Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew if I blinked they were going to leak out the corners and roll down my cheeks.
“Me too,” Danny said with a grin. “But we can’t go back.”
“I know,” I said smiling the first real smile since Jamie’s death. It didn’t last long, barely long enough for Danny to catch a quick glimpse.
He smiled back and stepped closer. Danny reached behind me and fluffed the pillow.
“Lay down, Gwen,” Danny said. “Bronx is watching downstairs, and I’ll watch up here.”
“Let me watch,” I said. “It’s my brother out there.”
“It doesn’t matter who watches for him,” Danny said. “You need to sleep because God knows what this new world is going to force us to do next. Whatever it is you’ll need to be ready.”
I snorted. “That’s what I don’t get. You and Bronx will need to be ready too. I need to do my fair share.”
“Not yet,” Danny said turning toward the window.
“I’m ready,” I said, feeling a chill run over my body. Suddenly, I was afraid Danny would agree. It wasn’t until I said it out loud that I realized I wasn’t.
“I’ll wake you in a couple hours, or if something happens,” Danny said pointing to the pillow. “For now, sleeeeeep.”
I didn’t argue. My eyes shot up toward the ceiling. I stared at the same spot I always stared at.
Eventually, sleep overtook me. In the morning, when I opened my eyes, I quickly found myself alone in the room.
I could hear someone moving around downstairs in the kitchen. Based on how little light was coming in through the window, I could only assume it was early morning.
The floorboards in the hallway creaked, and I sat up. My fingertips dug into the sheets and didn’t realize even when I realized it was just Bronx.
He leaned to the side and looked into the room. “Morning. Did I wake you?”
“Were there any more flashes of light?” I asked.
“No,” he said combing his hair with his fingers. “I would have woken you if there had been.”
“Good… I think.”
Bronx blinked several times. “Yeah, I hope so. You coming down?”
“Um….” I looked around the room as if I might find an excuse not to. “Yeah, sure.”
I swung my legs out of the bed, watching my feet as they lightly sunk into the tan carpeting. When I pushed myself up, I caught Bronx staring at me.
“What do you think happened to her?” he asked his eyes on the bed.
I shook my head. “She wasn’t here.”
“She was just out and about in the early morning? Got sick out there somewhere?”
“My grandma was always an early riser,” I said with a frown. “It’s probably better I didn’t find her here. I mean if she didn’t make it.”
Bronx shook his head. “Right. Sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine,” I said. Oddly it was. I surprised myself that I hadn’t dropped the floor and curled into the fetal position. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Bronx looked into my eyes, and I bit my lip wishing I could take it back.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” he said waving his hand at me. “Come on.”
As we walked down the stairs, I was hit with the scent of pancakes. I looked around wondering if I went back in time.
When I stepped into the kitchen and saw it was empty, I thought I must be dreaming. If it hadn’t been for the plate of steaming pancakes in the center of the table, I would have been certain I had been.
The back door opened, and Danny stepped inside holding another plate. “Hey! Was just going to call everyone to come eat.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Making pancakes. What does it look like?” Danny said with a grin as he held up the plate.
I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. “How?”
“Fire out back. I don’t think it’s even a little safe, but it works.” Danny set the plate down and pulled off an oven mitt. “I have a pan balanced over the fire. Does the how part really matter?”
“I guess not.”
“Sit!” Danny said pulling out a chair. “We don’t have butter, but this syrup might still be okay.”
The top was sticky, and I couldn’t unscrew it. Bronx pulled it out of my hand and twisted off the cap. He brought the bottle to his nose and raised his brows.
“Smells fine to me,” Bronx said setting it back on the table.
“Don’t worry,” Danny said leaning closer. “I’ll clean up the mess.”
“I’m not worried,” I said chewing my fingernail as I stared at the pancakes. My stomach gurgled and I it felt as though I could already taste them. “I’ll help.”
Bronx tapped the table with his knuckles. “This is great, Danny, really it is. I’ll get Nina and Milo.”
The second Bronx was out of the room I grabbed Danny’s arm and turned him toward me. His eyes were glassy and awfully wide.
“Did you get any sleep?” I asked.
“I’ll take a nap later today.”
“That didn’t really answer my question.”
He raised his brows. “I think it did.”
Before I could scold him, the others came into the kitchen. Milo was wearing a big smile as he flopped down onto one of the chairs.
“Eat them while they’re warm guys,” Danny said standing there with the spatula in his hand. He started walking toward the back door. “Should I make more?”
“No, this is more than enough,” I said pushing the chair next to me out with my foot. “Sit. Enjoy the feast you created.”
Everyone ate with small smiles on their faces. Even Nina and Milo seemed to have relaxed slightly.
I glanced at Danny who looked as though he couldn’t have been more pleased. But he also had dark circles under his eyes and looked exhausted.
After we finished, I insisted he gets some rest. I told him that cleaning up would help keep me busy. He reluctantly agreed, but I knew it was only because he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.
It didn’t take long to clean up with both Bronx and Nina helping. Milo clung to his mom’s side mostly getting in the way but doing it with a secret smile on his face.
After we finished, Nina and Milo went back to their room leaving Bronx and me alone in the living room. I sat at the window watching and waiting for Nick to step into view. I tried to ignore the feeling of Bronx’s eyes on me.
A large raindrop smacked against the window in a dusty spot right between my eyes. I stood abruptly and walked toward the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Bronx asked chasing after me.
“Rain,” I said jerking my chin slightly toward the back door. “Time to collect water.”
Chapter 6
Bronx helped me set up the buckets. My grandma had several large empty water containers in the basement, the kind that fit into those large in-home water dispensers. It was almost as if she’d been prepared for a disaster.
They had all been full, but we liked to replace what we could whenever possible. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if we didn’t collect and boil the rainwater because there was a small lake less than a mile from my grandma’s farm. But it was easier to collect it when it rained.
“Danny usually did this,” I said looking up toward the house.
“You didn’t help?” Bronx asked looking up at the sky. The clouds moved toward the east slowly dropping down only a sprinkle.
“Dammit,” I said holding out my hand for a moment. I shook my head and wiped the drops on my pants. “I jumped the gun. I’m terrible at this stuff. Danny though, he has it all figured out.”
Bronx placed his hand on my shoulder, and I stepped away not wanting to feel the comfort. It was almost as though I believed I didn’t deserve it. Deep down, I knew I was being overly sensitive about setting up the buckets unnecessarily. But it wasn’t about the buckets.
“The clouds are pretty dark,” Bronx said with a shrug. “S
till might get more rain.”
“Need to be careful what we wish for,” I said thinking back to the flooding. It hadn’t even been that long ago that we were walking through puddles.
“Suppose so,” Bronx said. “Should we go inside?”
“Maybe I should put this all away.”
Bronx shook his head. “Give it some time.”
“I think I’m going to take a walk,” I said letting out a breath.
“A walk?”
“Just around the farm.”
“Mind if I join you?” Bronx asked. “Keep in mind if you say no I’ll probably still follow you anyway.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “Might as well. I must warn you though, I’m not very good company these days.”
We walked around the perimeter of the yard in silence. Bronx kept his eyes on the horizon. Part of me wanted to ask him if he was worried about Nick, but a more significant part was afraid to know the answer.
About halfway around the property, it was like someone turned on the faucet. Rain started pouring straight down out of the sky.
“Ha!” Bronx said, his hair already flat against his forehead. “You were right.”
“Lucky,” I said smiling as I turned to go toward the house.
Bronx grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. “What’s the rush?”
“It’s pouring!”
“It’s refreshing.” He smiled holding out his palm. “It’s like a free shower.”
I wrapped my arms around my body. “It’s cold.” I shook my head. “You can stay out here if you want but I’m going inside.”
“Okay, you’re right. It’s freaking cold out here.” Bronx chuckled. “I was trying to be—”
“Crazy?”
“Spontaneous? Fun?”
“Well, it was worth a shot,” I said waving him along.
We jogged back to the back door stopping under the overhang. My clothes were clinging to my body, and my hair hung around my face in a stringy mess.
“Sorry,” Bronx said keeping his eyes away from me. “I wasn’t thinking. You have a change of clothes here?”
“I’ll find something,” I said, catching his eyes for a moment. There was so much sadness in them that I wondered if it was contagious.
Bronx quickly looked me up and down before placing his hand on the doorknob. “Let’s get you warmed up.”
I followed him inside, shivering as I walked across the living room floor. Danny came down the stairs as I grabbed the afghan off the back of the sofa.
“Why are you soaking wet?” Danny asked with a yawn.
“We put out the buckets,” I said.
“Oh,” Danny said. “You know you don’t have to stay out there while they fill up.”
“No kidding?” Bronx said.
I smiled at Danny trying to force the look of surprise off of his face. He didn’t have to say it for me to know what he was thinking, but just because I was helping out didn’t mean I was doing better.
There was no way I’d ever get over what happened. The only thing that would change is that I’d have to keep going, just like I had after my mom’s death. I swallowed hard. Her suicide.
“I’m going to get changed,” I said hugging myself tighter.
“Got anything up there for me?” Bronx asked.
“My grandma’s pink robe?” I asked cocking my head slightly.
Bronx raised a brow and shrugged. “Why not? But just while my clothes dry.”
I nodded and climbed up the stairs taking in a deep breath when I was alone in my grandma’s bedroom. The stairs creaked, and I knew Danny wasn’t far behind.
I grabbed the robe and some of my grandma’s clothing. Danny stopped in the door before I could leave the room.
“You could have woken me. I would have put the buckets out,” he said. “You know I don’t mind.”
“It’s time I start helping,” I said trying to step around him. He mirrored my movement blocking my exit.
Danny narrowed his eyes at me. “You sure about that? It hasn’t been that long.”
“I’m sure.” I stiffened my jaw. If anyone in the world knew I wasn’t going to talk about things, it was Danny. Yet, I felt like he was going to go there.
“You’d tell me if you weren’t right?” Danny asked.
I shrugged. I couldn’t look into his eyes and lie, but I was tempted.
“Danny,” I said, “there isn’t anything to tell you. I’m not going to talk about it.”
“Why not?” he said shaking his head. “I was there too. I saw everything too.”
“It’s not the same,” I said pushing at his shoulder.
Danny placed his hands on the door frame and held his ground. “I don’t care if it’s exactly the same or not. It was horrible what we went through. What we saw. It was… was… awful. I still have nightmares about being trapped inside that cage.”
“Danny!” I said as if he’d said something horrible. I ducked under his arm, managing to break free. “Don’t do that ever again,” I said pointing my finger. “If I want to leave a room, you can’t just hold me there!”
I hadn’t realized how loud I was talking until Danny’s eyes landed on something behind me. He blinked several times before looking away.
“Crap. Gwen,” he said reaching out toward me. “I’m so sorry.”
I turned and saw Bronx standing there watching us. His arms were crossed as he looked back and forth between Danny and me.
I looked down at the pink robe in my hands. The walls around me seemed to fuzz out of focus.
“Everything okay up here?” Bronx asked in a low voice.
“It’s fine,” Danny answered looking down toward his feet.
“I was asking Gwen,” Bronx said.
I let out a breath and squeezed the robe tightly. “Everything is fine. I just really wish people would stop asking me that. We all need to just move on. Here,” I said shoving the robe at Bronx. “Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I’m off to get changed. It’s not as fun as you might think to stand around in wet clothing being harassed about everything.”
“I wasn’t harassing you,” Danny said.
“Sure felt that way,” I said stomping down the stairs, happy to put space between me and everyone else.
Nina opened the door and peeked out between a narrow crack. I eyed her sharply as I passed but kept walking. Seconds later, her door closed.
I slammed the bathroom door, and sat down heavily on the edge of the bathtub, lowering my face into my hands. Every inch of my body itched, and I wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of the wet clothes. My mind kept drifting back in time to the events in Tom’s camp which were enough to make my skin crawl. I needed to forget. I had to forget for my own survival, but I was afraid I wouldn’t ever be able to forget.
I exhaled and forced myself to stand. My entire body shivered as I peeled off the wet clothing. I stepped into the tub and splashed myself with some of the icy, clean water we kept in the bathroom. I dried myself, and when I was nearly dressed, there was a soft knock at the door.
“Go away, Danny,” I said, muffling my groan.
“It’s not Danny,” Bronx said. “Can I come in?”
“What? No,” I said pulling my shirt down over my goose-bumped stomach. My eyes looked red and swollen even though I hadn’t cried. And with my scraggly still wet hair I couldn’t have looked like more of a mess.
There was a soft scratch on the other side of the door where Bronx placed his hand. “Gwen, please. I have something I want to say.”
“Save it.”
Bronx lightly tapped the door with a knuckle. “I’m going to say it sooner or later so let’s just get it out of the way.”
I sighed. My skin prickled and my arms felt numb as I placed my hand on the knob and turned. The door opened with a familiar squeak, and I met Bronx’s warm, safe eyes.
I shifted my weight to the side. “What is it?”
Chapter 7
Bronx stepped into the bathroom and
close the door behind him. He gestured at the bathtub as if offering me a seat. I shook my head, and he shrugged as he lowered himself down.
“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened out there, but Danny told me everything,” Bronx said looking up at me.
“That’s right. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it with Danny, and I don’t want to talk about it with you. And when, rather if Nick gets here, I won’t want to talk about it with him either.”
“He told me how close you two had gotten.”
The back of my throat felt so dry I thought I was going to choke on my next breath.
“It’s okay for you to grieve.”
“Grieving is all I’ve been doing for my entire life.” I crossed my arms and turned away from him. “I need to be done grieving.”
“Jamie was a good man,” Bronx said.
I snorted. “I remember you and Nick weren’t all that impressed with him.”
“That was a long time ago,” Bronx said shaking his head.
“You didn’t know anything about him.”
“I knew he sacrificed his life for you and Danny. He’s a hero.”
“He was dying anyway. Did Danny tell you that?” My cheeks felt hot.
Bronx nodded. “Yes, but it doesn’t matter. It still takes a certain kind of person to go to those lengths.”
I closed my eyes trying to think about anything other than Jamie. This conversation was making my chest ache.
“Anyway, I’m here for you.”
“I know that, but you just don’t get it. I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget it happened. Which would be a lot easier if people stopped talking about it and if I stopped having the nightmares.”
“Why do you want to forget?” Bronx asked innocently.
I turned and looked into his eyes. “So I can keep going forward. If I don’t let it go, I won’t be able to keep going. My mom committed suicide, and after everything we all went through with Nick… it’s just been heartache after heartache. If I dwell on the pain, I’ll get stuck. And I can’t do that. Not now. I don’t ever want to go into that dark hole ever again because it’s almost impossible for me to claw my way out.”
The Red Sky Series Box Set Books 1-4: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Series Page 34
