s… encouraging. Of course, he’s obviously drunk, so it’s possible he would have forgotten it the next morning. I’m just gonna hope that wasn’t the case. I hit play again.
Emily pushes him backward on the couch. “We’ll see what we can do, Dugger.”
He looks over to Emily and his face is so sincere, it tugs at my heart. “She’s so pretty, with her perky nose and her little freckles. And God, her perfectly colored hair with all the colors in it smells like tropical coconuts, and she may be fun-sized, but she can take me down with a touch, one that electrifies me and makes me buzz. And her lips, they’re fucking perfect, so perfect for kissing. I’ve never been kissed like she kisses me. And I love sleeping with her; she’s so cuddly and makes me feel so happy and comforted. I slept all through the night when she was with me, which is rare. I just want her. I want her to fall in love with me and marry me and have babies with me and be happy with me for the rest of our lives.” He turns to face the direction of the camera, but doesn’t focus on it. “I think she’s the one, and I want her to know that.”
Hitting pause once again, I pull my finger across the bottom of the screen to watch the last few seconds again. I’m smiling like an idiot as my eyes fill with tears. “Damn,” I say out loud, making a mental note to get Dugger drunk. I like drunk Dugger.
“I got you, Dougie,” Kaelyn’s voice says close to the camera.
“And I want her to know that once she’s healed, I’m going to fuck the living hell out of her. It’s going to be so good, that she’ll never want to leave me.”
One of the sisters giggles, and the other awes.
His eyes close, and he goes limp against the cushions. “I just want the chance to love her like she deserves.”
Emily leans in to him, and I think I hear her say, “I think you already do.”
After pausing again, I ask myself, is it possible? Does he love me already? If it weren’t for the fact that it’s way early in our relationship to name what we’re feeling, I’d believe it from watching this. He seems pretty convincing. If I’m being honest, drunk Ember would probably make similar declarations. He’s pretty fucking terrific, despite the broody man he sometimes becomes. I can easily say I’m on that cliff I talked about Saturday, but this time, I want to dive head first.
And the marriage and baby thing doesn’t really turn me off like it did an hour ago. Maybe…
Whoa, Ember. Just hit play.
There’s murmuring in the background, then Kaelyn turns the camera around to herself.
“Hi, Ember. I’m Kaelyn. I need you to know something. I’ve known Dugger for my whole life. This man has preached about eternal bachelorhood for as long as I can remember, always mentioning how marriage and family were not in the cards for him. He’s never had a girlfriend or even one single date with anyone, like ever. It might be because he never thought anyone would ever love him, but honestly, I think it’s you. If you are the one to have changed his mind in just a few days, then damn, girl, you must be special. Please, do not take this lightly. This is a huge deal. Like super-gargantuan huge.” She moves her phone closer to her face. “You are a lucky woman.”
Well shit. Now maybe I need
to re-evaluate some things I thought about myself.
Thirty Two
Dugger
What the fucking hell is wrong with me?
I’ve spent my whole life avoiding commitment. I even convinced myself that I was in love with a woman I knew would never be mine, one I knew would reject me eventually, in order to keep myself from getting too close to any other woman because of my fear of abandonment. Yeah, that fucked up revelation came from my time in therapy. I told my therapist he was wrong when he suggested it, but yeah, I’m thinking it was a brilliant deduction.
When Ember said she never wants to get married, I understood why. Hell, if I’d been through what she went through, I’d probably swear off marriage my damn self.
But when she said she doesn’t want to get married, the stab to the chest I felt was undeniable. The major thing is that I truly have no fear of her ever abandoning me. I’m actually pretty confident she’ll stick around, especially after all she went through to kick my ass for leaving her.
I was actually disappointed because… I want to get married?
No. I don’t want to get married in general. I want to marry her. Not now. Not on Mabel’s timeline. But in the future.
It’s Ember. She’s made me want things I’ve never wanted before.
I envision the future, and it involves her and me and kids and dogs and forever. I mean we can still have all of that without the wedding. But I don’t want it without the wedding. The fact that she doesn’t want the wedding makes me want it more.
I have to chuckle at what a mess I’ve become.
She could change her mind. Or I could just come to grips with her decision.
Bottom line is I want her. I know she wants me. That’s enough. We can talk about the future when the time is right. It’s too soon to discuss now.
I flip on the TV, sign on to Netflix, flip through the choices, and realize I have no fucking idea what kind of movie she would want to watch.
And she’s taking a while, so I become concerned. I decide to check on her under the guise of finding out what she wants to watch.
“Hey, Blue,” I say, tapping on the bathroom door. “What are you in the mood to watch?”
The door to the bathroom flies open, and I catch the shrieking, flying Ember in my arms. Her lips land on mine, kissing me voraciously. It’s what I didn’t know I needed right now, so I return in kind, cradling her carefully in my arms, and walk to sit on the edge of my bed.
She pulls back and holds up her phone.
“Did you mean this?”
She starts some video sent to her through text.
I watch my drunk, impassioned speech from last night, the speech I vaguely remember making, and become a bit miffed at Kaelyn for recording me without my permission, something she reasonably despises.
Right after I say I just want the chance to love her like she deserves, Ember hits pause and raises an eyebrow at me expectantly.
I trail my fingertips down her cheek, loving the soft feel of her skin. “There’s not a word that’s a lie, Blue.”
“And is Kaelyn right that you’ve spent your whole life never wanting to get married?”
I blink, wondering why the hell Kae told her that. “When did she say –”
“Just answer the question, Douglass.”
I nod. “Yes. The plan was to be a bachelor for the rest of my life.”
“So you want all these things you’ve never wanted, and now, you want them with me, is that correct?”
I nod again. “Yes, right up until you said you didn’t want them.”
“And is that what you were re-evaluating?”
“Yes,” I admit. “But we can talk about it la–”
“Now, Doug,” she says, placing her finger over my lips, “we’re going to talk about it now.”
I chuckle, liking this little discourse, and kiss her finger before grabbing her hand.
I lean in, kissing her right below her ear and whisper, “Okay. We can talk about it now.”
When I make my way to the hollow of her throat, she lets out a little grunt.
“I am,” she squeaks then clears her throat. “I am open to the possibility of maybe agreeing to discuss marriage as a possibility in the future, if and when we decide the time is right and we are ready for it.”
My hand makes it to her knee, skimming my fingertips up the inside of her thigh slowly, while I nibble my way back up to her ear, “And kids?”
She pulls back and brings her brows together, looking me in the eye. “Kids were never off the table for me.”
I smile, and go back to my task of kissing along her jaw while my hand traces up and down her thigh.
“Dogs?”
Her thighs relax slightly, and she tilts her head, giving me better access. “As long as we get a breed that isn’t known to be flatulent, dogs are a definite possibility.”
“And you’ll have no issues moving in here with me?”
She leans into me. “No issues. Your house can be my future home.”
“No,” I whisper. “Not future. I mean now.”
My lips find hers, cutting off what could be a protest. She kisses me back, so that’s a good sign.
“Before you say no, understand that we’ve basically been living together for the last few days. I like it. A lot. We can give it a trial run. You can stay here, keeping your apartment as a back up until your lease runs out, or we can take a leap of faith and just move you in now.”
I capture her lips with mine again. Yes, I’m unapologetically using the kiss to try to persuade her. Sue me.
“Say yes, Blue.”
She is the one who kisses me this time. “I was going to tell you that I really don’t want to go back to my apartment. The idea of living there creeps me out.”
“So is that a yes?”
“Wait, I don’t want you to think I’m saying yes just because I don’t want to live there anymore. I do want to live with you, but isn’t this too soon?”
“Let me ask you this. Does it feel right?”
“Yes,” she answers without hesitation.
“Then why question it?”
Smiling, she starts to unbutton the shirt she’s wearing.
“Ember,” I say, grabbing her wrists, “I told you earlier –”
She stands, shaking out of my hold, and continues to undress as quickly as she can.
“I know what you said, but if you’re not inside me in the next few seconds, it might change my yes to a no.”
“Blackmailing me into fucking you already?” I ask, trying to hide how much I’m loving how she goes after what she wants at all costs. “Is that how it’s going to be?”
She pushes her pants and underwear down her legs, revealing every inch of her naked skin.
“Absolutely.”
I drink in her nakedness, from her perky hard nipples, down her smooth stomach to her hips.
“Damn, Blue, you’re so fucking beautiful.”
She grabs my hands, pulling me to stand, and turns to sit on the edge of the bed. “I want to watch you undress.”
So I do, slowly just to torture her. Once my shirt is pulled over my head, I flick the button of my jeans and unzip, taking my time.
“God, Dugger, stop teasing me.” She carefully lies back on the bed and spreads her legs, running her hand over her pussy. “I need you, right fucking now.”
Jesus Christ, that did it. Now my urgency meets hers. I lower my pants and underwear quickly, stepping forward and grabbing her right knee to lift it. I grip my cock and move the tip to rub from her opening to her clit, circling around it a few times. Her sharp intake of breath makes me retreat, until I realize that wasn’t from pain. It was a good noise.
I guide my cock to her entrance, inserting only an inch or so. She moans, and I feel it everywhere.
“You ready to take all of me, Blue?”
She nods. “Oh, God, yes. Fuck me, Dugger.”
I retreat and move in another inch. “Tell me to stop if it gets
to be too much.”
After the next retreat, I slam inside her, moving my hips forward to get as deep as I can. Pulling back slowly, I slam in again, all the while watching her face to make sure I’m not causing her unnecessary pain. I see nothing but bliss.
Continuing the same rhythm, I vary the motions to see if I can learn what her facial expressions and different sounds mean. I need something to focus on so that I don’t come as quickly as I did earlier today. She’s so fucking sexy, with her breasts bouncing every time I slam home. If I continue to stare at them, I’ll lose it in under a minute. Maybe if I hold them and pinch her nipples, it’ll be better.
Wow. Bad idea. Pinching her nips is apparently a good thing for her because as soon as I do, her pussy gets tighter and wetter around my cock, ramping up my need to come. I like that she loves the nipple play, but I need to hold out, and this won’t cut it.
“Harder, Dugger, please.”
Oh, God dammit, that’s not gonna cut it either.
I lean over her, placing my hands on either side of her. This new angle allows me to hit a spot that makes her eyes widen and her back arch.
Her heels dig into my ass, urging me to speed up, but if I do, I won’t last, at all. I need a distraction. Leaning down, I pull out of her to suck her nipple into my mouth, laving my tongue around it several times before sucking it again.
“Dugger, please,” she breathes, moving her hips in search of my cock. I suck her nipple harder, letting it go with a pop before guiding myself back home.
