by J. S. Cooper
"Maybe they loved you at one point, but they don't love you after everything that happened."
"So they're blaming me for the fact that you disrespected me in front of your friends."
"Look, you don't know everything. Okay, Birdie? And now it's just not the time."
"What do I not know about Hunter? Did you or did you not disrespect me in front of your friends? Like did you, or did you not treat me like I was some sort of hooker or whore?" She sounded very angry.
"I can't believe I even gave you another chance. I can't believe that."
“You know what Birdie, I can't do this with you right now. Okay. I'll speak to you later. Bye."
I hung up and I could feel that I was angry and mad and pissed off and all I wanted to do was hit something, but that's what had gotten me into the problem in the first place. Well, I had gotten myself into the problem in the first place, but the end result had made my dad hate my relationship with Birdie.
I let out a deep sigh, I needed to relax. And the saddest part was that I wanted to be with Birdie. I wanted to see her, even though she was the one that had made me so angry. Well, she hadn't made me angry, she just made me realize what a hot mess this situation really was. I had tried to fix it with sex and light flirtation. And that wasn't good enough; that wasn't going to solve the issues of the past. Me saying, sorry and begging her forgiveness was not going to solve the problems of the past. I knew what I had to do. I needed to have a full-on honest conversation with Birdie. I was nervous. I wasn't ready to have this conversation. I didn't want to have this conversation. Not now, not when everything was so new, not when we'd only just gotten back into contact with each other, but it was now or never. I had waited too long for this moment and I couldn't keep taking her on sweet dates and pretending that everything was okay, because Birdie needed to know the whole truth. And I needed to know whether or not she could actually really, truly trust me and whether or not we could actually go anywhere. Because if I was just wasting my time. I'd rather know sooner rather than later.
Chapter 22
Chapter 25
Birdie
"So that was a really weird conversation." I stared at Olivia, my brain processing what Hunter had just said and how he'd spoken to me.
"Oh," she raised an eyebrow at me. "I thought you guys were good right now?"
"That's what I thought as well. He left this morning and everything was great and ... " I let out a huge sigh. "I don't really know what's going on. He said that his dad found out he was at my place last night and that that upset him."
"It upset who? It upset Hunter or it upset his dad?"
"I think it upset his dad. For some reason, I think his parents don't like me and I just don't know why because they always loved me. I remember us dating in high school and his parents saying that we were perfect for each other. His parents and my parents both thought the same thing. We were both from the same community. We were a match made in heaven. So I just don't understand why his parents dislike me so much or at least his dad."
"Do you think it's because you left him?"
"I mean, maybe. But really? To hate me that much."
"Yeah, that's kind of weird. And Hunter was upset with you because of that?"
"I don't know. He just had a really bad attitude with me and I don't know, I just don't understand what's going on. I'm the one that should be mad at him. He's the one that disrespected me."
"Maybe he's upset that you keep bringing it up," she shrugged. "I mean, at some point you have to let it go. You can't go for the rest of your life holding that over him."
"I mean, I know I can't, but this is all really fresh and new. I mean ... Oh!" I exclaimed, feeling frustrated, not even able to finish my thoughts. "I just don't understand what's going on, Olivia. Everything that I said I wasn't going to do and I wasn't going to let happen has sort of gone out the window. I said I wasn't going to kiss him, I kissed him. I said I wasn't going to text him back, I texted him back. I said I wasn't going to let him call, I picked up the phone. Now, I slept with him. And yes, it was amazing. And yes, I'm feeling all sorts of crazy weird things again. But I don't need this stress and headache in my life. Like, what is going on?"
"Deep breaths, girl, deep breaths. Come on, let's go back to the kitchen and I will make you some coffee, okay?"
"I hope that Jane gets back soon with the donuts because I need coffee and a donut and I need to scream and ... " I quickly shut up as I saw Tate coming out of his office.
"Hey there, Olivia, Birdie," he smiled. "Everything okay?"
"Yep, Tate. We're good. We were just discussing the numbers for next week," I said quickly, having no idea what I was talking about.
"What numbers for next week?" He looked confused and walked over to us. "Is there something I'm missing?"
"No, I just misspoke," I laughed. "We were just talking about, um ... "
"We were just talking about you and Jane's engagement," Olivia said quickly. "And if you guys were going to have a baby anytime soon."
"Oh, okay," he looked uncomfortable and stepped back. "Is this something Jane has been asking you guys?"
"Um, yeah," I said, and Olivia gave me a dirty look. "Well, no, I mean, we just think it would be cool if like you and Jane had a baby and it would be so cute." I mumbled on and I could tell that he was feeling even more uncomfortable.
"Well, okay. Um, I'm going to head out of the office right now. I'll see you guys later." And then he hurried away.
"Oh my gosh, Birdie," Olivia started laughing. "You know once Jane hears that, she's going to absolutely kill us."
"I don't care," I laughed as we walked towards the kitchen. "She can kill me because I'm about to kill myself right now. I feel like I'm the biggest hot mess going."
"I wouldn't say you're the biggest hot mess going, but you are a bit of a hot mess."
"Thanks so much, girl."
"What? That's why you keep me around, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"For my honesty."
"Oh yeah. I absolutely love your honesty, Olivia."
"What? Come on, girl. It's going to be okay."
"Do you really think so? I just don't understand what's going on."
"I think that it's very clear that you and Hunter are still attracted to each other and that there's a huge chemistry there, that you really like him."
"Okay."
"And I think ... "
"Yeah?"
"The fact that you haven't slept with another man since you've been with him indicates that maybe you were never really over the relationship, you know?"
"I don't know. I mean, everything was just so crazy."
"Can I ask you something, Birdie?"
"Sure."
"So you were in college?"
"Yeah."
"You were dating Hunter?"
"Yeah."
"It was the last football game of the season."
"Yeah. What's your point?"
"You heard him talking about you with the other guys in the locker room?"
"Yeah."
"And you never had another conversation with him after that?"
"No."
"How soon after that incident happened did you come to San Francisco?"
"Well, I don't know," I shrugged, "a couple months."
"Okay. So he had ample time to come to your house and talk to you between the argument and the time you came to San Francisco?"
"Well, not really I guess. I went to Hilton Head and stayed with some of my mom's friends there about a week and a half after the incident. And I just went to school to take my final exams."
"Oh, so you guys never had any sort of conversation. And you said he never tried to call you or anything?"
"No," I mumbled, "he didn't."
"He didn't or you blocked him right away?"
"I didn't block him right away. I blocked him after I saw what happened on Instagram."
"And that was the weekend following the incident in t
he locker room?"
"Yeah. So?"
"So do you think that you ran away without ever having an actual conversation with him?"
"Huh?" I blinked at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you think that you ran away without having an actual conversation with him about what had happened? You guys dated for a really long time and yes what he did was egregious, but you just sort of ran and nothing happened. You know, you weren't able to discuss anything. The relationship was just over. Was there anything else that had happened that made you react that way?"
I stared into her eyes for a few seconds, my heart thudding. "You know what's really weird, Olivia?"
"No. What? Oh my God, you're not angry at me, are you?"
"No, I'm not angry, but something Hunter said on the phone rings true to what you just said."
"Oh, what was that?"
"He made a comment about me running away."
"Oh," her eyes widened. "Really?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Ha, I guess I never really looked at it that way. And I guess now that I think back at it, it was a very abrupt ending to the relationship."
"Oh, why do you think that is?"
"I mean, it seems more abrupt than it was. But the last couple of years that we were dating, maybe even more than that, once we hit college and he became the starting quarterback on the football team, I always felt like it was like a countdown, you know? That there was a clock ticking."
"A clock ticking to what?"
"To him finding someone better, someone prettier, someone more popular, you know? In high school, we were sort of on the same playing field. He was on the football team. I was on the cheerleading team, you know? We sort of just clicked. And then he really blossomed in college and he became a bit more built and he became much more popular and all these girls wanted him. And I just started to feel like I was second place, you know?"
"Did he make you feel second place or did you make you feel like second place?"
"I think it was a bit of both," I acknowledged. "You know, football became his life. And yeah, we would go on dates and yeah, we would have sex, but it was always him and the guys on the team. And it was always about the team and everything revolved around that. And I felt like I was just the side piece. Not the side piece as in the side chick or anything, but just the side piece of his life. Where before, I'd been like the main focus. And I guess I just kept waiting for the moment when he would drop me."
"So you kind of expected the relationship to end?"
"Yeah, I guess if you put it like that. Not consciously or anything, maybe subconsciously. I just felt like he was going to be done with me, that he'd be with someone better, prettier and smarter."
"Like that girl you were talking about from the party?"
"Yeah. Her name was Victoria Venice. She was gorgeous. And she made it very clear that she wanted him."
"Did he give you any reason to believe that he wanted her?"
"Not really," I sighed. "I mean, he was always polite to her, but that's just who he was. He's an outgoing, friendly guy. I don't think he ever really crossed the line. Well, except for that night."
"What night? You mean the night of the party?"
"Yeah," I nodded. I could feel myself getting emotional. "If you'd seen the video, they were bumping and grinding."
"Birdie, I'm going to ask you this not because I don't believe you, but because I really want us to get to the bottom of it, okay?"
"Okay."
"Were they bumping and grinding in an intimate way that would suggest that they were acting like they were in a bedroom or were they bumping and grinding in a way that most college students dance with each other?"
I stared at her for a few seconds. "I don't know really what the difference is."
"Were her hands all over him or his hands all over her?"
"Well, not that I saw. I mean, they were just dancing in rhythm to the music. And I could see that she was staring at him in a way that looked like she wanted to kiss him and he wasn't pushing her away and ... "
"Birdie, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"How long was the video?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it was on Instagram, right?"
"Yeah."
"Was it an Instagram story or actual Instagram video?"
"Huh?"
"Because there's different durations that people put up, right?"
"It was an Instagram story."
"How long was the video, Birdie?"
"I don't know. 10 seconds."
"Oh my gosh, Birdie. Are you joking with me? You ended your relationship based on a 10-second video?"
"It wasn't the sole basis for my decision. It was just that icing on the top of the cake." I let out a deep groan. "Oh God, I overreacted. And I guess I overreacted because I just expected the relationship to end. I mean, I don't know. I don't even understand anymore."
"So maybe that's why he was also hurt, right?"
"I guess. But does he have a right to be hurt?"
"I don't know. That's up to you to decide, Birdie. Do you think he has a right to be hurt? You just left him."
"After what he said. After what he did. He disrespected me in front of ... "
"I know that, Birdie. And that was egregious and that was horrible. But was that enough to end the relationship?"
"Yeah, it was. You can't let people talk to you like that. You just can't."
"And he said he's sorry, right?"
"I guess. But he seems like he's angry with me too."
"But can't you understand why he's angry? Maybe he was hurt as well. You put your worries and your fears onto him, but it doesn't seem like he gave you any reason to think that he was going to end the relationship or there was someone new, right? I mean, put aside the disrespectful way he spoke to you in front of his friends or rather the way they spoke to you and he let them get away with it."
"Okay."
"If you put that aside, what else did he do?"
"I mean, I guess he didn't actively do anything. I just felt like ... "
"You felt like you weren't good enough. You felt like he was going to be with someone else. But he never actually did that, right?"
"I guess not. When you put it like that, I guess not." I let out a deep sigh. "Do you think he's angry with me because of that? Do you think that's why he's exhibiting some signs of hostility?"
"I don't know, but it's clear to me that he still wants you. It's clear to me that he still likes you. And it's clear to me that he's trying to make amends. But obviously, there's something there, right? Something that is hurting him."
"You're right," I nodded. "Oh, man. You're absolutely right. I need to figure this out."
I stared at her for a few seconds and then my phone started ringing. I looked down at the screen and it was my grandma. "Hey, hold on. It's my grandma. I just need to take this, okay?"
"Okay," Olivia nodded. "And I'll get on the coffee."
"Yay, sounds good." I turned around and answered the phone. "Hi, Mawmaw. How's it going?"
"Hi, Birdie. What are you up to?"
"I'm just at work, Mawmaw."
"I was just calling to see if you decided whether or not you can come to my anniversary party."
"Mawmaw, it's not me deciding, it's me figuring out if I can get the time off."
"Well, did you tell your boss that this is really important family engagement and that your Mawmaw would be very, very upset if you weren't to come."
"I know. I'm going to figure it out."
"You're going to figure it out. So that means you're going to come?"
I thought about it for a few seconds. Maybe I should just go. One of the biggest reasons I hadn't wanted to go is because I didn't want to interact with Hunter. But maybe I needed to go to give us some more time to figure out everything even if we didn't get back together. Maybe we just needed to be at peace with each other and reconcile everything that had happened.
&nb
sp; "You know what, Mawmaw? I will make it happen, okay? I promise."
"Oh, that's great. Oh, I'm so happy. My favorite granddaughter will be there. I love you."
"I love you too, Mawmaw."
"Oh, and Birdie?"
"Uh-huh."
"I heard that Hunter is in town and that you got to see him."
"Yeah, I did get to see him."
"Good. Good. And how was that?"
"It was fine, Mawmaw. Nothing to report."
"Oh, okay. Well, I was wondering what you thought about everything."
"What do you mean, what I thought about everything?"
"About the fact that he nearly got expelled."
"What are you talking about, Mawmaw?"
"Oh, he didn't tell you?" She coughed.
"Tell me what?"
"Oh, nothing. Ah, your grandfather's calling me. I have to go now. Cheerio." And with that, she hung up. I stared at the phone and then I turned around, a frown on my face.
"So that was another really weird conversation," I said to Olivia.
"Oh?"
"My Mawmaw said that Hunter nearly got expelled."
"Expelled from where?" She looked confused.
"I don't know." I shook my head. "Obviously, he didn't get expelled from high school and I mean, he didn't get expelled from college and he can't get expelled from his job."
"Well, she didn't say he got expelled. She said he nearly got expelled, right?" Olivia walked over to me with a cup of coffee in her hand.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Ha." I was thoughtful for a few seconds. "I didn't know he nearly got expelled. His grades were great. I see no reason why he would nearly get expelled."
"Maybe it wasn't about his grades," Olivia said softly. "Maybe it was about something else, something that you don't know about."
"Maybe," I nodded as I took a sip of the coffee. "I need to speak to him, don't I?"
"I think you do," Olivia said with a wry smile. "I really think that you do."
Chapter 26
Birdie
I walked out of the office quickly, forgetting about my coffee. I needed to have a conversation with Hunter and I didn't want to do it in front of anyone else. I couldn’t have a real one-on-one with him around my friends and be truly vulnerable. I headed to the lobby to call him. I was going to ask him to meet me for dinner, maybe we could go for a walk on the Embarcadero. I stopped in my tracks as I entered the lobby and there he stood with his handsome face and golden blond hair. The man I was about to call was there and my heart did flip-flops. I stared at him, as he was gazing around the lobby, I guessed he was looking for the elevator. I stood there watching him for what felt like hours, even though it must've only been seconds. And then finally his eyes met mine. He looked at me and strode towards me without even smiling. My heart almost stopped beating then. Why did he look so intense?
