by Karen Deen
“You are too hard on him, Elouise,” Father’s voice comes from his office.
“Nonsense, Dustin. It’s your fault he is such a baby. If you were a stronger man, then he would look up to you more. Have a better role model. Instead you are a wimp, and I have to do everything in this marriage. It’s about time you stand up and start to show him what his role in society is. It’s not like you are going to become anything more than a lawyer. I had big plans for us, and now it will all fall on Alexander to make something of this family name. Your mother promised me more than this life. We had plans for you.”
I stop on the stairs, listening for my father in the cold silence that fills the house.
“Are you going to say anything, Dustin?” Her impatient voice fills the halls.
“What’s the point, Elouise? You make it perfectly clear every time we have this discussion what a failure I am to you. I’m the man you married for the status and money. You got both of those, so stop complaining.” Hearing his shoes stomping through his office, I run up to my room before they see me.
I don’t understand what they’re saying. I just hate when they fight. They don’t do it when all the people come here for the parties. Just when it’s only us—oh, and all the staff. Hearing her shoes on the marble floors downstairs, I close my door and quickly get changed. I don’t want to make her any angrier at me. Keep quiet and do as she asks. That’s what my father always says.
My car door opening next to me jerks me out of my memory.
“Thank you, Charles.” I look up to find my parents’ butler. Slightly more aged now than I remember as a kid, with grey hair, but still the same smile for me.
I step out and shake his hand, although my mother frowns if she sees me do it. To her, he is the hired help. To me he’s a childhood friend who then became my keeper of late-night secrets as a teenager.
“Master Alexander. How are you today?” He smiles, closing my door after we release hands.
“Well, it’s been an interesting morning so far, let me just say that. How is Mother today?” Rolling my eyes at him, he just laughs.
“The same as usual. She is expecting you and is waiting in the sunroom.” We start walking together.
“And Father, where is he?”
“As usual in his study, hiding—oops, I mean working.” We both have a laugh as he opens the front door for me.
“Nothing changes in this place,” I mumble under my breath, walking past him and towards my father’s study.
He might be my father, but I still knock before entering. This is his sanctuary, and he deserves the respect of being invited in.
“Enter,” his deep voice calls.
“Hi, Dad.” I only get to call him that when we’re on our own. Apparently only the common people use that word.
“Son, how are you? I didn’t hear you arrive.” Standing, he comes to me and shakes my hand with a slap on my shoulder. And that’s about as close to a hug as we get.
“Good, thanks. Busy, but you know what that’s like. The cases never stop landing on my desk.” I take a seat on his brown leather chesterfield. My mother has control over the decorating of every room in this house, except this one. This couch has been here for as long as I can remember. His room is like my father in a way. Nothing much changes, it’s safe, comfortable, traditional, and a true gentleman’s office. Nothing flashy, but classy and old world to show the wealth of history in his family. Some of the artwork and photographs of my grandparents and great-grandparents that lived in this house are something he’s proud of. Heritage means a lot to both my parents. It’s just my mother is more in your face about it than my father.
“Absolutely. I feel like I’m working seven days a week now and still never seem to clear my case load.” He shakes his head a little. I know he works on the weekends for the distraction, but I would never call him out on it. “So, to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?” he asks. Which reminds me that I don’t visit them at home that often anymore. I see them at the events I’m summoned to attend and that ticks off my son duties.
“I need to talk to Mother, and I’m sorry to say she will be in a bad mood when I leave.”
He just grins at me. “Normal day then. Why, what have you done?” He leans back in his office chair, waiting for my answer.
“I’m about to piss her off when I tell her that I’m not seeing Jacinta anymore. Not that we ever had a relationship to begin with, but in Mother’s eyes there were wheels in motion for a society power marriage.”
Dad just starts laughing. Not just a little bit, but a deep belly laugh. “Oh, I can’t wait to see this. Let’s go and see her. This will be my entertainment for the day.” He stands and walks towards the door, turning towards me.
It’s like he’s looking at me for the first time. Trying to understand what lies behind my outside layer. I don’t think he has ever studied me like he is in this moment.
“No matter what she says. I’m proud of you, son. Don’t settle for what’s easy. Find the love that’s hard, the one worth fighting for.”
Then he keeps walking and leaves me standing there totally dumbstruck. Never have we had a conversation like that. Today I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.
I’m pathetic. At the age of thirty-five and I feel like I’m still a child about to tell my mother I’ve broken her favorite plate by dropping it on the kitchen floor. Yep, it was like the world ended that day.
“Hello, Mother.” She looks up from the book she’s reading in the sunroom. It’s at that moment I see how much she has aged. I’m used to seeing her all dressed up at functions, and while she is still completely styled, because she would never not be, she looks old. My parents were both in their thirties by the time I was born. When it took seven years for her to get pregnant, you would think I would be someone she would have been totally infatuated with. It doesn’t make sense how distant my mother is with her affection or lack thereof. Instead, I was just the next steppingstone in her social climb. Looking at her sitting in front of me now at the age of sixty-eight, I see how exhausting that sort of life must have been and the toll it takes on your body. Holding that perfect image up all the time.
“Alexander, I wasn’t expecting you to call to say you were going to visit. A change for you to come to the house.” She stands for me to kiss her on the cheek.
“Yes, I’m well, thank you.” I smirk sarcastically to myself, as she sits and looks at me.
“Yes, yes, I can see that. Although those jeans look like they need to be retired for a new pair. I do wish you would just let me arrange your styling.” She picks up her iced tea from the table next to her chair.
“I’m sure at my age I can dress myself, Mother, thank you for the offer, though. I’ll have you know these jeans are all the fashion currently and cost me more than I care to mention.” I take a seat opposite her, with my father also sitting on my side of the coffee table. I’m sure it’s to see her face when I deliver my news.
“Well, I would hope you would only be buying the finest and most expensive clothing, Alexander. You have never had any cheap piece of clothing in your life. A Jefferson always dresses to impress.”
Man, I can feel my blood pressure already rising. She is such a rich snob. I want to give her some smart-ass comment about the last time I shopped at Target and grabbed the most comfortable pair of sweatpants I own, yet it’s just not worth it.
“Anyway, I’m sure Jacinta will be taking over your styling shortly. It’s time you move this forward with her. You know it takes time to organize venues and things. It’s not like it will be a small event…”
Before she gets wound up, I cut her off. “What are you talking about? You know Jacinta is not my girlfriend, Mother. Why would she be picking my clothes and what would we need a venue for?” This is not how I planned for this to go, but we may as well rip the band-aid off now.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Alexander. You have been seeing her for over six months. She and I, along with her mother, have had dis
cussions on where she would like the wedding to take place and the reception. We have worked out some tentative dates.”
“Woah, what? Hold up a minute. You and Jacinta have been planning a wedding? A wedding between me and her, two people who most days want to kill each other in a courtroom and meet later that night to fuck out that frustration.” I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.
“Alexander!” both my parents yell at me. I don’t think I’ve ever even said shit in front of them, and now I’ve just dropped the F bomb. I’m up and pacing.
“I have told you so many times that we were just friends. I’m not doing this. You don’t get to marry me off. No, I’m not ending up miserable like you two.” I can’t even look at either of them.
“Sit down now. You will not speak to me like that,” my mother demands.
“You know what, Mother? No, I won’t sit down. I’m sick of this. I came here to give you the courtesy of telling you that Jacinta and I will no longer be attending together the few charity events you have us booked into. Not that my private life is any of your business, but we are done seeing each other. For some reason, I actually want more from a relationship. Not that I even know what that is because lord knows I didn’t grow up seeing it. So, from now on, do not even contemplate getting involved in my personal life.”
“Well, I never. I have never heard such rude and disrespectful words out of your mouth in all my life. How dare you speak to your parents like this. This is not you, Alexander, what has gotten into you?”
Still my father hasn’t said a word. Man up, Dad, and stand up for yourself or maybe for once your son.
“See, that is where you are wrong, Mother.” I accentuate the ridiculous word. “This is the most honest and real I have felt in a very long time. You’re right about one thing, though. This is not your Alexander.” I wave my hands up and down. “This is me, Lex. The man I am. The man I’ve always had buried inside, and it’s time for him to finally show the world who he really is. So, you can choose to accept that or bury your head in your pompous world and continue to see your puppet son Alexander. I will never embarrass you, Mother, but I sure as shit will not be on the end of your strings anymore. I’m sorry this happened this way, but I’m done with all this crap. I need some space.” Picking up my phone off the table, I see my dad smiling like he is proud of me, but to be honest, I’m just as hurt by his behavior as my mother’s.
As I storm out of the house, I hear her yelling my name.
“Alexander Jefferson the third, you get back in here right this minute. I will not stand for this! Dustin, do something!” She’s now yelling at my father as I hear her storming through the house.
Charles is waiting with my door open on the car.
“Proud of you, Lex,” he says as I approach him. The hired help hear everything.
“Thanks, Charles, it means more than you know.”
“I know. We all care about you and are damn proud of you.” Shaking his hand, I know I won’t be seeing him for a while.
I start to put my foot into the car as I hear her voice scream from the front step, “You know you need to marry to get total control of your trust fund money.” She’s standing ramrod straight with her hands on her hips, and as per usual my father is standing behind her.
Something inside me snaps.
“Fuck the money. I choose happiness.”
I’m done.
Her mouth drops open, and I don’t wait to hear any response. Not that I think she has anything. For once I have rendered her speechless.
Speeding out of the driveway, I make sure I slam my foot on the Audi’s gas pedal, flooring it and spraying her precious white pebbles everywhere.
I don’t think I’ve been more worked up in my life before. I can’t even see straight so that I’m a danger on the road.
As I get down the street a little farther, I pull to the side to try to calm myself.
What the hell just happened?
I went there knowing my mother would be pissed at me, but I had no idea that a lifetime of emotion would start surfacing.
Slumping forward and resting my forehead on the steering wheel, I can’t help the tears from falling. I don’t know why, but they just continue to fall. The last time I cried was when Grayson’s mother died. Real men don’t show emotion.
A thousand thoughts are churning in my head, and they keep circling back to the point, the one reason for the tears. But I won’t acknowledge it because then I have to accept it.
It’s all part of that grey area I’ve always avoided in my life.
Emotion is not black or white.
I don’t do grey!
Slowly I pull myself together and head back to my apartment. I don’t even want to see the boys. They all know something is going on with me, they keep asking.
But I can’t process my own thoughts, so I certainly won’t be able to explain to them.
I turn off my phone and change into my workout gear.
Lacing up my runners, I head out.
Not knowing where I’m going, I’m just running.
Running until I can’t run anymore.
Then maybe this fog will clear.
Either way, life has changed today, and I need to find the strength to follow my own destiny now.
Whatever that may be.
It’s amazing what a few days of distance from something can make. It now seems so much less of a drama than it was at the time. Well, that’s what I’m telling myself. My mother hasn’t called, and I know that’s because she will be waiting for me to apologize to her.
She will be waiting a long time for that call.
The simple—or not simple—act of working and being in court this week has been a good distraction. Thank god I haven’t seen Jacinta at the courthouse which has been an added bonus. My mother’s outburst just reinforced the lightbulb moment I had at the market. Jacinta had developed feelings for me and thought that there was more to our arrangement than there was. For that, I feel like a total ass. I wish she had said something when things changed for her. I could have saved a whole world of hurt for everyone. Instead she let my mother manipulate her and thought that way she would end up together anyway, without making herself vulnerable to me. That woman is such a hard-ass, with something soft on the inside. I just wish she would show more people that side of her.
My day has started well with a message from Mason. Dinner at his girlfriend/boss’s place. Finally, after hearing him pine over his boss for six months, he got his shit together and made his move. I’m looking forward to getting to know her better. From the few times we’ve met she seems like she is exactly what he needs. Someone who won’t take his shit but is also strong enough to help him through things when he needs it.
I’m sitting in the courthouse meeting room running over some notes with Greta when my phone lights up with Mason’s name.
“Mason, what’s happening?” I say, hearing he’s in the car.
“Hey, Lex, glad you can make it tonight. Just wanted to talk to you about something, though, quickly if I can.”
I will never turn a friend away when they ask for help. No matter how busy I am. Especially Mason. He never asks for anything.
“Sure, man. What’s up?”
He fills me in about a woman in Paige’s building who they feel might be in some danger of domestic violence. Which then leads into explaining the other drama Paige has in her life at the moment. Someone is trying to sabotage her business and embezzle money.
Holy shit, I thought my life was complicated.
Between Paige’s drama and this lady he called Mia, who sounds like she needs someone to reach out and help, it sounds like they need a distraction. Hence dinner with the family—well, the only family I’m interested in.
“So, if you can give us any information that will help us to help her, it would be appreciated. Of course, that’s if we can get Mia to listen.” Mason sounds like Mia is already pulling on his heartstrings. Plus, from what he has told me, she has two y
oung children, and if the three of them are in danger we need to get them out of there, so they’re safe.
“I’ll email you a list of some organizations that can help her, and I’m happy to assist her with anything legal if needed.”
Greta taps me on the shoulder to tell me we need to get into court. Mason and I sign off and I make a note to send him all the information I have as soon as I get out of court. Then we can run through it tonight. I’ve missed the guys the last few days. I distanced myself while I sorted out my head, but with them all now having a significant other, I’m getting fewer text messages and calls the last few weeks anyway. Can’t blame them for that, though. I’m looking forward to seeing them tonight. Maybe I’ll get a chance to talk to them about how I’m feeling.
Arriving to a man hug from Mason and a warm kiss on the cheek from Paige, I’m already relaxing.
It’s not hard to tell Paige has money. Her penthouse apartment is similar to mine. Big enough to be a house, but instead, sitting on the top of one of the exclusive apartment blocks in Chicago. I’m the first to arrive since I’m always the one to be punctual. I hate being late, and Tate loves to poke me with the late stick no matter where we’re going. I’m sure he stands outside the bar half the time just so he can walk in late to piss me off. I don’t do chaos, and he thinks that’s hilarious because his life revolves around chaos.
I couldn’t live the life of a doctor. Both he and Grayson always need to be ready to drop everything and switch themselves to doctor mode within seconds. Now that we have Bella joining their ranks, she’ll be another one who disappears in the middle of dinner. I can’t even imagine what Tate and Bella’s life will be like. Recently they have finally given into what we all could see, that they’re made for each other. Now living together, it will be crazy having two doctors in the one house. Way too much chaos for me.
“Here’s your beer, man.” Mason hands me the bottle and then clinks his to mine.
“Cheers.” I can feel myself settling for the first time in a week.
“Thanks for the email today. Paige wanted to rush straight down there, but I distracted her with other things.” His smirk lets me know exactly what he’s talking about.
