"But nothing, what comes to your mind," I replied sheepishly. He had stopped in front of the entrance to my house. Her green eyes peering at me sketching a mischievous smile.
"Medy, you know that I love you, but not a normal good. I and you are and always will be the indefinite»
The indefinite of a feeling that perhaps was yet to be born into this world. It was not a simple love each other, it was not love, it was something more. But despite what is more, there had never crossed my mind to want to be together, because our relationship was enough quell'indefinito to join.
"I know ..." I replied handing me over to him to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
"See you tomorrow!"
"See you tomorrow"
I got out and I was left for the first time stops on the front door, waiting for her to come out of the gate machine. Once in the room, I felt strange, I was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep as if I were surrounded by a thick black cloud that constantly crowded my thoughts.
"Med, wake up!" I spun awoke to the sound of his voice trembling, in front of me Cox in his eyes there were nuances that screziavano his adombrandolo look.
"What's wrong?" I asked with a bad feeling that quivered along the ridge blows while my body is anointed of creeps. She did not say a word, I got up in a hurry and had worn the first things that I had found. My heart was about to burst out of my chest meanwhile walked up the stairs to the lower floor. Noha was on the threshold of the front door, standing as if waiting for me.
"Kylian, where Kylian?" I screamed, and at that moment the tears of Cox behind me made me realize my premonition.
"M-Med ... there was a ... accident ..."
"Nooo, NOT TRUE!" My screams in front of the petrified eyes and helpless my parents already knew everything.
Noha tears they walked down the face staring at me and shook his head in the sense of denial.
"Kylian ... he is. ... dead? L-He ... is dead! He told me tomorrow. We had to see us ... >> I asked, and I answered that question alone. Incredulous that could be really successful. The cold floor beneath my hands, them that were trying to cheer me up after I collapsed on myself. Tomorrow, I repeated tomorrow. That tomorrow has abandoned me.
I rode every moment with resting phone to your ear and staring out the window.
"E-Eddy, I still there?" I ask, trying to regain contact with the present.
"I'm here, quiet," he answers softly. It was there listening to my silence, to listen to those unspoken words, they are and will always be the worst memories of my existence.
Chapter
4
Zac
"Lose yourself in the music,
when it belongs to you. "
I spread my arms upward to stiracchiarmi a bit ', I rise and rest a while sat looking around. I realize that this is Outbuildings largest studio apartment we have for rent with Ian. I do a settled fast, rinse your face, I stop for a moment to stare at my reflection in the mirror and think the phone call last night. With that thought in mind back in the other room, I recompose the bed, settle the sheets, pillows, I leave everything in order. Shooting the curtains and go out and see it in the glass in front, intent to run on the treadmill, wearing a sport that perfectly defines his body. The blacks hair, tied in a high ponytail, rippling behind him at every step. This time, maybe my eyes fixed on her, caused him to notice my presence.
"Good morning"
"Good morning to you, sleep well?" She asks with a wink a smile ... a smile that creates two small dimples on the side of the fleshy mouth. His eyes still light blacks more that 'expression.
"All right, do not really know how to thank"
"You just you sit down to breakfast with me," he begins, it takes me a bit 'on the break, I was about to leave, but I can not accept not even after his kindness.
"Just coffee, I promise that I hold hands affixed" he adds amused raising his hands up in surrender. I laugh myself. I like people like solar, always ready with a joke.
"You've convinced me, you realize that keep your hands affixed eh?" continue, adding more humor and mischief that conversation. Immediately after we get home. I look with great astonishment that his world very far from mine. The luxury cover with care and attention to every corner of the house. Once in the kitchen, I see that almost awkward fumbles with pots of various sizes. He turns to me that I have already settled on the stool of the peninsula in the middle of the kitchen.
"Scrambled eggs, or ..." Or I know that doing only that, then nod.
"The home is now free," he explains, it seems like he's getting ready to the worst breakfast. I decide to join her in the kitchen.
"May I?" His eyes fit in mine for a while and his smile gives me the green light.
"First you have to let warm up a bit 'the pan' I point out," in the meantime whisk the eggs "I ask, and she is getting ready now to do it, then I passes, the reverse in hot skillet and after a shot is ready. I take steaming plates in his hands and sit.
"I had breakfast I prepare it," he says regretfully.
"It's the least I could do to thank you for the hospitality," I reply, trying to avoid the embarrassment that has been imprinted on his face.
"Imagine, at least I knew that there was someone in the house," he murmurs, and with the fork play with your food under his nose. It seems to be lost a bit 'of thoughts. In her it reflects the idea that I have always done this lifestyle. I have in front of a person who has everything but is having breakfast with a total stranger on Sunday morning, rather than being surrounded by relatives and friends.
"Everything ... Affixed?" I ask tilting her head to the side in search of his eyes trying to escape.
"Lately things with my best friend do not go as I would like" trust me, I am a bit 'lost in talk about issues of girls, looking for a loophole to get out of the healthy speech and sound.
"Listen ..."
"A month ago, we lost a friend," I anticipate her, before he can say more. I can not say a single word. Rest displaced in front of that phrase that threw out so jet. She continues to play with the fork without food. His eyes do not look nothing definite.
"I'm sorry ..." I can only say. He raises his eyes right away, staring at me without comment, and I think I said something wrong, that he had only worsened the situation. His face is grim. We remain to look for a time that seems endless. I want to say something, but I think the end would be just the usual phrases fact that you will be heard to reiterate all the time.
"Want to spend the day with me?" He cries shortly after barely holding back tears. It seems almost to look like a plea for help to which I can not escape.
"Sure," I reply convinced. He gets up from the table and tells me that goes to prepare, in the meantime, look in the living room. I can not leave it. Ian'm calling to find out if the party ended well. I wait a couple of rings to hear his voice still thick with sleep.
"Then, as the evening ended?"
"The girls were fantastic, you have no idea ..." roll my eyes in despair.
"I speak of the brother party" immediately interrupt his sexual details, now has become a habit to tell me what to do.
"Ah ... yes sure, the party, all right. We have another Thursday night. Zac? Friend are you there? "
"C-There-s ... talk to you later," I close the call and the phone I almost fell from my hands. Courtney comes to me with ease, wearing a skimpy bikini that leaves nothing to the imagination. I feel blaze for a moment, as if with his eyes, with his movements persuasive had almost started a fire inside me that starts to throb in my veins.
"Here," handing me an even shorts with the label attached.
"Well ..."
"It's just a swim in the pool," she says pouting almost pleading. It points to the bathroom down the hall and I'm going to prepare myself. Shortly after I get in the pool and watch a little 'while swimming his back to me, the sun reflects the rays on his wet back by rivulets of water running through it as if disegnassero. Dive to get there and when we face each other, his hands re
sting on my shoulders.
"You said you were holding hands affixed to" remember them with a wink a smile malizio at the same time that my eyes moving on that his light touch. She smiles sheepishly. It's so sweet.
"Courtney ..." I try to say it is even closer to me, his eyes fix my mouth. His lips are based on my fast without giving me time to stop it.
A kiss soft, sweet and I find myself half-close your mouth instinctively, I feel his hot tongue find mine. Its flavor is mixed so new to mine. What am I doing? Leaving now the trail of emotions and detach myself walking away from his touch.
"Excuse me," I murmur, and with just a couple of strokes to reach the ladder out of the pool, she immediately behind me. I feel his eyes staring at me even though I'm giving deliberately shoulders
"Because? I've ... done something ... "he turns against his puzzled look that asked for an explanation.
"It's not you, you did not do anything. Excuse me, "I try to reassure her, and it's the truth. She is beautiful, it looks like a girl affixed although I do not know well yet. The problem is I who can not afford distractions along my way, at least for now.
"So what have you?" He keeps asking, to demand answers, I hasten to dry, meanwhile Ian warning with a message of coming to take, giving precise directions to the villa.
"Look, Courtney, it's too complicated. Sorry again "under his eyes hurt'm going to change. Once I left the bathroom I call her several times not seeing her around. I'm sorry if somehow I wound was not my intention, but there is no room in my life for this. I head to the gate and shortly after that I walked along the home down, I see Ian coming toward me. I climb into the machine and close the door with heat.
"What happened? And why did you sleep here? "Question right away seeing my attitude a bit 'dazed.
"No, she was just being nice and welcomed me," he explains, in the meantime that the urge to go.
"Zac" try to say.
"What do you want?"
"Why do not you try?" Seems easy to say, try to live their lives. The most normal thing in the world. But it is not for me and maybe it never will.
"I've got responsibilities, you know," I remind him, and then remains silent. He knows that the key does not have to touch. I made my choices, my mistakes. Mistakes for which they have suffered other people, especially her. Now I have decided to be quiet, to realize this dream for her, for a better future. Why does it have a better future. I owe her at least that ...
Chapter
5
Medyson
"I've learned not to expect anything from anyone.
As expectations only bring great disappointments "
I'm heading for the University entrance, I think that his silence. What person can hear and understand only the sound of your thoughts? Without asking for a reason for which you are not willing to give an answer? His quiet -Are they are here- reassured me, and yet, he does not know anything about me. Eddy, it could be anyone, but for some reason I feel I can trust him.
After that phone call, he followed a good night message and this morning, what good morning. He was doing really understand that there really was for me. With small gestures, small words at the same time able to stir something great inside of me ... the desire to return to smile. In the distance I see Cox and Noha near the cafeteria, I reach for them as was my habit to do every day. Cox turns crossing my eyes, he says something to Noha and disappears before my eyes. strong squeeze the textbook chest. I think it's still angry with me and I can not blame her after she was the bitch of friends. Sometimes, it's easier to hurt those who love the most because we presume that they can forgive.
"Hello Med» Noha begins with a smile of embarrassment.
"He's mad at me, are you?" I ask as I sit across the table to him.
"You know how it is made? She'll "reassures me, but I know well how my words have the hit and knowing that I did not pass so easily.
"I just tried to make her understand that I must stop chasing to anyone who happens to shoot," I try to explain to him sipping coffee he just brought me the waiter.
"What are you talking about?" She Noha eyes fixed on mine, with that puzzled and perplexed make me realize that he does not know the real reason why we come up against me and Courtney. Surely not even know the dj who slept in its annex the other night. I swallow with difficulty that sip of coffee.
"Nothing," he hastens to respond when his voice dominates almost my when he says:
"Cox told me that you have had a run for the way you do," I can not believe he did it. deliberately slam the coffee cup on the table and shot in the foot.
"The way I do?" I shake my head in disbelief with the bitter laughter that is the space between the lips tight.
"This shows how you do not understand a shit! How much are you empty inside! "I wish I could shout that I'm ashamed of them and the way to carry on with their lives after what happened less than a month ago, but I limit myself only to trap my eyes wounded in his last once, before you turn around and walk away. Do some shoulder to make me space between the other students, the desire to escape climbs inside me, but I myself, at this moment I have nowhere to hide, not after my safe haven, Kylian, was blown away by the worst storms ... fate. I turn for a moment to Noha, and I see him still there, sitting, and I think to myself a true friend would have stopped me, I would close to him and I would not have left her alone to struggle against myself.
A true friend would understand and share with me my pain. Not just a song and a cigarette to fill his absence. Because nothing will ever fill that void. A tear escapes my control, and I rushed into the bathroom in the hallway near the courtroom of law. Some girls in front of the mirror pledged to rebuild the trick, until now in the bathroom, I sit on the toilet, deep breath and I avoid that pain may startle, making me feel overwhelmed. I feel the girls go away and pick up the phone, again I wonder why? But I do not find answers, I just know that I need that voice that reassures me. I wait a couple of rings.
"Medyson, all right?" It going to wonder not just answers. I like his voice, so deep as to be able to reach that part of me that lately they can also hide myself.
"Excuse me ... I hope I have not broken anything, maybe you at work ..."
"Do not worry, I can stand a couple of minutes, then I have a client," explains the other end of the phone. Earlier rest in silence for a few seconds and then roll without my noticing.
"I ... I feel alone ..." I murmur with a whisper that I can feel almost breaking. I regret almost immediately of that confession that for the first time admit more to myself, but the words are rolled out without that I could prevent it.
"Listen, I have a business meeting in San Diego this weekend," the heart speeds alone -Do I'll be asking to see us? -
"Do not worry, I'm sorry now I have to go to class," I feel almost chuckling softly.
"All right, we feel," responds and closes the conversation. I dare not imagine what might think, well, I feel the need to call him, to hear him, but then something seems to restrain it as a strange feeling that runs through my skin. Maybe it's the fact that I am talking to a man and not a boy any? Perhaps because the way we met is not so suited to my habits? With all those questions in my head I reach the hall of Economics, the course that I and Cox attend together.
Usually there are always seated nearby, but as before in a known class that she took place in another bank. I go anyway at my usual place and fortunately the lesson passes quickly, and when I pass alongside the firm's arm leaving the classroom. He can not avoid me in that way, he has no right to punish me as well.
"I know you?"
"What do you take me? What the hell took you Med? Do not go out anymore, do not you hear anymore and when you do Sentence on what others are doing, "I perceive all the evil that throws at me, every word hurts, because a part of me knows that he is right, he knows that I locked in a world of memories, a world that can no longer exist and with which I will have to learn to live with.
"I ... I just wanted to tell you not to go below .
.." his sarcastic laugh, almost forced stop the flow of my words to add:
"I think I will for my life. Do not take more trouble to dispense advice, when and if I'll ever need I'll ask them of you, "takes off the necklace she wears, a small pendant with its initial dangling in front of my eyes glassy. Had I donated for his birthday.
"Here," puts it vigorously on the bench and he turns his back leaving me alone.
Did you see what they are lost without you?
I say this as if he really could hear me. As if he could answer me, and I wait. I look forward to being able to hear his voice, his laughter that never comes. I do not have the strength to follow the other hours of lessons and I decide to go away. Along the corridor Noha intersection. I bow my head as soon as I see him, but he stands in front of me blocking my passage.
"Do you realize what you said?" Asks bewildered, with a finger raised my chin to meet his gaze buffeted by the same pain that I see every day in my reflection.
"And you realize how you act? Kylian died a month ago and you, after only a week you gave a party '
"Yes, I gave in memory of him, and that day you did not give me even a way to explain keen, I've closed up on me," says hard-nosed with eyes bursting with regret. I look away from her, and I feel too confused.
"That night, the night before the accident I lied to him. My last conversation with him was a lie, "I admit shrugging shoulders.
"What was there between you and Noha?"
"But ... nothing Kylian, what comes to mind?"
That question emerges immediately to mind. The reason why so much I feel guilty: a secret between us ever, ever lie, until that night, not knowing it would be the last that we spent together.
"I ... asked ..." I finish the sentence for both.
"I asked him what had passed between us," Noha bites his lower lip from the nervous, his eyes come off from mine, and in that instant I cross it with the sole intention to leave and not look back. I told one lie, because Noha had made a promise to Kylian. A promise that we both had not been able to maintain. I just wanted that he did not feel betrayed by his best friend, but especially to me. For him, Noha was not the guy for me and now I realize more than ever how right he was.
You After Hell Page 3
