by Derek Slaton
“Oh yeah.” His eyes lit up as he thought about it. “I guess I can see it in my head now. But I ain’t gonna tell you shit until you get me out of here. I’m not gonna talk while being impaled.”
The agents shared an amused look, and shrugged in unison.
TnT smirked. “Okay.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Fuck you, you fucking psychopath!” George shrieked, at a high pitch the midget had never heard come from a man’s vocal chords. “You turned me into a goddamn muppet!” Rose giggled, enjoying waving him around the deserted office building.
After TnT had liberated him of his arms and his entire lower half, they’d popped him in the trunk and brought him to the last place they’d seen Kyran. Upon arriving inside the office building where Rose had been imprisoned previously, the redhead had shoved a two by four up into his torso.
She wiggled him a bit to make him appear to be dancing.
“Yeah, well.” TnT grinned wickedly. “Unless you want me to shove my hand up there and start moving your fucking mouth myself, I suggest you start telling us where we need to go!”
“Go to hell, half pint!” George was practically frothing at the mouth with anger. Had he still been alive, blood would have likely rushed to his face.
“You’re one to talk.” The midget sneered.
“This is getting us nowhere,” Rose sighed, though she was definitely enjoying her little puppet show.
“Agreed.” TnT nodded. “We need to up the ante. It’s going to be light soon and I don’t want to be stuck listening to this fuck the whole day.”
“What do you have in mind?” She asked.
“Not sure yet,” he admitted. “Maybe we could drive around town, see if he gives off an involuntary response?”
“That’s better than staying here.” She shrugged. “I can’t imagine what they were planning to use this thing for.” She kicked the steel bars that had been grafted over the hole in the cement floor.
“Birthing chamber, maybe?” TnT suggested.
“The fuck?” Rose’s jaw dropped in horror.
“Think about it… human woman, lots of blood,” the midget explained his thought process. “That’s going to be difficult for a vamp to ignore. Down in a hole with the prison gate, makes it a lot tougher to get through.”
“Ugh. I just.” She stammered. “Nope. That’s a whole lot of nope.”
“What’s wrong bitch?” George seethed. “You can rip someone in half, but you ain’t lookin’ forward to it being done to you?” She growled and swung the vampuppet like a baseball bat, smashing his face right into a concrete door frame. His eyes glazed over, stunned.
“We really need to get this moving along,” Rose said firmly. “Let’s try your driving idea.” TnT nodded and they headed outside. They were just about at his car when he stopped abruptly, grinning ear to ear.
“Crazy idea,” he said, “you wanna get your nails done?”
“I could go for a little pampering.” She grinned. She hefted George over her shoulder and they strolled across the street to a little strip mall. The end unit was a day spa, and his eyes widened at the implication of what they were planning on doing to him.
“Sure you don’t want to tell us what we need to know?” TnT asked as he opened the door for them.
“Fuck you!” George cried shrilly, and Rose barked a laugh at the waver in his voice. She led the way all the way to the tanning beds, and flopped him down onto one with a flourish. She slammed the lid down and turned it on to the lowest setting.
Agonized screams.
“How long do you think he can last in there?” TnT asked casually.
“Oh the lowest setting, a few days.” Rose shrugged. “Had this real stubborn bastard a couple years back, wouldn’t give up his nest. Found out these assholes are pretty resilient when the wattage is low.”
They looked down at the purple glow and gave their vamp barbecue another moment to enjoy his cookout before Rose opened the lid.
“Okay George, that was a little fuckin’ taste there,” TnT said, leaning over to look the vampire in his seething face. “So you gonna help us out, or is Rose gonna have time to get her nails done?”
“I hope Kyran tears you right open, you little fucker!” The vamp screamed.
“You know, TnT, I think that foot massager has your name written all over it,” Rose said, motioning to the row of chairs along the far wall.
“I think you’re right, Rose,” the midget replied. “Okay Georgie, we’ll see you in thirty, bud!” With that, Rose shut the lid, and cranked the timer to thirty minutes.
“No, NO!” The vampire shrieked, and the two agents wandered off to pamper themselves. Soon enough, they were stretched out next to each other, TnT deep in a foot massager and Rose painting her nails a lovely shade of dusty blue. She held out her left hand to dry and glanced over to see her partner was reading a woman’s magazine.
“Anything good in there?” She asked.
“Reading an article called Six Ways to Improve your Confidence,” he replied.
“More confidence is the last thing you need.” She laughed.
“True, but I’m not sure these suggestions would help me out much anyway,” he admitted. “The first suggestion is to buy a pushup bra.”
“Well.” She wrinkled her nose. “There’s a horrific mental image that will haunt me until my grave.” As if on cue, the bell for the tanning bed went off with a delicate ding.
“On a lighter note, our singed vampire torso has finished his first treatment.” TnT grinned.
“Yeah, pretty sure that’s going to be a more pleasing image than you in a pushup bra.” She rolled her eyes and got to her feet. They strolled up to the tanning bed, the sound of sizzling and popping permeating the now dank smelling air. As Rose opened the bed, a puff of smoke billowed out, and she waved it away from her face, stifling a cough.
George let out a deep sigh of relief as they UV light went off, and TnT leaned over him and cocked his head.
“So now that you’ve had a chance to reflect on things, would you like to share what you know?” He asked in a conversational tone. “Or do Rose and I have time to do one of those water massages?”
“You know, for a pissant little town, this day spa is top of the line,” she added.
“I know, right?” The midget agreed. “You know, I kind of hope he doesn’t talk for awhile. I’d love to have a go in the sauna.”
“Should we put him back in?” Rose inquired.
“I think an hour should give us enough time, don’t you?” TnT held up his wrist for effect, though he wasn’t wearing a watch.
“I saw in the pamphlet that they have a mud bath,” she told him, and he shook his head.
“Better make it two hours, then,” he amended.
“Okay George, see you in two hours!” Rose said jovially, and the vamp moaned in defeat.
“No, no, wait!” He protested weakly, his lips cracking from the blistering burns on his face. “Please, wait. I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
“That’s the right answer, George,” TnT said. “So, where can we find Kyran?”
“I don’t know if he’s there right now, but the safe house is 4221 Main Street,” he blurted. “It’s a big old house with giant white columns.”
“There, was that so difficult?” Rose smiled.
“So…” he stammered. “What are you going to do with me?”
“Well, we need to check out your story, so I don’t think we can kill you just yet.” TnT scratched his head, as if in deep thought.
“Can you…” George whimpered. “Can you at least leave the light off?”
“Hmm, we can’t very well leave you here,” Rose said. “What if someone comes in to open up shop? Don’t want to give you an opportunity to turn someone, now would we?”
“What are you going to do?” The vampire asked, but he was relieved that they wouldn’t be leaving him in this infernal machine.
Within minutes, the agents had
him bound and gagged, and in the trunk of TnT’s muscle car. He screamed muffled obscenities through the fabric, but Rose slammed the trunk on him, uncaring.
“So, what do you think?” She asked, eager to get this over with but unsure that they should be running to the new address blindly.
“I think we need to call it in,” TnT echoed her thoughts. “Let’s go get some coffee and get the Boss on the line.”
CHAPTER NINE
“Really? A cartapult?” The Boss laughed in amusement. “Man, that’s ingenious!” Baptiste looked a bit uncomfortable in his window on the other side of the laptop screen.
“Boss!” Rose reprimanded sternly, and TnT chuckled, leaning back in the booth seat of the diner they’d found.
“Yeah yeah, sad too,” he waved her off, though a smile still remained on his laugh lined face. “But damn, TnT, get that shit on video next time.”
“Can we get back to the issue at hand?” Rose set her coffee mug down on the table a little harder than was necessary. “You know, the Ancient vampire that wants to impregnate me? We got a lead, so now I need some gear so I can be of some use.”
“Miss Rose, I must stress again that you need to evacuate that town ASAP,” Baptiste spoke up, worry etched into his forehead. “We can’t risk Kyran being successful in creating a daywalker.”
“And we also can’t risk a pissed off Ancient vampire turning a major city into an undead army,” she countered firmly. “He needs to be stopped, here and now. So unless you have more recruits we can feed into the meat grinder, I’m staying.”
“It’s a moot point anyway, because we don’t have a chopper to get them to you,” the Boss mused, shrugging his shoulders. “The one the hillbilly daredevils took out was the only one on base.”
“So getting me some equipment is out of the question, then?” Rose asked wryly, and he nodded.
“Afraid so,” he said.
“Not a big deal,” TnT cut in with a smirk. “We’re in rural America, so I’d bet my balls that there’s a gun shop and a hardware store in this town. Hell, it’s probably the same store.”
“You are correct, Mister TnT,” Baptiste agreed, looking off screen presumably to another computer. “Zeke’s Bolts and Buckshot is half a mile from the diner. They should have everything you might need to make Miss Rose a formidable foe.”
“Excuse me?” Rose bristled.
“My apologies, Miss Rose,” he backtracked, eyes wide. “You are quite formidable, armed or not.”
“That’s better,” she preened under his praise and TnT rolled his eyes. She stole a piece of his bacon and chomped on it, and he growled at her, picking up his fork like a dagger.
“Based on my research, Kyran needs to be neutralized tonight,” Baptiste continued. “If he can’t, ahem, plant his seed, his window will close. At which point we have to be concerned that he will take out his frustrations on a big population.”
“But I thought these Ancients would only be around to mate before going back to sleep for a few centuries?” Rose raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“That’s only if they’re successful in mating,” came the reply. “If they aren’t, they need another way to burn through the energy they have accumulated. That usually involves wiping out a town or two. Which was bad hundreds of years ago, but if they were to reach a major populated area it could set of a vampire pandemic.”
“How bad are we talking?” She asked.
“Hundreds of thousands of vampires within a matter of weeks.” Baptiste calculated.
“Holy hell,” she breathed, and TnT swallowed a mouthful of his eggs.
“Don’t worry Baptiste, we’ll save the day like we always do.” He winked at the computer screen.
“I have no doubt,” the young attache replied with a smile. “Have you opened your care package yet?”
“Not yet, we got a bit distracted last night.” TnT grinned as Rose held up her pristine blue nails. The Boss chuckled and Baptiste just looked confused, imagining the midget sitting on Rose’s lap, giving her a manicure.
“Well, when you do, call me if you have questions,” he said simply, and TnT saluted him.
“Ten-four, good buddy,” the midget replied through a mouthful of more eggs. He slammed the laptop closed and downed the rest of his coffee. “Well there Rose, you got your nails done and had a big breakfast, what do you say we go out and do a little shopping?”
“I painted my own nails, this diner is like the homeless man’s Waffle House, and we’re going to buy weapons so I can gut vampires like they are freshly caught trout,” she listed off.
“So, you’re a happy girl, then?” TnT asked.
She nodded, a sly smile playing her lips. “Goddamn right. Let’s go.”
CHAPTER TEN
“I’ll start looking at hardware for some creative solutions,” TnT instructed. “You go see if they have any silver.” He wandered off into the hardware section of Zeke’s Bolts and Buckshot, Struckerville’s only hardware and gun shop.
“Yep,” Rose agreed, and strolled up to the counter, languid grace catching the eye of the older heavy set gentleman behind the counter. He was wearing beat up jeans and a plaid button up shirt, and she stifled a disgusted noise at the trail of tobacco stains on his otherwise white beard. As if hearing her thoughts, he turned and spit a stream of brown goo behind the counter as she reached it.
“Well hello there, little lady,” he drawled and leaned on his hands. “My name is Zeke, and I’ll be happy to help ya. What are ya lookin’ for today?” At least he was polite.
“Well I-” she began.
“Now now, let me guess,” Zeke cut in, and put up his hands to stop her speaking. “You want a sporty little number for your purse. Oh, let me see here.” He rummaged around behind the counter and pulled out a tiny pistol. “Here we go. Got this nice little nine millimeter. Sleek, compact, and it even comes in pink!”
Rose blinked at him, mind drawing a blank against the massive level of offense washing over her. She finally took a deep breath and composed herself. “I’m afraid I’m going to need something that packs a little more punch, but we’ll get to that once we find the ammo.”
“The ammo?” Zeke was more than a little surprised at her directness. This did not look like the kind of lady that would know anything about ammunition.
“Yes sir, I’m looking for silver bullets,” she said, and it was the older man’s turn to stare blankly at her.
“Silver bullets?” He raised an eyebrow. “You do know you ain’t the Lone Ranger, don’t ya? And he sure as heck ain’t Tonto.”
“It’s complicated.” She leaned on the counter, ignoring the stench of chewing tobacco to give her lithe body a tantalizing arc for him to admire. “Can you help me out?”
“No, I’m sorry little lady.” He shook his head, genuinely regretful. “I ain’t got anything exotic like silver bullets. Most people ‘round these parts are simple folks that either want home protection of something for game huntin’. The only out of the ordinary ammo I have are the Holy Smokes.”
“Holy Smokes?” Rose furrowed her brow. “What in the world are those?”
“Well, we got a lot of god fearing folks in these parts, so they want to do right by the lord,” Zeke explained. “Genesis 9:3 says Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything. That’s god almighty giving us his blessin’ to hunt the earth for our nourishment needs. So I came up with the Holy Smokes, the only biblically ordained shotgun shells for sale in these United States of America.”
Rose blinked at him for a moment once again, and then a smile slowly grew on her face. “Hey, TnT, you… you are going to want to hear this.”
“Hope it’s good!” He barked from the shelves behind her, and strolled up as casual as if he were at a family picnic. “Because all I’ve found that would be useful is a machete!”
“Oh, it is.” She motioned for him to join her at the counter. “Zeke, I’d like you to meet my fr
iend, TnT. TnT, this is Zeke.”
“Zeke, whatcha got for me?” The midget asked.
“Sir, I have Holy Smokes, the only blessed shotgun shells available for sale on the open market.” The older man drawled, not fazed in the slightest by his customer’s size.
TnT turned to Rose with intrigue in his eyes. “Did he just say… blessed shotgun shells?”
“Yes he did,” she replied, smile wider now.
