by Lucy Dawson
We sit there in silence for a moment longer, both wondering if it could work, staring ahead. We must look insane to anyone watching. Motionless in a stationary car, outside our own house. This is a total, heartbreaking mess. I put my hand on the door. I’m getting cold. ‘Let’s go in and we’ll talk about it some more.’
‘Nathan?’
I stop and turn back.
‘I need you to tell me it meant nothing to you.’ She is hugging herself tightly. ‘I need to know it didn’t happen like it did with us.’ She turns and looks at me desperately. ‘That you weren’t fascinated with her like you were me. Not having me drove you mad, remember? Do you remember how often you used to call me?’ She tries to smile.
‘Yes, I do.’ I was infatuated with her for a time, it’s true. Storm was the hospital beauty from the second she arrived. I had to have her, but it was nothing like what I feel for Julia.
‘Do you love me, Nathan?’
Luckily, before I have to answer there is a tap at the window and one of our neighbours walks past, waving and clutching a paper.
We both force bright smiles and wave back. ‘We need to go in.’ I open the door, climbing out. ‘I have to call Hamish back.’
We walk up to the house, and I wait patiently alongside her on the doorstep while she feels around for her keys in her pockets. She struggles to get it to turn in the lock once she has found it, and starts tugging the door towards her to force it to give.
‘Here. Let me.’ I place my hand over hers to help, and at my touch, she turns and collapses into tears on my chest. I put my arms round her automatically and kiss her black hair as she sobs. ‘Hey! Hush!’ I say quietly. ‘You’re OK. Let’s go inside.’
‘Promise me that we will try our hardest to make this work in America, that all we need is each other and Ben?’
Bleakly, I think of Julia and being on the other side of the world to her. I spy another neighbour across the way coming out of her front door, ready to go for a run, looking curiously in our direction as she pauses on her doorstep to stretch her quads. ‘Let’s go inside now. I don’t want to give anyone anything else to talk about.’
Forty-Five
Julia
‘I am really sorry. It was just a game.’ Alex looks at the officer sitting opposite us on the sofa with wide, frightened eyes as I hold his hand. ‘I didn’t think it would be this big, that Mum would be on TV and everything.’
‘We’re not angry.’ The DC gives him a kind smile. ‘We just want to make sure we understand what happened, that’s all. You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to. This is just a chat now you’ve come home, so we can update our records. What was the game about?’
Alex pulls his hand back and starts picking his nails nervously. ‘I wanted people to miss me. I wanted them to notice I’d gone and be pleased when I came back. I wanted them to think I was brave and that I’d escaped. People at school mostly.’
‘Escaped from what?’
Alex looks anxious again. ‘I was going to say someone kidnapped me.’
The DC nods thoughtfully. ‘And did they?’
I hold my breath.
Alex shakes his head. ‘No. It was all made up. I’m sorry!’ His eyes fill with tears. ‘It was really, really stupid of me.’
‘So what did you do after you left Cass and Ben on the boat?’ The DC leans back on the sofa, casual, relaxed.
‘I went into town, up on the coast path. I lost my bag but then I hid.’
‘You lost it?’
‘Yeah, I don’t know exactly what happened.’ He scratches his head. ‘I think it fell off the…’ He stops himself quickly, flushes and adds, ‘cliff.’
‘Where did you hide?’
Alex pushes his spare glasses back on his nose. ‘You said I don’t have to answer? I don’t really want to say, if that’s OK?’
‘In case you want to hide there again?’
He looks alarmed. ‘No! I’m never going to do this again.’
‘OK, well that’s good to hear. But it was somewhere that had food? You were warm? You had somewhere safe to sleep?’
‘Yeah.’
‘How did you know how long to stay there though, because you lost your things?’ He leans forward, sounding interested, as if Alex has been really clever. ‘You didn’t have a phone, so how did you know what time it was?’
Alex lifts up his arm and proudly shows him Dom’s father’s watch. ‘I had this. It helped a lot.’
‘Ah. I see! That explains it.’ The DC hesitates. ‘Alex, nobody has hurt you or made you afraid to tell us the truth about what really happened, have they?’
‘No. No one hurt me. I just wanted people at school to like me for being brave.’
I put my arm round his thin shoulders. Hearing that is almost more than I can bear.
‘I understand. We’re all just really glad you came home. So how did you get back today?’ The DC starts looking around him, patting his pockets as if he’s preparing to go and these aren’t really even questions anymore, just the end of a friendly exchange.
‘I walked along the coast road, then back on the estuary path, where all the people cycle?’ He looks the DC right in the eye. ‘It was just a game. Please don’t be angry.’
Once Cass and Alex have disappeared into the kitchen to find something to eat, and Ewan has taken his place on the sofa, I turn back to the DC. ‘So what happens now?’
‘We’ll update his records in case he does this again and—’
‘You believe everything he said to you?’ I interrupt. ‘You think this was “just a game” too?’
The DC pauses. I can see he’s picking his words carefully. ‘When a misper comes back, we always continue investigations to either prove or disprove an offence, if there is one. Just because a juvenile says “no one hurt me” doesn’t mean we automatically take their word for it, but there isn’t anyone else in this case saying “yes someone DID hurt him”. We don’t have any evidence that Alex isn’t telling the truth.’
‘Except for what Nathan Sloan told me,’ I say quietly.
‘Your statement said Nathan told you this was part of a plan. Let’s say for sake of argument that’s what happened – it’s still not an offence if Alex went along with it willingly. It’s very misguided, but not illegal. And of course, when we questioned Mr Sloan, and his son, both of them insisted they were sailing together all afternoon around the time Alex went missing and didn’t see him at all. Mr Sloan denies saying anything to you about any plan or clues hidden within his patients’ bodies. He cited a personal relationship between the two of you that ended acrimoniously.’
‘That’s not true,’ Ewan says. ‘I expect he probably showed you a picture of my wife apparently kissing him? It wasn’t how it appeared.’
The DC looks politely at the floor for a moment before lifting his gaze again. He’s feeling sorry for Ewan, thinks he’s deluded – I can tell. ‘The trouble is, there’s no evidence of foul play here,’ he reminds us. ‘Alex insists that it was a game and he was hiding. Mr Sloan and his son insist they were sailing together all afternoon on the Friday that Alex went missing. There’s nothing to say they weren’t all doing what they said they were – except your allegation.’
‘What about forensics?’ I say desperately. ‘If you tested the inside of Nathan Sloan’s boat, rib, whatever it’s called – I’m sure you’d find evidence that Alex had been in there, while he took him to wherever he hid him?’
The DC nods. ‘I’m sure you’re right, but then there would be evidence of Alex having been on the boat anyway, because he joined Cassia and Ben there before going off on his own, didn’t he?’
I open my mouth to protest again but give up. This is pointless. They don’t believe Nathan has done anything wrong. He’s going to get away with what he’s done to Alex.
Men like him always do.
‘Dad and Granny will be here in a minute, so let’s find you a clean top to wear.’ I open Al’s drawers as he stands shivering in his
jeans, hair damp from the shower and arms folded self-consciously across his bare chest. I find a T-shirt and hand it over. ‘I’m so sorry that I didn’t see how unhappy you were, Alex.’ I glance out of window and realise Nathan’s car has gone. I shiver. When did he come to get that?
He frowns. ‘It wasn’t you I wanted to notice me. It was people at school. I’m not – popular. Can we just not talk about it anymore? I just want to get dressed.’ He pulls the top over his head and moves away. ‘I didn’t mean everyone to get angry.’
‘Al, I’m not cross.’ I reach out to catch his wrist as he passes. I’m about to tell him we need to talk about what really happened, but his skin is all sticky.
‘What’s on your arm?’ I frown as he snatches back away from me.
‘Nothing!’
But it’s too late, I’m already inspecting his other wrist too. That’s tacky as well. I look more closely and can see tiny lumps of what looks like glue. It’s not unusual for Al to not wash properly, but… ‘Your hands have been taped!’ I look up at him in horror.
‘No, they haven’t!’ He pulls them back again and puts them behind his back.
My heart thumps. ‘Al, enough now. Forget what you’ve said to everyone else, this is me. I’m your mum and I KNOW this was a plan – or game – between you and Nathan, Ben’s dad. I know this because Nathan told me himself.’
Alex stares furiously down at the floor, refusing to meet my eye.
‘Please tell me what happened? Or even just where he hid you? He taped your wrists up, didn’t he?’
He laughs suddenly. ‘I don’t think he told you anything! You’re just trying to trick me!’
Oh Jesus – he doesn’t get this at all.
‘OK, you got me!’ I nudge him, trying to change tack with a grin. ‘Tell me who “rescued” you instead then? I know that wasn’t Nate, but you couldn’t have got free on your own! Come on! Who else was there? How did you do it? It’s driving me crazy!’
‘No. Not telling.’ But he grins.
Oh, he is so bloody naïve. Do I say I know it couldn’t have been Nathan who freed him because he was in prison last night?
‘I won’t tell anyone else, I promise!’ I cross my heart.
His smile fades. ‘But you always tell on people!’
‘Oh Alex, come on!’ Frustrated, I change again. ‘Cass thought you weren’t ever coming back! She was devastated. The police thought you’d fallen off the cliffs – especially when your bag washed up with your glasses in it.’
He blushes bright red. ‘My glasses were getting scratched, so I put them away then my bag fell off the boat.’
‘Whose boat? Nathan’s?’ I pounce on that quickly, but he’s already shaking his head.
‘Please Mum, don’t ask me. He made me promise not to tell. He said he’d get into really bad trouble.’
‘Who did? Nathan?’
‘No. The man last night.’ He holds up his arms. ‘But you can’t tell I even said that! Not to Ewan or anyone. Promise me! It’s really important!’
‘I promise. Do I know this man? Was he at the rugby weekend?’
‘Yes! But I’m not saying anything else.’
Hamish. ‘Is he the man who?—’ but before I can push any further the door opens gently and to my enormous frustration Dom appears in the gap.
‘Ewan said it was all right to come up, but…’ His face softens at the sight of Alex. ‘Oh! It’s so good to see you!’
‘It’s good to see you too.’ Alex looks embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry that I—’
‘Hey!’ Dom comes right into the room. ‘I say sorry here, not you.’ His eyes well up and he wipes them quickly. Alex looks horrified and flings himself at Dom, almost knocking him off his feet.
‘Please don’t cry, Dad! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you.’
I watch Dom fold his arms around Al then twist to kiss his hair. ‘It’s OK. You’re home, that’s all that matters. I love you so much!’
Al rests his head on his father’s shoulder and smiles blissfully. I can’t help but think he’s starting to believe this has all turned out pretty well really.
I’ve missed my moment. He’s not going to tell me anything now.
In desperation, I try Cass later, to see if Al has confided in her, but apparently not. ‘He just said it was a game,’ she shrugs as I scream inwardly.
‘How long does it take to be a doctor?’ she asks suddenly.
‘Five years to be a doctor, ten years minimum to get to where I am. A bit more sometimes if you want to stop and have children or do a PhD. Do both, like me, and takes forever.’
‘Ten years?’ she repeats in disbelief. ‘That’s a really long time to do the same thing.’
‘It’s not all the same. Why do you want to know, anyway?’
She shrugs. ‘No reason. Alex didn’t say anything about where he was. Can I speak to Ben now, please?’ She holds up her phone.
‘Of course.’ I can’t stop her. It wouldn’t be fair. ‘It’s fine for you to talk to him again.’
‘Yeah, I know that,’ she says. ‘I mean, can you leave my room, please?’
When everyone has finally gone home, the phones and doorbell have all stopped ringing, and Alex and Cass are both in bed – right where they are supposed to be – I sit at the kitchen table with Ewan. We simply look at each other in exhausted, stunned silence.
‘That was quite the day,’ Ewan says eventually. ‘I think we—’
There’s a noise in the doorway and we both look round to see Cass, shivering in her pjs, eyes red from crying.
‘What’s the matter?’ I hold out my arms as her face crumples and she rushes across the room to me, in tears. ‘Ben’s moving!’ she weeps. ‘He’s just messaged me. They’re going to go and live in America!’ I stroke her hair while her heart breaks and look at Ewan, over the top of her head.
He’s running away.
Tell me that’s not the action of a guilty man with something to hide.
I march across the work car park the following morning full of righteous anger. I have my arguments prepared and I want answers. While it’s clear Nathan’s going to face no further action over what he did to Alex, the small issue of the filming is a different matter. Nothing has changed there, so how is he being allowed to disappear? He’s already been suspended from private practice. Everyone should know about it by now. He cannot be allowed to slink off so that they avoid a scandal. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right and I won’t let it happen. I’ll literally yell about it if I have to.
Several people accost me on my way in, to let me know they are so pleased that Alex ‘decided’ to come home, like it was all no more than some hormonal teenage flip-out. I bite my tongue so hard I’m almost in tears when I run into Jim, who is sweetly delighted that Alex is safe.
‘My sister’s son ran away for a bit too,’ he confides as we cross on the stairs. ‘I didn’t like to say when I saw you yesterday morning because I didn’t want to draw comparisons that might not have been helpful while he was still missing. We don’t always know what goes on with our kids behind closed doors, do we? Especially with social media the way it is. It’s so hard to police what they’re up to.’ He smiles at me kindly. ‘I’m not surprised you still feel shaken up.’
‘It was Nathan,’ I blurt. ‘He took Alex and helped him hide somewhere. I don’t know where. Then he came to my house and told me if I wanted Al back, I’d have to recover six letters he’d written on the breast implants of six of his living patients. Then he told my husband we’ve been having an affair. We haven’t, whatever he might be saying otherwise.’
Jim stares at me, speechless.
‘I know.’ I shrug miserably. ‘The trouble is, I don’t have any proof of what he said and Alex is back now anyway, so… it’s been horrendous, frankly.’
Jim struggles with what to say. ‘Have you told anyone this? Here, I mean?’
‘The police know.’
‘I think you should tell the Clinical Service Lea
d too,’ he says seriously. ‘Proof or not, you want that on record. Please get that on record, won’t you?’
‘You believe me?’ It’s my turn to be stunned.
‘I trained with Storm, Nathan’s wife – before she left. We were good friends, nothing like that, well not on her part anyway.’ He smiles sadly. ‘Just mates. Do I believe you? Yes. I believe Nathan will say whatever it takes to get his own way… and you should tell someone.’ He looks over his shoulder to make sure we’re still alone. ‘He’s the worst kind of man.’
I positively slam into the office, making Michelle jump as the door bangs off the wall. She quickly shoves her phone away. ‘Hi Julia! Happy New Year! I saw your son is safe? That’s great! Congratulations!’
‘Thank you.’ I sit down, my mind reeling at what Jim has just told me.
‘I saw you on the TV appeal too. I thought you were so brave.’ She jumps up. ‘Let me make you a cup of tea or coffee! What would you like?’
‘I’m fine,’ I begin but she looks crestfallen. ‘Oh please!’ she begs. ‘I really, really want to! Go on, tea or coffee?’
I’m slightly thrown by her enthusiasm… ‘OK. Tea. Thank you.’
She rushes off to the kettle and moments later returns, proudly carrying a very full mug, which she places down on the desk next to my keyboard. ‘I saw this and thought of you,’ she says shyly, pushing it towards me, slopping some of the tea on the desk in the process. ‘It’s a thank you for when you stood up for me just before Christmas.’
‘That’s very kind.’ I grab a tissue and glance at the shiny new mug while I’m mopping up. It reads:
Heroes.
Friends.
Mothers.
Daughters.
Visionaries.
Queens.
WOMEN.
I sit back, genuinely touched by the sentiment.
‘I really did think you were so brave on the TV.’
