by Karen Deen
“Um, not sure I’ll be the man for the job with my zero experience with kids, but hey, I’ll give it a go. I mean, how hard can it be, right? He’s four years old. Surely a grown man can manage him.” I stand and clench my fists and arm muscles. Bringing them in front of me, making a tough-guy pose like a muscle man.
“Oh, you just keep telling yourself that. Aren’t you the man who relied on said four-year-old to help put up the crib?”
I love listening to her giggle. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
“Not a chance,” she replies as we both head over to where the others are again being shown up by Jack. Man, we all need to get our act together on the fine art of opening and closing baby items. They should run a class on this crap, so we don’t look so stupid.
After several attempts from the useless adults in the room, Mia figured out the stroller and we finally headed out for the morning. She makes this parenting look so effortless when it really would freak the hell out of me, every single second of the day.
The rest of the morning flew past, and I knew I needed to give them all space again. As much as I wanted to be there, it’ll crowd Mia if I spend every minute of the day with them.
It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting on my balcony just going over the day and how we finally got Paige to understand how Mia is feeling, while Mia was off playing with the kids. Well maybe, let’s see how she handles the next few days.
I don’t feel like a drink tonight, so I’m just sitting with an iced tea in my hand when my phone chimes. Expecting it to be one of the boys, I’m shocked when I see it’s from my father.
Father: Alexander. You need to contact your mother and apologize. She is upset at your outburst!
“Are you fucking kidding me!” I yell to no one in particular. How dare he send me a message like that. Looking at the message I see the prior message was sent to me on my birthday. My once-a-year text message. Normally he would call me or send me an email.
I can’t believe he thought this was an acceptable way to talk to me after what happened. The respect I have for my father is getting smaller every day. I have never had any interaction with friends with children to understand the relationship between a parent and a child. Grayson and Bella’s dad, Milton, has been the closest role model I’ve had to compare my own parents’ behavior, against what’s normal. I always knew they were so far on the other end of the spectrum to Milton, but the last few days watching Mia with her kids. It makes so much sense now.
I’m a man who has grown up and never once told someone I love them.
How fucked up is that?
Not even my own parents have heard those words from me.
Who lives a life like that?
Part of my heart started beating a little more today just watching Jack being pushed on the swing by his mother. The higher he went the louder he laughed, which had Mia giggling with him. Their happiness connected them together. Then later when he was running and Mason was chasing him, he fell on the grass and scared himself. Mia picked him up, brushed off the grass and leaves. Kissed him on the forehead, wiped away the tears, and gave him a hug. That’s all I ever longed for.
Some sort of affection from my parents.
Now that I have finally stood up and told them to back off, my father chooses after thirty-five years to try to be the man I craved my whole life to look up to.
Fuck that!
I want to reply and tell him to fuck off, but I can’t. Respect has been ingrained in me from before I can ever remember. Even to respect people who don’t deserve it.
Pity my parents knew how to preach it to me, but not how to practice it.
Now I’m up pacing the balcony. All the relaxed feelings I had have left my body, and I’m ready to release my pent-up anger. It’s circulating through my limbs and raising my blood pressure. I can hear the blood thundering through my body. I know it’s a mixture of anger and sadness that I don’t know how to control. I don’t normally get this worked up unless it’s in the courtroom.
Stopping dead in the middle of my pacing, the thought hits me like a lead weight. I’m such an awful man.
Fuck, poor Jacinta.
I used her.
I fucked my anger and frustration out with her. She never said no when I messaged her, just like I could never seem to turn her down when she called on me for the same reason.
If this happened last week, my fingers wouldn’t have hesitated to phone her. I can’t even call it a booty call, because I don’t think it even had that amount of emotion. It’s closer to hate sex. Not hating her but hating whatever had pissed me off. It became the addiction of choice for both of us. How did I get to the point of hard, fast, pounding sex with a beautiful woman, and there was absolutely no emotion involved? Not even the slightest ounce. The boys know me more than anyone in my life, yet they don’t know this part of me. I’m ashamed to even admit it to myself.
Pacing again, I take some comfort that I wasn’t the only one in this fuck fest. Jacinta used me as much as I used her. If the truth be known, she was using me far more than I realized. I became the pawn for the two power-hungry women. Making sure they got what they wanted to make the play in their societal climb.
I feel sick thinking about it.
My anger is subsiding slightly to one of disgust.
Disgust at my actions, but more so at the way they treated me, and sadly I let them.
Deep down I knew what they were doing, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. That and I needed to find the strength to make a conscious choice to take control of my own life direction. Part of the reason was I never wanted to admit a weakness. All my life, I wanted to make sure I never became like my father and yet that was exactly where I was headed.
Not now! Not ever!
So much has changed in the last week. It’s like someone has told the universe they need to shake things up around me.
My anger might have subsided slightly, but my cock is still solid as a rock and he’s telling me it’s time for that release.
Nope, not happening. You can suffer, buddy. Time to find a new way of getting rid of our frustration.
Where I didn’t feel like a drink earlier, now I’m busy slamming down a scotch and thinking about a refill. Hearing my phone chime and thinking it’s my father again, I’m about to throw it off the balcony completely before I see it’s Paige. I grab it in a panic, thinking that something is wrong with Mia or the kids.
Opening the message, a warm sense of calmness and an odd feeling of happiness I’m not used to washes through me.
Paige: Hi. I thought you might like to see some of these from today xx
What is it with girls and xx on every message? I mean, it’s not like she wants to kiss me.
Scrolling down the message, pictures of Mia and the kids at the park with me today pop up. I don’t feel like I have a right to these photos, but I already know I will treasure them. There are several as I scroll down. Each one making me smile harder. Until I get to the last one.
A vision of an angel.
The sunlight shining through her light brown hair, flowing in the light breeze. She is totally unaware of the photo being taken. The moment captures her perfectly laughing at something as she’s looking off to the side. The stress on her face that we normally see is completely missing and her smile lights up her face, and my world.
Everything from earlier in the night is not worth the energy spent on it.
This beautiful woman is where I need to be. Standing right beside her.
Finding the way to make that smile never leave her face.
If only Mia could see how bright her future is. Once we clear the darkness she will never look back.
Standing for god knows how long just staring at her, I save this image to my phone. I never want to lose that first glimmer of a better life ahead. For both of us.
Lex: Thanks, Paige. Perfect shots of great memories being made.
I want to say so much more, but I can’t. For the t
ime being I need to stay in the background. Be the friend to Mia that I hope she will lean on. Be the lawyer she needs to get through all this mess. Then hopefully when we come out the other side, I’ll be something more.
Stripping off my clothes and crawling into my bed for the night, I can still feel that frustration in my cock, but I chuckle to myself, turning off the lamp. I know this time it’s not for the same reason as when I felt the intense anger earlier and the need to fuck it out of me.
This pain is just as bad but in a far better situation. For the first time ever I’m drifting off to sleep thinking about a woman who will always mean more to me than a quick fuck. She only deserves to be treasured like a sweet angel.
I rub my hand over my cock trying to get Mason’s voice out of my head. ‘Enjoy the blue balls, man’ with the stupid glint in his eye.
I’m not going to be that guy that lies here and jerks off to a woman he hardly knows while looking at a picture of her. That’s just got weirdo written all over it. Yet the more I rub over my cock, the more I want to…badly.
Suck it up and show restraint, I tell myself, rolling over to my side and leaving my phone on the bedside table. It’s not my fault that Mia is still on the screen and staring at me while I tell myself to close my eyes and sleep. A pure coincidence, of course. Like the hand that keeps reaching out to touch the screen, so it doesn’t close to dark.
Eventually after more taps on the screen than I can admit, I feel sleep claiming me and my eyes closing, the room going dark and the vision of my angel burnt in my memory and now walking in my dreams.
“I promise I will never hurt you, beautiful. I have waited a lifetime for you, nothing is going to ruin this. I just want you to touch me and tell me it’s okay to touch you. We can take our time.”
Her pupils are dilated, and I know she feels it too. “Yes,” she whispers.
I lie to the side of Mia so I can’t crowd her. As much I want to lay her out and kiss every inch of her body. I know I would start in the arch of her foot and then slowly drag my tongue up the inside of her leg. I feel her quivering under my hand that is holding her legs apart, ready for me.
I just need a taste, just one. I know it will be like heaven.
Not being able to stay away, I shift in between her thighs and I’m now acting out my fantasy.
“Lex,” her sweet voice trembles as I get closer to her sex with my mouth.
“Mmm,” I murmur from her leg, just to the right of her pussy.
I don’t want her to feel embarrassed that it’s too much. “Say the word and we stop, baby,” I whisper.
“No. I need this, and I need it from you. Show me how it feels to be touched by a real man without fear.”
Feeling ten feet tall, I swipe my tongue up the center of her pussy.
Her body rises off the bed as I work her over and continue the orgasm building. She needs to know we only go as far as she wants.
Her hands on the back of my head, I can feel her nails starting to dig into my scalp. She’s quiet, and I need to know she trusts me.
I lift my eyes to watch her.
Her head back, eyes closed, cheeks flushed and mouth open as she’s close to letting go.
I can feel my cock straining against the bed under me.
I raise up onto my knees, not taking my mouth off her for one moment. Small moans are coming from Mia the closer to the edge she gets.
Dropping my hand to my cock, I run my thumb across the head to take the pre-cum down over my skin. The more she rides my mouth the harder I stroke myself.
Fuck, she needs to come because I can’t hold on much longer.
Taking her clit in my teeth and giving it a little bite and then sucking it strongly, she explodes screaming my name.
The most beautiful thing that I’ve ever heard, my name yelled in ecstasy.
I’m so close and just want relief. I wish it was her mouth or hands on me, but I can’t stop. I need to let go and stop that stupid alarm that’s taking away the sounds of her moans.
I want to keep hearing her voice, it’s my siren.
Oh fuck, my balls tightening is the relief I need.
Feeling the come jerking from my cock and all over…
“Fuck,” I groan as I feel the come shooting all over my stomach.
Shit, I’ve been jerking off in my sleep.
What the fuck!
I’ve never done that before, like ever. Not even as a teenager. Holy shit.
Laying my head back on the pillow, I stare at the ceiling while my breathing slows down. I reach out with my hand to hit my phone and shut that alarm up.
Trying to go back to my dream, I know I want to finish what I started. But feeling yucky with this all over me, I climb out of bed and turn on the shower. Stepping in and standing under the hot streams of water, I feel so disgusted in myself. How could I treat Mia like that? Such disrespect. I’ve known her a few days and I’m using dreams of her naked to get myself off.
It was all that anger last night that I didn’t deal with.
That’s what it must be!
Nothing to do with the beautiful picture I fell asleep with tattooed on my brain. Or the fact that every moment I spend with her she’s making me feel emotions I have never dealt with before. My world is never like this. I don’t do this fuzzy, fluffy shit. Hence why I haven’t had a serious relationship in my life. Besides, no one was ever good enough in my mother’s opinion, although to be honest, no one ever caught my eye anyway.
Not like Mia.
From the moment I saw her she had me.
There is just something about her. I can’t shake it. At first, I thought it was that she needs me. But I’m not stupid enough to ignore that there’s more.
What that more is, I have no fucking idea.
All I know is that felt like the best sex I’d had, and it wasn’t even real. I’m struggling to imagine what the real thing would be like.
Standing in the shower for a few minutes and guilt hanging over my head, I know I have to keep my horny cock under control. Mia is a long way from being ready for any sort of relationship. She does not need me making her feel uncomfortable around me.
Friends!
I need to be the friend she can rely on.
Isn’t that what good relationships are built on? A great friendship?
Well, ours is about to be the greatest friendship of all time.
One I could write a book on!
“Here is your Monday morning pick-me-up. Now tell me what the hell all the emails I received yesterday are about. You are a criminal lawyer. Why are we lodging restraining orders, divorce papers, and custody orders?” Greta smirks as she places my coffee on my desk.
“Before that crazy head of yours creates a backstory like one of those drama series you keep binge watching, Mia is Paige’s sister. Paige is Mason’s girlfriend.” She sits looking at me like there’s more gossip. “I am helping a friend, that’s it. Now, can we get on with this before they get here? We have a busy day and I need this taken care of and out of the way.” I take that sip of caffeine that my body is craving.
“Okay, then why do you sound all wound up about it?” Greta leans down and grabs her laptop from her bag.
“Sit back and listen and then you might understand. This woman has been to hell and back. I’m putting a stop to that starting today. Start taking notes.”
Greta senses my seriousness right away and we spend the next hour getting everything in place. Then we move on to the other work that we already had on the schedule for this morning and smash through it to free up some of the time that I need. Delegating a to-do list to Greta, I work on some case notes for a court case later in the week. Trying to distract myself.
The phone on my desk startles me a little as it starts ringing.
“Yes, Theresa.”
“Your appointment Mia Kennedy is here, along with Mason and a few others. Do you want to use the conference room?” I can hear the confusion in her voice.
We are using h
er maiden name when we list her for any legal matters. That was her choice. She doesn’t want to be known as Mia Walker anymore.
“Thank you, I’ll be using both, my office for the meeting and the conference room for the kids. On my way.” I know Mia is not ready to be too far from the kids yet. Hence why they’re here.
Standing and buttoning my suit jacket, I take a deep breath.
Now walk out there and act like a true professional to your new client and don’t show her any indication that you were jerking off to her this morning. Not once but twice. That one in the shower was to make sure I was completely done.
Well, that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
Walking down the corridor I can hear a little voice trying to whisper, just not very successfully. Turning the corner into reception I feel my nerves rattle at seeing Mia sitting there fussing with Kayla in the stroller.
Her eyes widen as Jack jumps from Mason’s lap.
“Lex!” he yells as he runs to me and jumps at me like he has every time I’ve seen him.
“Jack,” Mia quietly tries to scold him.
“It’s okay,” I mouth to her.
“Hey, buddy. Have you been a good boy this morning?”
“Yep. You smell funny and you look funny. Why do you have one of these on? They look dumb.” He grabs hold of my tie, and I can’t help but laugh. Mia is looking down into her hands, completely embarrassed.
“I’ll let you in on a big-boy secret. They are dumb, but some people think they’re important. Now let’s get you settled with a donut from the breakroom so I can talk to Mommy. Is that okay?” Like he’s going to turn down a donut. It’s not something we usually have, but I made sure Greta had a couple ready for Jack’s arrival.
“There better be a donut for me too?” Mason says as he walks forward and shakes my hand. Jack just giggles at Mason being silly.
“Right, let’s get this show on the road. Follow me.”
Walking to the conference room, Jack has not stopped talking. There is so much to see for a little boy. Everything is new and exciting.
