He nodded. “Uh…yeah. A little heartburn. I think I ate too many biscuits with gravy at breakfast.”
“Do we need to stop and get you something?”
Shaking his head but keeping his eyes firmly on the road, he assured her that he was fine and to go back to her call.
“Sorry, Mom,” she said, and Elliott could feel her eyes still on him. “No, I’m in the car with Leanna and she has a headache.”
Great, now I’ve got her lying to her own mother…
Elliott shifted slightly in his seat and tried to focus on calming down. Maybe if she weren’t sitting right there or they weren’t locked in a car together for several hours it would be easier but…he could smell her perfume and her shampoo. He was sitting here listening to her sweet voice and her laughter as her mother must have been telling her a funny story. He was sure it was going to be a long time before he heard any of this again because no matter what they agreed to in the beginning, there was no way he was going to be comfortable hanging out with her as a friend.
Not for a long time.
If ever.
And how was he supposed to end it? No matter what, she was still one of his sister’s best friends. There was no way he could be mean about it, and he certainly didn’t want to ghost her and just walk away with no explanation.
He thought about all the amazing things they’d talked about–not just this weekend, but in the months since their affair began.
Yeah, think of it as an affair. That should ease your guilt…
He seriously wished his inner voice would shut the hell up.
Why couldn’t he just keep things platonic? Why did he think for even a second that sex with a friend would be easier to deal with than sex with a stranger?
Um…because…ick. Yeah, hooking up with random strangers was so not his thing.
“I don’t think I have anything going on Wednesday, Mom. But I’ll have to check my calendar once we get off the phone,” she was saying. “I can totally ask Lea if she’ll bake some blueberry scones!” She paused. “Oh, you mean like right now?” Another pause. “Right, right…because she’s sitting…beside me.”
Elliott glanced over and saw her rolling her eyes and fighting the urge to laugh and couldn’t help but smile. She was so damn amazing and sweet and beautiful and he had gone and messed with her when he had no right to.
With a wink, she asked, “Hey, Lea, my mom wants to know if you can make some scones for us on Wednesday. What do you think?” Then she placed her hand over the phone again as she silently laughed and shook her head.
“Um…maybe?” he said in his best girlie voice because he had a feeling he needed to say something so her mother could hear.
“What’s that?” Skye asked her mother. “No, there’s nothing wrong with Lea, why?” She paused. “Her voice?” Another round of silent laughter. “Her allergies are bothering her a bit.” Her smile was infectious as she looked at him. “Listen, Mom, I need to go. We’re pulling up to the mall. I’ll check my calendar when I get home and let you know about lunch.” She paused again. “Yes, and the scones. I promise. I love you! Bye.” When she hung up, she doubled over and laughed out loud and Elliott found himself laughing with her.
“I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say anything,” he began through his laughter.
“Oh my God! That was awesome! I had no idea what to do and that was just a riot!” She reached over and squeezed his thigh and it was all he could do not to react. “Seriously, thank you. I was just winging it.”
He nodded as they both caught their breath and relaxed.
The rest of the drive was spent talking about everything they bought and then Skye pulled up her calendar and was sharing what her upcoming week was like. Normally they would compare notes and try to make plans for when they could get together, but…fortunately he was driving and couldn’t pull his calendar up at the moment.
By the time they pulled into Skylar’s driveway, Elliott’s nerves were fraught. He put the car in park and knew he had to get out and help her with all her stuff, but it felt like he was simply biding his time until he faced the firing squad.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked, once everything was in the house. “Obviously I’m just planning on ordering something and having it delivered, so if you have any requests…”
Without a word, he walked over and sat down on her sofa. The look on his face must have spoken volumes because he saw the color leave her face. With little more than a nod, she sat down at the other end and let out a long breath.
“We both said we wanted casual–no strings, no commitments, no…future,” he murmured, studying his hands instead of looking at her. It was the coward’s way out, but he knew if he looked at her, he wouldn’t get through this. Swallowing hard, he continued. “It occurred to me on the way home that…things have changed and they shouldn’t have.” When she didn’t immediately respond, he forced himself to look up.
With her hands folded in her lap, she stared at him and Elliott saw the shine of unshed tears in her eyes. “Have I asked you for anything more than you were willing to give?”
He shook his head. “It’s not you, Skye. It’s me.”
She let out a loud snort. “Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”
“Yeah, I know, but it is what it is,” he said flatly.
They sat in silence for several minutes before she spoke. “I don’t understand how we went from a wonderful weekend to this, and I think you owe me an explanation.”
Straightening, he met her gaze. “When we talked yesterday morning about you and Lea and Josie and about marriage and kids, you seemed hesitant to answer me. And you want to know what I think?”
She didn’t respond.
“I think you do want those things, and being involved with me is…well…you’re never going to get them. And you deserve them, Skye. You deserve to be happy and have everything you want.” He swallowed hard again. “And that includes someone who doesn’t cause you to lie to your family and friends. Not someone who takes you away for a weekend because he selfishly can’t take you out here in your own town.” Another pause. “Someone who wants all the same things that you do.”
“Elliott…”
“Can you honestly say you don’t want those things? Can you look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong?”
Hanging her head, she shook it and he was pretty sure he heard her sniffle.
And he felt like the world’s biggest jerk.
It took a minute, but she finally looked up at him. “You’re right. I do want it all. I want the SUV, the four-bedroom house with a yard big enough for a jungle gym and for kids to play in. I want to fall in love and get married and fill that house with children,” she said, her voice trembling. “And you know what? You talk a big game, but I know you, Elliott Sullivan. You still want all those things. You’ve always wanted them and it doesn’t matter what you try to tell yourself or your family because all of that didn’t just go away. It’s not possible!”
“I hate to disappoint you,” he said evenly, “but I don’t want those things anymore. And if that’s what you’re thinking or hoping, then…you’re just projecting that onto me. There was a time when it was true, but I’m done with all of it–relationships, marriage, kids…I mean, haven’t you been paying attention? I’m selling the house! I sold my car! I…I…”
Jumping to her feet, Skye hovered over him. “I hate to break it to you, but we’ve been in a relationship for months, Elliott! Months!” she cried with frustration. “It may have started out as something casual and as just sex, but somewhere along the line, that changed! And you want to know when? It was when you came over to take care of me after I had a rough day! That wasn’t me, pal; that was you!”
Now it was his turn to jump up. “It was just old habits, Skylar! Ask anyone we know; that’s the kind of shit I always do and it didn’t mean anything!” He hated the words even as they came out of his mouth, but there was no other way for him to make
her understand. Raking a hand through his hair, he took several steps away from her and began to pace. For all his inner dialogue in the car about not wanting to fight or be mean, he honestly didn’t see any other way for this to go.
“You keep telling yourself that, Elliott,” she spat. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re just lying to yourself and you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life. And for what, huh? What do you think this is going to prove?”
“I’m not trying to prove anything!” he snapped. “Not to you, not to anyone! This is about me finally knowing what I want from my life and it’s not this!” A growl of frustration was out before he could stop it. “And I don’t know what you’re fighting with me for! Now you can go after everything you want! A man who can make you happy and give you the future you deserve!”
“You’re the man that I want, damn you! Don’t you get it? Couldn’t you tell?” Her growl wasn’t nearly as fierce, but definitely showed her frustration. “I’m in love with you, Elliott! I’ve always been in love with you! Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me all these years? I’ve had to sit back and watch you fall in love over and over again with everyone but me!”
What? How was that possible? How had he missed the signs? She mentioned a crush when this all began, but…love?
Her tears fell in earnest and yet he refused to be moved by them. He couldn’t. This is what needed to happen. It was for her own good.
Taking one step back and then another, Elliott slowly made his way toward the door. “I’m sorry, Skylar. I…I didn’t know, but…it wouldn’t matter. I don’t…I don’t feel the same,” he said gruffly, and before she could respond, he turned and walked out the door, gently closing it behind him. If he looked back, if he dared to look in her eyes, he’d crumble.
It was all a lie.
Every word.
She was right about everything and…she loved him.
How could you just walk away from that? This is what you’ve wanted your whole damn life.
He was in the car and driving away before he could even fathom an answer. He felt numb and sick all at the same time and he had a feeling it was going to be like that for a long time.
Possibly forever.
Because as much as he talked a good talk about how okay he was, deep inside, he was a mess–even more so than he was after his failed wedding.
And why is that?
He cared about Tracy, but he knew now it wasn’t love.
He loved Skylar.
And that’s why he had to let her go.
Chapter 13
Sometimes you just need a good cry. Even if you don’t know the reason why you’re crying.
Unknown
For the first time since Meet Me at the Altar began, Skye called in sick Monday morning. She had been alternating between crying and screaming with rage since Elliott walked out, and she had no idea when the pain was going to go away.
“It’s my own fault,” she told herself repeatedly. “I have no one to blame but myself.” And yet no matter how much she said it, she knew if given a chance, she would do it all again.
When she called the office, luckily Leanna was the one to answer, so she didn’t have to lie about why she wasn’t coming in. Unfortunately, she did ask her friend to lie to Josie.
“I don’t even want to think about how that went,” she murmured from her spot on the couch. Leanna was an amazing person–always happy, always upbeat, and willing to do anything for a friend. But she was a lousy liar. Hopefully, Josie would just accept a blanket statement of Skye being sick and let it go at that.
Rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes. When Elliott left yesterday, she cried so hard that her shirt was wet and all her makeup was gone. After taking a shower, she threw on a pair of yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt before coming back out to the living room and collapsing on the couch.
And she’d been there ever since.
Sleep had been sporadic and for the life of her, she wished she had seen it all coming.
I should have seen it from the beginning…
Yeah, getting involved had been a risk, but she was more than willing to take it. On some level, she truly believed she was going to be the one to change his mind, the one to show him that relationships can work when you’re with the right person. And now that she had spent so much time getting to know him on a level she never had before–and that wasn’t including sexually–Skye knew without a doubt that Elliott was her right person.
But he didn’t want her.
Didn’t want a future with her.
And that made her start crying all over again.
Curled up in the fetal position, she didn’t even try to stop crying. It was pointless to even try. At some point, the tears slowed and exhaustion overwhelmed her. Her entire body ached and her head was pounding, but the thought of getting up and doing anything about it was beyond overwhelming.
I guess I’ll just lie here until I die.
Some time later–it could have been minutes, it could have been hours–there was a knock at her door. The immediate hope was that it was Elliott coming back to tell her he’d made a mistake, but she highly doubted it. Then she decided to just stay where she was because she didn’t want anyone to see her like this.
So she ignored the knocking.
And the doorbell ringing.
And more knocking.
“Ugh…just go away,” she moaned, pulling her fleece throw close around her.
There was a sound by the doorway and when she looked up, she saw Leanna walking in with a bag and several cups of coffee on a tray.
“Don’t be mad,” she said quickly with a sympathetic smile. “I used my emergency key. And from the look of things, this is definitely an emergency.”
It was hard to be mad when she was in desperate need of coffee, so Skye forced herself to sit up. Pushing her hair out of her face, she said, “I’m not mad, but you really didn’t have to do this.”
Putting the coffee down on the coffee table, she smiled down at Skye. “Um, I really did. I thought your voice was the worst thing this morning, but now that I’m seeing you, I realize this was definitely the right thing for me to do.” She held up a bag. “Bagels because…well…it’s Monday.” She fussed around getting things set up. “And again, please don’t be mad, but…”
Skye took a sip of her coffee first. “Lea, I already told you I’m not mad. I’m actually really glad you’re here.”
“Uh…yeah. That’s not what I was going to say. I want you to know that…”
“You were dating my brother!” Josie cried out as she strode into the house in a blur of energy. “How could you date Elliott? You know he was on an embargo!”
“You promised you were going to behave!” Lea said, stepping in before Josie could reach Skye. “We talked about this and you were supposed to wait for me to text you that it was okay for you to come in!”
“Well, too bad! Skye said she was just going to go and check on my brother, not sleep with him!” She moved around Lea until she was hovering over Skye. “Seriously, what were you thinking?”
“Everyone needs to calm down,” Lea said, giving Josie a small shove that sent her sitting on the sofa. “No talk of this until we’ve all had something to eat. Personally, I think hunger causes more crankiness than anything.”
“No, my best friend lying to me is the cause of my crankiness,” Josie said firmly, but she grabbed the bag and pulled out her bagel. “I’m just eating this because I’m hungry. The two are not related.”
The three of them ate in silence for several minutes before Lea was the one to speak.
“Okay, I want to just start out by saying that it’s obvious Skye is devastated and yelling at her,” she said pointedly at Josie, “is not going to help anything.”
Fortunately, Josie nodded.
“This is a bit of an awkward situation, but more than anything, we’re friends and as such, we should be supporting one another.” Then she l
ooked at Skye. “Seriously, sweetie, what can we do for you? What do you need?”
Tears stung her eyes again–damn them–and all she wanted to say was that she needed Elliott, but that certainly wasn’t going to happen or help anything.
“Honestly, I…I don’t know,” she said quietly, staring hard at her coffee before looking up at Josie. “I have been in love with your brother since forever. When I went home with him the day of the wedding…”
“Oh, God! You didn’t sleep with him that day, did you?”
“Are you crazy?” Skye demanded, her tears instantly drying. “And I can’t even believe you would ask me something like that!”
“You’re right. You’re right,” Josie said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I just…how did I not know this? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Shrugging, she replied, “I don’t know. It was weird. And I didn’t want things to get strained between us, and it wasn’t like Elliott ever showed any interest in me. It just seemed like the kind of thing to keep to myself.”
Josie glanced at Lea. “Did you know about this?”
She nodded.
“All of it–the crush and now?”
She nodded again.
“Well, shit,” Josie huffed, slouching back against the cushions. “I hate that you both kept this from me.”
“Can you blame us?” Lea asked. “Look how you’re reacting!”
“But you didn’t know I would…”
“Oh, please. We all knew you would,” Lea quickly interrupted. “And you know what, this isn’t about you. This is about Skye. And if you can’t see that, then you need to leave!”
Both Skye and Josie’s eyes went wide because Leanna was never the forceful one–ever.
Then they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“That was awesome!” Josie said, reaching over and hugging Lea. “I knew there was a fierce mama bear in there somewhere!”
Skye slid over and made it a group hug. “And I’m so happy you were being fierce for me. Thank you.”
They stayed like that for several minutes before breaking apart and sitting in silence as they ate and drank. Skye was more than happy to stay like that, but there was still so much to talk about. So she started at the beginning–the day of the wedding–and told Josie everything.
The Engagement Embargo: A Meet Me at the Altar Novel Page 18
