by Karen Deen
I’ve become such a routine person, basically because it’s the only way to get through a day.
Nighttime is no different.
Lying down on my pillow, I take my phone and open up the last message I got from Lex.
Lex: When you find yourself then come find me. I’ll be here waiting no matter how long it takes. Don’t ever forget that when you need me, look to the sky and find your star. Make your wish and know that I’m seeing your star too. I love you, Mia.
Then I do as he told me. I look to the star and make the same wish I make every night.
‘Goodnight, Lex, I love you too.’
Letting sleep claim me is never a problem these days because my dreams are always a happy place. The place I know I want to be, where Lex is waiting for me.
Saturday mornings have become a lazy time. We sleep in—well, I try but that doesn’t always happen. We make pancakes, using the recipe that Lex taught Jack, and Ashton joins us for breakfast.
“What’s my score today?” I ask the boys. I was never much of a cook, but living on my own, I’m trying new things and getting better.
“Oh, I think a solid eight out of ten today. What do you think, Jack?” I poke my tongue out at Ashton as he tries to be funny.
“Ten!” he yells. “But still not as good as Lex’s.” I get the same answer every week. Damn kid. “Maybe Lex will make them for me when he comes back from his holiday?” He looks at me with hope.
“If he ever comes back,” I mumble under my breath.
“He won’t,” Ashton replies.
“What do you mean? He’s coming back, right? Eventually?”
He looks up from his pancakes with a stupid smile. “Yeah, after you go find him.”
“Ashton, what the hell are you talking about? What do you know? Oh my god, you know where he is, don’t you?” I drop my knife and fork and jump from my seat. Pacing the room.
“Mia, sit down and finish your breakfast. You’re going to need your strength. Then if you think you’re ready, I may have an idea where he is.”
If the kids weren’t here right now, I would choke him.
I do as he says, my mind racing. Is that what I want? Am I ready?
I can’t eat, and Ashton just starts laughing as I jump up from the table and grab my phone.
Mason’s voice is rough with sleep. “Mia, what’s wrong? You do know it’s only seven am, right?”
“Mason, tell Paige I’m bringing the kids over for a sleepover.” The words are tumbling out so fast I doubt he even understood.
“Wait, what?” I hear her sleepy voice come through the phone. He must have me on speaker.
“The kids, they’re coming for the weekend.”
“Mia, what’s going on?” Mason demands.
“I’m going to find my man.” I giggle excitedly down the phone.
“About time, woman! What took you so long?” Mason cheers through the phone. “The gang’s getting back together.”
“Mason, stop it. She hasn’t seen him yet.” I can hear Paige slapping him.
I grab a bag. “And I’m telling you right now I’ve got a lot of time to make up for, so the gang will have to wait for a little while. Not sure I’ll be ready to share for some time.”
“Deal,” Mason cheers. “Now get your ass in that car and start driving.” By this stage, I’m throwing things into the bag.
“Drive, I don’t even know where to.” I can’t stop giggling.
“Ashton does.”
“Wait, Mason White, have you known where he is and not told me?!” Paige is yelling at him now.
“No way, Tiger, Lex isn’t that stupid. I just knew that Ashton knew. Lex knows what you’re like, Paige, you would’ve gotten it out of me if you thought I knew. Especially in those early days when Mia was a mess.”
“Umm still here, guys, so can we not discuss how much of an emotional basket case I was? Nobody needs to relive that. Now instead of me bringing them over, you two get your asses out of bed and over here. I’ll pack their bags, but the faster you get here, the quicker I can leave.” I hear all the rustling of them moving.
“But, Tiger, I had plans,” Mason complains.
“Well, if you ever want to have plans with me anytime soon, I suggest you move. Otherwise, this body is off your calendar indefinitely. She’s going to get her man. Don’t you dare stand in the way of love. Your magic wand can wait.”
“Oh god, again, still here, people, but I’m hanging up now. My ears are bleeding.”
Hanging up, I think about texting Lex but decide I want to see him in person. The poor man has waited this long, he deserves his first hello to be followed by the words that I feel are about to burst out of me. Hold on, words, not much longer now.
Paige and Mason must have made record time to my apartment and were so busy pushing me out the door I don’t even really know what I packed.
“Are we close?” I ask Ashton probably for the hundredth time since we left.
“Do I have to answer that?” He laughs at me.
“Yes. I’m anxious, and it helps me to know.”
“Which I would never have guessed. And because I’m smart and anticipated that. I’ve been stretching the truth on the time since we left. So, we are about one minute away.”
“Oh… I um, oh, a minute. Shit, Ashton what if he doesn’t want to see me?” I can feel my heart pounding at the thought of being so close to him now.
“I don’t think you need to worry your pretty little face about that. When I spoke to him yesterday, he told me to tell you he loves you. Which he has done every day since he left.”
“Ashton!” I can’t help but scream at him.
“What, you weren’t ready to hear it. What would be the point of him staying away if he was sending you messages every day? Man, you two are hopeless. I’m glad this is finally getting wrapped up and I can get on with my life.”
“Oh Ashton, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about you in all this mess.”
“Don’t be silly, I needed to find my feet in civilian life again, so you did me a favor too.”
Then he turns the car off the road and on to a gravel drive and stops just inside the gate.
“Mia, this is where your trip finishes with me. You have to go this last part alone. But that was the point of this whole thing, wasn’t it? For you to understand you can do it alone.”
Feeling emotional, I just nod at him.
“Then you have reached your destination, and I’m so proud of you. Now can you get out and go find him? That poor man has been dying out here on his own.”
Leaning across the car, I kiss him on the cheek.
“Thank you, for everything. For keeping us both safe when we needed to find ourselves.”
“I’ll always be here for you and Lex. That’s what friends do.” Squeezing his hand, I look out the window to a gravel road that goes down with trees on either side of it.
“Just follow the road in. You won’t miss the ugly guy who’ll be there waiting for you. Good luck and see you in a few days. Don’t rush home. It may be the only alone time you get for quite a while.”
“Oh, I know that. See you soon.” Taking my bag from the backseat, I step away, and Ashton reverses out the driveway.
“Deep breath. Today is the day.”
Stepping that first foot forward is always the hardest, and then the other just tends to follow.
LEX
It’s a little early for Ashton’s message today.
I know it’ll be him because he’s the only one who knows where I am, and the only one that I’ve answered since I left.
The letters I left for everyone explained that I needed this time and that I was okay, so they respected my wishes. Well, after about day five when they just simply gave up when I didn’t reply.
Ashton: Special delivery!
What is he talking about? I’m just about to call him when I hear her voice, singing to me and calling me like a siren.
My Mia.
; I can’t get up out the chair on the porch fast enough. Running to the side of the cabin, I see her come from the edge of the trees.
We both freeze and all I can do is stare at her. I almost pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. Then she takes one foot to move forward, and in what feels like slow motion, we end up standing in front of each other. Not moving.
“Lex, I love you, I’m finished running.” I can’t wait. I take the last step and take her in my arms, kissing her like she is my lifeline.
We break apart just for a second. “I love you too.”
“I know.” She giggles and my body reacts to the sound it has missed so much.
Kissing her a little softer this time but with just as much hunger, we both come up for air.
“Home.”
“What?” she whispers
“Home is where the heart is.” I take her hand, placing it over my heart. “You have always been my home.”
“Oh, Lex, I’ve missed you, show me what it’s like to be home.”
“By the time I’m finished, you’ll forget you ever left. I hope you ate breakfast, because you are going to need the extra energy.” I laugh as I pull her tight against my body, so she fully understands.
“Maybe I had a different sort of breakfast in mind. I seem to remember you promised me some morning delight.” She gives a little giggle trying to hide her blush.
“Then a promise is a promise.”
I grab her bag and hand it to her. “Hold this.”
Then I scoop her into my arms and start towards the house.
Opening the front door and carrying her in, the last words she hears before I lay her on the bed and make hot passionate love to her is, “Sexy Lexy is in the house! Welcome home, baby.”
Epilogue
LEX
“You told me not to run, but you ran too, Lex. Why?” Her sweet voice lingers in the silence.
Lying on our sides, naked in bed with her back to my front, we’re both enjoying the view from Ashton’s lake house.
When I told him I needed to get out of town, that it was all too much, he told me about the place that he inherited from his grandparents years ago. That it was a little run down, but I was welcome to it if I spent some time working to fix some things. It seems he has a habit of providing a safe house for us all, both mentally and physically.
“I was hurting like I had never hurt before, and then Ashton gave me a bit of a kick up the ass to make me realize that you weren’t the only one that needed time to look deep inside and make some changes. I knew it was time to show you the true man I am,” I say kissing her shoulder.
“I already knew.”
“How could you, I didn’t know him properly then either. But the funny thing is my mother doing what she did pushed us both to find our true selves.”
Mia rolls over so quick I almost get hit by her elbow on my face.
“What did you say about your mother?” Her face looks a little worried.
“It’s okay, I know what she did. The bitch had the nerve to throw it in my face the day I resigned from my job.”
“You know everything?” She’s hesitant but I can tell she wants to know.
“Yeah, baby, every revolting detail, including the blackmail. I am so sorry she put you through that, and I told her I will never forgive her for it, and I won’t be seeing her again.”
Then she goes silent and her head drops a little. “Why didn’t you tell me? I might not have run.”
“Because if I did that, you never would have stopped running. I couldn’t do that to you. You took that last huge step, and I needed to back off and let you.” Taking her face in my hands, I lightly touch her lips with mine. Her breath hitches and I feel a little shiver run through her body.
“But by choosing me, you’ve given up your trust fund. You don’t deserve that.”
“Mia, I don’t care what my mother thinks about my trust fund, or how she thinks it gave her power. She has no idea that I have never spent one dollar of that money since I started working. It just sits in an account and she can take it all back if she wants to. I have my own money and it’s built up quite a little nest egg. Money means nothing to me, but you Mia mean everything to me. I’ll choose you every time.” I’m devastated at how my mother’s words that day made her feel.
“I’m so sorry, Lex, I hurt you.”
“Yes, but I hurt you too, by smothering you. I never gave you a chance. I’m sorry for the hurt, but I’m not sorry it happened. Looking back, I don’t regret one moment. Well, maybe the fifty-eight days of blue balls, but other than that,” I say which earns me a slap on the shoulder.
“Are you happy?” she asks
“I truly am, especially now I have you back in my arms.”
“Me too.”
I’m trying really hard not to show her again how happy I am, but I know she needs a rest. The last few hours have been fucking intense, literally.
“Lex?”
I gasp a little and try telling myself not to panic. “Yes?”
“What have you been doing the last two months?” Relief fills me at the question, and it’s something I’ve been desperately waiting to share.
“Promise you won’t laugh.”
“I would never laugh.” Rolling onto my back, Mia replies now leaning up on my chest.
“I wrote a book.” I wait for her reaction and feel like I can’t breathe
“Oh Lex, that’s amazing. What sort of book?”
“Our love stories. A book full of love letters. I know you’re thinking it sounds strange, me being a guy and all, but you inspired me.”
“Me? Why me?” She’s giggling looking confused.
“You taught me to dream. That in your eyes, all stories have an HEA, regardless of the darkness and pain that come before it. But most of all, you taught me how to love.”
Tears are rolling down her cheeks.
“Can I read them?”
“Not yet, but one day maybe, the story is still being written.”
“Oh, wow this tastes amazing, I’ve missed your cooking.” Her eyes closed, she drags the spoon slowly out of her mouth with the moan of pure bliss following it
“And I’ve missed watching you eat it like you’re making love to your meal.”
Giggling, she just rolls her eyes. “Lex, you can’t say things like that. You have to get in the habit for when we get home to the kids.”
“Well, you stop looking so sexy when you eat.”
My nerves are already going crazy and she’s just making me worse.
“It’s so beautiful out here at night under the stars.”
“Do you like it here?”
“I love the peacefulness and that it’s just us and our bright stars.”
I take her hand and pull her from her seat. “Come down to the dock on the lake, the view is spectacular.”
She follows behind me in her bare feet with little pink-painted toenails, which are a new addition that I’m quite fond of. She has the same flowy sun dress on from our first date and her hair is down blowing gently with the breeze.
As we clear the tree line and step onto the dock we stop to take it all in.
“Lex, oh wow, look at all the stars. It’s incredible.”
“It’s ours,” I whisper
“What’s ours.”
“All this.” I sweep my arm around in a three-sixty circle. “I bought it from Ashton, for us. I knew eventually you’d come back to me, and I wanted to make sure we never forget tonight or any of the days that follow. So, this is our special place. Just you and me and our stars.”
Dropping to one knee in front of her, I pull the ring from my pocket.
“Mia, will you be my star for the rest of our days? The one I share my dreams with, make my wishes with, and most of all fall asleep with every night. I love you unconditionally and will always be your equal. I promise to be the best father I can be to your children and hope we can be blessed with a few more. I knew when you walked away from me that I
couldn’t let you go. I quit my job, packed my bags, and bought this ring. So, when this day came, I would be ready. I know you want slow, but the last two months have been a lifetime for us.
“Marry me and let me love and treasure you forever.”
As always with Mia when emotions are hard, she loses her words, so instead she’s nodding and crying.
“I need to hear it.”
This is the last time I’ll push her.
“Yes, oh Lex, yes.” I jump to my feet and twirl her around as she keeps screaming yes for all the stars in the sky to hear.
Putting her down and taking her hand, I slide the white gold star-shaped diamond solitaire onto her finger.
“We will always be joined by our love and the stars.”
We seal our words with a kiss in our new home.
The place where our hearts will always be.
“I love you, Mia.”
“I love you too, Lex,” she whispers.
“Don’t forget the sexy in that sentence.”
“Like you will ever let me forget!”
MIA
Twelve months later
“Mia, come on through now.” Walking into Dr. Bridge’s office for the first time is on the list of the hardest steps I’ve taken in the last few months. Each week gets a little easier, but it’s still hard.
“How are you today?” she asks as I take a seat.
“Tired and a little overwhelmed, but nothing too serious.”
“Okay, you know we just let these therapy sessions go wherever you take us at the moment, so let’s start there, with the overwhelming, shall we?”
I love that about her, in that she doesn’t force me to places I can’t go yet, but slowly she is bringing out everything I had packed in my box and slammed down the lid to try to survive.
Lex and I are both seeing therapists separately and have had a couple of joint sessions which have been helpful. I should have listened to Mason a lot earlier, but I just wasn’t ready. Now I want all my pain of the past to be dealt with before more new life comes along.
