“Understandable?” He raised an eyebrow and continued eating. “How’s that?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. I kept putting my foot in my mouth tonight. I didn’t want to seem needy, but here I was with another comment that practically begged for a compliment.
“You think I normally fuck women and then take them out to dinner?”
My eyes widened. “I don’t know. Didn’t you have a girlfriend the last four or so years?”
“On and off, sweetheart.” He shot me a pointed look. “You think I didn’t sleep with other women during that time?”
“I don’t know. I guess it makes sense if you did.” I glanced away briefly. “I mean, it’s what I was planning on doing.”
His chewing slowed down. He kept his gaze on mine as he lifted his water to his lips and set it down again. “What were you planning on doing?”
“Sleeping around.” I shrugged. “That’s what single people do, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I haven’t been single in a while and I definitely haven’t been single in the city. It seems so . . . fast.” I felt my eyebrows tug as I said the words. “Meaningless.”
“That’s what you want? A meaningless hookup? That’s what you want with me?”
I licked my lips. I could totally see how he’d concluded that after the reaction I had when he showed up at my dad’s place the morning after, but how could I tell him it wasn’t? For the first time since my separation, I felt like maybe being single again didn’t have to mean meaningless hookups. Maybe it meant a second chance to be honest with myself and with the world about what I wanted, what I felt. I wasn’t sure I’d ever been honest before. And so, I took a deep breath, looked into Nathaniel’s deep blue eyes, and said something I never in a million years thought I’d say to him aloud.
“I don’t think any kind of hookup with you could ever be meaningless, Nathaniel Bradley.”
He seemed just as shocked as I felt. For a moment, he just sat there, across from me, staring at me. Then, he cleared his throat, set his napkin on the table, and said, “Let me get the check so we can get out of here.”
Twenty-Four
“A friend of mine from high school had her marriage arranged.” I glanced at Nathaniel in the back of the taxi we were sharing. “Like she knew the guy she was going to marry from an early age.”
“Was she able to date other people?”
“I think she was, but she didn’t. She was smitten with this guy. I always thought it was the weirdest thing because I couldn’t picture myself marrying anyone I dated back then, even as I dated them.”
He smiled. “Is there a reason you’re telling me this?”
“Other than the fact that I’m a little tipsy?” I smiled. He smiled back. “I’ve been thinking that the reason those things work so well, especially amongst older people, or so I think, is because they tell each other every single thing right up front. They’re brutally honest, so there are no secrets at all.”
The taxi slowed and Nathaniel paid before we arrived in front of his building. Nathaniel held my hand to stop me from walking toward the front desk.
“I took it upstairs earlier.”
“My bag?”
“White with pink polka dots?” he asked. I nodded. “It’s upstairs.”
He stood close to me in the elevator, his fingers brushing mine. “So what you’re saying is that you want to be up front with me?”
“With anyone I date,” I said.
“Is that what we’re doing, princess?” He moved closer still. “Are we dating?”
“Not if you keep calling me princess.”
“That’s fair.” He chuckled, pushing closer to me, until our bodies molded together. He pressed his lips to mine and pushed my back onto the back wall of the elevator. When he pulled away, he kept his gaze on mine. “I don’t know if you’re doing this runaround for my benefit or yours, but I want to date you. I want the label.”
“I—”
“I’m telling you what I want. That’s what I’m bringing to the table right now. You can come back to me with what you want whenever you’re ready.”
“Okay.”
I was confused. That was not the way anyone I knew handled stating what he or she wanted. He wanted me to think about it? A part of me really wanted to explore this thing between us past just sex, but the smarter part of me was sure it wouldn’t end well. How could it? He gave me a quick tour of his apartment, which I hadn’t gotten the last time I was here. In addition to the nice-sized kitchen, there was a living room and a guest bedroom, both appointed with dark furniture and understated fittings, which truly matched Nathaniel’s personality.
“Where’s my bag?” I asked as we walked back toward the living room.
“My room.”
“Your room, huh?” I raised an eyebrow. “You’re highly sure of yourself.”
“I don’t think I have to keep telling you where you stand with me, but if you need me to continue to repeat it, I will.” He walked into the kitchen. “Want something? Water, wine, whiskey, beer?”
“Wine please.” I sat on the couch. “Red.”
“Half a glass?” he asked, amusement lighting up his eyes. “You’ve always been a lightweight and you said yourself that you’re already tipsy.”
“I was tipsy in the car. I sobered up in the elevator.” I stuck my tongue out. “I’ve gotten better.”
“I know.” He grinned. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have brought you back here the other night.”
“I have a question.”
“I hope I have an answer.” He walked toward me with our glasses, handing me one as he took a seat beside me.
“You said my friends were vultures.” I took a sip out of habit. “And that the one you wanted never tried. Which one did you want?”
“Was it not obvious?”
No, Captain Arrogant, it wasn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t ask. Was he making fun of me again here? We’d never spent this much time together without fighting, so I was on uncharted ground. He took a sip of his wine and set the glass down, then reached for mine and did the same.
“What?”
He chuckled, searching my eyes. “Oh, princess.”
“Will you stop calling me that?”
“It’s a hard habit to kick,” he said, looking way too amused for my comfort. “I’ll make you a deal. If I tell you who I was talking about, you have to go with me to my mom’s house next Tuesday?”
“What happens next Tuesday?”
“It’s my birthday, and she always bakes me a cake and does this whole thing that I hate because I hate acknowledging my birthday.”
“Your birthday?” I smiled. “I never knew it was in October.”
“You never asked.”
“Does my dad go?”
“To my mom’s house on my birthday? When he can. We normally take the boat out when he does, but it’s on a Tuesday this year, so that’s not going to happen.”
“Okay, I’ll go. Just tell me who you liked so much you didn’t pay attention to any of the other girls.”
His smile was slow. “You.”
“Liar.” I rolled my eyes. “Tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth.”
I pinched his arm. “Liar.”
“I’m not lying.” He laughed, moving away. I pinched him again, moving closer as he laughed. “I swear I’m not lying.”
I pinched him again, this time when I moved closer, I straddled him, enjoying his laughter way too much. How many times had I dreamed of making him laugh like this? Who would’ve known the way to get it was to pinch the shit out of him.
“I’m going to keep pinching you until you tell me.”
He grabbed my hands, still laughing. “I’m telling you the truth, dammit. I’ve wanted you since I was eighteen years old and had absolutely no business wanting a girl like you.”
“What?” I felt the breath leave my lungs with his admission. I lay my hands flat on his chest and continue
d to stare at him. The only sound audible to my ears was that of my own pulse. “But you . . . I . . . I hit on you all the time.”
“You wanted me the way you seem to want me now,” he said, shifting so my legs spread wider, so my sex was on the bulge in his pants. “You want to have fun with me, have sex with me, and then move on to another man, one with political ambitions or a trust fund baby.”
“That’s not true,” I whispered. How had this changed from me fearing I was simply the rebound to him believing that of himself? He’d never showed me this sort of attention before, so I was still stunned and struggled to believe it was true.
“It’s okay, princess. I’m not good enough for you. I never was and never will be.” He leaned into me, his lips on my jaw, kissing to my earlobe. “But I want you anyway. And I’ll take you anyway I can get you. I’m tired of denying this to myself. I couldn’t handle it before, but I can now.”
I’m not good enough for you. I never was and never will be. What the hell? Why would he think that? Before he could say more, I leaned in and kissed him I leaned in and kissed him, dragging my arms up and around his neck. My hips moved on their own accord as our tongues met. It wasn’t a demanding or frantic kiss. It was slow and teasing, his teeth on my lower lip, my tongue sucking his, my fingers tugging his hair as his seemed to get lost in the sea of mine. With Nathaniel, I felt present. His lips brushed over mine gently, the stubble on his face scratching my skin as he licked his way to my collarbone, his hands working on taking off my jacket. My blouse was undone next, the buttons popping with his desperation. He unclasped my bra with a skill I didn’t want to think about, his mouth coming down on my breast, teasing, tugging, his groan filling the air between us. I grabbed his hair and tugged it so he’d meet my eyes.
“Stop saying you’re not good enough for me.”
He stared at me for a long moment, his gaze hazed with a lust I felt deep in my core. He didn’t say a word as he lifted my dress up to my hips and brought his hand between us, his thumb finding my clit as he moved in a slow, circular motion. I gasped, and writhed against him. Our gazes were still locked, neither one of us willing to break first. The intensity in his, the way his lids lowered and he bit his bottom lip as he watched my face, was what made me come apart on his fingers. I grabbed his hair harder as I shook.
“You come so easily like this,” he whispered.
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell him that it was him. It was the things he did to me and the way he watched me as he did them. I didn’t want to give in to the notion that there might be something real, something more here. He leaned in and kissed me, a long, hard kiss that made me forget my thoughts. His thumb continued to move.
“I can’t come again,” I groaned my protest.
“You’re going to come again.” He kissed me. “You’re going to come when I bury my cock inside you.” He bit my bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth. My hips rocked against him on their own accord, chasing another orgasm. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’re going to see stars, princess.”
“Stop talking.” I was panting as I scrambled to undo the buttons of his dress shirt. “Just stop talking and fuck me already.”
I lifted up onto my knees, and his lips worked on my neck as he undid his belt and pulled his pants down. He didn’t even take time to undress me completely, instead pulling my thong to the side and lifting me so he was rubbing his hard length against me.
“Oh my God.” It was all I could say as I threw my head back. “Why aren’t we naked?”
“This is only the prequel, sweetheart.” He thrust into me, filling me slowly and completely as he grabbed my hips and lowered me until our pelvises touched. My entire body shook with the intensity of him filling me, and when he started moving me over him, I completely forgot my next protest. Nathaniel owned my body in that moment, and nothing could have broken that hold he had on me. And I wouldn’t want it to be any different, which terrified me a little.
Twenty-Five
“I got two cabins.” I massaged my temples with both hands and closed my eyes.
I had two cabins and a killer headache. It was only a five-and-a-half-hour train ride, so I didn’t need two full cabins equipped with beds. I needed one for the three of us, but when I booked, I didn’t realize I was booking actual cabins. I thought they were just pricy because they were in the front of the train. I smelled Nathaniel as he stepped closer, but continued my head massage until he moved my hands out of the way and replaced my fingers on my temple.
“Oh, that feels so good.”
“Good.” He pressed his mouth to my forehead. My eyes flew open and I took a step back, looking around. “Relax, princess. Your dad is checking out the second cabin you booked unnecessarily.”
“Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes, then cringed. Even that hurt. I followed Nathaniel as he walked out and into the cabin across the hall. Dad was sitting there, setting up his laptop.
“These are nice.” He looked up when we walked in. “I could live in one of these.”
“I’m glad you think so, because you paid double and they won’t refund me.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I can room with Nate and you can get your own room. I’m sure you’ll appreciate that.”
I smiled wide and nodded my agreement, which was contrary to what I was feeling. I’d been staying at Nathaniel’s place all week and even though I’d officially finished everything I needed to do at the brewery last night, I was contemplating whether or not to go back to his place once we returned from our trip. I hadn’t brought it up to him yet though. How was I supposed to spring that on him? He hadn’t even let the woman he dated on and off for years have a key to his place. Speaking of which, I hadn’t given mine back to him.
I sat down across from Dad and Nathaniel sat beside me, keeping a little distance between us, which felt odd after a week with few personal boundaries. I’d worked hard, but at night behind his closed doors, we’d fucked even harder. I hadn’t truly accepted that he’d wanted me for so long and never acted on it, especially given how cruel he’d been to me. His barbs had been hurtful, and if I was honest, had probably hurt me more than Adam’s infidelity. Both had left me feeling scarred and inadequate. At least now I knew that Nathaniel hadn’t always said things with the intent to hurt. He’d simply known I was capable of more than I’d attempted, and it had angered him. So, he’d lashed out verbally. Strange man for thinking I had no idea he’d wanted me.
“How many parks do you have left on this ballpark chasing journey of yours?” Nathaniel asked.
“A lot,” Dad said at the same time as I said, “Too many.”
Nathaniel chuckled, bumping my arm with his. “Which one was your favorite?”
“Yankee Stadium. Obviously.”
“That-a-girl,” Dad said, winking at me.
“Aside from that one,” Nathaniel said.
“Hm. San Francisco Giants.”
“Mine too,” Dad agreed. “And the Braves. They have a great park.”
“And Wrigley.” I smiled. “That one is incredible.”
“Sounds like I have a lot of catching up to do,” Nathaniel said.
I bumped his arm with mine. “Maybe you should start joining us.”
“Oh, is that a formal invite from the ice princess?”
“I swear to God, Nathaniel.” I rolled my eyes. “You have a serious way of ruining the moment.”
“Because I called you an ice princess?”
“I have a migraine.” I glared at him as I stood. I kissed my dad on the cheek. “I’ll be in my cabin.”
I walked across the hall and turned the lights off before getting under the covers of the bed provided. I really did have a migraine, and I really wanted to feel better before we got to Boston. I wasn’t lying about that. I closed my eyes and faced the wall beside me, hoping to sleep the rest of the way.
* * *
I was in and out of consciousness, still knocked out, when the cabin door opened and closed, so I didn’t eve
n turn around in the bed. When it sank beside me, I knew it was Nathaniel. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to him, kissing my shoulder.
“I’m sorry I called you an ice princess.”
“’Sokay.”
“It’s not.” He buried his face in my neck. “I’ve been wanting to come over here for an hour, but I figured I’d wait a little while. I didn’t want my departure from your dad’s cabin to seem suspicious.”
“Hm.”
“Did you book three rooms at the hotel?”
“Hm.”
“We might as well cancel one,” he said. “I got used to sleeping with you.”
I turned in his arms and blinked up at him, still feeling groggy, but somewhat alert as well. I felt the same about sleeping with him. It had been incredible, and I honestly didn’t want to stop. But . . . “I have to give back your key.”
“Why?” He pushed the hair out of my face, and it was so soothing.
“Because I don’t want to keep it. Besides, I finished everything at the brewery.”
“I want you to keep it.”
“But . . .” I licked my lips, hoping to find my words. This felt important. “You don’t give women the key to your place.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “What’s the key to my place when you have the key to my heart?”
“So cheesy,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss him chastely.
“Yet so effective.”
I shook my head, smiling. “This is a serious conversation, Nathaniel.”
“I know it is, sweetheart. I’m dead serious. Keep the key.”
“When should I use it?”
He searched my face. “Whenever you want.”
Three words. They were not a declaration in a women’s eyes, but I knew Nathaniel. I’d been studying him for many years, and if there was one thing I knew to be true, it was that he didn’t mince words. Even if I hadn’t wanted to hear the words—which had been nearly every word of criticism received—he’d said them anyway. Like Dad, he rarely wasted superfluous words but spoke candidly with assertiveness. Like my dad. Which was probably one of the reasons I was drawn to Nathaniel, yet had been equally hurt as well. His offer to use the key whenever I wanted was much more than an olive branch, which helped me answer succinctly.
The Consequence of Falling: New York Times Bestselling Author Page 14
