by Lucy Dawson
Clumping towards him, I tried not to crossly notice that today he looked like he’d stepped from the pages of Horse and Hound magazine’s polo pull-out special: ‘Argentina’s hottest export’ perhaps? He’d called the weather correctly and was dressed in a blue, open-necked, sleeves-rolled-up shirt, tucked into sand-coloured trousers, while aviator sunglasses held back his dark hair in the now-hot September sunshine. He was only missing a massive stallion. Wanker.
ARGH! Was this giving the man a chance? No, it was not! I had a very firm word with myself to BE NICE. He couldn’t help the way he looked.
‘Hello, Nathan,’ I said smoothly, arriving in front of him, trying not to mind that I looked ridiculous. He glanced up from his phone and gave me a social smile of zero recognition, probably assuming I was a patient.
‘I’m Julia Blythe. I’ve just joined the plastics department at the hospital. Nice to finally meet you.’ I offered him my hand, secretly pleased to have initiated the power handshake.
His expression lifted. ‘Ah! Julia! Hello! Nice to meet you too.’
‘I saw you from afar at work yesterday and didn’t have a chance to say hi properly. It was my first on-call.’
‘Oh, sorry I missed you. I popped in once we were back from holiday to pick up a couple of things. That was bad luck that you got pulled in.’ He was well-spoken and the owner of a firm grip, shaking from the elbow rather than the wrist. I’d expected as much and kept my palm flat and fingers outstretched. Once my index finger was almost touching the pulse of his wrist, I held on just a second longer, then released him, rather than the other way around. ‘You have kids here, I take it?’ I nodded at the building behind him.
He laughed. ‘Yes! I don’t just hang around random school gates at home time. I have a sulky man-child in year eight, who goes by the name of Ben.’
I recalled the boy staring at Cass in the doorway with his mouth open. Oh, give me strength… but I nodded enthusiastically. ‘I think I met him this morning. My stepdaughter and son are in year eight too.’
‘Terrific! Well, it’s a fabulous year. Lots of good kids – they’ll settle in well, I’m sure.’
‘What a small world!’
‘Well, not really,’ he shrugged, ‘that’s just Exeter for you. Half of the hospital consultants have kids at this school. Anyway, how are you settling in? Liking it thus far?’
‘The hospital you mean?’ I shielded my eyes from the sun. ‘Or the Devon weather, which seems to be all over the place!’ I laughed and motioned at my mac and wellies. ‘Spot the out-of-towner!’
He smiled. ‘It’s the proximity to the sea. The weather here can change very quickly without warning. You’ll get used to it. They are very shiny, new wellies, though. You need to go for a proper walk and rough them up a bit.’
‘Yes… yes I do. Anyway, the hospital seems great.’ I paused and peered at him more closely. He had heterochromia – his left eye was blue and the right dark brown.
He grinned and pointed at his face. ‘It’s not a heterochromia, in case you were wondering – it’s an anisocoria. I was bullied when I was a kid; one of the little sods punched me in the eye and my pupil stayed dilated. See?’ He suddenly leant in close enough for me to catch his aftershave. He smelt expensive. I was immediately reminded of his equally olfactorily blessed wife, roaring off in her Range Rover with her personalised number plate.
Oooh – did that mean she might be Storm Sloan? What a preposterous name! I couldn’t help my resulting flicker of a smile, but he noticed it immediately. I saw him scan my face again with more interest as he drew slowly back, but I very firmly told myself not to read into that. He was simply trying to get the measure of me.
‘It doesn’t affect my sight, obviously…’ he continued, leaning back on the wall. ‘Oh, sorry – of course you’d know that – it’s just my one cool thing in common with David Bowie. Anyway, I’m glad you’re enjoying the hospital. Better than the last place, I hope?’ He spoke lightly, but watched me tense, waiting to see how I was going to answer.
‘Well,’ I began carefully. I was prepared for this and knew exactly what I wanted to say to defend myself without slagging off the Royal Grace. ‘Depending what you might have read in the papers, I—’
‘JULIA!’
The loud shout caught me completely by surprise, and I turned, to see my extremely drunk ex-husband inexplicably staggering towards me.
Four
Julia
My whole body contracted with shock as my brain tried to process what I was seeing. This wasn’t some hideous hallucination – Dominic really was weaving towards us, not just tipsy but properly inebriated, outside our son’s new school, my husband’s new place of work and in front of my new colleague. All other thoughts fell away from me as I turned very, very hot indeed, leaping forward in my mind to where I knew this was going to go, and the humiliation it would involve. How, how could he do this to Alex? It had been at least five months since we’d had an episode like this, and he’d decided to pull it today?
‘What are you doing here?’ was the best I could gasp as he arrived alongside me. ‘You’re supposed to be in London!’
‘Came up on the train, straight after we finished talking this morning.’ He reached out and put an arm briefly round my shoulders, squeezing tightly. The very particular sweet and sour yet stale smell of the hardened drinker, and the softness of his unwashed clothes, elicited such an enormous wave of anxiety within me, I felt sick myself. His face was pallid and his forehead shiny with sweat as his body tried to rid itself of the booze in his blood.
He pushed back a lock of lank, greasy, dark hair, glanced to his side, noticed Nathan and drew himself up like a sentry in response – legs together – before oddly leaning slightly to one side, extending his arm and hand right out in an exaggerated gesture of greeting, almost like the jerky movements of a clockwork doll.
‘Hello, mate! I’m Dom, Alex’s dad. I see you’ve already met my lovely ex-wife, Julia?’
‘Dominic, please…’ I breathed. I couldn’t draw the air into my body properly. Horrified, I watched Nathan assess Dom then glance at me… before shaking Dom’s hand. ‘I’m Ben’s dad, Nathan. Good to meet you.’
‘Ah, well, I couldn’t miss my boy’s first day at his new school, you know what I mean? You need be there, don’t you?’ Dom was speaking slowly, enunciating carefully, trying hard not to slur. ‘You have to make the effort.’
‘Dominic, can I talk to you privately, please?’ I put out a quick hand, smiling, to lead him away – but he pulled back roughly at my touch.
‘No, you can’t! Ha – this is a blast from the past!’ He wagged a finger at me and laughed. ‘This is inappropriate.’ Adopting a whingey, teary, high voice, presumably intended to be me, he added: ‘Can I talk to you in the other room where he can’t hear?’
My face burned. ‘Please,’ I whispered, desperate to stop him from going any further. ‘Alex can’t see you like this. Other people, parents,’ – I couldn’t help shooting a look at Nathan – ‘can’t see you like this. Or if you don’t want to talk, just go.’
‘Go?’ He pulled his face back like I was crazy, then laughed. ‘I just got here!’ He threw his arms wide and the expansive gesture made him wobble on his feet.
‘I’m begging you.’
‘No.’ He shook his head defiantly. ‘I want to see my son.’
I couldn’t believe this was happening… and yet it was only going to get worse. More people would start to arrive at any moment… he was going to destroy it for us before we’d even had a chance. I stared at him, a lump of fear like a huge wodge of bubble gum in my mouth starting to expand, making it hard to breathe. I didn’t know what to do – how to stop it.
‘Right, well I think I might go for a quick smoke before they come out.’ Nathan straightened up, looked at his watch. ‘We’ve got ages before the kids make an appearance. Coming, Dom?’
A smoke? What was he doing?
Dom squinted at him too, trying to thi
nk clearly… despite his skinful, instinctively wary.
‘My car is just over there.’ Nathan pointed down the road, yawned and stretched.
Dom yawned too, wobbled on the spot again, then gave a random shake, before blinking. ‘Yeah – go on then.’
Nathan nodded. ‘Good man. Let’s go.’
He started walking away from the gates and Dom followed after him, only to pause about fifteen feet away from me when Nathan stopped suddenly and patted his pockets.
‘Shit! I left my keys on the wall!’ He laughed and doubled back, reached past me to collect them and muttered urgently under his breath: ‘Tell Ben’s teacher to put him into homework club and I’ll be back to get him in a bit… Got them!’ He waved the keys in the air and ambled back over to Dom.
‘So what part of London are you from?’ I heard him ask conversationally as they walked off, Dominic zigzagging the pavement. I watched, powerless and horrified. I knew from experience that if I went after Dominic when he was this bad, it could easily escalate. I imagined him losing his temper, kicking in the front of cars, smashing windscreens, the kids all coming out – other parents watching, appalled. The police being called. Ewan appearing and trying to hold him back; Dominic ineffectually attempting to punch him – Alex watching other dads and staff restraining his father – the obscenities Dominic would scream at me, at everyone. Adrenalin was now roaring around my body, my pulse fluttering so fast at my wrists I felt faint as I stared after the two men. They turned a corner and disappeared out of sight.
A stillness descended, despite the blood crashing in my ears. A bird started singing in one of the trees above while I stood there with no idea what to do.
The lone song was broken by voices behind me as a group of three mums, holding the hands of much smaller children in uniform, appeared, chatting. A minibus came around the corner and pulled up outside the school. The teacher who had been driving threw open a sliding door and children in games kit began to leap down, disappearing through a side entrance in the brick wall as more parents materialised. It was quickly becoming very busy. A second minibus came up the road, and this time Ewan jumped out, jogging round. He scanned the area carefully for cars before releasing his pupils, and as they streamed past him, noticed me standing across the way. He beamed and gave me a quick, happy thumbs up. He couldn’t have seen Dominic then? So where had he and Nathan gone?
Despite my skin prickling with anxiety, I gave Ewan a wink, and he waved before locking the bus and disappearing through the door in the wall after the children. No sooner had they vanished, than a teacher came out through the same door holding a register, leading her class towards the railings. Ben was at the front, talking to a couple of other boys and looking around him excitedly. At the back of the group was Al, slightly detached from the others. He looked quite happy though. Still no sign of Dominic or Nathan.
I made my way over to the teacher as quickly as I could and introduced myself as Alex’s mother.
‘He’s had a super day, I think.’ She beamed at me. ‘Such a lovely boy. He’s going to be an asset to the year, I can tell.’
‘Thank you.’ There was so much I wanted to ask her. Had he eaten lunch? Talked to anyone? Joined in with the lessons? Did she think he was going to need any extra tuition to catch up? But instead, all I blurted was: ‘I’ve got a message for you from Nathan Sloan. He’s asked if Ben could go back into homework club? He’ll come and get him in a bit.’
Ben was within earshot and his smile faded. ‘But it’s the first day! We haven’t even got any homework! He said he’d be here.’ His shoulders sagged as he looked down at his feet. The poor boy was obviously very disappointed.
I felt terrible but also couldn’t help glancing behind me again. Still clear. All I wanted to do was get Al and Cass into the car as quickly as possible. Once I’d done that, I could make a plan. I needed to text Ewan to let him know what was going on… what the hell would Dominic be saying to Nathan? What intimate secrets would be tumbling from his uninhibited booze-soaked lips? I swallowed, nauseously.
‘Could I just ask,’ I turned to the teacher again, ‘do the other year eights come out of this door too, or do I need to go somewhere else to find Cassia Wilder? Oh, here she is!’
Cass appeared, talking to another girl. Ben immediately straightened up as she arrived alongside us.
‘Hey Cass!’ he blurted, and she frowned at him, before turning to me and looking at my feet.
‘Why are you wearing wellies?’
‘It was raining.’
She glanced at the bright blue sky. ‘OK,’ she said slowly. ‘Can we go now, please?’
‘Yes. Slight change of plan, though, we’re back to the car first. It’s just over there. Let’s go! Quick! Quick!’ I pointed and smiled apologetically at Ben as we made to leave, but he didn’t notice at all, too busy staring after Cass as she walked away. Alex loped after her and called out cheerfully, ‘Bye Ben!’ He laughed loudly, and a few people turned around to stare. ‘See you tomorrow!’
‘Al! Stop laughing! Nothing’s funny,’ Cass hissed.
‘I’m just pleased, that’s all.’
‘Can you be pleased more quietly? Everyone’s looking.’
‘Come on, Al!’ I tried to jolly him along without revealing I was every bit as eager to leave as Cass. She thought this was embarrassing – it would reach levels of humiliation she hadn’t dreamt possible unless we got away before Dom came back.
Five
Nathan
We finished our cigs in silence, skulking by the car in the side street like teenagers dodging their teachers, and as Dominic ground his fag butt into the ground, wobbling with the effort but looking altogether calmer, I cleared my throat and said casually, ‘I’ve got a proposition for you. Let me drive you back to the train station, put you on the one minute past four back to Paddington and I’ll give you a hundred quid in cash.’
He looked at me, confused.
‘A hundred pounds to quietly go home, which is what you’ll have to do eventually anyway, so you might as well get something out of it. You can’t see your kid when you’re like this, my friend.’ I gestured at him. ‘No one wants to be that dad.’ It was a risk, but it seemed to resonate.
He looked down at his faded and slightly stained black jeans then rubbed his face as if thinking carefully.
‘You’ll get it out when we get to the station?’
Ah – so it was just the money talking. Well – whatever it took. I nodded.
He shrugged, wavered on the spot and admitted defeat. ‘Go on then.’
I opened the car door before he changed his mind, and he climbed in. I drove fast to the train station. Dominic looked like an experienced drinker to me – his eyes were slits in puffy grey skin and he was sweating like a husky in summer. Nonetheless, I didn’t intend to overestimate his capacity. I wasn’t up for a pool of vomit swimming in the footwell. He sat back, his head heavy on the seat rest and closed his eyes. I tried not to grimace. His hair was unwashed enough to be practically slick. I wanted him out of my car.
‘I’ve got a joke for you, mate,’ he murmured, as if reading my mind. ‘A Porsche driver crashes. The police find him crying in the front seat, going “oh my beautiful car!” They’re all “You tit! Crying over a Porsche – you haven’t even noticed your arm has been ripped off.” The driver looks at the bloody stump and goes “Shit! Where’s my Rolex?’’’ He sniggered to himself.
I forced a laugh. ‘It’s my wife’s car, to be honest,’ I lied. I don’t know why I felt the need to explain anything to someone like him.
He opened one eye, looked at me and closed it again, grinning widely. ‘If you say so.’
Being rumbled like that pissed me off – but I gritted my teeth, particularly when he burped suddenly and I was assaulted by the smell of flaccid hamburgers. The sound of his own bodily emission seemed to wake him up a bit. He began to fidget restlessly, sat up suddenly and looked around him, confused.
‘Where are we?’
He’d forgotten already? I began to wonder if he was just very good at appearing more sober than was actually the case. ‘We’re driving to the train station, remember? You’re going back to London.’
He rubbed his stubbly face with both hands. ‘For a hundred quid.’
‘That’s right,’ My voice was soothing. ‘For a hundred quid. Like I said, as soon as we get there, you can have it.’
We lapsed into silence. He watched the students milling around outside Exeter College as we stopped at the lights, then turned his head to me and said, far more precisely than I was ready for: ‘Yeah, but why? Why are you paying me off? Who is Jules to you? Are you seeing her?’
I glanced sideways at him. Tempting though it was to wind him up, he might turn ugly. In my experience, it’s the wiry little blokes you really need to watch out for – they’re the proper thugs. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help being deliberately vague to pay him back for the Porsche comment. ‘It’s not up to me to explain our relationship. I’d better leave that to her.’
He stared at me and blinked a couple of times. ‘Fuuuck. So this is what the big move’s been about. That poor bastard, Ewan. First Lise cheats on him, now Jules? This’ll gut him.’
I noted that with interest.
He wrinkled his nose. ‘That doesn’t sound like Jules, though… wait – so you’re the reason I’m losing touch with my son?’ He pointed at me accusatively.
‘No – I just work with her!’ I corrected quickly.
‘So why are you paying me to go home?’ He yawned involuntarily and gave an odd, sudden judder, like you do after taking a piss. I glanced at the floor of the car, horrified, but all seemed OK. ‘I don’t understand,’ he concluded.
