by Kelly Risser
The car ride back to Katie’s was icy torture. I felt like I already paid for my sins by the time we arrived at her house. She ignored me, the whole time, and she wouldn’t let anyone else talk to me either. She pulled into the garage and shut off the engine.
“Jen, Val, let’s go upstairs.” She gave me a pointed look that clearly said, “You’re not welcome.” Jen and Val both glanced at me, but followed Katie into the house without a word. I sat alone in the back of the car. My stomach clenched as I thought about telling Evan, seeing the hurt expression on his face. Much as I’d like to, I couldn’t sit in the car all night. The garage was bound to get cold.
With a sigh, I got out and trudged into the house and up the stairs. I glanced down the hall to Katie’s room. My bag was lying on its side against the wall. I rolled my eyes. No one went to major B-mode quicker than Katie did. Kim would never react like this.
I knocked on Evan’s door as quietly as possible in case he was asleep. When he opened it, my heart thumped painfully in my chest. He looked so cute in his faded Save the Whales t-shirt and black track pants, a dimple showing when he grinned at me.
“Change your mind about a sleepover?” He leaned against the doorframe.
I didn’t return his smile. “I need to talk to you.”
He frowned a bit, but he stepped back and gestured into his room. “Okay,” he said. “Come in.”
Ebb and Flow were on the bed, happy smiles on their faces, stubby tails wagging like mad. I gave them each a quick ear scratch before I crossed the room to sit on the desk chair.
Evan sat on the edge of the bed closest to me and rested his hands on his knees. He waited, but I couldn’t loosen my tongue to say anything. As the silence grew, he looked concerned. “Meara, what is it?”
“I…” I started to tell him, but I choked on tears. I focused the shelf above his desk. The one that held his hockey trophies. I blinked to clear my vision. I was not going to cry. I tried again. “I…met someone tonight. We danced and then…”
“Meara, don’t…” Evan looked alarmed, but I couldn’t stop and the words poured out.
“He kissed me,” I finished, my eyes leaving the trophies to study the pattern in the throw rug by the bed. Evan was silent. I counted to pass the time. One, two, three, four…
“Someone kissed you?” I could almost taste the hurt in his words. I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I nodded. More time ticked by. “How could you let that happen?”
I looked at him. His hair stood up where he raked his fingers through it. A vein pulsed in his neck. I wanted to hug him, to kiss the pain away. But how could I kiss away the pain when I was the one who put it there?
“I…I don’t know,” I said. “We were dancing, casually talking, and then he kissed me.”
Evan ran his fingers through his hair again. “Did you kiss him back?” I winced. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
We warily studied each other. I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. This was one moment when Selkie powers would be useful.
“You like him?”
“I barely know him,” I said.
“You didn’t say no.” Evan’s voice filled with accusation. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to the kiss or to the question he just asked me. In either case, the same answer would apply. I didn’t say no. I didn’t want to. When it came to Kieran, I didn’t know what was real.
“Can I tell you about it?” I asked tentatively, and he blanched.
“You want to rub it in? Isn’t this enough?”
“Please, Evan,” I said. “I think it would help if I explain.”
“Then explain.”
It was as though he slapped me. His voice was so cold. He’d never used that tone with me before. He slid back on the bed until he reached the headboard. I didn’t know if he wanted to get more comfortable or if he was putting distance between us. Ebb and Flow moved close to him, and Evan rubbed their ears. When I didn’t say anything, he gestured for me to begin. I cleared my throat and told him everything that happened. I ended with Katie, Val, and Jen and their strange reactions.
“They didn’t remember any of it?” he asked.
“Only seeing Kieran kiss me.” He flinched when I said kiss.
“And you’re sure of what you saw?”
“Positive.”
He shook his head. “You know how strange that sounds, Meara.”
“I know,” I said. “But no stranger than a human turning into a seal.”
Evan’s brows shot up. “You think he’s Selkie, don’t you?”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” I said. “If it weren’t for Katie, Jen, and Val not remembering anything, I would have chalked it up to being drunk, but it’s just too weird that they don’t remember the guys they were…uh, dancing with.” I paused and took a breath. “I know what I saw, Evan.”
“Well, they were buzzed too, right?”
“Jen and Val, yes, but not Katie. She had a Coke. That’s it.”
Evan continued to stroke the dogs’ heads. He didn’t seem angry anymore, more contemplative. Finally, he looked at me. “Do you think he, this Kieran, cast some kind of spell on you?” His voice lost its edge; he sounded genuinely curious.
I moved off the chair and sat on the edge of the bed, near his feet. “I don’t know, Evan, but I can’t pass all the blame. Regardless of what he did or did not do, I kissed him back.”
Betrayal flashed across Evan’s face, but I had to be honest with him and myself. I loved Evan, but I couldn’t deny that I felt something with Kieran.
“Did you give him your number?”
“Of course not.” When he didn’t say anything, I added, “I told him I couldn’t see him again.”
He nodded and looked down at Ebb, who now had his head in Evan’s lap. “I think you better go now, Meara.” His voice was so quiet I barely heard him, and he wouldn’t look at me.
A sharp pain pierced my chest. “Are you breaking up with me?”
His head whipped up, alarm clear in his eyes. “What? No!”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I just need some time…” His voice trailed off.
I stood and moved to sit next to Flow, running my hand down the length of his coat. He gave me a goofy doggy grin. If only all love was this unconditional. “Are we going to be okay?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He swallowed hard and looked away.
“Do you still love me?” My heart broke to ask it.
He reached across and took my hand. Raising it to his lips, he kissed my palm. “I don’t think I could stop loving you if I tried.”
His words undid the careful net I had on my emotions. My eyes welled and tears overflowed. “I’m so sorry, Evan.”
He squeezed my hand before he released it. “I know.”
