by Paul Regnier
“Dude.” I lifted my eyebrows. “Focus.”
“Right. Sorry.”
I spent the next couple minutes looking through clothes pockets, finding nothing but lint and change. Mostly pennies. I was starting to question my certainty about Jimmy being the clown at the auction when Kenny piped up.
“Check it out.” Kenny lifted up a pair of oversized red clown shoes and a fluffy blue clown wig.
I hurried over. “Where’d you find that?”
“At the bottom of this box. And there’s more.” Kenny reached into one of the black boxes and pulled out a clown costume with red and white stripes.
“That’s it.” I grabbed the outfit. “That’s what he was wearing. It was him.”
Kenny shook his head. “I don’t know how you recognized him from that picture but you’re right. What should we do now?”
A door in the hallway opened, and footsteps approached. Kenny and I shared a wide-eyed glance.
Chapter 6
I instinctively pivoted to the large wardrobe, opened the door and motioned Kenny inside.
Kenny whispered. “What about the swords?”
I grabbed his arm and pulled him in, closing the doors behind us. The dressing room door creaked open and someone entered.
Light streamed through the thin crack between the wardrobe doors. I put my eye up to it to get a glimpse of the room. My heart thudded in my chest as Jimmy the Mysterious strode into the dressing room. Jimmy removed his glittering jacket and threw it on the chair at the desk, then slumped into it and checked his hair in the mirror.
My mind spun with ways to talk my way out of this. I couldn’t think of a remotely believable explanation for why we were hiding in a magician’s dressing room wardrobe.
A cell phone rang. Thankfully, it wasn’t mine. Or Kennys. Jimmy retrieved a phone from his pocket.
“Everything good?” he said. “Oh ... what?” His voice took on a nervous edge. “Today? Why?”
There was a moment of silence.
“I can’t. I’ve got another performance at two.” Jimmy drummed his fingers on the desk in a quick rhythm. “They’re safe. Don’t worry. Yeah. Look, I said don’t worry. I’ve got ‘em in a trick box. Yeah. False bottom, puzzle locks, they’re good. Plus, I make my trick boxes custom. Trust me, no one’s getting this thing open.” He paused for a moment, then groaned. “Why now? But ... Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll say I’m sick. Yeah, Turner cabin. Twelve thirty. Got it.” He clicked off the phone and let out a long sigh. “Figures.”
Jimmy stood and grabbed a casual dress jacket from the couch, then dug through a drawer, searching for something. He moved through the room, getting uncomfortably close to the wardrobe. I leaned back slowly and held my breath. The skin on my forearm prickled. At any moment I expected him to start driving swords through the wardrobe. Obviously, Kenny’s paranoia had gotten into my head.
Jimmy rummaged around in a nearby box, paused for one terrible, silent moment, then headed out of the room. As the squeaky room door closed behind him, I let out a long breath.
“That was brutal,” Kenny said. “Get me outta here, I can’t breathe.”
“Hold on.” I waited a few moments, just to be sure, then got out. I crept to the dressing room door and opened it just a crack so I could check the hallway beyond. Luckily, it was empty.
“Okay, let’s go.” I waved Kenny forward.
We emerged from the cave-like lounge, and made a beeline for the front door of the lodge. Thankfully, we made it back to the parking lot without incident. I started the car and drove away, but my breathing pattern didn’t return to normal until we were back on the highway, headed toward Crystal Falls.
“That was nuts.” Kenny cracked the passenger seat window and took a deep breath. “Exciting but nuts. My stomach was churning so bad I could feel the kale smoothie coming back up.”
“Don’t you dare.” I pointed at him. “Not in my Mustang. Roll down the window.”
“Relax.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “The moment’s over.”
A few minutes of silence went by as I replayed Jimmy’s conversation in my head.
“You ever heard of a trick box?” I asked. “The way Jimmy was talking, I’d be willing to bet money that’s where the gems are.”
“That’s what I was thinking. Let me do a search.” Kenny tapped away at his phone. “Okay, here we go. Looks like it’s some kind of magic novelty thing. You gotta solve interlocking puzzles and stuff to get it open.”
“Did you see anything like that in his dressing room?”
“Nope. I’m gonna have nightmares about that wardrobe though. I think I’m claustrophobic now.”
“Oh, please. We were in there for, like, five minutes.”
“Felt like an hour.”
“Jimmy mentioned the Turner cabin,” I said. “You heard that, right?”
“Yep. You thinking of that old, abandoned cabin in the hills?”
“That’s the only one I know of. Doesn’t make much sense.”
“Sure, it does. It’s remote, no one lives there, it’s hidden by trees. Great spot for thieving magicians and clowns to meet up.”
I tapped my thumbs on the steering wheel, lost in thought. “Well, it’s gonna make it hard to spy on him. It’s not like we can park nearby and watch from the car with binoculars.”
“No worries. I’m way ahead of you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a way to spy on them from miles away.”
“You got one of those high powered telescopes?”
“Better. Head back home and we’ll pick up my drone. Get ready for some high-tech surveillance.”
I smiled. “Now you’re talking.”
“Eyes in the sky. Clowns beware.”
“Okay, but first let’s stop by the bakery.”
“Ah, you doing the coffee and donuts thing?”
“It can’t hurt.”
Once we got back to town, I drove straight to the Crystal Bliss Bakery. Two dozen donuts and one container of coffee later, we were on our way to the police station.
Kenny sat in the passenger seat, balancing two pink boxes of donuts on his lap with the coffee container nestled between his feet. He took a slow, deep breath. “These smell amazing. Pure torture. Why’d you have to get glazed donuts? Those are my favorites.”
“This was your idea, remember? I just blew thirty two bucks. I probably should’ve just stuck with flowers.”
Kenny groaned. “Why did I suggest this during a juice cleanse? I’m not prepared for this kind of temptation.”
“Just think of Ellie. You want to tell her you stayed true to the diet, right?”
“Right.” He shut his eyes tight. “Think of Ellie. You can do this. Think of Ellie...”
We pulled into the police station a minute later. I shut off the car and quickly grabbed the donut boxes from Kenny, preventing any further temptation. “Can you bring the coffee?”
“Right behind you.”
Just inside the station entrance was Officer Clara Wilson, the receptionist. She was fifty-something, with red and grey streaked hair.
“Special delivery,” I said.
“Ooo.” Officer Wilson smiled. “Are those for me?”
“For all of you hard working officers,” I smiled. “The least I could do.”
Kenny lifted the coffee container beside me. “And coffee too.”
“How sweet,” she said. “Did you mess up with Brooke again?”
“No. I mean, not really.”
She smirked. “Is this about the article?”
“What article?”
Officer Wilson grabbed the latest edition of The Crystal Chronicle off her desk and held up the front page. The headline read in bold letters, ‘Biggest theft in Crystal Falls history. Police Baffled.’
She raised her eyebrows. “Baffled is a strong word, don’t you think?”
A heavy weight settled in my chest. “I didn’t write that.”
“Really?�
�� She pointed to the paper. “Then why does it say, by Luke Cooper?”
“Well, yeah, I wrote the article but not the headline. Carl did that. Editorial privilege.”
She held out her hands and took the boxes. “The donuts should help. I’ll let everyone know you didn’t write the headline. Not sure they’ll believe me though.”
I scanned the office beyond her. Most of the officers were too busy to notice my arrival, but the few that caught my eye didn’t look too happy to see me.
Kenny set the coffee on Officer Wilson’s desk and patted me on the back. “You sure are making a lot of friends today, Luke.”
“Is Brooke here?” I threw out one last lifeline to salvage the situation. Maybe I could explain myself to her.
“Sorry.” Officer Wilson shook her head. “She should be back soon though. I’ll put in a good word for you.”
“Okay, thanks.” I turned to leave.
“Give Bandit a kiss for me,” she said. “You’ve gotta bring him with you next time. He’s such a sweetie.”
I nodded and headed out the door.
By the time we got home, I was exhausted. Even though it was only 11:15, it seemed like I’d already burned through my daily allowance of energy.
Bandit met us at the front door and practically tackled me in his excitement. It was nice to see someone who still liked me.
“Whoa,” I took a step back to steady myself. “Easy, Bandit.”
Sorry, I’m just happy to see you. Bandit barked. You’ve been gone forever.
I knelt down and ruffled the fur on his neck. Oh, come on. It was only a few hours. We had to track down that clown. Pretty sure he’s involved in last night's robbery.
Bandit growled. I knew it. See? Didn’t I warn you about him?
“What’s he growling at?” Kenny said.
“Oh,” I said. “I think he’s upset that he didn’t go with us.”
Well, duh. Bandit glanced up at Kenny. I could’ve finally bit that clown like he deserves.
The grinding buzz of the juicer echoed through the kitchen.
“Hear that, Kenny?” I said. “That’s the sound of another kale smoothie with your name on it.”
Kenny swallowed hard.
That sound hurts my ears. Bandit pawed at his head. Anything that makes that much noise should at least produce something that tastes good.
“Hey, that reminds me.” I grabbed the napkin from my pocket with the bacon inside. “Saved this for you from breakfast.”
Bandit’s ears perked up. Ooo. I smell bacon. You’re the best!
“Here you go.” I fished out a piece and tossed it to him.
Bandit crunched away. Mm. So much flavor. On my birthday can you just fill my dog bowl with these?
We’ll see. I returned the rest of the bacon to my pocket and headed for the kitchen.
Mom busied herself with what looked like a small patch of lawn on the kitchen counter.
She turned at our arrival. “Good, you’re back. Just in time for our mid-morning booster of wheatgrass shots.”
Kenny winced.
I patted him on the back. “You hear that, bud? Wheatgrass. Yum.”
He narrowed his eyes at me.
Mom brought over two shot glasses filled with green goo. “Brunch is served.”
I’m outta here. Bandit took off through the doggie door into the backyard.
She handed one to Kenny and lifted her glass. “To our health.”
Kenny gave a half-hearted smile and clinked glasses with her.
Mom downed her drink with authority. “Ahh.”
Kenny looked at his for a moment, then closed his eyes and hefted it back. His face squinched up and he shook his head.
“Invigorating, right?” Mom said.
Kenny nodded, his facial muscles still locked in disgust.
“Forty-eight hours of this, huh?” I smirked.
“Yes, and you’re missing out.” Mom pointed at me. “You could use this. All that processed bacon clogging your arteries. Maybe your young body can handle it now but just you wait.”
“I gave my bacon to Bandit.”
“So, you didn’t eat any at the restaurant?”
“Not telling.”
She shook her head.
“Hey,” Kenny said. “Got a major break in the robbery investigation.”
“Really?” Mom’s eyes lit up. “Me too. What’d you find?”
“There was an extra clown at the auction that wasn’t supposed to be there,” Kenny said.
Mom gasped. “No.”
“Wait, it gets better. Turns out, that clown is Ellie Greyson’s ex-fiancé.”
“Oh,” Mom put her hand to her chest. “That’s interesting.”
“Uh-huh. And, we found out he’s gonna meet someone, probably his thieving accomplice, at the abandoned Turner cabin in the hills. I’m gonna grab my drone and do some surveillance, see what I can find.”
“Oh, bravo, Kenny.” Mom clapped. “That is incredible. Luke, you should really get in on this. We’re cracking this case wide open.”
“Um, excuse me,” I said. “These were all my leads. I’m the one that found this out.”
“Luke definitely was in on this,” Kenny nodded. “I didn’t mean to take all the credit.”
Mom put her hand on his shoulder. “That’s very humble of you Kenny. Luke, do you see how Kenny is gracious and lets you share some of the credit?”
“I should hope so,” I said. “Since I’m the one that figured everything out.”
Kenny put his hands up. “Hey, I don’t need any credit. I just want justice.”
Mom frowned at me and motioned to Kenny. “You see? That’s the right attitude.”
I rubbed my temples. “My head hurts.”
“Plus,” Kenny said. “We’ve got our eye on Graham Sullivan as a potential suspect. Or at least a possible accessory.”
“Is that right?” Mom said. “Well, he is a little closed off. And why does he wear all those seventies clothes? That says something, doesn’t it?”
“Could be a psychological block,” Kenny said. “Probably clinging to the past and can’t move on. I read this one article about childhood trauma and–”
“Okay, just stop,” I said. “Never mind the clothes. The question with Graham is why he chose this particular event to organize and what’s he hiding? He wasn’t very forthcoming on the phone.”
“I know some people that helped organize,” Mom said. “Shouldn’t be too hard to dig up some details. In the meantime, I found out something pretty interesting myself. A few years ago, Agnes Millbury, the grandmother who willed the star garnets to the Greyson family, took out an insurance policy on them for eighty thousand dollars. That’s a big payday if they’re stolen.”
“You’re telling me,” Kenny said.
“Really?” I thought for a moment. “So, since their mom passed away, the only remaining family is Ellie and her sister Vicki?”
“Don’t forget their Uncle Jacob.” Kenny pointed at me. “Mr. Security Guard.”
“Maybe someone wanted the payout more than the gems,” Mom said.
“So, it’s possible Vicki or Jacob were in on it?” Kenny said.
“Or Ellie,” I said.
“No way.” Kenny shook his head. “She’s not the type.”
I laughed. “Right. Thank you, Mr. Impartial.”
“Kenny.” Mom looked at Kenny and motioned to me. “Maybe now’s a good time to tell Luke what we talked about last night.”
“Right.” Kenny said. “Our new business venture.”
“Oh no.” I looked at them. “What now?”
Kenny grinned. “I think you’re gonna like this.”
“Wanna bet?”
“Hush.” Mom waved me off. “Let Kenny talk.”
“Can I get a drink for this?” I said. “Do we have any whiskey?”
“Luke, that’s enough.” Mom motioned to Kenny. “Go ahead, dear.”
“Okay, picture this.” Kenny put out hi
s hands like a dramatic salesman. “You live in Crystal Falls and something horrible happens to you. You don’t know who to turn to, and no one seems to be able to help.”
“Sounds like me at this very moment,” I said.
“Shh!” Mom put a finger to her lips.
“A crime has been committed,” Kenny continued. “But the police have their hands full with other cases. You’re desperate for justice but what can you do? Who can you turn to?” He motioned to Mom.
“Oh.” She flinched as if she forgot her cue and rushed over to pick up the phone, even though it wasn’t ringing. “Hello? Crystal Clear Detective Agency?”
Kenny put his hand to his ear, thumb and pinky extended like miming a phone. “Speaking. How can we help you ma’am?”
Mom and Kenny spread out their hands. “Ta-da!”
I gave them a blank stare. “Crystal Clear Detective Agency? You hired a private eye?”
“Not hired, became,” Kenny said. “It’s us. Our agency. We’re legit detectives.”
“How much of that wheatgrass did you drink?”
“No, listen. This solves all our problems. Your mom wants to pursue a case legally? Problem solved. We’re no longer vigilantes operating outside of the law. We’re legit. The police can’t legally work with civilians? Problem solved. We’re a licensed detective agency that can be hired on as consultants.”
“Licensed? What are you talking about?”
He chuckled. “I did some freelance work for one of my regular tech clients last year. They wanted me to track down a computer fraud issue. Some amateur hacker was trying an old scam and directing it back to them. I tracked the newbie down within a couple days.”
“You can do that?”
He put his hands on his hips. “Why do you always doubt my skills?”
“I don’t know, that just sounds crazy.”
“Anyways.” He shook his head. “They were so impressed, they hired me a couple months later for a similar gig. And a few times after that. They wanted to make it all legit for billing records, so I filed for a business license as a detective agency. I kind of did it as a joke at the time, but something your mom said reminded me I still had the license. So, just like that, we’re legit PIs.”
