by H. A. Wills
I don’t exactly understand what he means by that, and my stomach jumps when he does a slow lick up my neck. My skin subtly tingles, and I barely feel the sharp prick when his teeth sink into my flesh. Whatever I thought a vampire’s bite felt like pales in comparison to the actual experience.
The air in my lungs escapes in a breathy moan, and my eyes droop closed. Whatever I was thinking before completely vanishes. Instead, a deep, warm pleasure flows through my veins at the languid pace of a lover’s caress, flooding every part of me in a desire so profound I immediately want to be like this forever.
Nolan groans against my neck like a starving man that’s having his first taste of the ambrosia made for gods. With one hand twisted in my hair and the other spread wide on my spine, he moves until we’re flush against each other, and I wholeheartedly welcome the contact.
With a throaty purr, I press my body hard against him, while my fingers seek out the sculpted lines of his exposed shoulders and back. I feel confident and desirable, enjoying exploring his body-- learning the slopes of his shoulder blades, the beads of his spine, and the contours of the muscles beneath his skin.
There was nothing to be nervous about.
Then, the languid pleasure shifts to an aching need, and all I want is more. More of him. More of this feeling. More of everything. Sinking into his embrace, I buck my hips against his-- rocking my core against his growing hard-on.
Nolan inhales sharply, an answering moan vibrating in his chest, but he doesn’t stop-- greedily lapping up the blood that slowly drips down my neck. His grip tightens in my hair, and his hand slides further down my spine, a few of his long tapered fingers finding the exposed skin between my shirt and jeans.
“Yes,” I pant into his ear. “Take all you need.”
With the simple touch of his fingertips on my bare skin, lust burns through me, and my clothes feel itchy against my over sensitive flesh. I run my hands up his body, until I’m cradling his head against me, his white blonde hair soft between my fingers. I mentally beg him to slide his hands under my shirt, so I can feel more of him on my skin.
When his fangs finally slide back into his gums, he keeps his mouth to my neck. His tongue slowly runs along the puncture holes and licks up any remaining blood. The metallic tang is a heady scent mixed with the musk of intense desire.
Once finished, Nolan leans back into the couch, and my hands slip from the back of his head down to his firm chest. His breaths are heavy pants, and his skin is tacky with hints of sweat. There’s a tingling sensation at my neck, a combination of his saliva and my magic at work knitting everything back together. I know it’s completely healed when he sits back up and touches my neck, his thumb running along where his mark was only moments before.
“Told you,” I murmur into his ear. “Good as new.”
“Incredible,” he whispers back.
Our faces turn toward each other, so close that our noses nearly bump, and his hands drop to my hips. The pupils of his eyes are huge, surrounded with only a thin layer of ice blue.
Even though he’s stopped feeding, need still fills me and my fingers itch to explore him once more. This feeling is joined by a painful longing that pierces right through my heart. There’s a powerful roar in my ears, as I cup his face between my hands. With gentle fingers, I trace the sharp planes of his cheekbones and jaw like braille, craving to remember each part of this moment.
He licks his lips, but seems transfixed by my touch, remaining still except for our shared labored breaths.
It feels like the world doesn’t exist outside of the walls of this room, and we are the only two that inhabit it. Inside, I’m a jumbled collection of opposites. A deep and primal need to fuse together matched against something softer and delicate that wants to freeze time so we can remain suspended in this place.
I brush my thumb across his lips, his full bottom lip soft to the touch, and then lightly press mine against them.
It feels like sliding into a warm bath-- safe and wonderful with no desire to leave, and my heart feels swollen and fragile, because all the ice that protects me has melted away.
My eyes flutter closed when Nolan kisses me back with the same unhurried pace, his hands sliding up my back with fingers spread wide. A happy hum rumbles in his chest that draws from me a matching sigh.
At first it’s merely lips brushing against lips, then his tongue slides along the seam of my mouth, encouraging me to open myself to him. I acquiesce, nervous because I don’t really know what I’m doing, and my heartbeat begins to rattle uncontrollably in my ears.
However, it’s clear he does know what he’s doing. Confident and unhurried, his tongue explores the wet contours of my mouth, tracing along my teeth, then stroking mine in invitation to do the same.
I tilt my head to the side, my hands falling from his face to his shoulders, and tentatively repeat what he did to me. He has the taste of warm copper with hints of spicy chocolate, and my whole mouth subtly tingles.
A low groan of appreciation resonates from his throat, and he opens his mouth wider, enticing me to deepen the kiss. His left hand slides up to cradle the back of my head, his fingers tangled in my hair once more, while his right slides back down to the space between my shirt and jeans.
I feel dizzy and desperate for more. Flattening myself against him, I wrap my arms fully around his neck and give over all of me.
He sucks on my tongue, nips at my lips, and leads me in a frenzied dance of desire. His hand moves beneath my shirt, scorching fingers tracing along the base of my spine, and I moan into his mouth.
Following what feels like instinct, I grind my hips against his… and it’s like Nolan’s been splashed with ice water.
“Stop,” he chokes out, pulling away and gasping for air. “This… this is the bite, Callie. You don’t really want to do this.”
Cold shock runs through me, as I realize what I’ve done. I promised him freedom, and instead, I’ve taken advantage of him just like every other girl.
“I’m so sorry,” I cry, scrambling off his lap, already feeling the sting of tears. “I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have…”
“It’s okay,” he attempts to reassure, while his chest is still heaving. He seems to be having trouble focusing, blinking repeatedly in my direction. “I should have warned you more. Explained it better.”
“No. No, I…” My voice trails off, because I don’t know how to articulate what I feel.
Everything is mixed up, and all I know for sure is there’s a sharp pain in my chest. I stand up to get more distance between us, because a good part of me is fighting to get back into his arms. Noticing I’m still wearing his shirt, I tug it off and hand it back to him.
Nolan balls the shirt in his hands, when I really wish he’d put it on. He looks at me with a mixture of regret and tenderness, which only makes my heart hurt more.
“Callie love, it was a simple mistake. A vampire’s bite is extremely potent, so it’s not your fault that things… escalated,” he assures gently, unaware that his words are like knives. “At least it was only kissing. We stopped before anything really happened.” He sighs, running a hand through his mussed hair-- for once in real disarray-- made so by my fingers only moments ago. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop it sooner. We can just forget about it, okay? Pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Right,” I chirp, while it feels like shards of glass are embedded inside me, slicing up my heart and lungs. Attempting to make what I hope looks like a normal expression, I pull my sleeves over my hands, fisting the soft fabric between my fingers. “I’m… I’m going to go splash some cold water on my face. Be right back.”
Spinning on my heel, I speed walk to the bathroom near Nolan’s study. Quickly, I flick on the fan along with the light and turn the water on full blast in the sink. Hoping that there’s enough white noise to drown me out, I relinquish my straining control and allow my tears to fall.
With my hands pressed tight against my mouth, I let my feelings drain out of me: sh
ame, guilt, pain, and a deep aching sadness. After seventeen years of endless loneliness, I’ve finally experienced my first kiss.
And it was a mistake.
Chapter 9
Nolan
Shit. Shit. Shit... Fucking shit!
Waiting for Callie to come back from the bathroom, my elbows resting on my bent knees, I bury my head in my hands.
What the fuck was I thinking? I shouldn’t have fed from her. I definitely shouldn’t have kissed her.
The twisted logic side of my brain tries to give me the out that she kissed me first, but it’s not having the same power that it normally does. Only a few hours ago, I was telling D to keep his hands off her until Felix passes on, and then I stick my tongue down her throat.
Felix can never know about this. If Donovan finds out, he’ll punch me and call me a hypocrite. If Felix finds out, it’ll break him.
I flop back against the couch, running both hands through my hair, only to trigger the memory of how good it felt when she did it. Shaking my head, I attempt to dislodge the thought before it follows down a path that will make this worse.
I’m such a shitty friend.
The answer is obvious-- don’t feed from Callie again. One time, it was a stupid mistake. It happening again is asking for trouble.
Except there’s one major problem. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good… this sated. Not only am I finally not hungry, her blood tasted so amazing there’s nothing I can really compare it to. It’s like being flooded with life. It’s euphoria in its purest form.
Crap, Callie isn’t the only one riding a high right now.
I lick my lips, searching for any remaining taste of her, even though I know there’s nothing left. Picking up my t-shirt, I smell the stains of blood near the collar and groan. It’s more than the scent of her blood. It’s infused with the perfume of her desire… the arousing effects of my bite.
My fangs begin to slide from their place over my incisors, and I quickly stuff my shirt underneath the couch cushion, my heart pounding in my chest. Oh, this is bad. Really fucking bad.
When I hear the water shut off, I slide to the other side of the couch and grab a throw pillow to put over my lap. Her seeing me sporting a raging hard-on isn’t going to help anyone. I reach for one of the remotes to put anything on the TV.
I’m flipping through the menu when Callie comes out of the bathroom. She has a tight smile, red eyes, and she’s rubbing at her arms for reasons I’m sure she doesn’t understand. Since I didn’t… finish her off… she’s going to crave physical contact until the bite works its way out of her system.
I’m fucked. And an asshole. I’m a fucking asshole.
“Come here,” I command gently with my arms open in invitation.
Apprehension clouds her features, but she doesn’t hesitate to climb back into my arms, her head resting in the crook of my neck. With shallow controlled breaths, I do my best to bury my own response to her nearness, because I did this to her. I need to take care of her.
“Why did I do that?” she whispers against my neck, which feels a little too good. “I mean after what happened you’d think… but I immediately walked over here.”
Running my hand down her hair, which is a mess thanks to me, I do my best to explain, “It’s an effect of the bite. You’ll want to be close to me for a while.” Yeah, that’s an understatement. In an effort to make her feel better, I add, “You’re actually doing really well. For a lot of people, it’s like being on a heavy dose of E mixed with a potent aphrodisiac, and they lose complete control of themselves.”
“Oh yeah, I’m a regular Buddhist monk,” she mutters, and unconsciously starts playing with my fingers.
The arousing effects of simply touching hands is seriously underappreciated.
After a quiet moment, she adds, “I really am sorry.”
I hate how guilty she feels when it really isn’t her fault. It was an accident. Not exactly a trip, fall, and land on my face or anything, but it just happened.
With the hand she isn’t playing with, I start the delicate process of detangling her hair, and murmur back, “It really is okay, love. I know you didn’t mean to do it. We got carried away, that’s all.”
“I’ll do better next time,” she vows, tracing soft lines up and down my inner wrist that I feel everywhere. Now that her blood is flowing through me, all my senses feel heightened, especially touch. “You were right. I didn’t know how goo... how it would feel, but now I do. I’ll be able to control myself.”
My pulse jumps, and what I should say is stuck in my throat. The ugly truth is I’m weak. I’m a selfish bastard that takes what’s offered. Every time.
“You don’t have to do this,” I rasp, the closest I can get to the right thing to do.
Callie shakes her head. “I want to help. We can’t let one…” she clears her throat, “um, setback keep us from giving you your life back. Or at least more control of it until we can undo the curse.” She leans away, cupping my cheek while she searches my eyes. “We will find a way to undo it. I promise.” She bites her bottom lip that was swollen only moments ago from my own teeth. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to talk to my aunt about it.”
For what might be the first time in my life, I’m speechless. I’m taking advantage of her, and she only offers me more. The desire to kiss her again balloons inside me, but this time, it isn’t because she’s beautiful and we’re both turned on. It’s because she’s generous and kind, and I have nothing to offer her in return. I’m good at one thing, and it’s something that she doesn’t want. At least not from a man whore like me.
“Yeah... okay,” I answer, which is so pathetic for what she’s offering.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she doesn’t tell anyone,” Callie assures earnestly. “I know why you don’t want anyone to know.”
“Thanks.”
Callie offers up a real smile, the one that touches her whole face, then snuggles against me. She sighs contently, her hands still wandering in idle touches which is a sweet torture, but she seems more relaxed now.
This is punishment for all my one-night stands, isn’t it? A whole horde of people trying to climb back in my bed, and the one girl that is my own gift wrapped drug of choice, I can’t touch.
“Can I ask you a question?” she murmurs while drawing unhurried flower patterns on my chest.
I swallow a groan. “Sure.”
“Why is Gina so obsessed with you?” she asks, then backpedals, “Not that... I mean you’re attractive and everything, but it seems extreme is all.”
My laugh has a bitter edge to it. “Because I’m the only vampire she has access to.”
“Huh?” Even though I can’t see her face, I can feel her confused frown. “Why would that matter? She’s a witch.”
Her cluelessness is kind of adorable, and I give her a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know how much Connor told you, but Gina was the first person I’d ever fed from. We’d been dating a few weeks...” I sigh, trying to search for the right words. “Okay, first you need to understand since bagged blood has been more readily available for my kind, feeding is considered more intimate now. Or can be... Point is, she saw it as the ‘next level’,” I finger quote, “for our relationship.”
Callie slowly nods, but I can tell all the pieces haven’t clicked yet.
“She was…” I trail off, realizing I’ve never had to really articulate everything that happened with her. Everyone that knows saw it all in real time-- ish. I swallow heavily. “She was my first real girlfriend. The first person I dated that knew everything about me, and I didn’t have to hide who I was.”
She makes a sympathetic hum and reaches up to caress my neck, her fingers running over the short hair at the base of my skull.
“Anyway, she wanted to know what it felt like, and I wanted to make her happy.” My eyes drift closed, and like a drunken idiot, I lean into the sensation. “I was also curious if I’m being honest.”
“Makes s
ense,” she murmurs without judgment. My ex has been harassing her since day one, and still, she doesn’t judge me for dating evil incarnate.
“As you now know, vampire bites feel…”
Her fingers still for a moment. “Yeah, I remember,” she grumbles.
I snicker. Thankfully, it feels like we’re slowly sliding back into our normal rapport-- even if a lot more touching is involved at the moment.
“On bagged blood, vampires have to feed every couple days to sustain themselves. The magic-- life energy-- whatever, fades from the blood once it’s no longer circulating through the body. From a living supernatural, I only had to feed once a week.” I hesitate as I get closer to the real problem. The reason I shouldn’t keep feeding from Callie. “There are no withdrawal symptoms from a bite, but people can still get addicted to the feeling… Gina was the only person I was feeding from.”
“Oooooh,” she breathes, elongating it several syllables.
And it clicks.
Expelling a deep breath, I continue, “Yeah. It can also leave people… wanting more, if they haven’t… um, if certain…”
I don’t know why the fuck I’m floundering. I never have issues talking about sex, but with Callie, I feel like I’m corrupting her.
“Oh for the love of...” she curses, clearly annoyed. “If they haven’t orgasmed. Is that what you mean?”
“Yes,” I chuckle, but she’s not done.
Callie sits up straight, so she can look me directly in the eye. “Just because I’m not as… experienced as you,” she huffs, “doesn’t mean I don’t know how sex works. Or lust. Or whatever.”
If she didn’t before, she certainly does now.
Pulling her back into my arms, I cuddle her close and pet her hair.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I murmur to the top of her head, doing my best to hide the humor in my voice.
“I mean you guys throw around innuendos like party favors,” she mutters, and I don’t have to see the eye roll to know it’s there. “But talk about sex and stuff, and you’re clutching your pearls.”
