by Anna Edwards
“Hey, I didn’t say anything about love.”
“But your eyes do.”
I sit thinking about what she said a long time after she cashed up for the day and left with her biker boyfriend.
I pick up my phone. Still no messages.
I should just go home, have a quiet night in, and wait for him to call me. He must be busy if he isn’t calling me.
Chapter Thirteen
Kace
The words pour out of me like a waterfall. I barely leave my kitchen table, and my laptop battery has heated twice to the point that I became afraid it would crash. My fingers dance over the keyboard, punching out words I never knew existed. I’ve taken two bathroom breaks, drank endless cups of coffee, and have not eaten anything all day.
Kenzie inspires me. She’s the missing piece in my puzzle, and now that I’ve found her, my muse, I will not be letting her go. I can still remember the way she looked this morning, her hair like a veil over her face, her slender arms over her head, her breathing shallow.
The soft swell of her breasts in my palms, the curve of her back as I pulled her closer to me. The gentle snoring, and the flutter of her heart beating against her chest. And then it came to me, what I’ve been missing all this time.
Who would have thought that a year after I started this story I’ll be so close to an end? I can see it, reach for it, almost touch it. I look at my phone. It is past seven p.m. There is a reply from Kenzie, a couple of messages from Jax, and a missed call from Dr. Willis.
I hop into the shower and get ready as fast as I can. I have to tell her in person. She has to know.
I step out of the lift of her apartment and rush down the hallways to her door. I pick up my hand to ring the doorbell and pause. I'm elated. I can barely breathe. It's like I've crossed over this colossal hurdle that was in my way.
I ring the bell and step back, digging my hands in my pockets. I grin as the door opens, and my face falls when I take in the person in front of me. Instead of Kenzie, a tall man in a suit stands before me. He cocks an eyebrow.
“Can I help you?” he asks smugly.
“Is Kenzie here?” I falter, uncertain why. There’s a possessiveness I notice in his eyes.
“She's in the shower. She'll likely be a while," he answers, his hands folded across his chest.
"And who, might I ask, are you?” He gives me that once-over rich people do. When they look at you and know you're not in their league.
“I—I should go. Could you tell her Kace was here?”
He nods and steps inside, slamming the door in my face. I clench my fists. I feel the heat rising into my face. I want to bang my fist into the fucking door, demand he tells me who he is and what the fuck he's doing in my girl's apartment. But is she my girl? I haven't staked my claim. She's free to see whoever she wants to. Except she isn't. She's stolen from me, and I'll be damned if I am going to give up this easy.
I knock on the door, not bothering to use the doorbell.
He opens the door, and I push past him. "What the—?" he growls.
"Where is she?" I interrupt, and he glares at me.
“I thought I told you she was in the shower,” the man hisses.
“And who the fuck are you?” I rake my hands through my hair, unable to stand still.
“William. Her boyfriend.”
My eyebrows crease. “Her what? Her boyfriend! She never mentioned she had one.”
“We split up, but we’re working things out now.”
I feel deflated. Isn’t he just the kind of man she should be with? Put together, a stockbroker or some shit like that. His Rolex speaks a great deal about his bank balance.
I brush past him, not able to say another word.
"I'll tell her you stopped by," he yells as I slam the door behind me.
I drive for as long as I can until I find myself outside a familiar double story. The lights are out, and they've no doubt gone to bed. I wonder whether he thinks of her when he sleeps next to Emma, whether he remembers how she hung from the ceiling, blue and cold. Does he tell Emma about the way she used to smile when Jax and I were younger, and how she brightened up a room just by entering it?
I step out of my car and walk up the pathway. I knock on the door and wait, then knock again more urgently this time. A light comes on inside, and I hear feet shuffling, an alarm being deactivated, and then the door swings open.
“Kace. It’s three in the morning.” My father rubs his face.
“Do you miss her?”
He sighs. “Do you want to come in?”
“Do you miss her?” I insist, spotting Emma coming down the staircase.
"It's been a while, son."
That word. He used to call me several other names but not son when I was growing up. He was ashamed of me. He was ashamed of her. He was proud of Jax, he always was. Jax got a hiding, but not nearly as much as I did. Jax was the good son. I was the disappointment. And then there was Elaine. There was no room for me; there never was.
“You never cried, you know, when she died. I watched you carefully, hoping I would see a semblance of emotion in your eyes, but there was none. None that mattered and none that counted.
"This is not the time," he says sternly.
"It is always the time to tell the truth. Always."
“Kace,” he calls out, but I’ve stopped hearing.
I walk away, and I know I will never see his face again. I get into my car and drive.
I park beside the bank of the river for a long time. The sun is just a whisper on the horizon as it kisses the grey dawn. I pull the card Dr. Willis gave me and stare at it. I thought I found a reason, but I was wrong. She was just a pipedream, like every other thing in my life. I was not the kind of man she needed, and I wonder if I will ever be.
I have to make this noise in my head go away.
Maybe it’s time I find a cure to make up for the one I lost.
I start my engine. There’s no turning back now.
THE END
About Jo-Anne Joseph
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Dedication
Because everyone deserves someone they can be unapologetically themselves with, no matter what.
Chapter One
Jack
The back of my eyelids were a permanent sight for me. Ever since I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy at seven-years-old, I’d struggled with staying awake when I needed to. It was more under control now with medication and recognizing when I needed to take naps, but I was in a strict routine, which was why this week wasn’t high on my “looking forward to” list.
A week out in nature with my friends sounded amazing, but add in the other forty-odd campers that would be there, and it was my worst nightmare.
Like freak shows and carnivals, people liked to stare at the unusual, at people who were maybe a little different from them. I’d spent the better part of my teenage years being made fun of, now it kinda rolled off my back. It didn’t bother me like it used to because I knew my condition wasn’t who I was.
The sound of a horn got my attention, and I picked up my backpack and pushed off the brick wall of my apartment block with my friends Luke and Dom in tow.
Brock was hanging out his car window, his dark hair hanging in front of his eyes. He tapped the side of his car. “Nap King, Hobbit, Shia LaBeouf, let’s go!”
I shook my head with laughter at the stupid nicknames we’d given each other in high school over ten years ago. My nickname and Luke’s were self-explanatory; I could nap anywhere, anytime, and Luke looked like Shia LaBeouf. But Dom
became “Hobbit” when people were making fun of him. He had started his own nickname to show he didn’t care that he was the shortest in our grade, and it stuck.
I shouted, “Shotgun,” as we all ran for the passenger side.
“I’m calling it on the way back,” Dom huffed.
Brock, Luke, and Dom had been my best friends for most of my life, and they’d never treated me any differently. They were always patient and understood when I needed to rest if we were out and about.
“You ready for this?” Brock sang as I climbed in the passenger seat.
“Born ready,” I answered.
“Hell yeah!” Luke and Dom hollered at the same time.
I grinned as Brock made a U-turn and headed toward our friend Nathan’s house. Brock held the horn like he’d done for us, and Nat came out of his home with his two little girls wrapped around his tattooed neck.
Nat was the only one out of our friendship group that had settled down, but those girls and Kim were the making of him. I honestly didn’t know where he’d be if he hadn’t met her. He was always the wild one of our group.
I got out the car and Ellie saw me, squealing, “Uncle Jack!”
Kim appeared and leaned against the doorjamb, her blonde hair in a bun on the top of her head.
“Hey, Kim.” I gave her a wave.
“You boys look after Nat; he isn’t used to late nights and booze anymore.”
She had a teasing smile on her face as Nat glanced back at her. “Woman, stop embarrassing me in front of my friends!”
You could see the love between them, she’d loved him at his worst and took him as he was, making him a better man. It was hard not to be jealous; I wanted what they had.
I picked three-year-old Ellie up when she barreled into my legs. “Hey, sweet girl. You gonna be good for your mama?”
“Mhmmm,” she hummed sweetly. “Daddy camping.”
“That’s right, we’re going on a bear hunt.”
Her expression turned shocked. “Big bears?”
“The biggest.” I tickled her sides and made growling noises like a bear.
She giggled. “Silly, Jack.”
I set her on her feet and grabbed Nathan’s bag as he was still wrestling his eldest daughter away from his neck.
“Daddy’s gotta go, but I’ll be back soon.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she protested.
“Little help,” he aimed at his wife.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t think you boys will do any bear hunting this weekend if you can’t even escape a five-year-old.”
“I resent that,” Nat said as she pulled Beth away from him.
I looked into big brown eyes as Beth made a grab for me. “You’re not really going to hunt bears, are you, Uncle Jack?”
I bent my knees slightly so I was at her level. “No, sweetheart, it was just a joke.” I ruffled her hair and my body swayed as I fought the urge to close my eyes. “We’ll look after daddy, I promise.”
“You okay?” Kim asked.
I motioned to the car. “Yeah, I’m going to take a catnap so I don’t have to listen to these idiots the whole way there.”
I waved and yawned my way to the car, leaving Nat to say his goodbyes to his family.
The daytime drowsiness was the worst. I’d learned to control it better, but sometimes it bit me in the ass so I had to try and get whatever sleep I could.
Narcolepsy wasn’t all bad though, I used to use it to my advantage as a teen. I’d pretend to fall asleep at family gatherings if I wanted to get out of a conversation. Or if a test wasn’t going my way in school, they’d always let me take it again.
I knew I needed all the sleep I could get if I was going to be as active as I wanted to be this week, so I shut my eyes and blanked out the bickering between Brock and Luke, hoping we’d be at the camp when I woke.
Chapter Two
Felicity
The suitcase wasn’t shutting no matter how many times I sat on it. It looked like an overstuffed burrito with the amount of clothes and shoes I was trying to take.
“Are you ready yet?” Von, short for Yvonne, yelled through the hallway of our tiny two-bedroom apartment.
“For the fourth time, no!” I climbed on the suitcase and attempted to fasten it again. “A little help!”
Footsteps echoed as she rushed down the hallway. “Holy shit, you realize we’re only going for a week?”
I slumped onto the floor and blew my pastel pink hair out of my face. “You never know when you’ll need something.”
She shook her head and opened my suitcase, picked out a pair of stilettos, and raised an eyebrow. “In the woods?”
I lifted them out of her hands and stroked them like they were a pet. “The website said there would be parties.”
“Fliss…” she whined.
“Fine.”
I sighed and flung them onto my bed, continuing to do the same with a few other things she deemed unnecessary to take. I didn’t even want to go to the stupid camp; I was more of an inside person.
I loved my pajamas and food, and curling up in front of the TV with a bottle of wine. I wasn’t sure I’d like running around the woods.
“That should do it.” She leaned on the suitcase and zipped it. “Ta-dah! Now can we go?”
My other best friend Lennie was waiting outside with her sister Dani and her friend Gemma, and we all had to rearrange the trunk of my car to fit the luggage in.
“How long are we going for again?” Lennie joked.
“Don’t you start,” I grumbled. “I’ve already had a lecture off the organization queen herself.”
Lennie snickered and climbed in the back of my car with Dani and Gemma. I’d considered throwing my keys at Von and running, but she gave me a look that said, “Girl, get your ass in the car!”
We’d booked the trip six months ago after my life had taken a complete one-eighty when I left my long-term boyfriend. I wasn’t in a good place then and after one too many margaritas, they’d convinced me the outdoors would do me good. But now we were on our way, I wanted to crawl into the safety of my bed.
I tried telling myself it’d be okay as I lowered into my seat, but who was I kidding?
I’d just pulled onto the highway when Lennie shoved a bag between Von and I like she was presenting us with the holy grail. “I picked up snacks.”
I opened my mouth for her to put some candy in there, and Dani rolled her eyes. “It’s only a two-hour drive, Len.”
“Yeah, and I’ve got snacks for that two-hour ride.”
Von put on a “road trip” playlist and I forgot all about my apprehensions. We were all back together after college—something we didn’t get to do often. Mostly life got in the way, well, life and my controlling ex-boyfriend.
There was a reason I was such a mess when I’d gotten the courage to leave him and take back my life. He’d ostracized me from everyone I’d cared about, but this next chapter in my life was mine and mine only.
I was getting back to my regular self—the self before he convinced me I was supposed to act a certain way. Never again would I let a guy tell me how I could dress, act, or who I could see. He even forced me to change my hair color; apparently bright colors were “immature.” I dyed my hair pink the day I left and haven’t looked back since then.
I was now an independent—scratch that—semi-independent adult, because I wasn’t quite there yet. I still called my mom on laundry day sometimes to run me through the washing machine because for the life of me, I couldn’t work it out on my own.
Twenty minutes away from our destination, I really had to pee. I bobbed my leg along to the music, trying to distract myself but it wasn’t working. Von had her feet up on my dash and Lennie was comatose from all the candy she’d been eating when there was a gigantic pop.
“Fuck!”
Lennie woke up and shrieked, “They shot me,” at the top of her voice as I got control of the car that had veered onto the other side of the road.
“What the fuck was that!” Dani exclaimed.
“Tire.” I pulled over and clambered out the car with Von. “Damn it!”
“Please tell me you have a spare.”
I pulled my cell out my pocket and tried to pick up a signal. “Yeah, but… I kinda, might have left the jack on the sidewalk when we took the luggage out to rearrange the trunk.”
“Fliss…”
“I know, I know.” We were in the middle of nowhere and I couldn’t get a signal, I had no other choice than to walk. “I think I saw a gas station about three miles back, I’ll get help.”
“You are not leaving us here, we’ll all be murdered!”
I threw my cell onto my seat through the open window. “You watch too many horror movies.”
“I’m serious, you’re not going anywhere. Next idea.”
Lennie leaned out her window. “What’s going on?”
“Fliss hasn’t got a jack.”
I’d like to point out the semi part of being an independent person was because of things like this. Paul used to check everything to do with the car if we were driving a long distance. I tried, I did, but I’d taken it out my trunk when we tried to fit five women’s luggage in there, and forgotten to put it back in like I’d planned to.
Lennie’s face dropped. “Shit, I saw a gas—”
“Not happening,” Von interrupted.
“We’ll all get murdered, naturally,” I said sarcastically.
Lennie’s eyes grew wide. “What?”
“It was a joke, Len. Von’s watched too many horror movies.”
“Don’t joke about that, this is how all horror movies start!”
The sound of a distant engine caught our attention, and Von muttered, “Please don’t be a serial killer.”
The car the engine belonged to turned the corner, and we waved it down. It slowed, and we got the first glimpse of five guys all craning their heads to see what was going on.
