“So, you’re going to be modest the rest of the day?” Scott asked.
She couldn’t help her laugh. “Nah. Just for the next five or ten minutes.”
“Right.” Zach slid a little lower in his seat, his posture relaxing. That was a good look for him. Clinically speaking of course. “What’s your favorite part of the job? Seeing the world on someone else’s dime?”
Zach probably meant the question as a lighthearted segue into casual conversation. If he’d asked anything else, or at any other time, that would have been the result.
Instead, the suggestion spoke to the doubt that had nagged since her plane touched down. “Seeing new places all the time is nice. There are times I wish I had a permanent home.”
Zach glanced away, fiddling with the spoon in his glass. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked away from that option.”
And like that, the teasing mood evaporated. The underlying accusation in his words sliced deep, and she couldn’t ignore what it exposed. “Passive aggressive doesn’t suit you.”
“I’d rather be direct.” His cool, joyless smile slid back in. “Thing is, I’m sitting here waiting for an apology, or at least for you to acknowledge maybe, possibly, what you did could have been handled differently, and you’re acting like the past doesn’t exist.”
An apology? From her? “Does it?”
“Are the two of you going to do this now?” Scott glared at Zach. “You can’t even go one meal?”
Rae pushed her chair back. This was a mistake. All of it. She squeezed Scott’s fingers. “I won’t ruin your brunch. We’ll catch up later.”
“Fix this now.” Scott grabbed her wrist, tight enough to let her know he was serious, but not so much she couldn’t have broken free. “Ten years is too long, and I’m sick of it. Tell me you’re not.” He glanced between them.
A twist of her arm, and she’d be free. She could storm away from this conversation, leave her past in the dust a second time, and keep going on with life.
But it would keep coming up, as long as she and Zach ran in the same circles. Scott was right. It was time to actually put the past behind her, instead of shoving it into a box on the back shelf of her mind and pretending it didn’t exist.
Rae scooted to the table again. She kept her gaze trained on Zach, and her voice even and cool. “I don’t think it never happened, but I couldn’t have moved on if I lost myself in what you did. What you expected. I can’t apologize for wanting to live my life.”
“You could apologize for making assumptions and overreacting.” Zach mimicked her impassive tone.
“Excuse me?” The question came out harsher than she intended, but she let her indignation propel her words. “How is it possibly, in any universe, my fault?”
He narrowed his gaze. “How is it not?”
The edge to his tone scraped through her, leaving her insides raw. She stumbled through memories of the way they parted. The quiet irritation, the resignation as she walked away. “I’m not the one who was unreasonable. Didn’t you just sit here and tell me you were impressed with what I’ve done with my career? And you think I made the mistake? What am I apologizing for?”
“The way you left.” His reply carried an edge of huskiness. A hint she wasn’t the only one rattled. But the way he leaned back in his seat was all a mask of confidence.
The memory that had hovered in the back of her head since she hit the canyon surged to the forefront. Both the good and bad bits of it. She wanted to match him fake smile for fake smile, but the past hurt too much. “You wanted me to give up everything, before I even got started with life, so I could stand by your side. How am I wrong for wanting otherwise?”
“I never said that. You assumed.” There was no accusation in his reply.
She stumbled on his retort. That wasn’t right. He was supposed to ask why he’d want anything else. To tell her she was silly for disagreeing. He was supposed to fuel the hurt. “What about all those long talks about how you pictured my future?” This had bubbled in the back of her head for years. “Your life plan to have two kids right out of college. To let me use my degree as a backup. For me to stay at home while you finished graduate school.”
“I never said any of that.” What was he playing at?
“Never directly. It was just in every single plan you ever made when you talked about us.” Her own words dredged up more reminders. Those telling her they’d actually planned a future together at one point.
He winced. “You could have talked it through with me, instead of jumping to conclusions and running halfway across the country to avoid me.” He leaned in to rest his arms on the table. His gaze softened. “It was supposed to be our plan. Not mine.”
Why hadn’t she ever heard this before? “You never—”
“I would have if you’d asked.” Frustration and sincerity filtered through his response.
“Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say. He’d just taken a decade-old grudge and made her question every memory of the situation. The way he bounced rapid-fire from accusation to resignation left her head spinning.
Zach shook his head and pulled away. “I don’t want this hanging between us. It’s been too long.”
“But then how would we make these weekend get-togethers awkward?” It took the last of her restraint to keep a joking tone in her question and the waver out.
He gave a short laugh. “I’m sure we can find a way.”
Some of the tension faded, and she slouched in her chair, but they still hadn’t resolved anything. Ten years of avoiding each other, and she wasn’t the only guilty party there, and now everything was just supposed to be okay between them because they aired their grievances? She spun the conversation back through her head again, and realized neither one of them had apologized or accepted fault. “We can’t gloss over this. That’s what I did wrong before.”
“And I’m not. You fucked up. I fucked up. I’m not putting this all on you, but I am asking you to stop and think for a moment. I’m swallowing my fucking pride to say that. Meet me halfway.”
He made one point that shouted in the back of her mind in his voice. She’d left without ever talking it through with him. Walked away based on her own assumptions and fears.
But she hadn’t imagined those conversations. “Maybe, possibly, a little bit, I could have thought things through more clearly back then.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Maybe?”
“Possibly.”
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” His tone drew her gaze back up.
She managed a smile, and tried to ignore the catch in his voice that marred his apology. “Me too.”
ZACH LOVED THAT SMILE. He’d missed it. He also remembered it distinctly enough to know she still held something back.
He didn’t have any intention of calling the waitress. He’d find her after and apologize. The media painted him as a billionaire playboy, and it was easy to keep up the façade. In reality, he was grateful work kept him too busy to date. After life with Kelly, he wasn’t interested in any relationship—even a one-night version.
Zach asked for the girl’s number to see if Rae flinched. Childish on his part, but years of dominating negotiations told him to always keep the other side on their toes.
Rae destroyed him when she left all those years ago. Never giving him a chance to make things right. The wound had scarred over, but never vanished.
He should be smug that he pushed her concession. Pleased that she yielded and gave him what he asked for.
It was a hollow victory, because it didn’t change anything.
“Now that we’re all friends again”—Scott turned to Rae, no trace of tension in his voice—“you saw the new Iron Man, right?”
And like that, the lines on her forehead vanished, and her joy reached her eyes. “Opening night. The scene with all the drone suits? Didn’t Layla fight a group like that last game?”
“Layla’s fight was completely different and unique. Don’t
ever let Chloe hear you say otherwise.”
Layla was the lead character in their game line, and Chloe was proud—rightfully so—of how she’d developed the character over time.
Rae turned her attention to her menu with the shake of her head. “That’s why I asked you, not her.”
“Then yeah, the two have a lot in common,” Scott said.
Bonnie came back to take their orders, and gave Zach a tiny wave and giggle before she left. He definitely owed her an apology on their way out.
For now, Zach wanted to be more a part of this conversation. It was difficult to keep his gaze from drifting back to Rae, stilted apology or not. He needed a reason to focus on her that kept him from being creepy. “So you’re still into vampires?”
“I’m a little picker these days about my bloodsuckers, but yeah.” She searched his face, then gave her attention to her coffee.
Did she find what she was looking for?
“What is it that does it for you?” Zach was curious. She’d been a voracious reader in high school, and vampire novels were some of her favorites. He never understood the fascination though. “Is it the living forever thing?”
Scott shook his head. “It’s the bloodsucking, isn’t it? You already said so.”
“Eh, and eww. Gross.” Rae scrunched up her face, squishing the freckles on her nose. That was adorable.
“Then it’s the money. Gotta be. Hundreds of years old with a large collected fortune? That’s sexy.” Scott made it sound like the issue was closed.
Rae rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth quirked up. “Money he’s probably stashed in a mattress somewhere to keep himself out of banking systems? God, it makes me twitch just thinking about it.” She tucked her hair behind her ear.
Maybe finding an excuse to keep watching her was a bad idea. But Zach was enjoying the sight too much to change tactics. “It’s the biting.”
Pink flooded Rae’s cheeks, and she ducked her head. She flicked her tongue over her bottom lip before catching it between her teeth. “It might just be. I mean, take Mr. Blond and sexy for instance—nipping along my neck, leaving that sharp sting that blends into pleasure...”
“That got personal fast,” Scott said.
Zach didn’t mind the new fantasies that teased him as a result. Biting Rae and hearing her sigh, then moan. Feeling the weight of her body press against him. She wasn’t as reserved as she used to be.
Way back before the misunderstanding. Before she left. Years before he made an even bigger mistake with Kelly.
Rae was different than he remembered. Just as intelligent and compelling at her core, but more confident, and fuck if that wasn’t sexy.
He’d changed too. He wasn’t looking to fall into a past mistake.
“Of course it’s personal. You asked what I liked about them.” Rae’s retort was playful. “At least I’m not jerking off to—”
“Whoa. We don’t talk about that.” Scott held up a finger to silence her.
They were referring to a story Scott loved to tell in certain circles, about how he had to be unique as a kid. His first jerk-off material was the Lolth, the Queen Drow in the D&D Monster Compendium. “We do use it as blackmail material though.”
The waitress returned with their food, but Zach was focused on the conversation.
Rae furrowed her brow. “How do you blackmail him about something brags about? Which, by the way, means you do talk about it.”
Each time she licked her lips, or sipped her coffee, or fiddled with the neckline of her shirt, sparks raced across Zach’s skin.
“I threaten to tell people he made it up.” He was having fun with this. It had been a long time since a conversation was just simple and playful.
Scott nudged his plate aside and leaned in. “Can you imagine how much that would kill my geek cred?” he said in a conspiratorial stage whisper. “Booth babes eat up stories like that. Makes me all adorable and vulnerable and shit.”
He and Zach both had the playboy reputations, but Scott lived his to the fullest. Zach couldn’t keep up with the lifestyle. He’d tried the first few months after he and Kelly broke up, but it didn’t work for him.
“Show them your high school football stats. That’ll crank your geek cred to about a billion,” Rae teased.
This was so familiar. Like the last ten years had... not quite melted away, but wobbled a little. It was like it used to be.
Scott clutched his chest and feigned fainting. “Ouch. You wound me.”
“No she didn’t.” Zach would think the words cruel in any other circumstance. But Scott hated playing football. He’d done it for his father, and left it behind without hesitation the instant he had the chance.
Scott grinned. “No. She didn’t.”
Rae nibbled on a piece of bacon. “Speaking of—”
“Booth babes?” Scott asked.
“Masturbation stories?” Zach shouldn’t have said that. The words summoned a new wash of images. Rae putting on a private show. Gliding her hands over her body, making herself groan with pleasure while he watched.
She gave an exaggerated cough that didn’t hide her amusement. “Conventions. Speaking of conventions. How was CES?”
“Are you using us for trade secrets?” Scott studied her warily.
Zach tugged her fingers playfully, to capture her attention. “Because if you’re looking to use someone, I’ll spill almost any secret under the right circumstances.” Did he really say that? He didn’t need to hook up with Rae.
But fuck, he wanted to.
“I really do just want to know how CES was.” Her blush spread down to her collar. It was so tempting to lean in and kiss the pink away. “I’m also trying to change the subject to something that doesn’t have to do with Scott’s penis.”
“A phrase I hear far more than I expected in this line of work,” Zach said.
Rae laughed, and traced a finger along the hint of bra strap that was peeking out from the shoulder of her top. The alluring combination of shy and bold was captivating.
“The booth babe was hot.” Scott gave a stock answer. “Asked way too many questions about proprietary information, though.”
“I get the point. I’ll stop prying.” Rae held up her hands in surrender. Amusement sparkled in her eyes.
“DreamHack was better.” Zach answered honestly. The show was really more of a massive LAN party—to the tune of fifteen thousand or so people.
“Chloe was bummed she couldn’t make that. I don’t blame her. I’ve always wanted to visit Germany,” Rae said.
Breakfast was probably cold at this point. Zach didn’t care. The conversation was good, and the view was incredible. “I’m surprised there are places you haven’t been.”
“Not all of us are on the invite list for every electronics and video game trade show in the world.” She didn’t sound bitter. She almost sounded... regretful? “If you ever have an extra invitation...”
“You’re first on my list.” The offer came without thought. He could laugh it off as a joke, but he didn’t want to take it back. He did want to gloss it over, though. Leave enough of a hint to let her know he meant it, without dwelling on the offer. “Out of all of the places you’ve been, if you had to pick one to settle down, where would it be? Both of you.”
“Germany.” It was probably good Scott knew without hesitation. He may have an opportunity to make it a reality soon.
But that was tied to the trouble with Cord, and Zach didn’t want to dwell on that today.
“I don’t know.” Rae sighed. “I don’t let myself think about it too much. Growing roots in my line of work is dangerous.”
“But you have thought about it. You know the answer.” Zach hadn’t read her as well in the past as he did with most people, but he was right about this.
Sadness tinged her smile for the briefest second before vanishing. “It would be here.”
Zach didn’t know what to say to that. After you spent so much time running away? was definitely t
he wrong response. “Why here?”
“It’s a place to come home to. It doesn’t matter how many places I go, I’m drawn back here when I need to recharge.” She shook her head, and focused on Zach. “What about you?”
“France. Italy. Maybe New Zealand.” He should have put more thought into his answer before he asked the question.
Rae’s entertained smile was back. “That’s a big ambiguous for something you asked.”
“I don’t have a response. That’s all there is to it.” Getting away in general sounded good. Once he had the buy-out cash from DM, he could pick up and relocate. Spend six months in each place before moving on, until he found a spot that sang to him.
Scott nudged Rae with his elbow. “He’s let his defenses down. He never admits when doesn’t have an answer.”
“Lucky me. What else can I ask you for while you’re in a mood like this?” ‘
When she licked her lips like that? She could ask for anything she fucking wanted.
That was the wrong answer. He was looking, not touching. Or maybe touching a little, but nothing more.
Why was he even considering this? “You can’t have the keys to the Porsche, no matter now much you beg.”
Fuck. Now he was picturing her begging. Not that he imagined she pleaded for much of anything. But stripping her naked, laying her on the bed, and making her squirm under his attention... Hearing her whimper for release every time he pushed her to the edge of orgasm but not past...
“I’ll have to ask for something else then.” A hint of teasing seduction lingered in her voice.
He knew exactly what he wanted to ask her for. He couldn’t pretend the attraction wasn’t there.
One night. The two of them. Rewriting the ending to their relationship, and putting a pretty little bow on the entire thing, so he could move on.
It was a horrible, awful idea.
And he was going to figure out how to ask her without getting himself slapped.
Chapter Four
Rae plucked another walnut from her salad and nibbled on it. The weekend had been a nice break. After brunch almost imploding, she’d enjoyed the rest of the morning. It was good to hang out with Scott again, but Zach...
His Long Shot (Love Games) Page 3
