“Ok, I have a new favorite show. I think you’re going to like it…Ancient Aliens is…”
“Nice. Excellent choice,” Harrison said, settling in to hear about all of the “evidence” of alien ancestors and electromagnetic anomalies found in not so random seeming locations. After we’d binged three episodes, all of which were made even better by our commentary about how outlandish or eerily believable certain theories were, I think that we’d both felt like we’d hit our quota of the bizarre and uncanny. Turning off the TV, I turned so that I was facing Harrison and smiled.
“I wonder if there are any portals here…”
“Oh definitely. One time when I was working at the pizza place on Oak, I was taking the trash out to the dumpster in the back alley, and I swear something just came out of the brick wall and ran past me.” I just looked at Harrison, who busted up laughing. “Fine, it may have been a cat who had been hiding in the shadows…but I guess you never know.” I tried to hide my smile but pretty much failed.
“Cats can travel through portals too, you know,” I said, and this time it was Harrison who was trying not to laugh.
“True, Cassie Cass, true. And I guess I’d prefer a space-time continuum traveling cat to like, a hellhound or whatever.”
“This is why I like hanging out with you, Harrison. You can always find the light in things, and you always make me laugh,” I said. But despite what I’d just said, it seemed like Harrison’s mood had suddenly turned serious.
“I’m glad. I think you’ve had too much sadness for such an amazing person, and if I can make you laugh, or even just smile like you do when I say incredibly pointless and inane things, I’ll feel like I accomplished something great.”
“Yeah, you make it seem easy, but trust me, you might just be the transcendental being.”
“Hellhound. I’d definitely prefer to be the hellhound, if I had to choose.” I nudged him with my shoulder and even though it was the tiniest of contact, it still floored me that not only did I not mind, but I’d instigated it. Right then, Harrison’s phone rang and he had to check his pockets to remember which one it was in, which only made me smile even more.
“What’s up, Jorge,” he said, and I rolled my eyes jokingly, and Harrison tried not to laugh. “Yeah, I’ll be there….yeah, I’m with my girl right now, but I haven’t forgotten.”
My Girl. I thought that him saying that would make me feel weird, but I knew he only meant it in a sweet way, and I instead found that I liked it. That and the fact that Harrison seemed to have used the term completely casually, in his unselfconscious signature statement-of-fact manner, made me feel even more confident in my decision to choose Harrison.
“Sorry about that,” he said to me, after disconnecting the call. “I told Jorge I’d meet him to help him move his mattress to the street…I guess he got a new one, and what’s new? If there is manual labor required, apparently I am at the top of everyone’s go-to list.” Harrison shrugged, but I knew that he didn’t mind. Harrison just liked helping people if they needed it, and I suspected that was another reason why he had always seemed like he had places to be, when we were first getting to know each other.
“Well, I do have another room to paint…” I paused before adding, “Just kidding.” Harrison laughed but I knew that had I been serious, he’d be grabbing a roller without me even having to ask. It was nice to not feel taken care of, but like I had help if I wanted it.
“So, assuming you don’t have like, a leaky pipe or an electrical outlet to install, I am gonna have to get going. Not that I want to…” Harrison smiled so sweetly at me, I almost asked him to stay. I didn’t think that I’d ever been looked at like that, and I was wondering if now that I had experienced something like it, I could ever go without. Rachel had been right; acts of love were an entirely different concept. Not that we were anywhere near that point, but I got her meaning for the first time.
“It’s totally fine. I got what I wanted…the burger,” I said, teasing.
“And here I thought it was the fries,” he answered with mock seriousness. “Ok, Cass, I’ll call you later.” Harrison said as he got up off of the couch. Following him, I unarmed our alarm system and unlocked the door. Heading out with him to his car, I stood awkwardly by the driver’s side door, not even knowing what I was expecting…or asking for. Harrison just pulled me gently against him, holding me close and placing a kiss on the top of my head. Apparently he was much better at this than I was. Pulling away, he gave me one more smile and then said, “I’ll wait until you’re in your house before I leave.” It was a thoughtful gesture that I hadn’t even known I'd needed, but I should have expected.
Heading back up the walk to my door, I stopped and gave Harrison a wave before walking inside, locking up and setting the alarm.
“Cassandra, why would you spend your time with that…guy? He’s totally wrong for you.”
And all of the happiness and safety that I had been experiencing from my visit with Harrison was effectively snuffed out.
Turning around, knowing who was standing there, in my living room, my first thought was that I had been so stupid. I had been so caught up in saying goodbye to Harrison, I hadn’t been watching, I hadn’t been on the alert. Diane was going to be so disappointed. Charlie must have been watching us, and come inside while we were on the other side of Harrison’s car, when we only had eyes for each other. And I’d just locked him inside with me.
“Charlie, you’re not supposed to be here…you’re not even supposed to be within 100 yards of me.” I could feel my blood turning to ice as I tried to be firm, but not confrontational.
“Yes, what was that about? Is it part of our game?” He was the same old Charlie, still handsome, self-assured, dressed casually but in well fitting clothes. He even smiled the same old Charlie smile, his white teeth on display as his hazel eyes sparkled at me. But I only saw who he was now: a predator, delusional, crazed. The only affect that he had on me was to make me feel fear. Our game? “I know you like playing hard to get, Cassandra, but this may have been taking things a bit far, don’t you think?”
Charlie took a step toward me, holding out his arms as if I would run into them and gladly be enveloped in his embrace. And as he narrowed the space between us, his breath wafted toward me, his cinnamon gum hitting me like a punch to the gut…or a punch to the Zygomatic bone. As he got closer, I took a step back, my mind racing. I was still confused, not knowing what he was hoping to accomplish with this, but since he’d essentially broken in, even if the door had been unlocked...well, it didn't seem like his and my goals were going to line up.
“You need to leave,” I said, as I was trying to game plan. I glanced toward the stairs, knowing that my mom was gone, but wondering if Kara was here, and James.
“We’re alone. I watched your lovely sister leave this morning,” Charlie said, as if this was what I had been hoping for. “Finally. Cassandra, I’m tired of this. I’m not sure I can allow you to continue pretending to resist me. It was kind of cute at first, a little cat and mouse, especially since I still had the memory of our time together. But apparently, the more I got, the more I wanted. The way you looked at me, how you felt about me shining through those big blue eyes of yours…it’s like a drug.” Charlie closed his eyes for a moment, as if he were savoring a memory, and it made me sick.
Sure, I’d been a little taken with him. He’d just seemed larger than life, and I was at a point where I’d have done almost anything to get mine back. But whatever he’d imagined had developed between us, hadn’t. And I wouldn’t allow him to make me feel somehow responsible for any of this.
“Charlie, I don’t want to be with you. I’m not interested in you like that, and I never will be.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“You and I have always been meant for each other, Cassandra. All these years, all of this time lost. I had thought that what you had given me was enough, but I wasn’t satisfied. I could never seem to be satisfied. And then to magically find you again�
�well if that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.” Charlie looked so earnest, like he believed that everything that he was stating was the ultimate truth. But what planet was he on? I couldn't even follow what he was saying, couldn't comprehend what he was stating as if it were indisputable fact.
“I don’t understand,” I said softly, still trying to get my brain to put all of the pieces together, while sumultaneously trying to figure out how to make all of this go away.
“I’m so glad that they fixed your pretty face, Cassandra.”
And it was like my memories were knitting together with the present, like the past and the future and the now were melding into one. And I felt the darkness threatening me, but I knew that if I succumbed to it, if I allowed my mind to conquer my body in some last ditch attempt at preservation, I would not only lose everything that I had fought so hard to recover, but I might very well end up losing all that I had been able to keep from my attack.
You almost did not make it, Cass
Oh Diane, I’m so sorry. I swear I never forgot.
Charlie’s smile grew as my understanding bloomed.
“If you’d just come willingly, I’d never have had to hurt you. But you made me, Cassandra. It could have been so much more amazing for both of us. But that’s why I did things differently this time. I wanted you to come to me willingly. If that Harrison had not been in the picture, I think that it would have been you and I upstairs painting your room, right before we fell into bed together. But girls like you are once in a lifetime, and I actually liked that you kept me on my toes. Which brings us to where we are right now.”
This time.
Your Pretty Face.
Oh my god, I was face to face with my attacker and the fact that I knew him, now, made it all the more sickening. I felt like I was going to throw up, and although I hated the fact that I was here alone with Charlie, I was also so thankful that Kara and my mom were not home. Now that I understood what Charlie was capable of, it was a blessing that they weren’t here to get in his way.
Because Charlie had set his mind to something long ago, and it seemed like Charlie always got what he wanted. And apparently, he wanted more. As I tried to come up with the best tactic, the best way to placate Charlie and still get out of this alive, I reminded myself that I was a fighter. I may no longer be as physically fit as I was, but I was a whole lot more jaded, I had lived the things of nightmares, and my mind was at the top of its game. I had more tools in my tool kit than fit, and more strength than I had ever imagined I could have.
Charlie would not conquer me again.
“Come with me, Cassandra. Let me show you how right we can be together.” I shook my head, not trusting my voice to not scream at him everything that I had fantasized about bombarding my attacker with, and still not quite believing that this impossible moment had arrived. “You can make this very easy, or, if you insist on being as feisty as you proven yourself to be, it could get messy. Although truthfully, I’ve never cared for things that came too easily. Either way, it’s up to you, Cassandra.”
And the worst part was that throughout this entire diatribe of insanity, Charlie, his smile unwavering, was inching closer, and his offensive cinnamon breath was starting to circle me like a poisonous whirlwind. I could barely breathe as it was, and the olfactory memory that was being superimposed upon this moment was becoming overwhelming. Not knowing anything other than the fact that I had to get away from him, if only so that I didn’t suffocate, and realizing that there was no way that I’d be able to escape through the labrynth of locks that we’d dutifully installed on the door without Charlie stopping me, all of which I had taken great care to secure upon re-entering after Harrison had left, I decided that I would start moving toward the back of the house. Upstairs was not an option, because being trapped with no exit was a death wish.
Looking at me with confusion as I brushed past him, I made a point of not looking hurried as I walked slowly away from Charlie, casually sticking my hand into the pocket of my joggers. As if fortune made itself, my fingers brushed my phone that was never too far from me when I left the house…even for just a two minute goodbye with my maybe boyfriend. I’d made a deal with the devil once…and that was one too many, for a lifetime. I would not be letting Charlie win.
“I need a glass of water, Charlie,” I said over my shoulder, pretending that I wasn’t cataloguing his exact location and movements. Maybe if he believed that I wasn’t going to fight, I’d stand a chance. Delaying what Charlie assumed was the inevitable, might be my only shot. That, and playing upon his ego, and that very same foolish assumption. Because Charlie got what he wanted, so why wouldn’t he this time?
Well this time, Charlie, Cass 3.0 was going to have a say.
As he watched me walk through the open doorway into my kitchen, he appeared satisfied that I was still within sight, and although I contemplated grabbing a knife or something to arm myself, I knew that it would be pointless. There was a reason why Charlie’s T-shirts always fit him so perfectly, there was a reason why he was able to hoist me over his shoulder and run off with me that day at the park. Charlie was strong, and his determination only made him stronger. Self-defense was no longer enough.
Now was the time for offense.
As I reached slowly up to the cabinet to grab a glass with one hand, my other was furiously swiping at my phone in my pocket. I had been preparing for this moment for too long, I didn’t even need to see the phone to access the emergency touch screen. Making a deliberate show of filling my glass, I caught sight of the dirty plates that I had discarded after Harrison's and my burgerfest. Seeing them almost broke my heart. Instead, I grabbed onto the hope that I'd felt for the first time in what had felt like forever while I'd been with Harrison, and used it to buoy myself.
I placed my call, silencing the phone as it was hopefully going through. This wasn’t my only shot, but it was my best bet. Now I just had to delay…hope that my call wasn’t assumed to be a pocket dial, and pray that my network didn’t drop out. And I had to keep Charlie placated. I had seen what he was capable of, and despite it being irreconcilable with the charming and seemingly ideal version of himself that I had started getting to know, I couldn’t lose sight of it. I reminded myself that this knowledge was another Ace up my sleeve; having an understanding of Charlie's potential prevented me from underestimating him.
“You always seem thirsty, Cassandra.”
I almost dropped my glass. I had been so focused on my scheme, while trying to project an air of ease, that I had dropped my guard and he had followed me into the kitchen. I'd known that he would eventually; I suspected that now that he had me as his captive audience, he wouldn’t be allowing a long leash. But still he startled me, and I cursed myself for losing focus.
“You startled me, Charlie,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
“You are always in your head, that’s for sure. Now, be a good girl and come with me.” He pretended to guide me, but his grip on my arm spoke a different language. Trying not to grimace as he held tightly to my right arm, the very arm that he had tried to destroy and which still prevented me from blow drying my hair without difficulty, I let the anger that the thought sparked grow, let it smolder and take light inside me. I needed all of the internal fire that I could muster right now, simply to keep my goals in sight.
“Charlie, where do you want me to go? I’m not dressed to leave the house.” Maybe this could buy me some time. Also, like hell was I leaving willingly…which left only one other alternative and that was even less appealing.
“You seemed perfectly comfortable to entertain in those clothes, I’m sure you’re fine. You look beautiful…you’re always beautiful, Cassandra.” Charlie’s once inviting eyes had darkened and it gave him an entirely different look. Now when I looked at him, he wasn’t the attractive guy who had made himself comfortable next to me in our first lecture. He wasn’t the helpful TA guiding Harrison and me through our group project. Now, I saw a ‘Keep Tahoe Blue’ hoo
die and the face of evil.
“I have plans. I can’t go anywhere,” I said, hoping that although I assumed he wouldn’t believe me, I could keep drawing things out as my mind raced through alternative options. Because I couldn’t keep this up forever; the police might not come, my mom might come home, or, worse, Charlie might grow too impatient and decide to act. And I’d seen all too well what Charlie did when he put his intent into motion.
And I'd only had one functioning eye, that time.
“You and I both know that you don’t. If it’s to see that therapist of yours, she won’t be concerned if you don’t show. People skip their appointments all the time. I’ve skipped mine for 15 years,” Charlie chuckled, like his joke was both hilarious and something that I should be able to relate to. “We’ll go to my apartment. I’d like us to spend some nice uninterrupted time getting reacquainted.” He smiled softly, like whatever he had been picturing was the sweetest most romantic night together, one he’d been planning and was finally about to make a reality.
He was making me sick.
“I don’t feel like leaving. Actually, skipping my session sounds pretty good, but I’d rather take a nap instead. I’m pretty tired.” I was running out of excuses and I was pretty sure that it was obvious. But why wouldn’t it be? I’d told him that I didn’t want to go anywhere with him, I’d told him that I Wasn’t Interested.
“We could rest at my apartment. I know that you are getting as tired of waiting to be together, as I am. Cassandra, why must you continue with this ridiculousness? Let’s go.” Charlie clearly believed that I wanted what he wanted, and each time that he expressed this delusion, my terror increased. How could you reason with someone who was living in an alternate reality? “And I’d like us to be gone before your family returns. I’d hate to have our first meeting be under these circumstances. And since you already know that I accomplish what I set my mind to, I’m not especially interested in dealing with complications.” Charlie’s tone was changing, like he was running out of patience or he was starting to let his other personality rise to the surface. I understood threats, and he was trying hard not to cause me to force him to make them. But the fact that I was understanding this, was threat in itself.
TWELVE MINUTES Page 33
