by Zoey Ellis
“It's not enough,” she mumbled. “The time that you spend with me isn't enough, Malloron. I feel…” Her palm pressed against his cheek and Malloron didn't need to wait for her to continue, he could feel it in the bond. He simply drew her into his arms.
The moment their bodies touched, the bond trembled inside his chest, stirring deep within him, a strange hope blooming. He pulled her against him and began to purr for her, his deep satisfaction of touching and holding her saturating every single vibration that rocked through his chest.
Amara's moan was so low and so full of gratification that he was filled with a strange sense of glory that he was the one who had caused it. She fixed herself so she could nuzzle his chest and stared up at him, her expression similar to the one he had seen during her Haze.
“Why didn't you come?” she whispered. “Can you not feel that I need you? Do you hate me that much?”
Her words tore through him. Why couldn't she just understand? Why did he have to spell it out? “Surely you don't think that I'm enjoying this,” he said, his voice gruff. “No real Alpha would enjoy this.” Even the dissatisfaction of mating her with his clothes on burned him deep. It was fucking unnatural.
“Then why do you do it?” she said breathlessly, her eyes glistening.
“Why do you think?” he replied, agitated that he had to even defend his actions. “You did this, Amara. Surely you're intelligent enough to figure it out.”
“I can't,” she said, her eyes closing slowly. “I can't tell anymore. I cannot feel you properly anymore. It's too confusing.”
Alarm shot through Malloron. “What do you mean?”
Amara didn't respond. She was barely holding her own weight up, her eyes were closed and her breathing deepened. Malloron gently shook her. “Amara, what do you mean you cannot feel me properly anymore? Tell me what that means.”
Her eyes inched open. “There's too much,” she said. “Too much going on inside me. I can’t tell what is the bond, what is the tenebris, and what is the babies. They all need my attention and I cannot… They blur together sometimes and I just can't…”
Her breathing became erratic and he deepened his purr to soothe her. She calmed and her eyes closed again, and he lifted her into his arms as he realized she probably hadn’t slept all night either. She was exhausted.
He gently climbed into their nest with her and noticed, with disappointment, that there was no longer a space carved out for him. He placed her down; she clung to him, but he already knew he would be staying with her.
As she drifted asleep, Malloron came to the realization that he needed to do something. If Amara wasn’t experiencing the bond properly, that was certainly cause for alarm. His mother had held the tenebris while pregnant, but she had only soul-bonded with his father after it was taken out of her. Plus, the tenebris had never affected his mother the way it had Amara. So while he needed his grandfather’s research to some degree, it wouldn’t provide him with all the answers. He needed to be monitoring Amara more carefully, especially now.
While he had been unimpressed by the way in which the bond had taken his attention, he could see now that it was because it had been alerting him of her distress—it was just as much of a priority as the tenebris and the children. He needed to make sure that each one remained pure, functional, and unaffected by the others. And yet, it seemed obvious that if his Omega was depressed or despondent, they would indeed all be affected by that. He couldn’t leave her like this—it not only went against everything he had been trying to achieve with his throne, but deep within him something jarred at the idea that he wasn’t providing his bonded mate with what she needed. She shouldn’t have had to ask and she had practically begged him.
He ran a finger over her brow, wondering if there truly was a way to protect himself from her.
Stroking her cheek, he silently cursed the situation.
***
“Explain yourself now!” Malloron barked. “You said she was fine.”
To her credit, the healer didn’t back away from him, though it was clear she was shaken. He had ordered the guards outside his rooms to find her and drag her to him as quickly as possible, regardless of what she was doing.
“She is fine, Your Majesty,” the healer insisted. “She and the babies are doing well. I examined them thoroughly three times before she even realized I was in the room.”
Malloron swept around her, his eyes burning. “Magically?”
“Yes.”
Malloron came to a stop behind her. “And are the babies…”
The healer nodded. “They will indeed be powerful.”
A growly hum resounded from Malloron’s throat and he moved to stand in front of her. “She said she cannot feel our soul-bond,” he said, tensely. “That is not normal. She cannot be fine if she cannot feel it.”
At that, the healer frowned. “That is unusual,” she agreed. She lowered her head in thought.
“So what is wrong with her?” Malloron demanded, impatiently. Amara was in a deep sleep in their nest in the bedroom but he knew he couldn’t leave her for too long.
The healer took a breath and her face puckered as her brows drew together. “You know I cannot tell you anything accurately when I don’t know the full details of her condition, Your Majesty.”
Malloron tensed. He couldn’t tell her about the tenebris, but he still wanted an answer.
“I will tell you that physically she is doing well,” the healer continued. “However, the soul-bond is effected by her relationship and connection with you. So if she cannot feel it, it may be being impacted by your interactions with her. I did notice that she misses you.”
Malloron’s face slacked. “What?”
The healer nodded, somewhat apologetically. “She is very concerned about your absence, Your Majesty.”
“Because of the pregnancy?”
“No. The harm that would come to her from your absence wouldn’t even begin until at least a week or two of complete absence. She claims she is being affected by the short amount of time you spend away from her—she is convinced by it. But, in fact, she simply wants you with her more often. I suspect she desperately misses you when you leave.”
Malloron’s heart lifted. Amara missed him? “Because of the bond?”
The healer pursed her lips. “I doubt it—if she’s not feeling it properly.”
“Then because of…” He struggled to find another reason.
“Because you are her Alpha, Your Majesty,” the healer finished for him, looking at him strangely. “She has created her nest in preparation for a life with you. She wants you to take responsibility for her and the children. And she seems to have tied it to your undivided attention. I’m sure you have lavished her with attention in the past and now she feels what you are providing is not enough.” The healer tilted her head. “If I may be bold, I do think spending all of your spare time with her would ease this concern, but I also suggest letting her know that, with a Land to run, your time may be limited.”
Malloron was speechless. He would never have expected that Amara wanted to see more of him. She had always despised and tolerated his attention.
“The bond is still quite new for her. It may settle after a while. And may I add,” the healer said, haltingly, “please remember I cannot guarantee anything when I don’t have the full information on her.”
Malloron nodded, turning away. “You may go.”
He headed back to the bedroom as the healer left, his mind reeling. If Amara missed him when he was gone… that meant she cared about him. Didn’t it?
He climbed back into their nest and gathered her into him, breathing in her soft scent. After all of her demands for her own space and wanting to be without him, she now wanted him with her? The idea that she might truly want him inched a low ebbing hope over him as he squeezed her tightly. But he had to discard it. Hope would not help him—it never had. Her wanting him with her did not mean he had her loyalty. He sighed into her neck and in response she murmu
red in her sleep. Why couldn’t things be simpler?
CHAPTER EIGHT
AMARA
Amara was surprised to wake up in Malloron's arms. She lay still as possible, wondering why he hadn’t left yet. She vaguely remembered that they’d spoken when he pulled her out of her nest, but her mind had been so blurry and tired, she couldn't remember the exact topic of the conversation. It was as though nothing really mattered until she was close to him. It had to be the pregnancy that was causing that, and not just the pregnancy but the fact that he’d abandoned her for so long.
Inside the nest, she couldn't tell what time of day it was. She couldn't tell if they had slept until late evening, or if it was the middle of the night. Either way, she was immensely glad that he was still in the nest with her.
She lay quietly, listening to his breathing, and slowly became aware that he was not sleeping. She chanced a glance up at him and saw his eyes were indeed open, looking over her head but clearly not seeing anything. He seemed to be in a reflective mood, so she decided to risk a question. “Are you ever going to tell me about the children?”
Immediately he tensed.
Fuck. Wrong question.
Amara breathed shallowly wondering if it had been the right thing to do, but if he wasn't ever planning to tell her, she wasn't sure how she could even continue to keep making excuses for him in her mind. She needed to know how bad it actually was.
When he didn't answer, she glanced up again to see that he was looking down at her, but the cold look in his eyes forced her gaze back down immediately. She shouldn't have asked. Why upset him? She knew it was a dangerous subject to approach, but she just needed to know.
“I don't see how the children are your concern anymore,” he finally said, his voice a low, gruff rumble.
“I will always be concerned about them,” Amara admitted. “I don't know why.”
“Then nothing I say will comfort you,” Malloron said. Much to her horror, he pulled away from her and began to climb out of the nest.
“Wait,” Amara said, almost gasping as she clung to him, trying to prevent him from leaving. He froze, turning back to her waiting for her to speak, but she suddenly had no idea what she was going to say. All she wanted was for him to stay with her and not leave, but verbalizing that desperation felt pointless.
The coldness in his eyes didn’t change and she reluctantly let him go.
The despondent feeling that had plagued her descended on her again as she listened to him dress and then leave. It was only after the main door to his rooms closed that she realized that he hadn’t actually touched her sexually or taken pleasure in her body at all.
***
That morning, Amara decided to explore the castle again, but this time she headed back to the servant’s area that she was familiar with. Her guards followed her as she returned to her servant's quarters and all the areas she used to visit as a servant. It felt strange to see different servants using the service quarters she shared with her team, and seeing all of them bow when she passed them. When she entered the kitchen, the entire staff stopped and stood lined up as though she was inspecting them. She tried to talk to them casually, but many of them were too frightened to even look at her, let alone talk to her. She sighed as she left the servant’s area, wondering if this was going to be her life now, cut off from the people she was most used to. She would never be able to blend in again and without her team, she was completely alone.
As she navigated the corridors, she was reminded of the first time she actually met Malloron—in a dark, less frequented corridor in the depths of the castle. She slowed to a stop as she realized where she was in the castle, and then made a decision. Turning sharply, she suddenly dashed away from her guards. They yelled behind her, but she didn’t pause or hesitate. She ran through the corridors into a part of the castle that hardly anyone visited, wondering how quickly her guards would catch up to her. They didn't. When she reached the pillar she was looking for, she felt for the lever and pulled it before rushing through the wall into the red dungeon.
She halted, trying to suppress her panting as she took in the chamber. It looked exactly as she remembered it, shrouded in darkness with a low sound that vibrated constantly throughout the entire space. She walked among the beds this time, not trying to keep out of sight, and took in the children as they lay on their beds. They all seem to be between a certain age range, but she couldn't be sure what that age range was. The youngest appeared to be around three years old and the oldest could be thirteen, but she had to remember there was another floor above her that she hadn't yet been able to access, she had only seen it on the layout.
Out of the corner of her eye, one of the cloaked figures she had seen on her first visit headed toward her. This time she did not hide, she stood still and waited.
“Your Majesty,” the cloaked figure said, bowing deeply. It was a woman, but it was difficult to see her full face under the hood of the cloak she wore. “This is not a suitable place for you to be. Please allow me to show you how to get back to a safer part of the castle.”
“Is this place not safe?” Amara asked. “Are the children being harmed?”
“It may not be safe for you,” the woman responded.
“And it is for you?”
The woman stepped closer to her. “I am wearing a robe that protects me from the magic surrounding this room,” she explained. “Also, I am not with child.”
Amara started in surprise and eyed the woman carefully. “He told you that I may come here.”
The woman inclined her head. “King Malloron said that you are invested in the children.”
“I have questions.”
The woman shook her head. “Those questions are not ones I can answer. They are questions for King Malloron.”
Amara said nothing. The king would not answer; she had seen it in his eyes this morning. He was no longer willing to give her any further information about anything she wanted to know.
“Please, Your Majesty,” the woman said. “Your safety and the safety of your child are of the utmost importance. It is best you do not stay.”
Amara slowly turned, and then thought of something. “So are you saying that anybody who enters here is going to be in danger unless they are wearing a robe like yours?”
“This robe protects against long-term damage,” the woman explained. “In order for me to care for them, I have to be in here a lot.”
“So you care for the children? And you do not try to help them?”
“I am helping them,” the woman said slowly. “I'm helping the best way I know how.” Before Amara could respond again the woman urged. “Please, Your Majesty.”
Amara didn’t move. “If the king knew I would come, why didn’t he take steps to prevent it? Why did he warn you?”
The woman had nothing to say, although she began to fidget and opened her mouth twice as though she was trying to find a reply other than the truth.
Amara lifted her head, watching her closely. “Is it truly dangerous for me to be in here or are you just trying to get me to leave?”
The woman took a breath, and then she smiled slowly. “No one in your condition has been in this room before,” she said. “The king would prefer that you are not in here, he would prefer not to take any risks, whether it is truly dangerous for you to be in here?” She shrugged. “I don't really know.”
Amara nodded and then turned to walk along the row of beds again. If Malloron had been worried about her health he would have instructed that she be removed. The short time she would be in here wouldn’t affect her babies.
As she passed by the bed of each child, she noticed that, based on their skin tones, they seemed to come from lots of different places, potentially even different parts of the known Lands. She stopped by the bed of a young girl with deep brown sienna skin color whose eyes were the unique blue of the people from Eridemont. The contrast strongly reminded Amara of Zanya and she placed a hand on her forehead as the girl twitched, trying to s
oothe her. The girl didn't seem to realize she was there and Amara wondered if there was any way to communicate with the children if she held the tenebris.
The cloaked woman approached her again and handed her a cloak of the same color that she wore, advising her to put it on if she was going to stay. Amara was somewhat surprised; surprised that Malloron had warned that she might come and surprised he hadn’t ordered for her to be removed if she did. But when she thought about it, he had never tried to prevent her from accessing the red dungeon. He hadn't even known at first that it was the reason why she had come to the castle, and when he did know, he didn't seem concerned. Maybe he was glad to share the information with someone else? Amara shook her head at the thought. No. That couldn't be the reason. It was more likely that he didn’t think the children would be at risk. He was arrogant enough to believe something like that.
Amara took her time examining the children. They all looked reasonably well, physically, but it was difficult to tell. “How do you take care of the children?” she said to the woman approaching her. “How can you tell if they are doing well?”
“They each have different experiences of the magic they are connected to,” the woman explained. “I maintain the chamber to ensure they do not suffer while they are connected to it.”
“What does the magic do?”
The woman shook her head. “That is not something I know,” she said. “All I know is, it keeps them nourished while they are in a meditative state.”
Amara glanced at the walls, glistening with magic that ran along them. “And they have to be in this room to connect to it?”
“No,” the woman said. “This room helps them to stay comfortably tethered to the magic without distress, but they connect with it themselves.”
Amara snapped to look at her. “They connect to it themselves?”
