by Portia Moore
11
We’re all exhausted as we head back home, and as we see the New York skyline I still can’t believe this is where I call home now. But really, if Alex wanted to live in the coldest part of Antarctica I’d consider it. It’s the first time I understand how a person can be considered home outside of my mom and Mel.
Alyssa’s stretched out across the back seat of Alex’s car and I’m slumped in the seat with the blanket I took on the plane over me. Traffic is heavy and sucky and it’ll probably be another hour before we’re home. I let out a yawn when Alex’s phone rings. He answers it, putting it through the car speaker. I feel my stomach knot up when I hear his voice.
“Did you make it back from Chicago?” Jackson asks and my stomach wavers knowing how much he knows about my agenda—our agenda.
“Yup, we’re headed back now” Alex says casually. “What’s going on?”
“I just landed about an hour or so ago and have nothing going on so I thought I would check and see if you wanted to join me for dinner tonight?”
I glance at Alex. A wave of anxiety mixed with nausea washes over me. “Tell him we’ll let him know,” I mouth, and Alex nods.
“Hey, let me call you back, okay? We just got off the plane. I want to check with Madison, and then I’ll let you know in like…half an hour?”
“Sounds good, Son.”
I shake my head the minute the call is ended. “I can’t right now, Alex,” I say, sounding as tired as I feel. “After everything that happened yesterday…I’m exhausted. Dinner sounds like…a lot right now.”
“That’s fine,” Alex says quickly. “I’ll tell him we’ll schedule for some other time.”
“What!” I hear Alyssa exclaim from the backseat. “Are you serious? What if he’s too busy to meet for a while? I thought you wanted me to get a job so I could start paying rent, Alex.”
“I do,” Alex says calmly. “But Madison had a long weekend, and…”
“This is important to me,” Alyssa insists, her voice taking on a whiny quality that I’m still not used to, and definitely don’t like. “What am I supposed to do while I wait around on him to have time again, work in retail or something?”
I see the tension in Alex’s jaw as he sighs, trying to think of what to say to his sister, and I touch his arm, resigning myself to dealing with this. “It’s alright,” I say quietly. “Just tell him he can come for dinner. It’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Alex looks at me, his face full of concern.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Total lie. Super humongous lie. My heart is starting to boycott.
“I’ll make dinner,” Alex says quickly. “That way we don’t have to go out, and you can just relax. I’ll take care of everything.”
He calls Jackson back to tell him to come over at eight, and makes a stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things, taking Alyssa in with him as he’s clearly aware of how annoyed I am with her; hopefully that’s all he reads. She’s a spoiled freaking brat! I’m starting to wonder if Alex’s parents have been too hard on her, after all. I wonder if there’s things I don’t know about that contribute to it, after that little outburst she made.
The first thing I do when we get home is go straight to the shower. I close my eyes, remembering the afternoon in the bath with Alex. I wish every day could be like that. The rest of the world melting away and just leaving the two of us alone, together without any other intrusion.
When I step out of the shower I can hear the clattering of dishes and pans from the kitchen, and I quickly dry my hair, putting on jeans and a blue sleeveless button-down shirt. I don’t bother with makeup. I want to look comfortable. I want Jackson to see how at home I am here. Let him go back to his fancy house and his expensive trips, his wife and his mistresses, the gifts and jewelry and fast cars. I’m happy here, in this old warehouse with Alex, and I want him to see that. I want him to see that I’ve moved past him, that me and Alex just fit. I need Jackson to see it, so he’ll know that this is real.
He said there was no need to tell Alex and now I agree with him. It will confirm his decision seeing that his son is happy with me, here in our home, I think to myself. Then he really won’t tell.
Whatever Alex is making, it smells delicious. I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine from the bottle sitting open on the countertop. He turns towards me, still stirring as he bends down and gives me a quick kiss. “Dad will be here in about twenty minutes,” he says, glancing back at the pan. “I’m sorry, by the way. I know she can be kind of bratty when…”
“When she doesn’t get her way?” I laugh. “It’s alright. Might as well get it out of the way.”
Alex looks at me curiously but his expression is concerned. “Do you not like him?”
I feel my stomach knot all over again. I’ve got to pull it together. I don’t want to outwardly be showing my disdain. “I don’t really know hi—” I start to say, but I can’t bring myself to lie outright, not unless I absolutely have to. “I don’t really know,” I say finally, and that is closer to the truth.
The real truth is that I loved him once.
Now I don’t think I even like him, but there’s still facets of him that I remember and like—or at least the man I thought he was—but I don’t know how much of that is really him.
“You’ll like him once you get to know him,” Alex says casually, turning back to the food, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Everything I say about Jackson seems loaded with meaning to me, that the wrong word might clue Alex in to all of this, but I realize he hasn’t even thought of the possibility. Nothing I’ve said seems strange or questionable to him.
I wander into the living room, noticing that Alyssa doesn’t say anything to me as I sink onto the couch. She’s watching a show on Netflix, and I tune it out, sipping as much wine as I can, and I try to mentally brace myself to get through a dinner with my ex-lover while pretending that we don’t really know each other.
I never had any aspirations to be an actress, but it seems like I’m going to have to get good at it fast.
I nearly jump out of my skin when the knock at the door comes. Alyssa bounces up immediately, running her hands through her hair as she walks to answer it. She cleaned up nicely for the dinner. Instead of her usual quirky artistic style, she’s wearing dark jeans and a black sweater with the sleeves rolled up, small princess-cut onyx studs in her ears, and her hair washed and neatly brushed. I hear her greet Jackson with a tone that’s slightly higher and breathier than normal, and my eyebrows shoot straight up into my hairline.
All it takes is seeing the look on her face when he walks in to be able to tell that she wants to do him. Okay, maybe not do him, but she definitely has a crush on him. And it’s not surprising, really—Alyssa is an adult, albeit a young one, and Jackson is hot. He always was. He doesn’t look anywhere near his age and he’s charming and…the rest doesn’t matter, but I hope she’s just being this way to land the job, otherwise it’s sort of disgusting.
But who the hell am I to talk? I take in a deep breath as I stand and head to greet him. This is the test to see if I’ll be able to do this, if we can forget about the past and move forward.
“It’s good to see you again Madison.”
I stare at him for just a second before I collect myself. “Nice to see you again too, Jackson,” I say calmly, but my head is spinning. He’s so good at this, it’s disconcerting. He’s acting as if he’s really only met me once before, and it’s flawlessly delivered, but there’s still an energy sitting between us that seems palpable. Though when our eyes connect, we both make an unspoken vow to ignore it.
We head to the kitchen where Alex is serving up dinner. Our kitchen is a long room with the appliances, counters, and cabinets at the left end. On the right end is a small dining nook with a window facing out into the neighborhood, one wall of exposed brick, and just enough room for a dining table with four chairs. It’s small, and warm, and homey, and I lov
e it. Usually.
Now it just means being closer to Jackson than I’m comfortable with.
Alex really went all out, I notice. The table is set with glasses of water and wine poured at each setting, and he’s made a meal with courses; the first is a salad. I sit down next to where he usually sits as he puts a bowl in front of each of us—lettuce and arugula mixed with cherry tomatoes, parmesan cheese, and a cheese-flecked vinaigrette.
“Did you make this?” I ask, gesturing at the salad dressing. Alex beams.
“I did. It really doesn’t take long.” He sets the last bowl in front of Jackson and puts a basket of torn baguette pieces and a dish with olive oil and herbs in the center of the table. I’m staring at him in disbelief—Alex has made some nice meals for me, but this is next-level. I know he’s doing it to impress Jackson, both for his sister and for himself, and it’s sweet to watch him bustle back and forth. But it also lets me know how much his father means to him.
“I’m glad to see you dad,” Alex says to him as he finally sits next to me, and we start to dig in to the salad course.
“I’m glad to be here.” Jackson says this sincerely, and I keep my eyes fixed on my plate, eating mouthfuls of salad so I don’t have to speak. “I hope we see each other more often from here on out,” he continues. I try not to choke on my food. Please god, no.
“How’s business?”
I watch the conversation between Alex and his father as they talk about Jackson’s recent business ventures, and I can see the real admiration in Alex’s face. I can see how much he’s missed his father, and it makes me ache a little to see it—I know that I can’t stand in the way of them spending time together, no matter how hard it is for me to see Jackson, knowing what I know, or to keep the secret.
I keep an eye on Alyssa as Alex gets up to serve the main course, sweeping away the salad plates and bread basket. She’s leaning towards Jackson, her chin on one hand. “So how was France?” she asks, her eyes wide. “Did you spend much time in Paris? That’s where you went for this last trip, right?”
“Yes, I had business meetings there.” Jackson wipes at his mouth with a napkin. “It’s really breathtaking. You should see the Eiffel Tower lit up at night—gorgeous! And the food is just something else. I’ve never had better food than I did there. Not even in Italy. And I have to say,”—he glances up at Alex, who is returning with dishes of something that smells amazing—"if that salad was any indication, my son cooks better Italian food than I had in the actual country.”
I swear Alex blushes at the compliment. “I learned from my mom,” he says briefly, “and I like cooking. It’s nice creating things for other people to enjoy.”
“Do you like the people over there?” Alyssa asks. “I’ve heard they’re snobby.”
“Not in the slightest. Snobby, I mean,” Jackson replies, his attention wholly focused on her. It makes me wince because I remember how that feels, the way he can make it seem as if there’s nothing more important in the world than what you’re saying in that moment. “The people are very nice. Elegant and reserved, perhaps, but friendly when the occasion calls for it. And the women are extraordinarily beautiful.” He smiles at her. “You’d fit right in.”
Jesus. It’s all I can do not to roll my eyes.
The conversation is broken up momentarily as Alex finishes distributing the main course, and sits down next to me again after refilling our wine glasses. He’s made a creamy mushroom risotto topped with wine-glazed braised beef. There’s a brief silence around the table as we dig into it hungrily.
“I wanted to ask you something,” Alyssa says as she finishes a bite of her food and reaches for her wine glass. I hide a smile behind my hand as she takes a sip—it’s a very expensive dry wine Jackson loves and I can tell she doesn’t really like it, but she’s trying to be sophisticated for Jackson’s sake.
“Yes?” Jackson raises an eyebrow at her.
“I’m looking for a job, and Alex suggested that your company might be a good fit.”
I hear Alex choke slightly on a bit of food. It’s a total lie, because she suggested it, but of course Alex doesn’t say anything.
“I have experience with marketing from working in my school’s social media department. I could do admin work or anywhere you might have some space for me on your team, either as a paid internship or an actual position,” Alyssa continues. “I’m really good at coming up with concepts, and I’m a hard worker. I learn quickly, and I have good references.”
“You don’t need to convince me,” Jackson says, laughing. He pauses a few seconds. “You can come to the office here next week and we’ll get you started,” he promises.
“Really?” Alyssa’s eyes are wide, and I fight once again not to roll mine. I don’t think for a second that it has anything to do with him thinking Alyssa will be good for the job, and everything to do with the fact that she’s young, perky, and pretty, and will liven up things in the office. I’m being cynical; it’s most likely because she’s Alex’s sister. If I owned my own company and could hire my son’s sister…wait, how would that even work?
“It’s not a problem, anything for family.” Jackson smiles warmly down the table at Alex, and I can feel the sincerity of it all over again. I notice Alyssa sort of cringe at the fact that he’s referred to her as family and that causes my first genuine smile of the night. Jackson might be a cheater and a liar when it comes to some things, but I don’t for a second doubt how much he loves Alex, and he’d never cross that line with Alyssa.
“Madison’s graphic design work has slowed down, too,” Alyssa pipes up again, clearly on a high of success. “She’s a great social media strategist. You should bring her on too! She singlehandedly turned Alex’s bartending business around. He’s made so much more money since she revamped his Instagram.”
I almost choke on a bite of my food. No. No no no. What the hell is she talking about? I wait for him to shoot the idea down, to say he has enough staff, or for Alex to butt in and say that I’m focused on my own company. But there’s only silence.
Jackson finally glances at Alex and he shrugs, obviously embarrassed, but nods. “Madison did an amazing job,” he says. “Everything that’s happened is really more thanks to her than anything to do with me.”
“Exactly,” Alyssa chirps. “She’d do a wonderful job for you, I know it and I wouldn’t have to start by myself!”
Jackson looks at me, and his face is unreadable. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but a small smile plays at the corner of his lips. “Well, what do you think, Madison? We could definitely do better on the social media aspect of things. I can admit we’re a little behind on the times in that aspect of our organization.”
“I’m sure you have the best working for you already. I’m a novice, trust me,” I say, careful to keep my tone neutral.
“She’s being modest. She’s a genius and this could be a great opportunity for you, babe,” I hear Alex say beside me, and I wince.
My heart is pounding, and I can feel my palms breaking out in a sweat. I can’t go to work for Jackson, I just can’t. It’s bad enough knowing that he’s going to be part of my life forever now, that I’ll have to see him at every family function, that he’s important to Alex and I can’t get in the way of their relationship. To have to go into work every day and see him, see him gleeful at the idea of having employed me after what he did, all while holding this secret over my head…I swallow another gulp of wine, stalling. I don’t know what to say.
“I’d be happy to bring you on board, if you think it’s a good opportunity for you,” Jackson says, sounding for all the world as if he could be talking to any potential candidate for employment. “I’ve seen the work you’ve done for Alex, and it is really great.”
“Thanks,” I manage. My throat feels closed over; it’s hard to talk. “I just need to think about it, if that’s alright? I need to look at my schedule for the rest of the month and see if coming in full-time is doable. I wouldn’t want to overcommit.” I
smile at him as I say this last part, and it’s loaded with meaning—a meaning that I see immediately he understands as his smile falters.
12
I manage to hold my tongue until Jackson has left and Alyssa has gone to her room before I corner Alex in the kitchen, my eyes blazing.
“How could you do that?” I exclaim. “How could you put me on the spot like that? I don’t want to go to work for anyone. I like the freedom to choose my projects and make my deadlines, and turn clients down if I don’t like them. You can’t do that when you work for a major company!”
Alex looks completely caught off guard by my frustration “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, babe. If you don’t want to take it you don’t have to. My dad will understand. If anything, I think Alyssa would be more disappointed than anyone. She’s probably nervous about starting by herself, especially since her boss is like a father to her. You know how office politics can be,” he says, leaning back against the counter. “I really don’t see why you wouldn’t want the job, though. It’d be amazing pay; my father is generous with his employees. You wouldn’t have to work full-time. I’m sure he’d be happy to bring you on in a consultant capacity or part-time. You could use the money to put into advertising to get your business off of the ground, and my dad knows a lot of people”
I know he’s right. There’s no reason to refuse that won’t seem strange and make me look as if I have some reason for avoiding Jackson. If I want to keep things normal, I’m going to have to go along with this. “You’re right,” I tell him with a nod. He looks at me and pulls me towards him, his hand resting on my waist.
“But don’t do this for me. You make the decision that you want. I just thought it could be good for you, and you could keep an eye on Alyssa, make sure she doesn’t get into trouble.” He says the last part jokingly but I can see that he’s actually concerned from the look in his gorgeous eyes. From what I know of Alyssa, he has a right to be a little concerned about it.
